today I woke up, showered, shaved and off to work I go…
I spend 8 hours in a mindless grind of scanning items like
cat food and deodorant and frozen meals and bananas
and it was just like yesterday…and the day before…
and every day for the last 11 years…
As I engage in this nihilistic process, I grow old and weary…
My days ahead are shorter then my days behind…
How do I find comfort or relief in my days of mindless drudgery…
How do I find peace of mind in these endless days of routine…
When do I find the release of my soul as my body is ground into dust…
I am tired… tired in mind, body and soul… tired of life…
my days are interchangable with every other day…
with no means of escaping the daily monotony…
must I wait until death to set my soul free?
I’ve tried to escape my days with the religions of man…
I’ve tried the multitude of idolatries of man…
I’ve worship to the god, Mammon……
I’ve worship the dialectics of philosophy…
I’ve worship to my 65 inch big screen TV……
I’ve sat on well worn pews waiting for divine inspiration…
My search for a god, something to worship, the divine in all of us…
has failed…….
I live in this modern world, a world bereft of hope or redemption…
We live in poverty because our souls are bankrupt……
We have mortgaged our souls for a piece of the American pie……
and the time of reckoning is at hand…
what have we gained in our worship of Mammon?
I am and we are disconnected and alienated from each other…
I am and we are distrustful of each other
I am and we are living in fear and despair
I am and we are without meaning or purpose
I am and we are estranged from life itself
It has been said that art has failed us…
perhaps it is because we have failed art…
it has been said that science has failed us…
perhaps because we have failed science…
it has been said that philosophy has failed us,
perhaps the failure is ours to share…
Even this poem has failed…because I am using words to describe
deep seated feelings that defy descriptions…
how can I use words to describe the horror of existence I feel
how can I use words to describe the nightmare of our “modern” times…
how can words describe feelings that reach down to my very soul,
feelings of alienation and of despair and discouragement and melancholy
How do I escape?
That is the question of our modern times…
How do we escape our wretched modern times…
how do we free ourselves?
The pain, misery and sorrow that fills the land is palpable
and noticeable to even the dullest of eyes…
We try escape by filling the halls of congress and the White house
with dullards and fools and idiot orange buffoons…
We try to escape the pain and sorrow by pretending its not there…
We try to escape by addictions of all kinds…
our land of failure is littered with our various attempts of escape from our modern times…
we only look ever more ridiculous in our attempts to escape our modern times…
What are we to do?
Escape is impossible because we cannot escape our times…
suicide is surrender and addictions are a mask…
where does that leave us?
We cannot outrun the tides of dissatisfaction that litter our shores…
we cannot run far enough away to escape who we are…
we can only turn and face ourselves……
Our modern times can be best described as a hurricane
with the fury of winds and rain and sheets of lighting in the sky… overwhelming us…
How do we find protection from the vast forces of our modern hurricane?
We begin with an simple acknowledgment,
I am but a man… A human being…
and I must break free…….
I must escape the hollowness of our times…
I must escape this modern wasteland…
the desolation of our modern age…
I am exhausted and broken by the daily death of my soul
with every 8 hour shift…perhaps that is where we begin…
work, jobs, a career is not the solution, but part of the problem…
We have an education…
but we are simply being trained for a job…
that is what passes for an education these days
I say it, is not enough… we must be reeducated…retaught…
to become more then just a worker,
we must be reeducated to what it means to be human…
Our exhaustion and alienation and despair come from us being just workers…
which is the lowest possibility of being human… we are so much more
then just worker ants in our hive of civilization………
it is not in our daily grind of mind numbing work in which we find our possibilities…
but in our possibilities of being human
that we escape that which so defines the modern era…
the horror of existence, the nightmare of alienation and despair…
It is in who we might become, not just who we are, that allows us
the possibility of escaping our modern age………
Today I woke up, showered, shaved and off to work I go…
I spent 8 hours in a mindless grind scanning items like
cat food and deodorant and frozen meals and bananas
and it was just like yesterday and the day before
and every day for the last 11 years
Is this the sum of what I am?
is this my only possibility?
Kropotkin