mic check hey yo. turn that middle down some. yeah… yeah. a’ight. yo.
i just ate a pepperoni and cheese sandwich
and you say that’s outlandish
still i brandish
cold cuts and lean meats
mix honey ham with mean beats
take the thick cut over thin slices
you ain’t been to foodlion
you ain’t seen these damn prices
nigga
what’s the difference between
salami and pepperoni
okay i’ma 'splain all this shit
but your broke ass will owe me
there ain’t no fuckin difference
one’s just bigger than the other
it’s made with the same shit
cheap by-products my brother
wait, why the fuck
am i rappin about sandwiches?
i used to be a gangsta
had street smarts and vision
but now R Kelly’s dumb ass is
goin’ right straight to prison
no longer ‘i believe i can fly’
no longer ‘i believe i can touch the sky’
no longer ‘think about it night and day’
now i rap about the deli
cuz that’s my new way
but hey
ever put jalapenos on a pepperoni sandwich?
expand your portfolio, mang
don’t be so off-standish
experiment in the next days
mix mustard with ketchup
even add some mayonaise
and pickle
be fickle
use a hammer and sickle
slice some rye bread or whole wheat
and stay fast on your feet
like a fat man on fire
call oscar and meyer
anomie in bologna
cuz the store brand is phoney
i axed them to phone me
when they put it on sale
now i shop with two carts
like my name’s christian bale
what the hell
this shit is way betta
then what they served in the cell
right?
the little red packing strips
with anticipation
i takes a piece
and i rips
it off with my fingers
or maybe my teeth
that’s how most people do it
ever notice that?
what’s up with that?
and why only bologna
that’s baloney
they don’t know me
i’ll roll up in the fuckin’ packaging plant
tech-9 in my hand
‘yo what’s up with that?’
why you gotta put the red strips on bologna only?
answer me mang
i’m like obi wan kenobi
you better start talkin’ nigga
got an interest in deli meats
and a feather light trigger
turkey and ham is part of my history
but this fuckin’ bologna
this shit’s like a mystery
that’s why every home should have a sherlock holmes
that’s why you never break into one of sherlock’s homes
that’s why every home should have gnomes in they yard
that’s why every gnome should give holmes a phone card
that’s why every card should have a gnome’s number on it
that’s why every crackhead takes a TV and pawns it
but they can’t pawn bologna
like i said, nigga, you owe me
i’m tellin’ you, man
i’ma get to the bottom of these fuckin’ red plastic strips
if i gotta go scarface and smear coke on my lips
get jacked up and macked up
my dollars get stacked up
express lane gets backed up
rich house wives get prenup
agreements
i seen this
got a coupon
redeem this
for two packs of bolonga
says buy one get one free
don’t you see what the fuck
they doin’ to me?
for years i been trippin’ on these mystery red strips
load up the truck with road gear and set out on long trips
to all the meat plants across the whole nation
they even got my picture at the fuckin’ police station
the bologna bandit they call me
APB, they might stall me
sherlock holmes he might call me
with the precedence
of evidence
of governments
involved in this
meat factories
de facto, please
i’m on my knees
it’s ten degress
i drop the keys
take off on foot
don’t drop the loot
packaging protocols that i stole from the factory
called the CEO
but the nigga said ‘get back to me’
nah fuck that i want the trufe
don’t try to be aloof
you gonna tell me what i want to know
bout these packaging strips
cross my lips, hope to die
dedicated my life
to know why
other deli meats don’t have strips
used to be down with crips
'till R Kelly got busted
then my rap skills got rusted
my old crew they don’t know me
cuz i fucks with bologna