gib,
How was I speaking out of ignorance according to you?
Granted, I cannot be a fly on the wall to see how you and your children relate to one another; how “sober” for lack of a better word you are when you are with them. So, no, I can have no knowledge of that whatsoever.
I pretty much figure that your wife would not turn over her and your children to you if you were not at that time sober. I hope not.
Yes, you are pretty good at playing the games, gib. That is why you are STILL HERE and waiting for July 1st.
My reason for relating that part of my story to you was so you might gain some insight or understanding into the mind and heart of someone who has had to deal with alcoholism, especially any child. There was no ranting whatsoever going on there, gib. I will admit that by doing that I did make myself somewhat vulnerable. Children who grow up with alcoholics or drug addicts ( a double dose there) do have scars which are capable of opening up.
You simply dismissed what I had to tell you and quite frankly I am not sure if that is not a symptom of your disease. It is a disease you know.
Arcturus Descending
No gib, that is not a generalization. The above is a fact. I had the experience and many many have had the same experience. Perhaps your children have not. I have no idea how often you see them so hopefully they have not really been so touched by your way of life. Perhaps when you do see them, you are sober; otherwise, I am not so sure your wife would allow it.
But I do know that when an alcoholic has sober moments (not as a reformed alcoholic) he/she is struggling.
Are you so sure that your addictions do not touch your children in any way?
I do not mean to be harsh here but you are addicted to both alcohol and drugs. I would suggest that you are capable of being very much like her at times.
Could I be wrong…maybe…but I do not think so.
I hope that that is true.
By July 1st? On July 1st? Why the wait? Why the postponement? Why not NOW?
Your children are how old now? Why were they not on that list before?
That is a very good incentive to quit, gib, and I hope that it really works BUT what are you going to do to make sure that it works this time? As I said, your children have been around you for quite some time now.
For the sake of your children and yourself, I certainly would not mind being wrong.
You took it as an insult. Why is that? It was meant as a challenge though and it is FACT.
After 5 years and perhaps more of “off and on” you are still treating yourself like a guinea pig and postponing the inevitable.
But it is not working, is it gib. Even now you are promising your children that come July 1st you are giving up alcohol and drugs.
How do you plan to do this? Are you going to AA meetings?
If it were that easy to just STOP by hasn’t it happened in all of this time?
Psychically speaking, they are for the most part. Only the histories and experiences may differ.
I am happy to hear that. Ask yourself a question. If your children lived with you, would you be responding in the same way?
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So you plan to go to AA and to get help? If I were a judge, after having read this thread, I would not be giving custody of your daughter to you. Harsh again I know. I am a mean horrible person. I judge you. I have absolutely no sense of who you are. My observations are completely off the mark where you are concerned.
Only you can know for sure how drunk or stoned you are if you are which you must be since you promised your children that there would be no more of that come July 1st.
Yes that is a beautiful gift to give your child. A lot of time, energy and love went into it. At the same time, there is a gift which is far more valuable and meaningful, a gift which as your children get older, would/will appreciate far more/value far more. Your sobriety. A lot of time, energy, struggle and love will go into gaining sobriety too. Which do you think is the greater gift?
lol No, my mother was not a writer. She did have her moments which would eventually turn to dust because she could not, would not, give me the one thing which I would have valued more than anything - a sober Mom. My mother was more intent on living her life her way, even though it was miserable, highly destructive and caused pain all around.
I can greatly admire men and women who had strong addictions but got help for them, turning their life around. It takes a lot of honesty, fortitude, struggle and inner strength to overcome things like that. It also takes the right kind of self-love and self-caring.
So again, what do you consider would be the greatest gift which you could give to your son - and to your daughter?
You might have to do a lot of reading to figure that one out or talk to people who would know about it. It may be a biblical saying but remember the one - "The sins of the parents are visited upon the children? But my question to you would be: Why are you so eager to dismiss that possibility?
When I use the word “sins” I am not putting a guilt trip on you. I am talking about genes, heredity and how alcoholism and drug addiction can affect children both physically and psychically and emotionally. You also know how and why your own journey into them took place.
But the real bottom line there, at least for me, is that your son is getting help.
Would I be wrong in saying that your meaning here is that you have also had successes?
I am sorry but I just cannot see it that way. Your whole purposes is to stop the drinking and taking of drugs, or am I wrong?
Has it been in some way a scientific experiment with you?
If that is the case, you are not just playing with your own life but with that of your children.
That sounds like it just might be more of an excuse than an explanation but I may be wrong in my thought. The men and women who eventually gave up that mindset or mentality are the ones who are now the reformed alcoholics who never touched another drink although at times they may have dearly wanted one.
None of what I have written in here is a rant and I can see that for the most part it is falling on deaf ears, at least I think that it is…another symptom.
I really hope that this time is going to be it for you gib but thinking and hoping for it is not doing it. There is no magic in that…just magical thinking.