Igor

Now he walked the lane of his old memory which was then crooked but he walked it straight this time. Igor was a straight-walker straight-talking outlaw and he saw the horizon with blistering certitude. He had coffee at the roadstop and then went on. The goal was now the end of even having a goal, Igor only wanted to land at the next place where there was nothing to find but himself. He had become the goal, and noticed that apple pie tasted sweeter. But he went on, with his truckload of pianos and the thoughts of piano-teachers in shadowy afternoons around 4 a clock tea, and the potholes were like thunderstorms in his conscience. But still, everything tasted so good, and he went on and on, because at each stop there was apple pie. And god got really, really bored, and plus, there wasn’t any apple pie allowed up there, so fuck. What now, you know. Being god, there is a certain problem. But Igor was on his way.

Igor walked into the tavern and there was no one there, just an old man at a slot machine.
One of those elctronical ones. Bleep, cash lost, bleep, more cash, lost.
A drug for some fools
not this fool
This fool needs to ensure a headache tomorrow morning, and a muddle of memories that may be good, one never knows.
To vomit for the right reasons.
Igor had become a philosopher and a pool player. Someone had given him a stick and he walked around with it like it was an ego.
Don’t start doubting god.

He learned quick and fast, he cut off this and that memory and played here and there in the casino loosing everything and some and kept on loosing even his soul remembering it as a terrible thing to loose, and then he lost that too, his lostness for ever also was lost ,taken by the wind, and he became as a little child, and silly too, and lost that and all memory ,and then he learned how to partition ,semblance and fear, because at that moment he knew the value of last night’s masks, that he has to wear one and anybody says they dont, they are deceiving themselves.

Igor knew that not wearing a mask is wearing a not wearing mask, proclamations of look here I’m not wearing one can you see underneath see my soul underneath ? I’m glad you can cause I’m dependent on you to describe it to me for the mirror will lie you see even if you dare to look into it
Didn’t kozinsku of the painted bird answer so quizzically to his barber when asked why he is not looking into the mirror?

Why? Because I know already well , what I can see in it That whole bunch of Polish intellectuals best typified by the image of something hidden,evil, as his friend the film maker Polanski ,whose lovely wife Sharon Tate was so brutally butchered by murder Manson inc, to web this into its formidable darkness, a darkness of such gravity that defies imagination.

Don’t feel bad Igor loosing, think, think of this unfortunate guy, who on his Queen Mary trip , became entangled in a Poker game not to forget

Went like this: He was newly married their honeymoon and kept loosing and after he lost everything , he put his house deed on the table and then loosing that he could not double down, and the only thing he had left was his wife and he bet her cause his opponent coveted her and lost again, and jumped out into the frothing see?

And Igor stopped and waited by the coffin where Dracule slept by day, and yawned for it was damp and cold and dark there

Not a happy story but true

Moral-have to loose a lot to become A Philosopber. And he shot the 8 ball into the side pocket.

Then one day Igor sat up in bed, drenched by cold sweat because a voice in his dream had shouted, “Nature does not give a damn!”

Right off Queen Mary Road there was a Tavern. Igor had eyeballed it for months, it looked so shady and dusty that he was sure to meet his downfall there. So he made sure that he had sunk as low as he could fall, and then one November Night, he entered. It may have been a very misty morning. It was dark, in any case.

“Nature might not give a fuck, but I sure do”, he muttered to the drizzle in front of his face.
“Let me see if I can change that”, he continued to the skies, grey and hanging close overhead. A stray dog passed by. Or was it his soul?
A dank scent accompanied a gust of happiness. “A heart. I have one. Damn.”

Igor now crossed the street, approaching the brownish, once red door of the Tavern.

Igor entered the tavern and sat at the bar between two burly men, one of whom blurted out, “You lost?” Remembering he had a heart, he responded, " I may not know the way, but I’m never lost." Whereupon one of the men by him grunted," And you were never found either!"
Igor let the insult pass. He knew better and felt better for knowing someone somewhere was looking just for him. Was it a lady?

And Igor, who by now had become limp with existential exhaustion, has it not been for hisntolerance to alcohol after Dracula’s genes had permeates his with incredible resiliency,
sighed, said this to them:

True loosing everything is almost totally devastating, recovery is almost nil, still there is something to say for the validity of survival and its modicum of benefits.

That such casualness he is purporting to exhibit, displays remarkable gumption.

I will never give up, he announces dramatically, until a breath of air remains in my breast.

With that, he directs the two guys to pay his barbill, which, for being goodfellas they oblige to do, albeit reluctantly.

The dawn reveals the beginning of an orange hue bleeding into the edges of the horizon…and the shadow of a beguiling shrouded woman cast an eery shadow on the tavern bar, reminiscent of noir of the late forties. He fled under a hidden arch, thinking back, going through a list of people he may have tangled with.

The two guys who paid for his drink, shouted over, Next time you pay for Your own drinks bud, or ask Terry to tell the boss to extend credit, he says you’ve been hanging around the waterfront bars long enough. And as they exclaimed this. Igor leered and turned where the mysterious appearance of the shrouded woman became the focal point of something bizarre and terrifying going on.

Igor found himself in a hole.

  • Damn. Again?
    He starts ramming the coffin wall and knows he will get out with reversed gravity and land on top of the Eiffel Tower.
    He is so bored with this dream.
    He decides to not try to escape, and just turn around in his coffin.
    And then… he sees a passageway. With an anchor in it, gleaming like a pornographic video game abject petit a and much $hine, so hey, he packs the cup and jumps the cusp and just lands there, in the meadow.

Now, a brown cow comes nigh.

  • How now, pale sir?
  • Well, you must know, I don’t talk to cows.
    The cow shrugs.
  • That is what you say.

And Igor says good might for iit has been a busy night and he is exhausted for he has become he thinks now behumbled and speechless.

Igor woke up in a puddle of his own watchamacall it.
Who knows.
He stood in the refrigerated tramcar and went on his way.
Ca-cling said the tramcar
It was Vienna
he awoke
he ate a grape
and went back to bed.

Now, Igor woke again. We wander to the back of the couch where his book lay.
He went to sit agains the law arched windowsill and overlooked the graveyard.
He then read the book, about dinosaurs. He was 3.

He awoke, and went to bed, where he had Candy and she went to bed with him but it was too late they already had a child.
They awoke and she looked at the light streaming in, for it was Christmas.

He awoke, and it was bad timing. It was bed time.

Ahhhhhj those Viennese Christmases with boys serenading angelic voices they knew he was there no less the Viennese Boys’ choir singing stille nacht and she candy darling gobbling a delicious bon bon. They did have the kid but he was strange oh so strange he was outwardly cute with dimples but when he bit her ample bosom spewed blood as his strange
elongated incisors more animal like then any human baby should have ,and Candy shrieked ,thinking to herself that this is more then she should have to tolerate. And Igor eyeing the cemetery for repose.

She should have listened to daddy . she tried to think with her racing mind.

The Ring. And Igor remained in the dark thinking self destruction may not be a conscious thing with him, he went along on a daily crucifiction routine stealing insignificant worthless junk quite noticeably so they whoever watched him may think he has no way out from the excoriating stab of intrusive looks.

Those became the very thrusts which forged doubt into a presage of quite certainty as it were as venomous as his sexual obsession with calves, and its not that he wasn’t an inwardly kind man

He became prolific in focusing that look full understanding among those he thought unforgiving, after all writing with blood his own when not mixed with the unrequited brother, oh no no for givenness there but blood flowed into tears, can not he let go of one who must think , of him, that through no fault of his own compelled to steal others’ thoughts and seal it eternally.

And to his chagrin the loop was completed and the circle of love connected. Transfigured, he solemnly accepted a measure of kindness.

And then the irony he igor thinking that the subtlesess inherent in the crossed wire implication that this was just another computerized senseless anagram. as if it had not been impressed of the near total conversion into the mindless automata that he has become unwary of crossed motives, knowing they were as mindless, but not of lacking of feelings as well, which has benumbed of any reason to short circuit the apparent collection of equally apparent lack of synthesis.

This having been bypassed just recently, it has become obvious to him that it has not yet been correlated nor factored in to the grand scheme of things but give him time and he igor will do so.

He dropped his girlfriend and his child almost as in a hindsight and resolved not to try to beat it meaning his conscience by offering a tribute of a very large diamond of exceptional color and clarity into her whispering fingers.She sought help unheard by no one from the holy mother, as she held on to the baby, and she boarded the bus to Jerusalem.

His eyes traced the ever diminishing size of the bus , leaving a long grey trace of dust on the desert road, and imagined himself as would in the false perception of a cut, a still of a moments capture; as feigning indifference.

No, he thought, that broken, would mean the end of the story.
But that is only a fragment of a look back into their uncertain future together becoming a myth, even before it could approach any kind of real apprehension.

Good by Sifi which was his term of endearment for Sofia , and it was breathed out rather then whispered into the great big deserted sheltering sky.

The fresh juice he could miss. But not really. But the eggs, no he could really not miss that. It was cold. Cold outside, warm inside, the worst.
So he claimed to be on top of things and went along his way.

A van was parked in a nearby street. He reminded this van.

Trust, he remembered, have trust, in faith.
But a squirrels hoppeth along the vertical line for no vain purpose!!!

The squirrel and the crow they disagreed to agree, I learned, the hard way.

Well, now on to the outside world. Igor met his butcher and had a calf cut up for his grandfathers grave.
As he was burning the sacrifice and pouring wine he learned from the clouds that Socrates was back, and more poison had to be devised.

He stood up from the grave of his ancestor and gorged on a piece of dripping meat, with the wine, it was pretty good and he got into his BMW and went southwards. He then stood before a stoplight in the middle of nowhere where it was hot.

He thought of his woman in Jerusalem, who had gone for good for a while at least. The sights and sounds of old Vienna sprung out of nowhere, and he skipped hopped from one becket cubicle as if he was still back THERE.

Overcoming no obstacles too large, sheepishly grinning at adversaries formidable and not so, infusing the orange juice making music splendor out of cheap champagne.

And after tomorrow the jet delivers him back off the asphalt jungle into the vapid heat of oriental magicke.

Jerusalem’s hills like the olive groves of old Athens, steamy and ludicrous, with hints of upward track, the palace of Cesar high in the hills of Capri, and the mount if olives against Magic Mountain.

Jerusalem of old, the slavery of patrimony, now shrunken phallus athena’s woes. Walhalla and Ubersaltzburg, castles in the sky, where spirit enters through the rear, the ass of the world emitting lavender and purification.

Igor sad, sadder, saddest at this time of rejuvenation. Has to re member, or dismember that proud arching desire toward the sun.

Igor suddenly remembered Peter Schmeichl. Oh man. What a great goalie. What a great athlete. What code that player has. No footballer ever since him. I mean, did the things, for which one is supposed to get all the million. Quality.

Igor snickered as he approached the military plane that had just packed its load. The propellors began to turn as Igor lifted himself into the rear of the rather old fashioned piece of machinery, if you asked him, to perform such duties but maybe it was a decoy. Like camouflage. Use a 55 year old plane to transport 2 billion in cash. Thank god Igor had taken a restroom stop on the mc Donald’s on the way. Because to tell you the truth, this was a hell of a operation. You cannot take an elephant on an airplane. But Igor is no elephant. Igor thought to himself.

Igor checked on his new sports-vehicle and opened and closed the doors. They gave a nice schnock, a heavy thud-like click.
Once in a while he would start the engine and let it run. Look out over the lawn. Dream big.

Most times, he would just be opening and closing the doors, sometimes the trunk. One time, he got into the trunk and was ready to lock himself in there. But there wouldn’t be any bumpy ride, no nightly scene in the boonies where he’d get his chance at saving himself -
no, there was no saving himself, not from this car. It was too awesome. He’d have to get a life because of it.

Damn. Damn damn.

He turned the key and let the engine run again. There was no escaping.
The neighbour was staring at him from behind his massive window. Igor felt a strange sensation. He couldn’t decide if it was bad or good. So he got out of the car, engine still running, and walked over to his neighbours house…

Igor was very confused but his confusion was do to his beimg in the trunk while the engine waa running? 'Gads, he thought, so glad I got out in time .

He had a friend , meno, who lost a son that way, and the only way his friend can even begin to think along those lines was to hope it was kind of like a self induced masturbatory exploration. Like the kind that actor of kill bill tried unsuccessfully to pre form for max
Pleasure
No not mad, max fame an almost desultory rejection all along the way, almost this. Almost that, so what he stepped out faux relieved, that by chance he may have his great wish, proven by throwing three sticks in a Buddha temple.

But be as it may, while believing in a wish not open to him, he feels feels it is coming to be, but only at the price of not singular or even double double but triple crucifixion

Now he expected a bolt of lightning or acknowledgment of his resolve, that was unfortunately not forthcoming

So poor Igor , has occupied his daliesq mind with other aesthetic aesthetic preoccupations , such as going back, again a back of uncertain and frankly, preposterous trips into the vast unknown, akin to peeve’s great adventure.

That’s ok, too, and quoting peeve, you don’t have to go to Paris France all you got to so is get an order of French fries
Besides , a more serious thinker, Henry Miller said not.to quote exactly, in Big Sir and the Oranges.of.Hyramius Boch, again loosely quoted, 'you don’t have to go to Athens to go there.

And here even more.loosely, Its a State of.mind, stoop/ ID, even though , it is in THE PLAN , coming on Suddenly This Summer.

However the Jungian fear of flying notwithstanding, will cross over to turkey and then on to Budapest again which is a stone’s throw away from Vienna.

So maybe Igor can have his wish of sidewalk dining on wienerschnitzel and dark bitter lager, if the oriental muse of mysteries of seven veil fame gives her kind permission.

Igor, please, how can a few whispy whisky laden flimsy gauntlets, silky and flowing covers cause soooooo much misery to a man?

No, there is more to a half then two holes without a punchline.

The alternative is a revisit to the house that - was built on the fortune made by Stanley steamer" guessed it: of shining source.

Though half a super size is better then nothing, he figured, two heads of cabbage is better then one
Don’t know where he heard that one may be in a German gulag

Brother you take things seriously or was not in Germany but Vienna he looked forward to going back to something fervent and maybe something quite or somewhat unethical.
no
Now.know.this , it means nothing.to me to ponder or not.about your defeating existential angst, because I’m too preoccupied with mime and even Carleas has.to admit that.workaholics are underpaid while philosophers are overpaid, even if, they do not get a salary

This obvious inference is to signify that.there should be no doubt as to its intended recipient

Yours Truly : Meno quirk a guard

In the broomcloset in the Eastern Kremlin wall Igor trembled in relief. What had made Bond turn the other way? A little twist of fate or a divine intervention? God only knows if he exists.

And now the reckoning? Parallelism into bonded features of the absurd, dis not quite popularize because of the work, the croup effort to untangle the myriad possibilities perhaps?

Gertrude Steins rose is like Picasso’s women, or even a castle hidden away in the Dracula lair, oh my oh my, can it be so blatant as to protect her adversary , one who stares unto the left handed side, without really not trying awfully hard not no not hold on so he will be flung down head first?

Well not to Bram to go this time because it is a phony tourist trap, but to the south , from the pleasure palaces of Vienna to the south the birds of feather fly south to, the Lawrence cocks flying South for the winter, of which Allen knows so well before kicking his bucket, .

No Vienna belvedere is like a parallel with trumping angels just before hitting the upper layers of paradise, the similarity is astounding as of fates were bound, as of brothers but for the fact pdntje absence of a platform from which all of them cam not be accounted for , especially the flying South, from a winter of discontent from this son, chasing it , and no respite.

Away the rigidity of which N warned , for the summer , where all be shown only as a reflection, a reflectionupon a canvas of discontent, where upon that becomes only light shut into an indomitable likeness that grabs and hurls into a vastly underestimated underground.

To Mohacs then where Suleiman the Magnificent killed the most Holy King,
defender of Christ, and later falling before the gates of Vienna.

No the vampire has.to wait. Pressburg:

Maria Theresa Herself, tightly holding her newest babe to an ample bosom , keeled before brave Hussars, to save Vienna from the onslaught .

Be as it may, Igor carried on bravely as did Prince Myshkin of tale so faire, the idiot, the fool on the hill knowing never redemption come his way biting the bullet of the wandering/wondering.

After this the defensive orgy of self , lost to eternal hopeful rebuilding into the other. He don’t have an alias they said before crossing into the Croatian being of state. Worrisome of done onnneer budget , appealing to the strangeness of kindness.