a thread for mundane ironists

[b]Heraclitus

How can you hide from what never goes away?[/b]

Uh, you can’t?
Or have you found a way.

Wisdom is the oneness of mind that guides and permeated all things.

Talk about something a serious philosopher would say.

Of the Logos which is as I describe it men always prove to be uncomprehending, both before they have heard it and when once they have heard it. For although all things happen according to this Logos, men are like people of no experience, even when they experience such words and deeds as I explain, when I distinguish each thing according to its constitution and declare how it is; but the rest of men fail to notice what they do after they wake up just as they forget what they do when asleep.

Talk about something a serious philosopher would say.

The most beautiful ape is ugly when compared to a human. The wisest human will seem like an ape when compared to a god with respect to wisdom, beauty, and everything else.

He means your God, right?

Learning many things does not teach understanding.

Especially learning the wrong things.

The best of men choose one thing in preference to all else, immortal glory in preference to mortal good; whereas the masses simply glut themselves like cattle.

Here, he thought, I’m with the masses.

[b]Werner Twertzog

Dance like a Boomer with no student loans and a massive early-retirement plan.[/b]

Or, sure, just lay down and die.

I am waiting for a seat at Red Robin, like any proletarian.

Do people actually do things like that?

Today is a good day to die.
But so is every day.

So, why is he still around, right?

I do not shop at stores with self-checkout, on principle.

Steer clear of Giant then. At least the ones around me.

Jerry Seinfeld meets death.
Asks, “What’s up with the scythe? Is the scythe really necessary? Are we wheat?”
He dies.
The rest is silence.

You know, just like the rest of us.

American healthcare cures you of having money. And health.

Though, for some, all the way to the bank.

[b]Norman Mailer

America is a hurricane, and the only people who do not hear the sound are those fortunate if incredibly stupid and smug White Protestants who live in the center, in the serene eye of the big wind. [/b]

Hurricane Don, for example. Catagory 5 last measured.

What’s the use of being a writer if you can’t irritate a great many people?

Or, sure, here, a poster.

There is no greater impotence in all the world like knowing you are right and that the wave of the world is wrong, yet the wave crashes upon you.

In a word: dasein.

The mark of mediocrity is to look for precedent.

Objectively. Right, Kids?

I do believe that America’s deepest political sickness is that it is a self-righteous nation.

Let’s decide: genes or memes.

The true religion of America has always been America.

Love it or leave it, dude.

[b]Douglas Adams

Words used carelessly, as if they did not matter in any serious way, often allowed otherwise well-guarded truths to seep through.[/b]

Or, as Freud suggested, slip through. And often with disasterous consequences.

The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the ‘Star Spangled Banner’, but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.”

Isn’t this from a Star Trek movie?

What happens if I press this button?
I wouldn’t…
Oh.
What happened?
A sign lit up, saying ‘Please do not press this button again.’

Anyone here know if he did?

I was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher… or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.

No, really, my own wife more or less expressed the same.

of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn’t be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending to be outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn’t understand what was going on, and really being genuinely stupid.

Okay, Kids, let’s pin this down. You for me, me for you.

Now, the invention of the scientific method and science is, I’m sure we’ll all agree, the most powerful intellectual idea, the most powerful framework for thinking and investigating and understanding and challenging the world around us that there is, and that it rests on the premise that any idea is there to be attacked and if it withstands the attack then it lives to fight another day and if it doesn’t withstand the attack then down it goes. Religion doesn’t seem to work like that; it has certain ideas at the heart of it which we call sacred or holy or whatever. That’s an idea we’re so familiar with, whether we subscribe to it or not, that it’s kind of odd to think what it actually means, because really what it means is ‘Here is an idea or a notion that you’re not allowed to say anything bad about; you’re just not. Why not? - because you’re not!’

Just not your religion, right?

[b]Bob Dylan

They asked me for some collateral and I pulled down my pants.[/b]

How about if they asked you?

You call yourself what you want to call yourself. This is the land of the free.

I know, he thought: iambiguous.

You have to look at every one of your songs and be able to identify with them in a meaningful way. You can hardly sing your songs unless you’re in them. If you want to fake it, go ahead. Fake it if you want. But I’m not that kind of singer.

And, with any luck, you’re not that kind of a listener.

After becoming famous once again - a 1976 song, “Hurricane,” even marked a return to protest songwriting - [Bob] Dylan got addicted to drugs, found Jesus, left Jesus, and put out a lot of swill.

You know, in the third person.

Despite everybody who has been born and has died, the world has just gone on.

Let one of us change that.

You’ll find out when you reach the top, you’re on the bottom.

In other words, whatever that means.

[b]Existential Comics

People think time travelers will try to kill Hitler, but they don’t realize that the time travel machines will almost certainly be owned by capitalists, so time travelers will just be sent back on like…marketing missions so people will want to buy more stuff in the future.[/b]

You know, when we finally invent one.

Christmas has become a materialistic holiday, but don’t forget the true spirit of Christmas, and remember that the best gift you can get is actually a working understand of the Hegelian dialectic.

Too late now, but maybe next year.

objective reality is fake as shit. anyone who claims they know facts is a damned liar. one time i thought i observed reality directly, but it turned out to be naught but illusions and lies.

You know, if that was objective reality.

It’s weird there aren’t more anti-capitalists among gamers. Games are so often obviously ruined by catering to shareholder interests over the gaming community and developers themselves who just want to make a fun game.
The only explanation is that all gamers are fucking idiots.

Fucking Kids too.

Harry Potter is considered a “fantasy novel” because a group of technocratic liberal elites defeated the rising tide of fascism.

Fascism of course almost always being interchangeable with Communism.

They say “write what you know”, but then they also say “no one wants to read a novel about a guy who sits around all day watching reruns of The Office on Netflix.”

I know that I wouldn’t.

[b]Neal Stephenson

It would be an idyllic tropical paradise if not for the malaria, the insects, the constant diarrhea and resulting hemorrhoids, and the fact that the people are dirty and smell bad and eat each other and use human heads for decoration.[/b]

Or here: This would be an idyllic philosophical paradise if not for…

Until he reached thirty, Randy felt bad about the fact that he was not socially deft. Now he doesn’t give a damn. Pretty soon he’ll probably start being proud of it.

That’s me too, he beamed.

When later generations come to read about our history they will think they are reading a romance, and not believe a word of it.

Here of course it’s a horror story. And no one will not believe it.

I am an Aleut.
Oh, I’ve never heard of that.
That’s because we’ve been fucked over, the big scary Aleut says, worse than any other people in history.

Any Aleuts here able to confirm this?

The living stayed home, haunting the world of the dead like ghosts.

Cool, right?

Time, tide, and comets waited for no man.

And only a very few women.

[b]Doth

Take a moment to apologize to your body for your brain’s bullshit.[/b]

I tried this once. And look at me now.

The ghosts of my past, present and future better haunt me tonight or don’t waste my fucking time.

Well, maybe next year. You know, if I’m still around.

I have said this before but it bears repeating: give women swords.

Kill Bill Vol. III

What idiot called it a human skull instead of an anxiety cabin.

Some scientist no doubt.

I like my women like my wolves, wandering around the woods at night and could kill me at any moment.

Wow, does that not bring back memories.

What you do at night is between you and the fucking moon.

And God of course.

[b]Camille Paglia

If civilization had been left in female hands we would still be living in grass huts. [/b]

Well, as some insist, she is basically a reactionary.

The true mission of feminism today is not to carp about the woes of affluent Western career women but to turn the spotlight on life-and-death issues affecting women in the Third World, particularly in rural areas where they have little protection against exploitation and injustice.

Great, another “true mission”.

Rule of art: Cant kills creativity!

Their cant of course.

When feminist discourse is unable to discriminate the drunken fraternity brother from the homicidal maniac, women are in trouble.

And when the fraternity brother drunkenly commits rape?

Teenage boys, goaded by their surging hormones run in packs like the primal horde. They have only a brief season of exhilarating liberty between control by their mothers and control by their wives.

And teenage girls?

Lacan , Derrida and Foucault are the perfect prophets for the weak, anxious academic personality, trapped in verbal formulas and perennially defeated by circumstances. They offer a self-exculpating cosmic explanation for the normal professorial state of resentment, alienation, dithering passivity and inaction.

Sure, he thought, even intellectual quacks get it right occasionally.

[b]Robert Macfarlane

The whole foot is a document of motion, inscribed by repeated action. Babies – from those first foetal footfalls, the kneading of sole against womb-wall, turning themselves like astronauts in black space – have already creased their soles by the time they emerge into the world.[/b]

Next up: the whole brain.

Yet there is also something curiously exhilarating about the contemplation of deep time. True, you learn yourself to be a blip in the larger projects of the universe. But you are also rewarded with the realization that you do exist – as unlikely as it may seem, you do exist.

Nope, never felt exhilarated so far.

The unknown is so inflammatory to the imagination because it is an imaginatively malleable space: a projection-screen onto which a culture or an individual can throw their fears and their aspirations. Like Echo’s cave, the unknown will answer back with whatever you shout at it.

Another path to dasein in other words.

We are adept, if occasionally embarrassed, at saying what we make of places - but we are far less good at saying what places make of us…

There’s a reason for that. But [no doubt] mine isn’t yours.

Kimmeridge (n.): 'The light breeze which blows through your armpit hair when you are stretched out sunbathing’

Well, that’s what it is now.

Reading kept him alive, she said, right till the end.

More to the ploint, it didn’t keep him alive forever.

[b]Jan Mieszkowski

New Year’s Resolutions should be
Kant: categorical and imperative
Schelling: an exercise in self-abnegation
Beckett: mocked out of existence
Camus: a good excuse to smoke[/b]

All of the above, right?

I asked the class what Walter Benjamin means when he says that capitalism is a religion. A student answered with one word: Christmas.

And, now, 365 days a year. Or, next year, 366.

All I want for Christmas is
Leibniz: a perfectly rational language
Hegel: a perfectly determinate negation
Marx: a perfectly dynamic model of labor
Nietzsche: a perfectly good excuse to ignore you clowns

Next up: All we want for next Christmas.

Ancient philosophy: Is this the real world or shadows on a cave wall?
Enlightenment philosophy: Am I awake or am I dreaming?
Modern philosophy: 'Pics or it didn’t happen.

And, even then, only on Twittter.

[b]Holiday Values

1. Peace
2. Joy
3. Goodwill toward all

Holiday Realities

1. Social anxiety
2. Financial anxiety
3. Anxiety anxiety[/b]

You know, under capitalism.

Nothing says “Happy Holidays!” like philosopher socks.

etsy.com/market/philosophy_socks

[b]Robert M. Pirsig

A classical understanding sees the world primarily as underlying form itself. A romantic understanding sees it primarily in terms of immediate appearance.[/b]

And the winner is…

Oh, the laws of physics and of logic…the number system…the principle of algebraic substitution. These are ghosts. We just believe in them so thoroughly they seem real.

Yeah, right.

Mental reflection is so much more interesting than TV it’s a shame more people don’t switch over to it. They probably think what they hear is unimportant but it never is.

But then there’s the stuff that I point to.

You always suppress momentary anger at something you deeply and permanently hate.

You meaning, among other things, not me.

You look at these mountains now, and they look so permanent and peaceful, but they’re changing all the time and the changes aren’t always peaceful. Underneath us, beneath us here right now, there are forces that can tear this whole mountain apart.

And inside us: dasein.

The truths Phaedrus began to pursue were lateral truths; no longer the frontal truths of science, those toward which the discipline pointed, but the kind of truth you see laterally, out of the corner of your eye. In a laboratory situation, when your whole procedure goes haywire, when everything goes wrong or is indeterminate or is so screwed up by unexpected results you can’t make head or tail out of anything, you start looking laterally. That’s a word he later used to describe a growth of knowledge that doesn’t move forward like an arrow in flight, but expands sideways, like an arrow enlarging in flight, or like the archer, discovering that although he has hit the bull’s-eye and won the prize, his head is on a pillow and the sun is coming in the window. Lateral knowledge is knowledge that’s from a wholly unexpected direction, from a direction that’s not even understood as a direction until the knowledge forces itself upon one. Lateral truths point to the falseness of axioms and postulates underlying one’s existing system of getting at truth.

Of course lateral is everywhere in the is/ought world.

[b]Tana French

I had learned early to assume something dark and lethal hidden at the heart of anything I loved. When I couldn’t find it, I responded, bewildered and wary, in the only way I knew how: by planting it there myself.[/b]

And not always consciously.

I am not good at noticing when I’m happy, except in retrospect.

On the other hand, noticing when you’re miserable…

Our entire society is based on discontent. People wanting more and more and more. Being constantly dissatisfied with their homes, their bodies, their décor, their clothes, everything – taking it for granted that that’s the whole point of life.

In other words, go out and buy something.

What I am telling you, before you begin my story, is this – two things: I crave truth. And I lie.

Duplicitously as it were.

There’s a Spanish proverb, he said, that’s always fascinated me. ‘Take what you want and pay for it, says God.’ I don’t believe in God, Daniel said, but that principle seems, to me, to have a divinity of its own; a kind of blazing purity. What could be simpler, or more crucial? You can have anything you want, as long as you accept that there is a price and that you will have to pay it.

Not counting the part where you can’t have something you want if you had all the money in the world.

My father told me once that the most important thing every man should know is what he would die for.

So far, nothing.

[b]God

Jesus wants to write an editorial condemning Trump, but he’s afraid he’ll lose the support of evangelicals.[/b]

Let’s make sense of this.

Here’s wishing the President a cold, lonely, miserable, desperate, self-loathing, scandal-ridden, dementia-fueled, sclerotic, septic, syphilitic, leprous Christmas.

Any news on that?

I’ll stay out of politics when politics stays out of Me.

[-o<

Overwhelming evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming evidence.

My guess: in the billions.

God rest ye merry congressmen,
Let nothing you dismay.
Remember Trump’s behavior
On this Impeachment Day.
And save us all from Cheeto’s power
That led the world astray.
Oh findings of blackmail and fraud,
Blackmail and fraud.
Oh findings of blackmail and fraud.

Someone run this by Wendy.

Intelligence looks in a mirror and sees ignorance.
Ignorance looks in a mirror and sees intelligence.

And not just at the carnival.

[b]Heraclitus

It is in changing that things find purpose. [/b]

Right, like that actually explains anything.

Change alone is unchanging.

And, with this, the birth of word games.

To do the same thing over and over again is not only boredom: it is to be controlled by rather than to control what you do.

Tell that to Frederick Winslow Taylor.

Doctors cut, burn, and torture the sick, and then demand of them an undeserved fee for such services.

Alas, some things never change.

Time is a game played beautifully by children.

Do they know that?

Under the comb, the tangle and the straight path are the same.

How about the brush?

[b]Julian Assange

If you want a vision of the future, imagine Washington-back ed Google Glasses strapped onto vacant human faces - forever. [/b]

His deepest apologies to George Orwell. But point taken.

I enjoy crushing bastards. So it is enjoyable work.

I don’t know about crushing, but I do enjoy making fools out of the objectivists.

Everyone should understand that when they add their friends to Facebook, they are doing free work for United States intelligence agencies in building this database for them.

Not to mention the Russians and the Chinese.

You can’t do anything sensible until you know what the situation is that you’re in.

In other words, you’re fucked.

I fell into a hornets’ nest of revolutionary feminism.

In other words, he’s fucked.

Here then is the truth about the Truth; the Truth is not bridge, sturdy to every step, a marvel of bound planks and supports from the known into the unknown, but a surging sea of smashed wood, flotsam and drowning sailors.

And that’s just our truth.

[b]tiny nietzsche

If you are an imagine dragons fan, I’m sorry that happened to you[/b]

For some of course it is entire genres. And, no, not just country music.

who can you terraform if you can’t terraform yourself?

Anyone here done it?

when you can’t see the mountains for the rocks

Or, going in the other direction, the atoms for the rocks

we should avoid doing this again

Let alone repeatedly.

merry christmas, abyss

And, of course, happy new year.

if you have the opportunity, don’t give anything to a libertarian

Let alone a nihilist?

[b]Norman Mailer

The paradox is that no love can prove so intense as the love of two narcissists for each other. [/b]

Either a paradox or a contradiction in terms.

I don’t think life is absurd. I think we are all here for a huge purpose. I think we shrink from the immensity of the purpose we are here for.

Of course he hadn’t yet reached puberty then.

There are these two kinds of patriotism. There’s blind patriotism, unflagging patriotism. And then there’s the patriotism that says I live in a democracy and it’s very important for the health and the life of this democracy that it get better all the time, not get worse.

There must be three then if you count mine.

Obsession is the single most wasteful human activity, because with an obsession you keep coming back and back and back to the same question and never get an answer.

We’ll need a question of course.

In America few people will trust you unless you are irreverent.

If only among New York intellectuals.

Growth is a greater mystery than death. All of us can understand failure, we all contain failure and death within us, but not even the successful man can begin to describe the impalpable elations and apprehensions of growth.

Okay, but death is definitely second.

[b]Douglas Adams

My favourite piece of information is that Branwell Brontë, brother of Emily and Charlotte, died standing up leaning against a mantle piece, in order to prove it could be done.[/b]

True story.
Nest up: inept sloths.

The point is, you see, said Ford, that there is no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going mad. You might just as well give in and save your sanity for later.

Yep, tried that too. Still waiting.

Perhaps I’m old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied.

I call them distractions myself.

Exactly, said Deep Thought. So once you do know what the question actually is, you’ll know what the answer means.

We’ll need a context of course.

Anything that happens, happens.
Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.
Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.
It doesn’t necessarily do it in chronological order, though.

We’ll need a context of course.

See first, think later, then test. But always see first. Otherwise you will only see what you were expecting. Most scientists forget that.

Of course most scientists aren’t blind. If you know what I mean.

[b]tiny nietzsche

scrooge: you! you there, boy! what day is this?
boy: fuck you, boomer[/b]

Now of course I know what he means.

the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the abyss

And then one day…

the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the night before the abyss

the enemy of my enemy is a dumbass

Pick one: Phyllo or Karpel Tunnel

all I want for christmas is the void to negate me

Alas, all I want for christmas next year is the void to negate me

my sex tape is just me reading at the library

Buck naked with a hard on, he mused.

drugs mean never having to say you’re vibing

Like I would ever be vibing without them!