I remember being younger and women flirting a lot, and my version of reciprocation back then was self destructive. It was my subconscious mind sabotaging … but I didn’t know why.
I knew even then that people were having sex wrong, I just didn’t have words for it then.
When I look back, it’s easy for me now to see all the women who were “out of my league”, but back then, I didn’t know that stuff. Very naive and sexually trusting, and then sexually frustrated.
I was 100% positive that sex was coming my way because I earned it/deserved it.
When I had my sexual awakening / enlightenment, I look back and think, “that guy back then didn’t deserve shit”. I’ve been with women before, don’t get me wrong… but I always knew something was off about people.
Then I discovered all the laws of sex about a year ago and realized that not only did any man or woman not know how to have consensual sex, I didn’t either.
Once I realized this, a tremendous weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I stopped being a ball of rage.
At this point in my life, even though I’m no longer a strapping young lad anymore, I’m at my greatest power to be with women, but there are no women who know how to have sex.
When I look back on my life, I am greatly appreciative of my self sabotage, my innate wisdom.
It’s less rape I have to atone for, what MagsJ wants me to call coercion.