upon entering the swamp igor noticed a small company of men talking with a cyclops who kinda looked like chris squire, the bass player for Yes, and was carrying a spear. the thought occured to igor; why would a cyclops choose a spear as a weapon? depth perception requires two eyes, so how could the cyclops use the weapon with any degree of accuracy?
igor sat down on a stump and thought this through. maybe the producers of the movie hadn’t considered this? he glanced to the side of the company of men holding counsel with the cyclops and decided to intervene. there was a small camera crew filming the scene.
‘excuse me,’ said igor, ‘but i think a melee weapon would be a much better choice for a cyclops.’
‘cut!’, shouted the director. ‘who is this guy?’ the crew and cast now stood silently as if considering what igor had said, and waited urgently for the director to respond.
‘he’s actually right’, offered marcy, assistant organizer for the costume crew. ‘here… close one eye and try to hit that tree over there with this rock.’ marcy hands the director a rock, who turns it in his hands to study it. after a moment or two, the director rears back and throws the rock.
‘splash!’ the rock misses the tree, falling at least ten feet short of it, and lands in a small pool of water.
‘told ya, dude!’, sounded marcy triumphantly. the cast and crew now aghast and whispering among themselves.
‘alright fine. give him a sword or something,’ demanded the director. ‘but sir, wouldn’t a battle axe be more appropriate? my brother used to play dungeons and dragons and he said the bigger guys always carried axes or halberds.’ it was quincy, the mircophone guy. he shifted his feet nervously as the director stared ominously at him.
‘look, i don’t care what you give him, but give him something because we’re running out of daylight and i need to get this scene finished.’