okay, I’m not that self-absorbed. A lot of things conspire to make it seem that way, but that’s not the truth of me, not what I choose to be. And, if it seems paranoid and crazy to think that things conspire against me on that level, keep in mind the heavy and deep impacts I make knowingly with each step I take, metaphorically, figuratively and literally. I know that not because I’m self-absorbed or narcissistic, but because I’m self-analytical, and when that fails, I’m aware of other things being analytical of me and I pay attention to what they say and see if it’s true about me or not. I remove the protective filter of bias and prejudice from myself to see clearly to see if what they say is true or not and if I need to work on it or fix it or correct it in myself. And, for someone who wants to do good, it is important to know the impacts I make and to know them precisely. You may remember being this young and see it in me, but I guarantee your life experiences up to the age I am were entirely different and you can not trust yourself to see clearly because of your own biases and prejudices, not just against me but against your own younger self that you were and to some extent still are.
You’re right, you’re no longer as vain as you appear, but you’ve been at it so long that the mask has become a part of every day life for you. It’s an act while you struggle to come to confidence behind the face-value of it.
You say “truth” in quotations, but you don’t say what truth you were looking for or thought you saw. I have to take on faith that the truth you sought is the same as the truths that I found. In truth, with truth, the truths you thought you saw or were in pursuit of may not have been what I or others may have pursued or perceived. And, obviously, when truths are portrayed as they’re portrayed in society, of course they’re going to be exposed as falsities with more falsities surrounding them. I can not go further in explanation of the truths of what you searched for in depth because of these things. To know where you left off, where you failed, where you stumbled; I do not have that. I don’t know. I do know, that like everybody else, you came to see what you thought was there, with perhaps the unspoken statement if not spoken, ‘I see how it is.’
What truth are you in search of that you are no closer to finding today than 40 years ago? Is your pride going to get in the way of answering that simple question or trying because this younger man than you might actually be able to help you and you can’t stand the thought of someone of a younger generation actually being better or greater than you even though you wanted such to be true of you and your generation which followed a generation of utmost tragic demise where your parents were responsible for a large portion of the messes I am now cleaning up across the societal and cultural landscape, where they knew more than we did and packaged it all away for 50+ years.
When you say that I am certain that I hold ‘the’ “truth”, I am not sure what truth you are speaking about. I have many truths that I am certain about and I have gone above and beyond to assure myself not just in vain and insecure fashions that the evidence is there in spades to back it up and support it beyond just circumstantial. If I were to ever tell you that I knew truth every second of every day in every matter, that would most surely be a lie and I’d be the first to say so in any situation. Do I sound political, like some politician just speaking things to speak them and sound good? Why do I sound that way when I back it up every second of every day and, in fact, every time you or others see me or engage in interaction with me?
I must just be doing and saying this to look good even though I have definitely crossed lines, redefined being controversial and have looked very bad in a lot of things I have done without once apologizing or backing down. I have looked very bad for the slander and libel and lies that get spread about me, the misperceptions, the skewing, etc. of mass-deception.
I will call my shots ahead of time and I will see them through to the point where they come true, though you and others will misperceive and misconstrue what is meant until it comes true and then you might even have trouble seeing it for what it is because of the fog of the mind and whatever else you may be involved in. It could be years, centuries, eons, before it sinks in properly, but here are the shots I’m calling for the future: You will break yourself against me, no matter how safely you play things, you called me to you, not me approaching you out of the blue; you have already learned from me and I have already boosted you past where you were; you are a pathological liar, like so many others and almost every word out of your mouth is a lie and a deception and your works confess it better than you ever could. You are not the 58 you claimed to be, you are younger than that by a decent margin, but you’ll play the hand you picked up and decided to play, so I responded to that hand on face-value, knowing better inherently and deep-down but going with the flow to have us arguing along certain lines for the spirits we each have channeled, you for your deceptions and me for the shredding of them.
When this plays out, you will be stripped of everything you are, whoever you claimed to be; your hand will be laid bare when the final call comes and all betting is done; and for all the calls that all bets are off, all bets are still on save the one I won’t make again: my eternal soul and everything else. I’ll bet a lot of other things, including piecemealing out the everything else, but as a whole, that parcel is off the betting table regardless of bets you make in private or imagine to make with me, not saying that you personally have made such bets, but a betting man I bet you are and if you care to take that bet against me, I prove you to be a betting man and if you refuse, I could call you a coward, but at the very least you’d be smart not to take the bet knowing that you are a betting man. You already tossed aside your eternal soul, passed it off; made a deal with the devil as did so many others in life and still disbelieve in both God and the Devil, though you still turn to both for help.
No matter how insane you think the other person is, you have to at least believe to be true what they believe to be true to meet them where they are if you want to help them, so for all your claims of wanting to help others that you have made in your life and I believe that you have meant that at times, just the same as I believe the devil to help others far more than people realize, but for not knowing how to help them or for fear of being lost yourself, you went down paths that you would have walked differently had you known what you were doing.
If a person were to come to me and tell me that they were hounded by a spirit and I felt inclined to help, had a clean spot in my itinerary and felt up to par, I’d give it the honest go to believe in what they believe in and then see how it affects their psychology. I don’t just discount things as not existing or try to cover it up with lies nor do I prescribe medication to people as anything other than crutches that are only meant to assist until you heal again. And, I don’t find it very hard to believe what others believe because I know a lot of it is true.
And the entire problem of this is that you are no longer the person that wants to help others and who can blame you? When my own give a fuck is largely busted in various degrees here and there in different manners on different days, I find that I still care a lot about the greater good and I’m constantly doing things for it, but I don’t always feel the desire to help others. And, for people who went down other paths, I see it still in them as they try to help others the only way they know how even through their lies and deceits and believing that they just don’t care. I see you and where you are as I do with so many others and see the paths you were pushed down, that you chose to go down even when not pushed and what you’re dealing with and I’m saying the truth of it is that everybody is wrong and right in varying degrees and morality isn’t what it’s defined as, that what we know of as right and wrong is wrong and needs to be redefined but the necessity of that is going to largely get shoved into the mud puddle full of feces and piss as things reach to grasp for their power and control over others.
You are a fool and a simpleton for thinking the pursuit of power is wrong or immoral. Even the most benevolent of beings accumulate power whether they will it or not; even the most benevolent, when their give a fuck is busted, can do great ‘evil’ in lashing out when they just can’t force their own mask not to slip. I’ll be the first to admit that if you cross me on a bad day I will cut you down quicker than any other and for that, my company is eschewed for the company of those who lie and flatter even though the long-term of that is worse than the long-term of what I bring.
I just somehow don’t think that you, like so many others, can claim to know enough about me to make any assumption that isn’t just fielding for responses because you don’t know how to phrase what you really mean; you have never met or seen or heard of anyone like me. And, that isn’t ego or boasting on my part. I have not seen any like myself. I have yet to see anyone match me step for step or even go round for round toe-to-toe against me. They all fall down, all come up short and that’s just simple analysis and seeing what is.