a thread for mundane ironists

[b]Leonard Cohen

My page was too white
My ink was too thin
The day wouldn’t write
What the night pencilled in[/b]

Works that way here too. Only the technology has changed.

The blizzard of the world has crossed the threshold and it’s overturned the order of the soul.

On the other hand, for most of us, how hard is that.

I couldn’t feel so I learned to touch.

For me that comes naturally. But point taken.

I’ve often said if I knew where the good songs came from, I’d go there more often.

Though few have been there more often than him.

I found that things became a lot easier when I no longer expected to win. You abandon your masterpiece and sink into the real masterpiece.

So, any real masterpieces here?

Dream after dream we all lie in each other’s arms.

A double entendre if there ever was one.

[b]Neal Stephenson

Arguing with anonymous strangers on the Internet is a sucker’s game because they almost always turn out to be—or to be indistinguishable from—self-righteous sixteen-year-olds possessing infinite amounts of free time.[/b]

Fucking Kids! However old they are.

The difference between stupid and intelligent people – and this is true whether or not they are well-educated – is that intelligent people can handle subtlety.

Some [believe it or not] can even handle ambiguity.

Ninety-nine percent of everything that goes on in most Christian churches has nothing whatsoever to do with the actual religion. Intelligent people all notice this sooner or later, and they conclude that the entire one hundred percent is bullshit, which is why atheism is connected with being intelligent in people’s minds.

Now it’s up to 99.9%

When you are wrestling for possession of a sword, the man with the handle always wins.

Of course here some wrestle for possession of the word. The handle being its definition.

Our opponent is an alien starship packed with atomic bombs, I said. We have a protractor.

Or, for the lucky ones, a drafting compass.

Whenever serious and competent people need to get things done in the real world, all considerations of tradition and protocol fly out the window.

And then there’s how things get done in la la land. And, no, not just here.

This is America. People do whatever the fuck they feel like doing, you got a problem with that? Because they have a right to. And because they have guns and no one can fucking stop them.

In some parts more than others let’s say.

[b]Michelangelo Antonioni

If an actor tries to understand too much, he will act in an intellectual and unnatural manner.[/b]

Here? If the shoe fits, right?

A man who renounces something is also a man who believes in something.

Which tells us almost nothing at all.

It’s obvious that I must explain what I want from an actor, but I don’t want to discuss everything I ask him to do, because often my requests are completely instinctive and there are things I can’t explain. It’s like painting: You don’t know why you use pink instead of blue. You simply feel that’s how it should be - pink. Then the phone rings and you answer it. When you come back, you don’t want pink anymore and you use blue - without knowing why. You can’t help it; that’s just the way it is.

No, really, that is how it is.

A woman’s sex appeal is an inner matter. It stems from her mental make-up, basically. It’s an attitude, not just a question of her physical features - that arrogant quality in a woman’s femininity. Otherwise, all beautiful women would have sex appeal, which is not so.

Next up: A man’s sex appeal.

I always mistrust everything I see, which an image shows me, because I imagine what is beyond it. And what is beyond an image cannot be known.

My guess: Going back to an understanding of existence itself.

I can’t give any absolute definition of what love is, or even whether it ought to exist.

Not much that doesn’t cover.

[b]God

One abortion 2,000 years ago and this whole problem is solved.[/b]

Let’s decide: Has God gone too far?

I created the entire universe for the sake of one subgroup of one species on one planet in one solar system in one galaxy.

Okay, that settles it!

If you think life has no meaning, wait till you try death.

Yeah, but that’s only for all of eternity.

Donald Trump is an asshole’s asshole. He’s the kind of asshole other assholes look at and say, “Now there’s an asshole.”

So, don’t forget to vote!
Again.

Once you realize nothing makes sense, everything makes sense.

Yeah, that is one way to look at it.

Praying for something implies that, despite My omniscience, I don’t already know what you want.

That’s my own point of course.

[b]Lisa Scottoline

Natural law says that matter cannot be created or destroyed, but that was pre-spanx. [/b]

Believe it or not, this stuff: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanx

It’s fun to do something dumb. Not something really dumb, like my second marriage. That was really really dumb.

So, what really, really dumb things have you done?

Suddenly, someone who was at the center of your life is gone, excised as quickly as an apple is cored, a sharp spike driven down the center of your world, then a cruel flick of the wrist and the almost surgical extraction of your very heart.

Suddenly. The key word of course.

Harry Truman never said ‘Give ’em hell.’ He said, ‘I just told him the truth and they thought it was hell’.

Next up: Where the buck really stops.

Great griefs are mute.

And nothing gets louder than that.

No one’s paying any attention to sociopaths, or they think we’re all killers, which is a misconception.

Anyway, the good [or at least better] sociopaths.

[b]Existential Comics

It’s unfair to call the Marvel movies “kid’s movies”, they also have serious political messages, such as:

• America is good
• the military is good
• military contractors are good
• billionaires are good
• heroes protect the existing power structure, villains try to change society[/b]

Not unlike the idiotic DC Comics movies.

Yes, I am a highly rational Rationalist, and using my rational rationality I have determined, in a totally unbiased rational way, that feminism is bad. Also I don’t like immigrants. Rationally speaking, of course.

He’s being ironic of course. Though others clearly are not. And not just in the White House.

Her: “what is your fantasy?”
Me: “it’s pretty weird…”
Her: “just tell me.”
Me: “I want to act only according to that maxim whereby I can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law.”

Her: “Hey, me too!!”

Whenever I’m feeling down on myself, I remember the wisdom of Socrates: “everyone is a god damn idiot.”

And, nowadays, more than ever.

…everyone always thinks philosophy is all about making arguments and trying to find the truth and shit, but that’s not true it’s about pissing off your dad who wanted you to major in engineering…

Trust me: He gets the last laugh.

Saying that we need to unite behind literally any Democrat no matter what their ideas are isn’t how to beat Trump, it’s how we got Trump in the first place.

So? That doesn’t make it any less true. At least next time.

[b]Delia Owens

Please don’t talk to me about isolation. No one has to tell me how it changes a person. I have lived it. I am isolation, Kya whispered with a slight edge.[/b]

He thought: Only here am I not.

Faces change with life’s toll, but eyes remain a window to what was, and she could see him there.

He wondered about his own eyes then.

Biology sees right and wrong as the same color in different light.

You know, for better or worse.

Death’s crude pluck, as always, stealing the show.

On the other hand, it all comes natural.

His dad had told him many times that the definition of a real man is one who cries without shame, reads poetry with his heart, feels opera in his soul, and does what’s necessary to defend a woman.

Well, that’s one definition, sure.

Life had made her an expert at mashing feelings into a storable size.

Life does things like that. But only for some of course.

[b]Existential Comics

Rent is basically just a tax that poor people pay to rich people in order to live in society.[/b]

On the other hand [believe it or not] others don’t see it that way at all.

[b]Handy financial tips to help you save:

1. Pay off your credit cards.
2. Cook at home.
3. Use coupons.
4. Encourage the peasants to rise up against their landlords and sieze the land for the masses to abolish rent.[/b]

Which one is least likely to work?

It’s hilarious how Twitter is trying to makes features to “foster debate”. As if anyone on Earth wakes up in the morning and says to themselves “I’m really in the mood for some good thought provoking discussion today, so I’ll log on to my favorite debate site, Twitter dot com.”

My guess: He’s being sarcastic.

What do women want? More or less the same thing as men: to guillotine the rich.

My guess: not all of them.

me, in the throws of a profound existential crisis: “life is meaningless! we are naught but specks of dust in a barren universe.”
me, 10 minutes later after a snack: “eh…actually life is kinda alright.”

Nope, tried that. Didn’t work. But, every once in a while, music does.

It’s important to read French novels to know that despite the inherent absurdity of it all, we can still live a life worth living.
It’s important to read German novels to know that, actually, no you can’t.

Anyone here doubt that?
[also, Russian novels]

[b]Ted Chiang

We don’t normally think of it as such, but writing is a technology, which means that a literate person is someone whose thought processes are technologically mediated. We became cognitive cyborgs as soon as we became fluent readers, and the consequences of that were profound.[/b]

And then the “I’ll be back” cyborgs among us.

If you could see your whole life laid out in front of you, would you change things?

My guess: You’d have to see it first.

We experienced events in an order, and perceived their relationship as cause and effect. They experienced all events at once, and perceived a purpose underlying them all.

They who?

Physics admits of a lovely unification, not just at the level of fundamental forces, but when considering its extent and implications. Classifications like “optics” or “thermodynamics” are just straitjackets, preventing physicists from seeing countless intersections.

Let’s just say that most of us go too far in the other direction.

The individuals are tragically like marionettes, independently animate but bound by a web they choose not to see; they could resist if they wished, but so few of them do.

That’s how it works alright. But how far to take it?

Science fiction and fantasy are very closely related genres, and a lot of people say that the genres are so close that there’s actually no meaningful distinction to be made between the two. But I think that there does exist an useful distinction to be made between magic and science. One way to look at it is in terms of whether a given phenomenon can be mass-produced.

Think for example [lately] of dragons.

[b]Mark Manson

You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of fucks to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a fuck about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice—well, then you’re going to get fucked.[/b]

On the other hand, you’re going to get fucked anyway.

The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.

Abstractly as it were.

Life is essentially an endless series of problems. The solution to one problem is merely the creation of another.

Of course some will have a problem with that.

This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes.

Of course some will struggle more with that than others.

Our crisis is no longer material; it’s existential, it’s spiritual. We have so much fucking stuff and so many opportunities that we don’t even know what to give a fuck about anymore.

Not counting the tens of millions who barely subsist from day to day.

Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy.

Like, for example, understanding existence itself.

[b]tiny nietzsche

I believe my lying eyes[/b]

Still working on ours though.

are you a cop because if you are fuck you

Unless of course you need one.
But [from time to time] point taken.

it’s supposed to hurt

You know, for 70 odd years.

I’ve fallen and here is fine

Some other here he means.

the definition of insanity is subtweeting the same thing over and over and expecting a person not following you to notice

It’s about time they changed it.

the good, the bad and the postmodern

What’s the difference?

[b]Taylor Jenkins Reid

I’m cynical and I’m bossy, and most people would consider me vaguely immoral.[/b]

Me? Less than vaguely amoral.

Flirting is probably just as much about falling in love with yourself as it is with someone else.

Not unlike almost everything else.

What’s that saying? Behind every gorgeous woman, there’s a man sick of screwing her? Well, it works both ways. No one mentions that part.

Come on, what man will ever believe that?

…about the cruelest thing you can do to someone you love, is to give them just enough good to make them stick through a hell of a lot of bad.

Me, I’ll need to know how bad.

It is funny the crazy things our brains make up to save us from the truth.

Down right hilarious.

My fate will find me.

I’ll let you know when mine finds me.

[b]Janis Joplin

They asked me, How did you learn to sing the blues like that? How did you learn to sing that heavy? I just opened my mouth and that’s what I sounded like. You can’t make up something that you don’t feel. I didn’t make it up. I just opened my mouth and it existed.[/b]

On the other hand, look what’s existing here.

I love being a star more than life itself.

You know, for as long as it lasted.

I talk to the audience, look into their eyes. I need them and they need me.

Sometimes even for the same things.

At my concerts most of the chicks are looking for liberation, they think I’m gonna show 'em how to do it.

Well, anything’s possible of course.

I believe the only people who truly experience and test the application of equality are identical twins.

Though sometimes not even then. But who wouldn’t want to have one.

I read, I painted, I didn’t hate niggers.

Let’s decide if she’s allowed to say that.

[b]Joni Mitchell

I heard someone from the music business saying they are no longer looking for talent, they want people with a certain look and a willingness to cooperate. I thought, that’s interesting, because I believe a total unwillingness to cooperate is what is necessary to be an artist — not for perverse reasons, but to protect your vision. The considerations of a corporation, especially now, have nothing to do with art or music. That’s why I spend my time now painting. [/b]

That explains as much as I need to know.

My heart is broken in the face of the stupidity of my species.

That’ll never catch on, he thought.

Depression can be the sand that makes the pearl. Most of my best work came out of it.

That’ll never catch on, he thought.

Rationally I have no hope, irrationally I believe in miracles.

Not much that someone doesn’t believe in, right?

Ask anyone in America where the craziest people live and they’ll tell you California. Ask anyone in California where the craziest people live and they’ll say Los Angeles. Ask anyone in Los Angeles where the craziest people live and they’ll tell you Hollywood. Ask anyone in Hollywood where the craziest people live and they’ll say Laurel Canyon. And ask anyone in Laurel Canyon where the craziest people live and they’ll say Lookout Mountain. So I bought a house on Lookout Mountain.

On the other hand, so did the U.S. Air Force.

people will tell you were they have gone
they’ll tell you where to go
but until you get there for yourself
you never really know

That’s probably actually true.

[b]Woody Allen

Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals. [/b]

On the other hand, what if this isn’t a joke?

My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn’t exist.

You know, if he was God.

The wicked at heart probably know something.

Amorally no doubt.

I’m trying to arrange my life so I don’t have to be present.

Or just let death do it for you.

Writing is great because in the writing you never have to… First of all you never have to leave your home. And you never have to meet the test of reality when you’re writing.

So, not counting or especially here?

Life is hard for insects. And don’t think mice are having any fun either.

The guy is a fucking genus!

[b]Daniel Kahneman

The illusion that we understand the past fosters overconfidence in our ability to predict the future.[/b]

And, for all we know, it may well be literally an illusion.

The test of learning psychology is whether your understanding of situations you encounter has changed, not whether you have learned a new fact.

Trust me: This gets particularly tricky in reality.

Because we tend to be nice to other people when they please us and nasty when they do not, we are statistically punished for being nice and rewarded for being nasty.

Statisticaly though [for you and I] that can mean practically anything.

The premise of this book is that it is easier to recognize other people’s mistakes than our own.

And thus for them, ours.

…when people believe a conclusion is true, they are also very likely to believe arguments that appear to support it, even when these arguments are unsound.

Here? In spades.

The experiencing self does not have a voice. The remembering self is sometimes wrong, but it is the one that keeps score and governs what we learn from living, and it is the one that makes decisions.

Let’s explain what this really means.

[b]Edouard Manet

Every new painting is like throwing myself into the water without knowing how to swim.[/b]

It’s not like that for philosophers, is it?

I paint what I see and not what others like to see.

It’s not like that for philosophers, is it?

Who is this Monet whose name sounds just like mine and who is taking advantage of my notoriety?

Or: Who is this Manet whose name sounds just like mine and who is taking advantage of my notoriety?
Whichever makes the most sense.

You would hardly believe how difficult it is to place a figure alone on a canvas, and to concentrate all the interest on this single and universal figure and still keep it living and real.

Actually, I have no problem believing that at all.

There is only one true thing: Instantly paint what you see.

You know, whether you truly see it or not.

Conciseness in art is essential and a refinement. The concise man makes one think; the verbose bores. Always work towards conciseness.

Here, of course, all we need do is to define it.

[b]so sad today

i never liked myself: a love story[/b]

Ask me to explain it.

one small positive thought in the morning can disappoint the shit out of you for the rest of the day

So I always wake up in the afternoon.

is anyone good running for president

She means on this planet.

curing loneliness with isolation

No, seriously.

i make the most beautiful problems for myself

You know, philosophically.

i’ll show you my emptiness if you show me yours

Sure, that’s a start.

[b]Harlan Coben

I said everyone looks happy. That was kinda my point. If you judge the world by Facebook, you wonder why so many people take Prozac.[/b]

Let’s judge the world by ILP.

My great-grandfather, Dad often told us, saved his best wines for special occasions. He was killed when the Nazis invaded Paris. The Nazis ended up drinking his wine. Lesson: you never wait. When I was growing up, we used only the good plates. We used the best linens. We drank out of Waterford crystal. When my father died, his wine cellar was nearly empty.

Like most things of this sort, it works for some but certainly not for others.

Telling someone who was clinically depressed, for example, to shake it off and get out of the house was tantamount to telling a man with two broken legs to sprint across the room. That was all well and good in theory, but in practice, the stigma continued.

Broken legs being considerably easier to pin down.

I have learned that human beings are all about incentives.

Not unlike all the rest of us.

Everyone looks happy on Facebook.
I know, right? What’s up with that?

Now, of course, we actually do know.

She said that if you hold on to hate, you lose your grip on so much more.

Unless of course it’s worth it.

[b]Bob Dylan

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie. [/b]

Let’s get out our calculators.

Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most.

Especially a silence that will last for all of eternity. And then some.
And even the great Bob Dylan is tumbling over into that.

You don’t write a song to sit there on a page. You write it to sing it.

Let’s start singing the stuff we post here.

But even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked.

And, occasionally, lie.

There are those who worship loneliness
I’m not one of them
In this age of fiberglass
I’m searching for a gem
The crystal ball up on the wall hasn’t shown me nothing yet
I’ve paid the price of solitude, but at last I’m out of debt

Indeed, his net worth now is around 180 million dollars.

Don’t matter how much money you got, there’s only two kinds of people: there’s saved people and there’s lost people.

I’m really, really lost of course. But at least I’m out of debt.