July 1 is finally at the door step. I’m thinking of opting out of this. Maybe do it July 1 2019 instead… just kidding. Gonna happen tomorrow.
Last night was my last binge drinking night. Spent it mostly at the strip club. Sat down and had a drink with a really nice (and sexy) exotic dancer. She showed me their list of non-alcoholic drinks, inviting me to come back and watch her perform next weekend. I told her I’d have my kids but I’ll definitely come back some time. And I mean it! I don’t want to stop going out, doing all the things I’d normally do (which is not limited to the strippers). Maybe not as often, but I don’t want to stay cooped up at home every evening. In fact, I owe it to myself to go out. The point of this whole exercise is to learn to do the things I would normally do using booz and other drugs as a crutch. I want to be able to flirt with these strippers girls without the booz and caffeine. So I gotta go out at least once in a while.
I bought snacks for the cabby who drove me home. I gave him a choice between cheesies, a chocolate bar, and these BBQ flavored roasted bread crumbs. He took the bread crumbs.
I’ve already paid for the Dale Carnegie course (almost $2,000!!! ). Haven’t booked an appointment with a therapist yet, but I’ll do that after the weekend. It’s a long weekend. Canada Day! And I’m taking all of next week off, spending it with my kids.
Today I just rested up. Having some pizza now. Did a bit of caffeine earlier. Smoked some cannabinoids. Went for a bike ride. Will have a couple drinks tonight, then go to bed. I’m not really all that excited about tomorrow. Not really scared or happy or anything. I think it’s going to feel like an ordinary day. But I will be able to change my thinking on a whole bunch of things. For the first time, I’m going to be able to say “I am drug and alcohol free” and believe it. This is bound to change something about my self-image. And I think it’s going to free me up psychologically to want to pursue a whole bunch of things that are good for me.
As for ILP, I really don’t know how often I’ll be back here. I usually sign in once a day to check if anyone’s responded to my posts or PMed me, and I’ll probably still do that, but as far as participating in discussions, it will probably be like I disappeared off the face of the planet. The only exceptions to this is my Rick and Morty thread (which is still not done, but I’m almost there) and maybe a few PMs to some of you. But beyond that, I’m usually not motivated to post without a bit of caffeine. HOWEVER, if I succeed in finding other ways besides the drugs to find that kind of extroverted talking/thinking energy, that could change. That would be in the long run though. In the short run, my presence here will be very minimal.
I’ll poke my head in here one more time tomorrow–just to shove it your faces that I did it–and then I’ll be done with this thread. Who knows, though. I may want to report on my progress or experiences, or just some relevant thoughts, but I wouldn’t count on it.
Anyway my American friends across the boarder, please remember to pay tribute to Canada Day tomorrow. I’ll be very upset if you don’t.