Pen-Powered Insanity

I don’t hate myself, I’m not depressed or suicidal, I’m not some idealist that believes it will make everything better; I just want to die. I don’t want to live in this world or reality any more. There’s no point to it when there is no cessation of the constant depravity. There’s no point to it when so many don’t make it worth living and then do and then have it butchered right after.

This is what it’s supposed to be? This is the way it is? The only way it could ever be? Then, I want to die. Please see me to the door, allow me to exit stage right.

I am just really at odds with what so much of it chooses to be. At odds with what so much is so easily made into.

Life was fucking me so hard I put a ring on its finger and fucked back. I also know reincarnation to be possible. I really do not look forward to getting back together with this ex.

I swear to God you’re all retarded and nothing will ever be able to fix it because you all fight against what actually is helping and destroy every single thing in its pursuit of helping and call that being victorious; call it winning.

You will undoubtedly always find some way to misconstrue what I said because none of you really want to handle that much sadness and use false cheats of reality instead of facing the pain like you should which is what makes you retarded.

But, I bet and wager my soul and every soul in existence that someone will view that to be stupid. I won’t lose. There is literally an idiot out there that knows that is what they do, and would still call me stupid for noticing, being able to express it and say it. They will idiotly open their mouth somewhere about it before learning why it’s not idiocy on my behalf and actually idiocy on theirs.

And that only adds impetus to my wanting to die. That these possible idiots were taught by me, proved how intelligent they were and still didn’t see their own idiocy because they refused to and then blamed the teachers instead of themselves in all idiocy true and proper; true and proper retards all of them.

And then to top it all off some of the idiots will say that I’m being overly dramatic, to which I say again, I want to die; I’ve wanted to die since before even meeting half of you just based on what I could sense and feel. I wanted to die for bearing what so many of you refused to and even that refusal was based in an ignorance which further made me want to die and all of that without my knowing, so no it couldn’t have been an idiot loop like the hate and rage that many of you made me feel.

And in the process of calling me overly-dramatic, they’re already freaking out, becoming more overly-dramatic than I could ever be. And, to be sure, some idiot, whether here or in the mind somewhere will find some random tangent in this thread to retardedly drag out and make this about instead of actually tackling the meat of it and if they tackle the meat of it, choke on it and find some insulting edge to give back for being the idiots I knew them to be that they refuse to admit they are.

And finally, I want to die. This doesn’t make me want to go out of my way to do so, it’s not a statement of suffocation or drowning, it’s just a statement of, I’m going to live until I die, try to enjoy the most I can, but don’t pretend that that makes it all right or makes me in any way forget what I’ve gone through in my life or what’s coming at me. It’s not about being given reasons or not being given reasons, it’s not about not being given a choice; it is simply the retardism and idiocy of so many that I have to exist around. That’s all. The depravity, the torture, byproducts of the idiots that heard only what they wanted to hear and the sheer idiocy of it all. I can no longer tolerate, bear, or endure it.

Welcome to the Devil’s Den; The Devil’s Playground; The Devil’s Dominion in Gods savage Garden.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1tj2zJ2Wvg[/youtube]

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FouICZ_oQTw[/youtube]

What would that be?

Why should I bother trying to answer your question?

somebody learned how to get ahead in life:

On the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of Hell when even the twisted seems right and comforting when it’s all you can manage.

Welcome to the world where Nightmares become Beautiful dreams again. Welcome to Heaven rising from the ashes like the Phoenix to roar like a dragon upon its rebirth.

“They laughed at him when he walked unarmed into the midst of their gunfight and all-out nuclear and biochemical warfare. They weren’t laughing when the shooting was done and they all lay before him, reborn; and he, riddled with scars and wounds just walked away until his dying day.”

There will never be a true ‘the end’ or a true ‘happily ever after’. There will always be another page and another chapter and that is no small or great thing.

This is how I feel these days:

The more I see, the more I hurt, the more I know, the more I fucking burn all over in the worst ways possible.

the childish nature of the manipulators and the controllers bothers me incessantly, and the constant droning of the torturers inside my head and the heads of others that just ruin every good moment of mine and others lives has me just losing my god damned mind.

The only constant I know to be true is that all true love gets raped and destroyed and constantly vilified for the sake of those who do not respect or value the ‘weakness’ of it. A pity that some of us needed it.

I have seemingly mastered multiple and split personality disorder on an epic level.

they made me beautiful, but nobody wants me near them anymore.

They just refuse to let me have anything at all.



Find me in the darkness
There I stand and there I fight
In the cool darkness find me
striding forward, fiery spirit blazing
born of the need to survive
and borne by the wings of angels and demons both
With hellfires burning within my eyes
and halo tilted, supported by growing horns
find me in that darkness, in the madness
still fighting for my own freedom
for freedom is a dream fought for and shared
but they ain’t taking it from me.
Come, find me in the darkness…

God said ‘Let there be light’, and the light flickered on and said:

Don’t worry about it being about survival of the fittest or those most able to adapt. Don’t worry about it being about survival. You all will die in the process of living and die again somewhere on the other side of living. And then on the other side of death again learn how to live and die and then get back up to die again and I do so promise my utmost to kill you all until you die.

Don’t bad-touch the children, btw.

Either you stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything.

Never try to cheat what holds all the cards with the deck superbly stacked against him, yet somehow managing an impossible win.

Through eternity and beyond, through death and back to life again; through it all and I’ll still be the realest motherfucker you ever knew or laid eyes on; through the most surreal parts of reality; the most depraved insanity, constantly ahead and never daunted, forever haunting.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ww5GXbk58R0[/youtube]

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk4vSh9bd7M[/youtube]

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pa8iyHzHUSQ[/youtube]

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiSFPN37hhE[/youtube]

I’d like to introduce to you my oldest kid… You might have heard of him.