Thanks for the links, Arc. I will probably read them on the weekend.
If that’s it for now, it was a pleasure troll–er, talking with you. And yes, I … sigh … did learn a thing or two from you (even if I don’t want to admit it ). In fact, you caused me to have a few more conversations with my son about my alcoholism. I asked him what he doesn’t like about it most. He said: “I don’t like when you stop at the liquor store.” “Why’s that?” I asked. “Because,” he said, “it takes to long.” I had to laugh. “You mean, it takes time out of your busy schedule?” “Yeah,” he said, “I wanna get home to play Roblox on my iPad.”
^ Well, I’m glad that’s the worst way my alcoholism is affecting him. And I hope this adds some perspective. If that’s the worst thing about my alcoholism from my son’s point of view, I don’t think they’re suffering that much. I do realize the suffering might come later… or even if it doesn’t, that my alcoholism is holding me back from being the best father I could be.
Also, there’s a few things I regret saying to you in all the foregoing (was either immature or too rude even for my tastes). For example, this:
#1 was actually the only one that made me laugh. The rest I know about, but still #5 remains the real challenge. Numbers 2 to 4 seem in my control though I don’t always have the opportunity to do them. Then I actually read through #1. I said “…oh,” and stopped laughing.
Anyway, maybe if there’s one thing I can say before wrapping up this exchange, it’s that my challenge with the drugs and alcohol has never really been about resisting urges. It’s about the excuses I give myself (it’s an ADD thing). That’s why my focus is on my thoughts and my values (reprogramming them) rather than will power (in which case I probably would need extra help). Whenever I make a solid decision to quit or abstain from drugs/alcohol, it has always stuck. Every one of my 2 month stints has been a success. Quitting smoking has been a success (though I fell off the horse once with that). And none of these come along with urges or hankerings. My resolve pretty much stomps that out. I would even go to Moxie’s on my usual Friday afternoons and Wednesday week nights on my no-alcohol stints and order something virgin plus an appi. The waitresses there are always very impressed. And you know what? It’s not even a challenge. I don’t feel I have to fight any internal urges to order a drink when I’m there. These two month stints mean something to me; the whole 5 year plan means something to me; ← It’s that which stomps out the excuses. The fact that I want it. I don’t want to quit all drugs and alcohol before July 1–which is why the excuse to just wait 'til July 1 so easily gets in there. And I’m OK with that, I’m not worried, because I know the door to all excuses will be closed and bolted tight by this plan once it comes to fruition on July 1.
So again, thanks Arc for your challenges and your contrarian personality; I know I’m an asshole who doesn’t mind being rude, but it doesn’t go unappreciated (plus it’s somewhat of an act). So I’ll talk to you after July 1 if you decide to pop in.
PS - I’m glad you think of this as “magic”. Means I will have performed a miracle on July 1. ← How much more awesome can you get!!!