My dad was a bit of an alcoholic, but not a drunk. He liked to have a glass, maybe two, of cognac every second night or so, or sometimes a glass of wine. He was very rarely drunk. The only time I really remember him being drunk was at a Halloween party at our house. He invited all his work colleagues. It was fun. One of his friends was dressed like a monk, and my dad knelt down in front of him pretending to confess: “Oh please father, forgive me for I have sinned.” ← Or some shit like that. He was joking around, of course. It took me several years to get over the scars.
That’s fine because this thread isn’t about you.
I can be a lot more impartial than you ever could.
You’re talking as though it’s completely unnatural to be insulted when our personal values are attacked. What you’re talking about can be done but it’s not an alternative to being insulted, it’s done despite being insulted. Given that, one can still say “I was insulted” while affirming and validating one’s self. And furthermore, one can still respond.
…to the point where you will make the conscious decision to STOP drinking and drugging, continue in an ongoing way to get help and to give the gift of that promise which you made to your children to stop by July 1st? Yes, it’s already done (the decision, I mean, not the drinking and the drugging).
One day at a time of course or one hour at a time.
What was the most important thing which you learned about yourself over the last five years insofar as your addictions go and how it might help you in your journey into sobriety ~~ in case I missed it somewhere?
Oh, I’ve learned a ton over the past 5 years, but if I were to pick the most important, it might be this:
What it means to take care of myself. I used to think taking caring of yourself meant fending for yourself, doing what you want instead of what others want you to do. I essentially thought of it as doing whatever you want. But now I think of taking care of myself as taking care of my future. Thinking long term. Which sometimes means not doing whatever I want in the moment.
Hmmm…the first attempt? I may actually be wrong in what I am thinking here but is it a good idea to think of it as an attempt? You’re reading waaay too much into it. Your mindset right there means that you realize you may fail. Of course, that is possible. There are setbacks and relapses. I think it is important to see that ahead of time. As I said, I may be wrong but considering it as an attempt? Is that healthy? I do not know. It was just a thought.
I suppose that it IS important to give ourselves permission to have failed, to be loving toward ourselves through it and then get back up and continue on…and not to give up on ourselves.
I was being clever with words (er, I thought I was ); previously, I was trying to correct your misinterpretation as “failed attempts”; I thought calling July 1 a “first attempt” just flowed. But you’re right, it’s not an attempt, it’s a decision.
Other times it can be just the opposite, gib. We take both of them.
What are some of the things which you have done in the past, during your two-month stints, to keep yourself off the alcohol and drugs, when you were in the throes of boredom and dullness? Just making the decision seemed to work.
Where do you find your bliss, gib?
That’s the 64 million dollar question, isn’t it? How to be happy without the drugs. This is one of the more damaging things drugs have done to me. My happiness–pleasure–has become intricately connected with the drugs. It’s like getting to experience what it’s like to be a billionary and then having to go back to making a mediocre living. Small things which used to bring you pleasure, like seeing a movie, seem pittiful afterwards. Hopefully, that will fade with time.
I’m also going to ask the therapist if he (or she) can refer me to an energy specialist. I swear that if my body could just generate a bit more energy, or my brain work just a little faster, I could have happiness set on auto-pilot. And it wouldn’t have to be intense happiness. I think I could be satisfied feeling like I had a couple shots of tequila and a cup of Joe… all day, every day.
Actually, I lied. The decision to abstain from drugs/alcohol during my 2 month stints wasn’t the only thing motivating me. Posting in this thread helped as well. It’s another one of these psychological tricks. Therapists recommend announcing your commitments. The more people you tell, the more likely you will be to stick to your commitment.
But other than that, I didn’t try anything. Rather, I just looked ahead to the day when I could drink or do drugs again. I just endured the two months. Taking at least two years (or forever) off drugs and alcohol is forcing me to look for alternatives.
All of these things do sound interesting.
Do you believe that in the midst of doing all of these things you will not feel the need to drink? Well, sure I will. The question is, how strongly. I know that from my experience of quitting smoking, the urge hasn’t been that strong. Eeevery once in a while, I see someone smoking or a full cigarette lying there that hasn’t been smoked, and I get a slight urge… but even that’s short lived and I just move on with my day.
At some point, you may get tired of them or they may not offer you the excitement which you seem to need. This is possible, you know. What then?
Again perhaps I am wrong but it is good to be prepared.
Ok, fine:
Therapy
Take a Dale Carnegie course
Get a tattoo
Take acting classes
Talk to WendyDarling about astral projections
Talk to my good friend Rita about other forms of spirituality
Get exorcised
Join AA ← There, you happy?
Maybe you need to take things a bit slow. Allow yourself to be a bit bored with life. Anyway, you will be talking with a therapist. Perhaps it might be a good idea to find one who has been a reformed alcoholic for years but I may be wrong.
I am quite aware of how very often I have been wrong but if you use this against me, my wrath shall be visited upon you, gib. lol Only kidding.
I can deal with a bit of boredom, just not depression.
How often do you feel you will see a therapist? Proly once a month. AA meetings give you the opportunity to be there when you are feeling down and shaky…if or when that happens. That is the beauty of the meetings. There will be like people there who have experienced what you have and will want to help you. You will need a strong sense of inter-connectedness.
Tell you what, Arc. Let’s compromise. I’ll think about joining AA if I fall off the horse after July 1. I’ll be forced to ask myself: what have I got left? And I’ll remember you: well, Arc did suggest AA. What have I got to lose now? For now, however, I want to give myself a chance to do it on my own. ← That’s something I can take pride in, and pride fuels my will to succeed. The opportunity (and the vanity) to say I did it on my own.
I would be very interested to know how this comes about. I was going to make a negative comment being the skeptic but I figure that I will just shut my mouth and wait to see what you have to say about it.
TBH, I expect it to be a big nothing burger. But I think I owe myself this just as a formality.
So, what do you think will actually be the first thing you say to him/her after the initial pleasantries have been done away with.
I don’t know. I’m not going to actually adhere to a script (although I have a few lines prepared); I know what I want out of therapy though, so I know the ideas I want to get across. I probably will say “help me be awesome” (as a joke) but I’ll use that as a segway into the details of what I want out of therapy.
Keep in mind, however, that finding substitutes for the drugs is only part of what I want out of therapy; I also want to pick up my software business and I think I’ll need a therapist to help me gain the skills needed to run a business (hence: influence people rather than be influenced). This is all part of a larger goal to improve myself. I feel like July 1 is a deadline I’m giving myself to grow up. I feel like I know what I need to do to improve myself (like get therapy) and I’m just waiting for July 1. I know I can be like a superhero if I really wanted, but I will need a coach (therapist) to help me get there. I’ll definitely lean on the therapist to help me find substitutes to the drugs, but I feel like I have to get them out of my life first before I even start to kick this into high gear with the help of a therapist. ← That’s the general gist of what I want to say.
Does this mean that come July 1st, you believe that you will not need the therapist?
Won’t ‘need’ one per se, just going to leverage the help of one.
I just deleted the sentence which I had typed here and I will ask you this instead: In what way do you mean “that there’s nothing wrong with me”? Can you explain that attitude and how it will serve you?
Think of it as digging myself out of a hole. I’m in the negatives right now, below ground zero. But I’m climbing out. Once I stand on solid ground, I will consider myself “OK”. ← That’s July 1. But OK only means nothing wrong with me. It doesn’t mean anything great. Standing on ground zero is not the same as soaring through the sky, and I want to leverage the help of a therapist for that. I want to be more than OK. I want more than for nothing to be wrong with me, I want to be awesome!
Do you believe that of July 1st you will be reformed and healed?
Ah, no. I think that you are much too intelligent and aware to believe that.
I believe that I will no longer be able to fault myself for anything. Right now, I can’t deny that the drugs and alcohol are a bad choice and that I am choosing. ← I can (and should) blame myself. Although I will continue to have flaws even after July 1, I think the majority of them (or the main ones) are just a part of who I am (ADD for example), and so I won’t blame myself for having them. I took the MMPI a couple years ago, and there were three main findings: drug abuse and alcoholism, ADD, and self-doubt. ← I’m not worried about any of those. The drugs and alcohol will go July 1, ADD is just a part of who I am and so I don’t really consider it a flaw, and self-doubt, if it remains after July 1, will be an illusion (like fearing nothing but fear itself).
Why do you feel you want to be awesome? What will that do for you? ← Did you really just ask that?
Also, do you not, in some ways, already feel that you are awesome or capable of being awesome, in a humble way, albeit you have these problems?
Capable? Yes! That I am awesome? Depends on if I’m caffinated/drunk/stoned. That’s what the drugs did for me (mind you it was often an illusion). It’s made it difficult for me to feel that way without them. Feeling awesome is a substitute for drugs. If I’m lucky, this lack of feeling awesome will just fade with time.
Hmmm…Will your mind also have the humility to admit that you cannot go it alone and that it will take a lot of time, patience, energy, struggle, honesty, exorcising of any (unsupernatural) daemons and stick-to-itive-ness?
Ha! Ha! Stick-to-itive-ness.
Time, patience, energy, honesty, exorcising of demons… yes. Cannot do it alone? I wouldn’t mind sharing the journey towards awesomehood with someone, a special person who knows how to support me in my goals, but I just want July 1 all for myself. As I said, it’s a matter of pride, and pride is fuel. After that, I might relax the intensity (depending on if I think I still need it or not).
lol
I do not know, gib. You may want to ask all of the men with tattoos of their girlfriends’ faces or names who they were so obsessed with but who have long since gone the way into history.
I don’t think you can compare relationships to drug addictions. Sometimes it’s healthy to end a relationship. Sometimes people change and they have to go their separate ways. I don’t think there’s very many situations in which it’s healthy to become an addict.
Besides, I’m not expecting the tattoo to be a guarantee. Nothing I listed above is a guarantee. But I definitely think it will help (and besides, I’d just like to have a tattoo).
I think that imagining the faces of your two smiling happy children might be by far a much stronger imagery to hold onto to solidify your commitment but then I am thinking as a Mom.
The imagery of salvation works for me. It’s not just an image, it’s a drawing that I created. Though it may sound bad, I haven’t drawn any images of my children. I’m letting you know some of the multiple dimensions to this journey I’m on, but there are other dimensions I haven’t told you. The imagery of salvation has to do with demonic experiences I’ve had, which are tied to my drug use, and have a lot to do with why I’m approaching my drug problem the way I’m approaching it.
I have a little tattoo. Anyway, at what point would you get tattooed to ACTUALLY symbolize that you HAVE earned it? Prior to July 1st or how many months past that time when you become conscious of the fact that you indeed earned it or are earning it?
Shortly after July 1; I’m cocky, Arc. I actually believe that by July 1, I will be drug and alcohol free. I don’t need to give myself time to see if that’s true. July 1 will be the day I earn a tattoo.
And besides, the tattoo is instrumental. It will keep me from falling off the horse just as much as it will symbolize my not falling off the horse.
The journey which you will be on to get off and stay off of the alcohol and drugs WILL BE part of an exorcism though perhaps a different one than you mean.
You really appear to be raring to go gib. You need to slow down but you probably will not.
Remind me of that after July 1, Arc. Raring to go? Yes. I feel like I need to rev myself up in order to make July 1 significant and meaningful, like getting a running start in order to jump over a chasm (in fact, you might even think of the past 5 years as backing up in order to get a good run). After July 1, however, I may switch gears depending on how my life is going. I’m not running to win a marathon, just to make that initial leap.
That is okay gib and I appreciate the apology. You did not hurt my feelings at all. I just questioned your response.
You may consider me hereby validated.
Excellent!
We seem to have switched to discussion mode, not trolling mode.