The man behind the Phred

lotta good material in the ‘fuck you’ section of google image search, in case you were wondering.

And most of you are my yesterdays, in battles already won and lost.

Still, I wonder where my want to discuss philosophy went, where my want to know other people went. I used to want to be around others, to converse and talk and enjoy life and now… I’m not dead, yet, but you’ve all ruined it for me, ruined it for everyone. How you killed every bit of fun anybody could ever have on the internet, except your fun. Hunting and raping and just not caring. Savagely beating with words the life out of so many others. And, what’s about as bad as the trolls are those who sat there and just looked a different way and let them do what they’ve done, further faulted anyone who stood up to them. As long as their attention wasn’t on you and they just let you be.

I find it funny what society has learned to condone and allow happen, to turn a blind eye to while they avidly avow to be against such things.

how many are on your hands?

how much blood?

how many deaths have you caused with your actions and their butterfly and ripple effects throughout society?

Throughout time and space, no less.

This is your life catching up with you, reality staring you down, life looking you in the eyes.

The lack of fun in your life is purely the fault of women. You know it, I know it, we both know it.

I was bullied my whole life, sometimes bullies would be my only friend. I liked talking philosophy with my cousin, who was a bully towards his brother. But responsible for mind-loss is no troll, I have faced trolls, I have faced mods worse than trolls, responsible for mind-loss is the Woman, the most sadistic entity of all.

It’s not lack of fun I lamentioned the most. I’m rather easily amused when it comes down to it and I like to think I’m making progress with my impossible projects in the mind. I’ve got a pretty decent grasp on a lot of conceptualization and different perspectives and perceptions as well as they convoluted nature that life some times has.

I think if I were to allow myself regrets about things that have happened in my life that can’t unhappiness, I’d start with my missed childhood. From there, I’d regret that so many people, including my step dad and cousin knocked me down lower than low, so it wasn’t just bullies. I’ve gone through life being told in one breath how much potential I have and in the next what a piece of shit I am. The friends I had, I kind of just hung around until they accepted me, had them ditch me a lot, beat me up for no reason, etc. I became cooler over time, but it took effort.

From there, I’d regret easily responding to teasing and taunting. I can take a joke between friends pretty easily when it’s lighthearted banter, but even as a kid I’d respond. I’d regret going through trauma and thinking myself a fuck up for so long until I finally got to where I could see myself as more than that, only to have my life unravel on me and winding up homeless.

I’d regret a bit the friends lost, e communities I’ve seen destroyed as much by me being lost to negativity and depression, insecurity etc. as anything that the trolls did. I’d regret that it took me so long to make the necessary breakthroughs to do anything worthwhile in life, for how stubbornly I persisted in having my arguments be the argument enders while I was possibly only partially correct. I’d regret taking on what I’ve take on for the days when so many fucked up things swarm my mind and try to destroy me or just fuck with me.

But, fuck regrets. I’d regret how closed I’ve become, not because I’m a social hermit, but because Ive changed so much while others remain the same and I see their schemes and their drama and just don’t want any part of it. I know what it winds up being every time.

I’m still as open as I used to be, I’m just more silent. I see more clearly. I’ve worked my ass off to see the good in life. It hasn’t been easy.

I’ve been selfish. I’ve held a lot of pain back, pulled my punches. I keep forgetting that sharing is caring.

See if you can spot the part about dasein in this. And, no, not just for Kids.

See if you can push beyond the dasein for what’s worthwhile.

My jaw has multiple fractures.

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What happened?

By the look of it, he probably had some teeth pulled out; he is wearing an apron that they provide in dental clinics.

Random is/was in a hospital with a fractured jaw, but why?

Someone decided to hit me and it broke my jaw.

Why did he do a thing like that?

Kid was an aggressive idiot with ptsd issues. I’ve since humiliated him greatly.

When are you going to get off the streets?

Why is it any of your business?

When are you going to learn to not ask questions that aren’t any of your business to Know? Are you that concerned about my well being, and if so, are you going to offer me a place to stay, offer to buy me drugs and food, etc, offer to find work for me to do to earn my Keep? Or, are you dissatisfied that being homeless has not yet broken me down and is looking like it never will.

I think it’s more the latter and I rather think you enjoy spreading around societally prescribed bad medicine of bad language and bad expectations to try to have me and others view homelessness as worse than it actually is. Not that it’s a bed of roses, but at the point of selling out and buying into bullshit and having the expectation linger in the air that I would stop my one man stand once I did so does no service in actually having me stop enjoying my life the best I can even though homeless and even though I’m now under worse attack than ever before.

I deserve more money for what I do, but I don’t expect it from a broken and ass backwards world. Now, get out of my face, little girl.

I’m still waiting to see just what it is I need to learn about the world that people supposed I didn’t learn in elementary school, middle school, high school, my jobs I’ve had, on the internet, etc. I’m waiting to see just what it is I’ve missed that people hint that I still need to learn.

Im pretty sure ive seen it and its mostly the same old thing of intimidation and threats designed to get me to shut up and bend to what the world is or be broken by it, yet ive been fighting that for years already withiut being unduly intimidated or threatened by it, without being broken. Am i supposed to fear death more now or something? Im just curious because it seems that people must have thought me to be more bluff and blather than actual substance, must have expected me to be cowards like theyve often found themselves to be.

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The truth is that insanity is vastly more boring than sanity. It’s completely predictable, predictably insane and predictably the sanest thing since everyone is insane. It’s the most widespread, lied about, openly admitted, disease of boredom.

To be sane is vastly more insane, vastly more interesting in its boring approach to an insanity it’s already tasted and been and found sanity through the pain of retarded bullshit. It’s like watching paint dry. Those who don’t understand consider it a waste of time.

The sad Part? You actually thought being sane was boring. It was just another way of doing the same thing. Just rebellion against the norm and normal. Insanity is the preferred method of the masses, didn’t you know? We just call it different things.

I can ride my bike with no bike at all. I call it walking. It’s a new invention. Eventually everyone will be using it, but I’ll always be the best at it since I started using it first. I’m just looking for an investor so I can begin mass production of it.