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Why am I willing to share my opinion more publicly now? I have already shared it with some of the people who have crossed my path … why in these particular circumstances? Who knows? … Who cares?
“Life is useless … it’s like chasing the wind”
Back to the events of yesterday … almost immediately after putting down my pen at Mme Vergut’s I get this strong feeling … it’s time to move on … no dilly dallying … get your stuff together and ‘hit the road’.
I respond to my intuition … like a child being given explicit instructions from it’s mother!
Don’t really know what time it is or where I will spend the night … doesn’t seem to bother me at the moment … all I feel is … time to move on … like the television series …“The Littlest Hobo” … I’ll be moving on … until tomorrow.
Barely get off the property … the laneway to the Château is at least 1/2 kilometers long … and it starts to drizzle … not a good sign! … I decide to push on anyway … what’s a little water! … turned into a lot more than a little water!
Pulled out my rain cover … a large yellow thing that covers most of me and my backpack … eventually the rain turned from a little drizzle to a mediocre rain. I found shelter under a tree … made a tent from my yellow rain thing … sat there leaning on my backpack … reasonably comfortable and dry … as long as I didn’t stretch out my legs!
Rained on and off for a while … a bit of thunder … no lightening! After a short period of no rain … less than half an hour … I’m impatient … think I have to get to the next village … still 3-4 kilometers away … my next caffeine fix!
I head out … covered with my protective yellow thing. Sure enough … a couple of hundred meters down the road the rain starts again … a dark ominous cloud … now on my left moves directly in front of me … hmmm … I think I am going to get wet! Yup! … Drenched … no tree for shelter … my boots, socks and lower pants are drenched! Oh well! I slog along figuring I am wet now … can’t get any worse.
As I approach the village a bit of anxiety creeps in … what if this is a ‘one horse town’?? … one café?? … and being Sunday … it’s closed …Yikes!
Turns out the local café is open … the door is open as I approach … what a relief! The people working in the restaurant are very kind … they bring me to a room in the back where I can sleep on the floor … large enough room … probably used for groups on special occasions … a washroom in the corner … perfect!
I’ve had my coffee … all I want now is some rest … ideally some sleep! Roll out my bed roll … put on some dry clothes and lie down. Seems I will be able to dose off … it’s around 7:00 PM … my normal bed time in Canada … and I’m not hungry.
About 45 minutes later I hear this familiar voice … it’s Mme Vergut … what a pleasant surprise! … I really like Mme Vergut (perhaps more about her later). She says “is that him? … oh he is sleeping” I get up and lean on my hands. She says that when she asked the lady in the café up front about me … she thought the answer was that I had a room … a regular room … with a bed and all!
She seemed quite surprised to see me sleeping on the floor and also quite genuinely concerned about my welfare. She offered to take me back to her Château … now imagine that! … yesterday I wanted to spend an extra day at the Château and I didn’t have the courage to ask Mme Vergut … and here she is asking me to come back and spend another night … go figure!
Of course I decline … I am content where I am , despite the fact that sleeping on the floor here is infinitely less comfortable … and less private … as I would learn later.
Mme Vergut goes on to explain that she was out with her 3 grandsons for supper and that she was looking for Martial … to give him back the 30 euros he had left her. She seemed quite disappointed that Martial had left her a large cake, 2 coquilles de St Jacques and 30 euros. See … I didn’t leave her any grief … only left her a note with my name and address.
She had told me in the car on the way to her place that she did not expect any payment from pilgrims … such generosity! … and of course el cheapo here wasn’t going to argue!
Mme Vergut insisted that I take the 30 euros and either give them back to Martial or to someone else down the road. I really like Mme Vergut.
I tried to get back to where I was … almost asleep … nope … about a half hour later I decide it is OK to get up and buy a bowl of soup. I only need to walk to the front of the building … through the kitchen … of course … having a cigarette was part of the consideration!
I’m 2-3 meters into the café and who is standing at the bar having a beer? … Martial! We exchange greetings … I ask him about wet feet … No! No! he says … “my feet are dry … I found a tree and sat out the rain” … hmmm … seems Martial is more patient than me … or at least much more practical!
I start to tell him about Mme Vergut … he interrupts and says … “Oui … Oui … she found me and told me the whole story” I would try to give Martial back his 30 euros in the next hour or so … he refused to accept it … hmmm … so now I have progressed from finding cheap accommodations … zero cost at Mme Vergut’s … zero cost here at the café … to where I am ahead 30 euros … hmmm … actually the 30 euros may cause some grief … now I have no idea what to do with it … in the meantime, the 30 euros are in my pocket. This generosity makes my $100 to the Irishman look paltry.
About an hour later Andre walks in … haven’t seen Andre since Vezelay … the day I met his wife and daughter Sophie.
Pilgrims, who get along, are always happy to see each other after a few days of being ‘out of touch’. Martial had met Andre in Vezelay as well.
We sit together, chat and later eat supper together. ‘El cheapo’ … me with my bowl of soup (delicious) and Martial and Andre with a 4 course meal … they insisted I share their meal …I politely declined despite the fact that the soup … some bread and a glass of wine seemed to only whet my appetite … I would pay for this oopsy … I wouldn’t have a chance to eat again for 24 hours …ouch! … next time
Except for the apple I was given as a gift at the café this morning … and 3 coffees! (Portuguese lady and my book from Fatima)
Went to bed around 11:00 PM … slept OK … on and off … didn’t get up off the floor until 9:30 AM the next morning … must have slept OK
Back into the café … learn that Andre and Martial haven’t left yet … sip on my coffee … smoke my cigarette … what a treat!
The same nice lady is helping Martial and Andre make arrangements for lodging tonight … she looks at me and asks …“et vous?” … I politely reply that at the moment I have no idea where I will walk today … I am stuck walking in my shower sandals … my boots will likely take a day or so to dry. The lady brings out a piece of bread some ham and one of those small packets of butter for Andre … and Andre is so practical … as I would learn later today … I should try harder to be practical more often!
I explain my attitude to Andre … on previous walks I would most often decide in the morning where I would stop for the day … and the decision was most of the time based on availability of a ‘bed’. On this walk, I am trying something new … make no plans … accept whatever comes along . Of course, in my mind I see pleasant outcomes , e.g. a warm bed.
Not so today … maybe I should go back to the old way … make sure you have somewhere to eat and a bed to sleep in … nah! … been there … done that!
Reminds me of an ancient Arab saying I heard several years ago … “Trust in God but tie your camel tight!”
Seems today I am being reminded once again just how practical this expression is!! Oh well! … I have never been big on ‘practicality’ … why change now? The flip side of my ‘cockiness’ is … stop whining and griping about having nothing to eat and no place to sleep … comfortably!
Mr Peauger Jean Luc
4 Rue des Maures
03360 Ainay le Château
Walked about 10 kilometers today. On arrival in the village I learned that not only was the local bar/café open … the Tabac store and grocery store too! …bonus!
A sign hanging over the café/bar suggested there might be access to internet here … I start to get excited … I can check my email … learn of the response to the writing I posted a few days ago … wow!
Found Martial at the computer … hmmm … seems our paths are destined to keep crossing. Drink my coffee, smoke a few cigarettes and wrote about my meditations/reflections.
Martial leaves … he seems rushed … he has another 20 kilometers to walk to where he is supposed to sleep tonight. See it is not always so ‘peaceful’ to make plans in the morning. Martial is upset that he spent one and one half hours in the café. (I would not see Martial again … and I would have my own reasons for being upset that I spent a couple of hours in this same café/bar!
Check my emails … a few new emails … no response from Ron … no new postings on the web page and therefore no feedback. Email from Natalie … the 3 trees.
Remembered my scribbling a ways back about how sometimes our fantasies take us up on the ‘wings of an eagle’ and than suddenly … ‘splat’ … well what I just described ended in a rather large ‘splat’!
Life is useless … it’s like chasing the wind.
In my sad state I ask myself … what am I doing this for? … I am not going to write any more … not even the seemingly exciting new meditations of today concerning the notions of ‘time and ‘space’.
Now I just want to find a place to sleep … crawl into bed and sleep this ‘feeling’ off. The lady at the bar is very kind … she phones a couple of the places noted in the guide … 1st place people are away on vacation …2nd attempt … room available for 45 euros and this place is a 7 kilometers walk! … a polite “non merci”
The local grocery store closed while I was dilly dallying with the computer at the café/bar … yikes!! Now I can’t even buy anything to eat … and there is no restaurant open in this village…
Yikes!! Spent a few hours at the café … futzing with the scanner … checking emails … trying to get some of my notes online
I figure I might as well ‘hit the road’ and try my luck at the next village … about 7 kilometers. My feet are really sore … in part from walking 10 kilometers in my shower sandals … and in part from the cumulative effect of walking 150 kilometers or so in the past 8 days … and to make this worse … it starts to drizzle … yuk! … Double YUK!!
I start to think maybe it is better if I spend the night in this village. I have this feeling … more likely a desperate hope … that the local church may have an ‘overhang’ where I can spend the night and not get drenched! … Maybe freeze to death! … But at least I will go dry!
I spot a ‘caboose’ of sorts across the street with several of the local men sitting in it chatting … think to myself … maybe I can sleep there.
My lethargic feeling passes quickly … I start writing again … I am OK … why would I think what I am doing would be easy! … as a matter of fact … it often occurs to me that the more resistance I confront … the stronger the likelihood there is merit in what I am doing … not sure what logic this is based on … likely my reading about the lives of some of the saints … like St Francis.
I find the church … and yes … it has a small ‘overhang’ … I find a public washroom around the corner … open all night! It’s like this was all planned! oh the mystery of it all sometimes!
Probably around 8:00PM … no sun and no clock! … Sitting at the en-trance to the church … a statue of St Francis over the doorway (another long story)
Been here for a few hours … came here looking for shelter from the rain … hoping the church would have an ‘overhang’ … it does" … about 12’ by 8’ … enough hopefully to keep me dry all night!
I learned about 4:00 PM there would be no 5 star accommodation tonight … the ‘fruit’ of my morning attitude … ‘frowning at people for being practical’.
I’ve been lamenting for the past couple of hours … you see not only is there no bed tonight … there is no food … nada! … stores were all closed when I stepped out of the café at 4:00 PM (more later) I looked up at the statue of St Francis and said to myself … “St Francis … I don’t have the courage to go ‘door to door’ and beg for something to eat … you are going to have to help me here”
An hour or so later an ‘angel’ arrived … Jean Luc … he brought me a bowl of hot soup … a piece of bread … a glass of wine … 2 peaches and 2 doughnuts … what a feast!! … Soup was delicious. Jean Luc seems to uphold the axiom “those who have the least are often the most generous” Many other people walked by who appeared more affluent … only Jean Luc came back … he said he would also give me a few bucks but right now he doesn’t have any … what a generous soul!!
He had no cigarettes so I gave him a few. I am encouraged about the prospects for sleep now … my stomach won’t be nagging me for some-thing to eat! I am also encouraged concerning the condition of mankind … there are likely lots of people like Jean Luc in this world …
Jean Luc brings a friend to help him carry my supper
Brings his daughter with him at coffee time … yup he brings me a coffee an hour or so later … wow! … What generosity!!
Perhaps I am a bit of a spectacle! … not every day some ‘foreigner’ sleeps at the door of the church!
Wow … I am almost all caught up with my writing … only thing left to write about are today’s meditations … not tonight … dark soon and I have no candles!
June 2, 2004 (I think)
Back again! It’s been about 40 hours since I put down my pen. After retiring my pen for the night, I attempted to retire myself … put on my jacket, arranged my bed roll and sleeping bag … tried something new tonight … I doubled up my bed roll … figured it would provide more comfort for the heaviest part of my body … my belly! … made a pillow with my towel and laid down and made a serious attempt to get to sleep.
A few minutes later my knees were getting cold … they were lying almost directly on the cement. I had placed my sweatshirt underneath them. Got up and adjusted my bedroll so my knees would have some protection from the cold damp cement.
Back down … a few minutes later felt the rain on my face … it was a light drizzle and the wind would blow some rain into my ‘shelter’. I looked at the foot of my bedroll and noticed the rain creeping in to the point where my feet would soon be wet … I changed positions … crawled back as far as possible … now leaning directly against the door of the church … the topography was not so good in this location … a significant downward slope in the cement … intentional I suppose to keep the water from running into the church.
While seems the design served this purpose … it was not amenable to sleeping on! I pulled out the plastic Air Canada bag … the one they wrapped my backpack in at the Toronto airport … I’m thankful now that I saved it! Placed it over my sleeping bag … hoping to save my sleeping bag from getting drenched during the night … a few minutes later it slipped off my sleeping bag … oh well! … some say it is the thought that counts!
Tossed and turned and shifted positions often during the night … hardly slept. Still drizzling in the morning … head back to the café/bar for a coffee … not sure what time it is … café is open … it’s around 7:30 AM.
Coffee tastes great! … I contemplate my alternatives for today … thinking perhaps the fact that it is still raining suggests I should stay in this village another day … have another go at the scanner again and maybe type my notes … the computer in the café had the MicroSoft ‘Word’ icon on the desktop.
Of course, this meant spending another night under the overhang at the church. While all these little details seemed to suggest ‘fate’ arranged for me to stay here … the rain … the access to the internet and the availability of the ‘Word’ software … a dry … quasi dry but cool place to sleep. I’m too tired to walk … no sleep the night before.
Eventually I decide to ‘spurn’ fate again and ‘hit the road’ … knowing there is a religious place to stay about 17-18 kilometers down the road. I had overheard Martial saying “Oui ma Soeur” the day before when making arrangements for his accommodation. I also knew I should be making arrangements by phone (per instructions in the guide) before leaving … nope … I would call when I arrive … off I go!
The walk is OK for the first few kilometers … after 5-6 kilometers it quickly becomes difficult. At kilometers 6 or 7 I arrive at another village. Another coffee and I also eat the other 2 croissants … 2 large croissants! … I would pay for eating these 3 large croissants in such a short time period!
The guide indicated that one could walk along the canal from this village to the next … around 10 kilometers. I checked the map and the canal seemed to go in a straight line where as the Camino zigged and zagged as usual. The short distance and the absence of pavement and traffic ap-pealed to me.
My stomach was sore from the croissants!
I checked with the owner of the bar … wanting to confirm the location of the canal and the ‘walk ability’. He informed me that it was not practical to walk along the canal this morning … with the rain and all my feet would get all wet … hmmm … my impractical nature won the day again … wet grass or not … I’m walking along the canal!
I would learn to regret this decision as well! … as I walked along the canal … my feet got heavier and heavier with every step … as my boots … my socks … and my pants continued to absorb water along the way … yuk!
A very difficult few hours … nonetheless I arrive in the village … I walked the final kilometers or so in my shower sandals. Another first for me in this village … my first stop when arriving in a village (on all my walks) is the first open bar or café … anxious for a ‘caffeine’ fix. Today I would visit the church first … I wasn’t in the mood for prayer and I wasn’t in that state where I felt an urge to call on God for help … nope … simply went in for a nice quiet and short visit.
Next stop the bar … see I am still OK!!
An orange juice … no coffee … my stomach is still unsettled.
Ask about the Franciscan Sisters location … learn it is only a few hundred meters away … a right … a left … and then some instructions I didn’t understand! I thought about calling first … nope…
Found it … rang the doorbell … a friendly face greeted me … seemed to understand my condition … fatigue … wet … exhausted! She asked me about calling with notice of my intent … I replied that I wasn’t sure I would arrive here … the weather (rain) and all. She told me I was fortu-nate … the person staying the night before had just left (Martial). She goes to retrieve a key and steps outside … leads me to another building 20 meters away … opens the door and ushers me in. This place is a 2 bed-room apartment … heated! … it is still cool and damp outside … wow!!
Almost immediately I drum up the courage to ask her if it is OK if I stay 2 nights(didn’t want to make the same booboo I did with Mme Vergut et Château Nerveux) Of course, I qualified my request … “providing no other pilgrim shows up tomorrow.”
She looked at me … hesitated only for a second or 2 and replied … Oui … what a relief!!
Found a grocery store … bought some grub and found my way back to the apartment. Ate a large (very large) bowl of cereal … Fruits & Fibres … a piece of bread and jam … cleaned up my mess and went to bed! … it is about 5:00PM. Sleep until about 7:00AM the next morning … whew! … was I tired!
While I am sipping on my coffee at the café across the street … too lazy to make my own … and if I did … wouldn’t smoke in the apartment anyway!
Reflecting on the previous day or so … find it intriguing that one night I am sleeping outside in the cold and damp … under a statue of St Francis … hungry … I remember looking at the statue of St Francis and saying to myself … No St Francis … I don’t have the courage to go door to door begging for something to eat. An hour or so later my soup arrives … Today I am staying in a 2 bedroom heated apartment sponsored by the Franciscan Sisters … hmmm.
Go and find access to the internet … check my email … respond to the people who have sent me mail. Go home to do my laundry and take a shower.
I use 4 locations to do my laundry … the bathroom sink, the kitchen sink, the bedroom and a wash basin I found in the kitchen. I have to wash everything … it is so dirty … damp … and smelly … all except my paja-mas(don’t know any pilgrim who carries flannelette pajamas … glad I have mine though … the nights are cool … especially “under the stars!”
Forgot to mention the old fashioned washrooms … the ones that have a place for each foot … suppose with each foot properly placed … assume the appropriate squatting position and you will ‘hit’ the hole. I was never trained properly for their use … suppose if I wasn’t so tired it would be easier … after walking all day … feet so sore … can hardly stand any more … and now I have to squat and hold my balance during the ‘ceremony’ … yuk!
How to keep my pants dry at the same time? Also learned that if you flush the ‘thing’ while still standing on the ‘foot stalls’ … your feet get a nice shower!
Also forgot to mention some behaviour I have seen in the last couple of bars I visited. As people enter … they shake hands with all the patrons (even strangers like me!) and say ‘bonjour’. The ladies often kiss and are kissed on the cheeks … neat! … I think to myself … this behaviour seems to confirm that innate human need ‘to belong’ … by shaking hands … th e individual is saying … “I belong” … “you belong” and therefore … “we belong” … we are part of this ‘community of peoples’ and it is good to confirm this ‘sense of belonging’ often … hmmm … very interesting!! … very impressive!!
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