While I appreciate your words, I’m not sure I understand them.
What do you mean “self-improvement is not really nearly enough of a reason”? What other reason do you have in mind? Do you mean self-improvement is not motivation enough?
And while I agree that stopping the destruction comes first on the path to self-improvement, I’m not sure whether you’re insinuating that I’m not doing that. (I feel that I am; I’m not sure how it could be otherwise). And you said “for what I am offering”… what are you offering that I’m not taking? We both seem to be talking about self-improvement. Are you offering a different kind of self-improvement? A different path to it? One that requires the admission that stopping the destruction has to come first? As though one could alternatively walk the path to self-improvement without this admission?
^ I’m confused. 
Are you sure we’re talking about the same thing?
Yes, every drug user will attest to an inner “demon” that drives and haunts him, but my metaphor of Wormtongue and King Theoden is very specific and grounded on something very concrete: neurology. It’s a metaphor for the primitive brain (specifically the amygdala) and the rational brain (the frontal cortex). Neurologists know that these two brain areas play off each other and antagonize each other. The primitive brain is our emotional brain. It’s the animal brain. It runs on impulses, instinct, and immediate gratification, and it is built to react to negative/dangerous circumstances. This is why it is associated with negative emotions: fear, anger, and depression. It is responsible for the fight/flight response. The rational brain on the other hand is the thinking part of the brain. It’s responsible for our rationality and logic, and tends to be associated more with positive emotion. We are calm when we think with our rational brain. These two brains antagonize each other. They bear an inhibitory relation to each other. This is why one’s mind goes blank when overcome with fear. That’s the primitive brain turning off rational thinking. This is why we do and say things we later regret when we’re angry. This is the primitive brain suppression our better judgement and saying irrational and emotional things. This is why when we’re under high degrees of stress, we make poor decisions and bone-head mistakes.
The Wormtongue/Theoden metaphor also stands for the ADD/SCT brain specifically (or at least, my brain specifically). The ADD/SCT brain, at least the kind I have, tends to have a weak rational brain and a strong primitive brain. Thus the Wormtongue side of one’s self tends to dominate most of the time. The Theoden side of one’s self, in turn, tends to be stuck in a fog most of the time. In reality, it’s not as black and white as that, but it is closer to that than the average person.
Anyway, yes, the Wormtongue side tends to feel like a kind of “demon” or “gremlin”, and with child-like impulses and the animal-like need for immediate gratification, it would crave the kind of reinforcing stimulation that drugs can provide. If it wasn’t for the rational brain exerting it’s dominance, one would just give in to it.
Yes, you can never kill it (short of going for a lobotomy). It is part of your being. But I don’t know if it’s always stronger than one’s self. It is a part of one’s self, so its strength is your strength. The rational brain is also a part of one’s self. Whatever strength it can muster against the primitive brain is also your strength. If you tie this into neurology, like I did above, you can make the case that it depends on the person. Different brain parts will have different strengths from individual to individual. There are tons of people who have incredible self-control and powerful positive thinking. They’re rational brains are far more developed than their primitive brains. Even with normal people (or just myself), it depends on the environment they’re in and what’s going on in their lives at the moment. When things are calm and everything’s going OK, the rational brain dominates. The primitive brain rests. And then it also depends on what the primitive brain wants. If I’m trying to diet but I’m hungry, my primitive brain might twist my rubber arm and convince me to stop at the nearest KFC. But once inside, I’m not going to grab the food of the people sitting next to me. I’ll wait patiently for my order. The rational brain will always exert some level of control depending on what the primitive brain is asking of it.
I think I agree, however, that it might be a better strategy to pamper the demon rather than fight against him. But that’s tricky. The demon is like a little child, demanding candy without finishing his vegetables. As a parent, you don’t want to give into the child and just give him candy before he finishes his vegetables, but you want to do it in a loving, nurturing way, a way that sooths the child and makes him feel cared for rather than tyrannized. But how do you do that? As a parent, I can tell you it’s extremely difficult to always find a way to avoid a fight with your child while at the same time be responsible and loving. Overall, however, there is usually a clear “right” decision. If it’s a choice between letting my child have candy without finishing his vegetables and insisting that he finish his vegetables before getting candy, clearly I’m going to choose the latter. It’s the responsible thing to do. It’s what’s best for the child. Just the same, there is usually a clear “right” decision when taking care of one’s self. I won’t always know how to appease my primitive brain when it wants drugs (or anything) without giving into its demands, but clearly to give into its demands would not be responsible or caring of myself.
“was it the king that decided you have ADD and need medication for it, or was it Wormtoungue?”
Neither! It was doctors, several of them. I was diagnosed with ADD in grade 3, went on ritalin. It worked! At least as far as my education went. I took a test at the beginning of 2016. It showed I had it. My therapist today thinks I still have the condition (and typically, one has the condition all one’s life). I exhibit all the symptoms. Others with ADD who tell their stories match my own experiences exactly. So you tell me. Is that Theodon style thinking or Wormtongue. You think I just convinced myself I have ADD so that I could do drugs? Have I been convincing myself since grade 3? Did I predict back then that I would become a druggie and would need something to excuse my use of amphetamines? I think you need to believe this. You appear to reeeally have the I-told-you-so itch. The proof is in the pudding. We’ll see if it works or not.
“I mean I think that’s kind of rude, calling him that.”
Talk to J. R. R. Tolkien. That’s the character’s name!
Ha! You just can’t believe it, can you?
No, but you can.
Calgary.
