Comedy

On QI… a topical quiz show for smart people:

Stephen Fry: “A child between the ages of 5 to 18 is not allowed to have a drink in the bar, but they can in the restaurant”

Phill Jupitus: “How are they supposed to get the drinks in then”?

:laughing:

:laughing: the infamous Ian Brown, of solo, Unkle, and Stone Roses fame, sets his sights on Steve Jones.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMEKoKtEkiY[/youtube]

The legend Mark Lamarr, hosting the iconic Never Mind The Buzzcocks… this had me in giggles. :laughing:

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wTgGXueYBA[/youtube]

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z--MQXkCdcs[/youtube]

:laughing:

Well-edited, by whomever… er, edited it. :smiley:

Lol

At a local mini-mart, in the very early hours of this morning.

He: You’re beautiful, you can come back any time.

She: I only came in for some sweets.

Lol

RIP

Lol :laughing-rofl:

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqQ6wiU8qW0[/youtube]

When your East-Asian side gets the jokes, but you don’t understand a word they’re saying

:laughing-rolling:

Ultimate bad luck:

When the plane crashes into a sinking ship!

Ouch.

youtu.be/OcCRZkeqFY8

{Do You think ferrets are intelligent?}>>>>

Actually, ferrets are quite smart. It all depends on how you view a measure of intelligence. If you consider problem solving as intelligence, as many animal behaviorists do, then ferrets rank above cats and dogs, and into the range of small primates. … Ferrets aren’t dumb, they just do things differently.

{E5ven funnier & true sign of human intelligence } : >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><>>>>><>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>><<<<<><><><>>> :

Trump ‘offers large sums’ for exclusive access to coronavirus vaccine

German government tries to fight off aggressive takeover bid by US, say reports

The Trump administration has offered a German medical company “large sums of money” for exclusive access to a Covid-19 vaccine, German media have reported.

The German government is trying to fight off what it sees as an aggressive takeover bid by the US, the broadsheet Die Welt reports, citing German government circles.

The US president had offered the Tübingen-based biopharmaceutical company CureVac “large sums of money” to gain exclusive access to their work, wrote Die Wel

Show

According to an anonymous source quoted in the newspaper, Trump was doing everything to secure a vaccine against the coronavirus for the US, “but for the US only”.

The German government was reportedly offering its own financial incentives for the vaccine to stay in the country.

The German health minister Jens Spahn said that a takeover of the CureVac company by the Trump administration was “off the table”. CureVac would only develop vaccine “for the whole world”, Spahn said, “not for individual countries”.

Earlier, when approached about the report by the Guardian, the German health ministry would only confirm the accuracy of the quotes attributed to one of its spokespersons in the article.

“The federal government is very interested in vaccines and antiviral agents against the novel coronavirus being developed in Germany and Europe,” the spokesperson quoted in the original article had said. “In this regard the government is in an intensive exchange with the company CureVac.”

The German health ministry spokesperson declined the opportunity to correct any inaccuracies in Die Welt’s account.

With its headquarters in the south-western German city of Tübingen, CureVac also has sites in Frankfurt and Boston in the US. Linked with the German health ministry, it works closely with the Paul Ehrlich Institute, a research institution and medical regulatory body that is subordinate to the German health ministry.

On 11 March, CureVac released a statement that its CEO, the US citizen Daniel Menichella, was unexpectedly leaving the firm and would be replaced by the company’s founder, Ingmar Hoerr.

At the start of the month, Menichella was invited to the White House in Washington to discuss strategy for the rapid development and production of a coronavirus vaccine with Trump, the vice-president, Mike Pence, and members of the White House coronavirus task force.

The White House has been contacted for comment.

© 2020 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved.

{Translated from Hungarian}

American Medical Association

The American Medical Association has stated that it is for medical purposes
spending is not going in the right direction. In the last few years, well
a greater amount was spent on plastic surgery silicone
implants and Viagra as a cure for Alzheimer’s disease
research.
As a result, it is estimated that by 2030 some 70 million people will be affected
running around the world with big boobs and erectile genitalia,
while not remembering what to do with them.

{Is there a loss from the translation?}

Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.

What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst kase scenario.

I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.

google.com/amp/s/www.father … jokes/amp/

Lol.

I saw a corona news article about how people could repurpose the corpses of once enthusiastic, but now dead farmers to remove the kitchen smells caused by cooking. It said they made great ex-tractor-fans.

I asked the librarian if she had a book on Pavlov’s Dog and Schrodinger’s cat.
She said it rang a bell but wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

Ohhhhhhhhhh

(this guy’s on fire)

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. “Nurse,”’ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. Now listen very, very, closely:

“Are - my - test - results - back?”
.

Lololol