## 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

This is the place to shave off that long white beard and stop being philosophical; a forum for members to just talk like normal human beings.

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

I was not being arrogant, gib. I was trying to be helpful in the hope that you might *see* something which you may not be seeing in relation to your sobriety or lack of it. Treating someone who ought not to be treated with kid gloves is just being an enabler. You are being your own enabler. Why waste time and energy when someone is simply not ready to be open to the change it takes to change.

Anyway, I wish you well.

Fuck you.

We are just about done here. You are the second man in here within the week to use that word addressing me.

Real arrogance comes with you, gib, believing that you owe someone more respect than you owe another because you do not know the former as well as you know the latter ~~ ergo, F Y. I do not enjoy being addressed in that way.

It would seem to me that Pedro I. Rengel is more serious in helping you than you are in receiving help. I will be arrogant with you here again in saying that it is my intuition that you are MORE *playing* with your life in this regard ~~ not really being serious enough about it. Hopefully, at some point you will lose the flippancy...it is just a deterrent and a defense mechanism. You are still not ready to suffer for your sobriety and change from what I see.

You need to be very careful that there does NOT come a time when your attitude and behavior comes to roost on your children harming them. They are, after all, your most precious Beings...and if you do not believe that they can be vulnerable because of you, then you are quite blind.
Last edited by Arcturus Descending on Wed Aug 29, 2018 4:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Look closely. The beautiful may be small."

"Two things fill the mind with ever new and increasing admiration and awe, the oftener and more steadily we reflect on them: the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me."

“Whereas the beautiful is limited, the sublime is limitless, so that the mind in the presence of the sublime, attempting to imagine what it cannot, has pain in the failure but pleasure in contemplating the immensity of the attempt.”

Immanuel Kant

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### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Pedro I Rengel wrote:Who said I want to win people over?

Really? And I thought you cared.

Arcturus Descending wrote:I was not being arrogant, gib. I was trying to be helpful in the hope that you might *see* something which you may not be seeing in relation to your sobriety or lack of it. Why waste time and energy when someone is simply not ready to be open to it.

Anyway, I wish you well.

Fuck you.

We are just about done here. You are the second man in here within the week to use that word addressing me.

Real arrogance comes with you, gib, believing that you owe someone more respect than you owe another because you do not know the former as well as you know the latter ~~ ergo, F Y. I do not enjoy being addressed in that way.

It would seem to me that Pedro I. Rengel is more serious in helping you than you are in receiving help. I will be arrogant with you here again in saying that it is my intuition that you are MORE *playing* with your life in this regard ~~ not really being serious enough about it. Hopefully, at some point you will lose the flippancy...it is just a deterrent and a defense mechanism. You need to be very careful that there does NOT come a time when your attitude and behavior comes to roost on your children harming them. They are, after all, your most precious Beings...and if you do not believe that they can be vulnerable because of you, then you are quite blind.

Ok, thanks, come again (er, wait, don't).
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

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### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

It is you that has to care about himself.

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### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

You guys gave me a dream last night.

I had a dream I was rolling joints. One looked like a burrito, it was so big. My sister was trying to come into my room. I closed the door. She popped it open with just a push. I closed the door again and locked it. Again, she pushed it open just by pushing it. I started to drop lit joints onto the carpet. The carpet was starting on fire. I tried to put it out.

^ Hmmm... don't think it takes a Freudian psychiatrist to figure this one out.
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

gib
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Posts: 9085
Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 10:25 pm

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Arc,

I just got back from my first class in the Dale Carnegie course. You were asking what being "awesome" means. They stated a quote which I think sums it up:

"The Dale Carnegie course helps you become the you you want to be."

Being awesome, to me, means being the me I want to be. <-- Note that's not the me you want me to be, or the me Pedro wants me to be, or anybody else. It's the me I want to be.
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

gib
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Posts: 9085
Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 10:25 pm

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

You know guys, I feel great!

There's been a lot of great things happening in my life recently. I'm really excited to start my new job at ATB Financial on Tuesday. I'll be making more money than I ever dreamed possible, and maybe even have a spring board to start a small business. Also, everyone at ACM Facility Safety (where I currently work) is being really nice to me, making me feel I'll be missed. On top of that, I just finished the first class of the Dale Carnegie course (as I stated in the last post) and I'm all excited about that. And to top it all off, I had a lot of fun digging into you guys.

Believe it or not, I get a rush out of just slamming arrogant pricks on ILP. I love the slaughter, seeing you bleed blue. <-- I'm twisted that way.

In any case, it's like the cherry on top of this high I'm currently on, this rush. I'm told by my therapist that this is dopamine. And I'm finding in the past few days that dopamine seems to act like a perfect substitute to caffeine. I've always wondered what the natural neurochemical was that caffeine mimics. I learned that I shouldn't assume that there is just one... for any drug. For caffeine, there seems to be two. About a week after July 1, I regained my body energy and alertness, but I didn't feel the same kind of buzz (excitement, euphoria, racing thoughts, ability to put my words together, urge to socialize) until I went through the occasional moments when something picked me up--some fortuitous event, some happy circumstance, something that made me smile--and then I started to feel a bit of a caffeine rush. I guess that's dopamine. Dopamine's the second chemical (still not sure what the first one is--what makes you alert/energized?). I only asked that I achieve maybe feeling like I'm on one cup of coffee, but this feels like two. I find it amazing that this is coming on the natch. It's not like a switch I can flick whenever I want, or a pill I can pop, but it's definitely happening without the caffeine (Arc, that's item #5 on the list you linked me to).

I have you guys to thank for that. You stuck your necks out for me to figuratively chop off. You are the substitutes to the drugs. You make me feel alive.

Maybe better not feed the beast.

I'm also wondering if it's the affirmations I've been practicing lately. My therapist has me doing these meditative and breathing exercises which involve reciting an affirmation I tell myself. In the past couple days, I told myself: "I will feel like I'm on one cup of coffee." <-- Even if this is just the placebo effect, it's working.

Now, I'm starting to see maaaybe how this can become a struggle. I'm up late, losing sleep, and I have a bit of an urge to go to the strip club and drink. Caffeine has always been the "gateway" drug for me. I used to call myself a conditional alcoholic--conditional on the caffeine--cause I'd only want to drink if I was jacked. That changed after a while and I became a regular ol' alcoholic.

But now I'm feeling a bit of an urge. Don't worry, it's still nothing serious... but I can see how thoughts might covertly sneak in there.

So what to do? I think it would be wise to learn how to turn it off as much as to turn it on--these dopamine chems--mind control remains the key priority. But I also see this as a golden opportunity. If I'm lucky enough to learn how to turn on and off the dopamine receptors like flicking a light switch, maybe it'll be time to jump to the next step--learn to turn on or off the receptors for alcohol (or whatever the natural equivalent in the brain is for alcohol). I don't want to give in to the urge to drink at the strip club. I want to go to the strip club, snap my fingers, and naturally get drunk with nothing but the sheer power of thought. I'll get a kick out the fact that I won't need a single drop of alcohol and my wallet stays full.

Hmmm... possibilities... aaalll the possibilities.

But first things first... learn to turn it off--get enough sleep--before plowing ahead. Learn to crawl before walking. Learn to walk before running. Learn to run before soaring... right?
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

gib
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### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Sadly there arent any good strip clubs in Amsterdam.

By the way Glibby, you're approaching sobriety like a junkie.
Whatever works for ya!
The strong act as they may, the weak accept what they must.
- Thucydides
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Before the Light - Philosophy 77 - sumofalltemples - The Magickal Tree of Life Academy

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### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Fixed Cross wrote:By the way Glibby, you're approaching sobriety like a junkie.

My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

gib
resident exorcist

Posts: 9085
Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 10:25 pm

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Cool.
The strong act as they may, the weak accept what they must.
- Thucydides
-
Before the Light - Philosophy 77 - sumofalltemples - The Magickal Tree of Life Academy

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### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Fixed Cross wrote:Sadly there arent any good strip clubs in Amsterdam.

..one would have thought otherwise.

Is Soho Amsterdam no more? or was it ever was?
The possibility of anything we can imagine existing is endless and infinite.. - MagsJ
I haven't got the time to spend the time reading something that is telling me nothing, as I will never be able to get back that time, and I may need it for something at some point in time.. Huh! - MagsJ
You’re suggestions and I, just simply don’t mix.. like oil on water, or a really bad DJ - MagsJ

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### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Hey Mags, I've been meaning to ask: what are those gold capsule supposed to represent?
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

gib
resident exorcist

Posts: 9085
Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 10:25 pm

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

MagsJ wrote:
Fixed Cross wrote:Sadly there arent any good strip clubs in Amsterdam.

..one would have thought otherwise.

I guess the prostitutes take too much of the business. Still, Id say it should appeal a much larger segment of the actual population.

Is Soho Amsterdam no more? or was it ever was?

Im not aware Amsterdam ever had enough glamour to have a quarter deserving that name.
It's all either tremendously seedy or unfathomably smug. I don't hate the city, but going out at night really feels like going into a sewer with a lot of hungry rats.
The strong act as they may, the weak accept what they must.
- Thucydides
-
Before the Light - Philosophy 77 - sumofalltemples - The Magickal Tree of Life Academy

Fixed Cross
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### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

gib wrote:Hey Mags, I've been meaning to ask: what are those gold capsule supposed to represent?

..a simple attempt to inject humour into my digestive plight. I might buy one for my birthday.. as long as it's non-allergenic. My avatar too is reflective of current mood.. in both persona and posture.

image.png (90.5 KiB) Viewed 6196 times
The possibility of anything we can imagine existing is endless and infinite.. - MagsJ
I haven't got the time to spend the time reading something that is telling me nothing, as I will never be able to get back that time, and I may need it for something at some point in time.. Huh! - MagsJ
You’re suggestions and I, just simply don’t mix.. like oil on water, or a really bad DJ - MagsJ

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### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Fixed Cross wrote:
MagsJ wrote:Is Soho Amsterdam no more? or was it ever was?

Im not aware Amsterdam ever had enough glamour to have a quarter deserving that name.

After such historical infamy, you would think that it would have gained it by now.. along with a touch of glamour.

It's all either tremendously seedy or unfathomably smug.

Oooh, what's the unfathomably smug set like? as we all already know what seedy is.

I don't hate the city, but going out at night really feels like going into a sewer with a lot of hungry rats.

That's cities for ya.. so you just gotta know what kinda sewer you're going into, as it will always be a given that they are there and therefore unavoidable.
The possibility of anything we can imagine existing is endless and infinite.. - MagsJ
I haven't got the time to spend the time reading something that is telling me nothing, as I will never be able to get back that time, and I may need it for something at some point in time.. Huh! - MagsJ
You’re suggestions and I, just simply don’t mix.. like oil on water, or a really bad DJ - MagsJ

MagsJ
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Posts: 21859
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### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Today's September 1st baby! Two months and a day--longest I've gone without drugs or alcohol (well, except when I was a kid).
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

gib
resident exorcist

Posts: 9085
Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 10:25 pm

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

I bet your body's lovin you?
The possibility of anything we can imagine existing is endless and infinite.. - MagsJ
I haven't got the time to spend the time reading something that is telling me nothing, as I will never be able to get back that time, and I may need it for something at some point in time.. Huh! - MagsJ
You’re suggestions and I, just simply don’t mix.. like oil on water, or a really bad DJ - MagsJ

MagsJ
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Posts: 21859
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2006 2:59 pm
Location: Suryaloka / LDN Town

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

MagsJ wrote:I bet your body's lovin you?

I bet it is, especially my stomach. I was starting to develop some serious stomach issues near the end there, and I know my stomach's thanking me now. Yet another reason not to go back.
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

gib
resident exorcist

Posts: 9085
Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 10:25 pm

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

I finally got my tattoo touch ups today. Check it out:

touch ups 500x666.jpg (124.44 KiB) Viewed 6101 times

(Please try to ignore the back hair!)

So again, this not only symbolizes my quitting of drugs and alcohol, but is instrumental in keeping me off drugs and alcohol. I've basically branded myself with a statement: I will not do drugs and alcohol. So I can't just go back now.

It's not quite the original drawing:

But I've learn something about the art of tattooing: not any drawing is transferable. Sometimes, you gotta let the tattoo artist customize it to best suite the purpose. Several things come into consideration: the shape of your body (where the tattoo is going), the thickness of the lines, how the color will fade over time, and generally what looks good as a tattoo as opposed to a drawing on paper. But in any case, my tattoo artist certainly captured the essence of it and I'm happy with his work.

So far I've spent a lot of money on this transition in my life. Almost $1000 for the tattoo,$2000 for the Dale Carnegie course, \$180 every visit to my therapist... quite the investment for someone who isn't taking this seriously.

I also wanted to show everyone this:

IMG_1573 500x666 2.jpg (112.44 KiB) Viewed 6101 times

I have this hanging up on my bedroom wall. It's to remind myself of all the reasons not to do drugs and alcohol (and it's not exhaustive... there's about 5 other reasons on the other side). Note my number 1 reason: Cassidy & Kaden, my two children. <-- So again, not very serious.

I also had a talk with my kids the other day about how they like their dad before and after the drugs & alcohol. I asked them:

"Do you guys notice any difference in me before I quit the drugs and alcohol and now?"

Cassidy: "Mmm... no, not really."

Daddy: "Do you guys feel maybe I hurt you when I was on drugs and alcohol? Like I was abusive?"

Cassidy: "Abusive? What do you mean?"

Daddy: "Well, some people on ILP think maybe I did you guys harm when I was on drugs and alcohol or that I was abusive."

Cassidy laughs: "Who thinks that?!?!"

Daddy: "Arc does. Some other guy named Pedro. But sometimes it's true. Some alcoholic or drug addict parents end up abusing their children. Arc's mom was like that. But she thinks it's the alcohol itself that makes the parent abusive. The alcohol can exacerbate the abuse but usually an abusive parent is abusive for a much deeper reason, something that was there long before they started drinking alcohol. In fact, the alcohol is usually more a symptom than a cause. But not all alcoholic or drug addict parents are like that. I hope I wasn't like that with you guys."

Kaden: "Well, we WERE, daddy!!! You were a TERRIBLE daddy!!! You were just sooo terrible!!!" <-- He said it with a huge grin on his face. He likes to joke around like that.

I'm also reminded of something Cas said to me the other day: "You're an awesome daddy."

Me: "Oh yeah? Why's that?"

Cas: "Because when I jump into your arms, you catch me and you hold me."

Me: "Yeah? Other daddies don't do that?"

Cas: "No, most of them say they're too tired, or too busy, or some other excuse. But you don't."

Now just in case I have inflicted irreversible damage on my kids and we're all in denial about it (as Arc and Pedro are bound to point out), I'm going to schedule a visit to my son's therapist probably sometimes in October. She's a child psychologist who would know the signs of abuse in children, maybe even due to alcohol or drug addiction, and I'm going to ask her if she's seen any signs of that in Kaden. I'll report back with the results.
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

gib
resident exorcist

Posts: 9085
Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 10:25 pm

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

ra ra

what is the connection between these two pictures and this thread?
It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed.
~ Владимир Ильич Ульянов Ленин

THE HORNED ONE

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### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Cassidy: "Abusive? What do you mean?"

Daddy: "Well, some people on ILP think maybe I did you guys harm when I was on drugs and alcohol or that I was abusive."

Cassidy laughs: "Who thinks that?!?!"

Daddy: "Arc does. Some other guy named Pedro. But sometimes it's true. Some alcoholic or drug addict parents end up abusing their children. Arc's mom was like that. But she thinks it's the alcohol itself that makes the parent abusive. The alcohol can exacerbate the abuse but usually an abusive parent is abusive for a much deeper reason, something that was there long before they started drinking alcohol. In fact, the alcohol is usually more a symptom than a cause. But not all alcoholic or drug addict parents are like that. I hope I wasn't like that with you guys."

Kaden: "Well, we WERE, daddy!!! You were a TERRIBLE daddy!!! You were just sooo terrible!!!" <-- He said it with a huge grin on his face. He likes to joke around like that.

Good stufflings.
It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed.
~ Владимир Ильич Ульянов Ленин

THE HORNED ONE

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### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

So I checked out an AA meeting Friday night. I was awarded a coin for lasting 3 months! Everyone thought it was a huge deal. And I guess it was, but I think they thought so more than I did.

What was it like? Meh... it was all right. I didn't really feel like I fit in. Everyone there had much more grueling stories than I could ever tell. Stories about going to jail, about bring caught in a cycle of drinking themselves silly every day just to get over the hangover from the previous day, of isolating themselves from their families, about rehab and detoxification. My alcoholism was never that bad. My weakness consisted of sometimes telling myself: gib, no drinking tonight, and then failing, going to the liquor store to buy 100ml of whiskey. Sometimes, not all the time. Overall, I felt like those guys at the meeting were at a whole other level of addiction than I was.

It made me feel like I shouldn't be calling myself an alcoholic. Maybe I never really was.

One of the heads of the group said he was going to call me sometime this week. Not sure what he wants to talk about, but I'm sure it will involve encouragement to come to the meetings regularly or to keep in contact with him or other members. I might have to go into some detail about my experiences, my intentions, my condition, etc. which is fine, I'll go through the motions, but I feel uncomfortable about going back there. I went to check it out, see what it's like, but I don't think it's for me.

Now there is another program: the SMART program (Self-Management and Recovery Training). Check it out: https://www.addictioncenter.com/treatme ... -recovery/. A friend recommended it. She said it was a more hands-off and non-religious approach to recovery. I intend to check it out in the same vein that I checked out AA... just to see what it's like, to see if it's for me, but no intention of committing. I'll post an update here once I go.

I also found my energy specialist (a naturopath), but I'll report more on that later.
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

gib
resident exorcist

Posts: 9085
Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 10:25 pm

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

As I said last time, I intended to pay a visit to my son's therapist to ask if she's noticed any signs of abuse whether drug/alcohol related or otherwise. I went yesterday. She emphatically said no. She's seen a lot of troubled kids and she knows the signs of abuse. She said with confidence that she had no reason to suspect my son was being raised by an alcoholic or drug abusing parent. I had never told her about my problem with drugs and alcohol until yesterday. She said my son is just a difficult child by temperament, and that his hot temper is most likely genetic.

In fact, she thinks my ex and I are very caring parents and it's obvious that we put our children's needs well ahead of our own. She told me in cases where the parents who bring their children to see her are divorced or separated, usually it's the mother bringing them in and the father never comes for a visit. While my ex and I don't go at the same time, I try to make the occasional visit, and she tells me I'm one of the rare fathers who actually bother.

So that puts that one to rest.

Oh yeah, that guy from the AA meeting? Never called.
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

gib
resident exorcist

Posts: 9085
Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 10:25 pm

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Perhaps you were just more of a high-end social drinker..?

Since (being able to) going back to weights, I've practically gone off alcohol, so substitutions we find pleasurable/enjoying, or in my case.. re-substitutions.. of which there are still very few, resolve the need for recreational use of social drinking etc.
The possibility of anything we can imagine existing is endless and infinite.. - MagsJ
I haven't got the time to spend the time reading something that is telling me nothing, as I will never be able to get back that time, and I may need it for something at some point in time.. Huh! - MagsJ
You’re suggestions and I, just simply don’t mix.. like oil on water, or a really bad DJ - MagsJ

MagsJ
The Londonist: a chic geek

Posts: 21859
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2006 2:59 pm
Location: Suryaloka / LDN Town

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Went to a SMART meeting. I liked it a bit better than AA. If AA is about relying on others because you are powerless to do it yourself, SMART is all about self-empowerment. They give you the tools to change yourself. Tonight, we talked a bit about strategies for changing your thought patterns. Unlike at the AA meeting, no one there really got a chance to tell their stories, so I didn't quite feel like a fish out of water. Doesn't mean it's a policy. Maybe next meeting will be all about diving into people's stories.

This won't be a regular occurrence, but I *might* go again. And not just because I liked it a bit better than AA, but because I know a girl there who I really, really, really like. Unfortunately, she doesn't think it's a good idea for us to date (for reasons I will not disclose), but she seems to like me anyway, and I really enjoy being around her. So if going for my own sake isn't motivation enough, maybe she is.

I wonder if Arc would approve of this.
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

gib
resident exorcist

Posts: 9085
Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 10:25 pm

### Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

My book is done! All three volumes are available online here and here.

Woopie!!!

So why post this in this thread?

Because, my friends, because! If anyone's been paying attention, you might have noticed that sometimes I say that my drug abstinence is permanent, other times a year, maybe a year and a half. What's permanent is my decision to abstain from the three categories of addiction: alcohol, caffeine, and cannibinoids. But strictly and formally speaking, my plan has always included a release valve. After a year, maybe a year and a half, I would return to my decision to quit drugs and alcohol and consider whether I wanted to experiment with other kinds of drugs--you know, rare and exotic kinds, ones no one's ever heard of--I was sure to satiate my curiosity before July 1 with the usual suspects--cocaine, ecstasy, acid, mushrooms--the only one I regret not having had the chance to try is peyote, but I sadly accept my losses. But there are plenty of rare specimens out there--naturally grown and produced in a lab--and they're discovering new ones every day.

So a year after July 1, maybe a year and a half, I *might* end up going back to drugs--not alcohol, not caffeine, not cannabinoids--this time around knowing how not to get addicted... but in all likelihood not. You see, this is only a formality of my plan. Here's where the other phrasing comes in--the one that goes, "I give up all drugs and alcohol forever" <-- That's the one I've really been going with. It's just not formal. So in all likelihood, in a year from July 1, maybe a year and a half, my decision will be not to experiment with new and exotic kinds of drugs, to stick to absolute abstinence all together and forever.

Now then, what does that have to do with my book? Well, I no longer half to say "a year, maybe a year and a half"--as of December 5, it is officially one more year--not a bad estimate if I do say so myself (you know, Dec 5 of 2019 will be almost a year and a half from July 1). Dec 5 was the official day I completed all 3 volumes of my book.

This is important to my goal and gives you all a larger picture of what I'm trying to achieve here. Giving up drugs and alcohol is part of a larger goal of "letting go"--letting go of unhealthy attachments. Drugs and alcohol were one of them, my book was another. Why is my book unhealthy, you ask? I wouldn't call it "unhealthy" per se, but it's been a distraction for me, something that sucked a lot of time and energy from me that could have been, and now can be, put towards more important things. This was the same for the drugs. I now feel like there are no more "selfish" attachments in my life. I will experience one year of what this is like, and see what I can do with my life sans unhealthy attachments and selfish distractions.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.

gib
resident exorcist

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Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 10:25 pm