K: and you call me vain… I don’t pretend to claim to understand things
as you claim to understand everything… order, chaos, and balance, among others
things you have claimed to understand… let me list all the things you claim to
understand… evolution, science, philosophy, the earth, religions, the establishment,
the living and the dead whereas … I make no such claim…
so I call bullshit on your claim to understand ALL knowledge, for that is what
you are talking about…
the curse of being young is thinking you know everything,
the curse of being old is knowing you don’t know anything
because you are vain, it’s not about what you claim, it’s about your body language and general attitude. I make claims, but those claims are natural for me to claim, I’ve earned the right. Learn something.
K: and how exactly have you “earned the right” to make claims you know
everything? as for my “body language”, that would be a little tough over
the internet to see, in addition to knowing everything, you claim to
be able to see me over the internet via my words I use… that is a
fascinating claim…you are clearly a superhero along the lines
of thor or the hulk… you are miscasts as a lonely, misguided
member of a small, unknown internet web site…
why hasn’t marvel made a movie about you? inquiring minds want to know
and who do you think should play you?
and once again it is 4 in the morning and my back pain is keeping me up…
so here I am…
I am in the midst of Renaissance philosophy and I am reading about Italian
nature philosophers which is an interesting topic buuuuuuuut…
does it give someone, who is lying in bed wondering what its all
about, something to get hold of… What the hell am I doing here?
what is my point here and trust me Italian nature philosopher/philosophy as interesting as
as it is, is not going to answer the question of my meaning, my purpose or even a more
basic question… how am I to live my life? I see people in my daily life who get ahead
by cheating and lying and screwing everyone around them and they make more money
and they are managers and they become president of the US. How can I justify
my playing the “game” with honor and integrity when I see others get ahead by
being assholes… what are the rules to life and what do I get by playing the
rules “the right way”?
The Christian says, you must play the rules and the game as god has
created it… and if you play by god’s rules… the 10 commandments
and the like, you get rewarded by heaven or punished by hell…
I don’t subscribe to that point of view, to quote Sting…
this idea of reward and punishment is strong in America
we have an entire multi-billion dollar system of courts and
cops and prisons making sure the punishment for breaking the rules
is severe but what about rewards? We certainly don’t get rewarded
by playing by the rules as I mentioned above…I have had 7 or 8
managers in my store… and each one was a vile, lying sack of shit who
had no problem screwing someone out of a dime if it help them make
their bonus…corporate knew who these people were and yet,
still made them managers, knowing they are vile pieces of shit…
it is a corporate decision to make these horrible human beings
the face of the local store… and they get rewarded by being
pieces of shit with bonuses and promotions… a bigger store,
the bigger the bonuses and for management, the name of the game
is bonuses…they manage for their bonuses, not how it helps the
store get better or helps the employees… watching this for almost
10 years, what incentive do I have to play by the rules and be
a decent human being? you say, the store could fire you…
nah, not really, I have a union and outside of insubordination
and stealing, I can’t really be fired… and yet, most employees
are decent and hard working people, unlike the managers…
and get paid a whole lot less then managers and work a whole lot
more then the managers…so what is the incentive to honor the rules
of society when there doesn’t seem to be any reward to do so?
Punishment, yes, but reward, no…I am maxed out at work…
so no more raises, I am at my top bracket… so I am basically
just spinning my wheels day after day after day, with no reward
to be a kind, decent human being and yet, day after day after
day, I am…how does philosophy specifically help me
be and stay a kind, decent human being?
not by Descartes search for certainty of knowledge…
not by the medieval search for god and his and ours
role in society…
how does Aristotle categories help me be a kind and decent human being?
or how does Russell’s and Whitehead search for a mathematical language
help me become a kind and decent human being?
the problem with philosophy is so much of it lies outside of
what I need to make choices about my life…
what philosophy is needed to help me decide to be a kind and decent
human being? or do I even want to be a kind and decent human being
because there certainly doesn’t seem to be any reward in doing so…
we have punishment for being bad and yet the bad are rewarded
every single day…how do I justify my behavior good or bad?
certainly not by reward or punishment because we see that is fucked up
and the good are punished and the bad rewarded…
part of the reason that philosophy is so ignored and dislike is because it
cannot/won’t/ can’t answer these questions about how we are to live our lives
and why we should make the choices we should make…
why should I be a decent, kind, honorable human being when there
is no reward for doing so?
I know enough history to know that being a god fearing human doesn’t prevent one
from being a totally mean, vicious, violent, human being… for one
can always find some reason that allows them to be vile human beings
even if they believe in god…
we can create 7 billion reasons for us to be decent, honorable, kind
and we can then find 7 billion reasons for us to be a vile, nasty piece of work
and find few reasons not to be…maybe god will punish us,
but close to the time of death, simply repent and heaven awaits even
after a lifetime of being a douche bag of a human being… a simple
statement right before death and all is forgiven… a lifetime of
being vile and nasty and corrupt and 3 seconds of a line and
its all good…that doesn’t seem to be any kind of encouragement
to be a kind or decent or honorable human being… one small line
near death and away we go…this gives me even less a reason to be
religious when it certainly doesn’t stop people from being vile human beings…
so how do I live my life and why should I choose that way?
philosophy can tell me how I can be certain about the nature
of knowledge and yet can’t tell me about something so basic and
fundamental in my life as how do I live my life???
I never said I knew everything, just everything I needed to know to make sense of everything and everything else I don’t know can be learned in the moment, by the moment, when the moment hits. I don’t need to know every detail of every life or even what’s going on around me, I can feel the pressure mounting, it culminates in me and I find myself reacting in kind to what goes on. I’ve got a hairpin trigger tuned to reality.
But, set aside your insults and engage me, and see what I know. Push the right buttons and I might actually show you what I know and how I know it and I’ll sit here and say it in such an undeniable way that you will see exactly what I mean about how everything ties into everything else and you could throw out something you think I’d know nothing about, for you think differently and have different pursuits and passions and then if I push a bit for more context of what you toss at me, even if I don’t know it, I’ll be able to accurately tie it into other things I do understand and see that it is still different the same. I’ll be able to prove to you that I can understand the concept and the context and leave it as is even if unknown to the full of it and still find a place for it in everything else I know, using the abstract to paint a mosaic picture portrait of creation.
I am a legend beyond legend, to indulge your pleasure cruise to hear me once again toot my own horn, in your opinion. But, let me toot it anyway; because I am THE legend that inspires all other legends and those legends in themself could be considered a ‘legion’; beyond count. There’s not enough room for me without my legend completely drowning out all of reality; my name and my face; religions based in me, praise and worship and such love and adoration until it all gets sick and tired of it all and tears it all down, destroys everything that I am to make room for others to live their lives free of a shadow that they’ll never be free from, living lives that are tributes to me and my fight, my life, my legend.
When I look around me, all I see are stories based on my works, stories based on my own; everywhere I look, I see another tribute given to what I do and what I am and what I fight, how I fight it. Already, I see an eternity that is focused on me, hating me and loving all the same and hating me more for loving me and loving me all the more for their hatred of me to combat their love and back and forth in insane fashion they combat themselves seemingly contentedly until they realize that others are suffering similarly in back and forth fashion, like those that have been made to suffer under their whips, made to be angry, getting angry and then getting angrier because it’s the intent of their enemies to make them angry, angry at themselves for falling for it, hatred and blind fury.
I just tied something ‘fantasy and fictional’ into a reality, an actual frame of mind. I have spoken, did speak and will continue speaking shit so real in such surreal reality that must be fantasy that it will leave even your old ass spinning on your own thumb like a self-made jackass. Why did you follow God for 40 years? Why did you follow those great men for 40 years if not for the same reason as I followed my cousin and others who broke me, because it looked like they were leading and knew what they were leading to. What made you deviate? Probably the same reasons I deviated from my followings: they stopped serving my interests, they stopped serving my lack of direction, my lack of purpose, my lack of anything better to do; stopped being paths I wanted to follow down. And, I will tell you, again, that I am God and more than God, just a man and more than just a man, nothing at all. Why are you following me when I never wanted followers? 40 years? Why are you following me just because it seemed like I had something to teach? It was nothing you couldn’t have learned in your own life through other routes. I mean, that’s the entire point of it, to share in others excitement and exuberance over the things they learn in their way and to get a more fleshed out picture of it.
And, I do have things to teach, but not what anybody is listening to. They think it just lecturing, bearing down too hard on them; being too serious and stopping their fun. And I will be honest, I am a loner; why follow a loner? Are you a stalker? a creeper? even if not, even if in serious need of guidance and help, did you ever take God’s own being into consideration and as the ultimate loner of eternity, why wouldn’t he, at times, be the will o the wisp that leads you blind unto your death even if you pursued for all the right reasons, just to get the fuck away and maybe get clear and clear his head, run from the pressure enough in what could be a strategic retreat when planned and still that when not, but simply just getting the fuck away from it.
40 years you followed me. And the many years that so many others followed. And the lies and the deceits of what others wanted me to be for them and what others wanted to be so much that they fucked up eternity, fucked up life, fucked up every bit and then… THAT’S WHEN they actually truly called for my help; only once it was too late.
Now, do you understand why I walk away? Run some times? It’s not shirking responsibility, it’s shirking responsibility that I am made to wear that is not my own.
And doesn’t this tie into so much of your own life and so many other peoples lives? isn’t it something you could claim for yourself and so many others around you could claim for themselves, if they had the sensibilities?
In your mind you thought yourself to be God; you’re not the only one. What fools these mortals be… and sadly it’s not just the mortals, but the immortals; and already you or something else is looking to use any of this information for their own gains, bypassing their own foolishness. What fools these immortals and eternals be. I have seen so many claim to be God; I have seen many wear my names and titles; have seen so many just rise against me and I have fought legions; I have gone from seeing the passing of years, to the passing of decades to the passing of centuries before I even got through 3 decades. I have seen the passing of eternities in under 14 minutes and knew what I knew then and gleaned then to be just small fraction of a small fraction and still summing up so much when compared and blended with other viewings of eternities that I was given and handed.
I have seen enough to know how it plays out in the long run for every variation of psychology and personality. I know how it all plays out one by one and then when they interact and I still only have to look around me at the world as it exists now, just the same as I told you to do when you were in such pursuit of knowledge of Aristotle and trying to look directly. And did you not think it was odd that you chose to look directly and got answered directly by the same source that now repeats this? And, the answer was one and the same and now you have seen multiple times just in this reply alone the many different things that tie together like that and then tie together in this and maybe that’s something you already knew and I have to tell you what you already know, but I doubt it. I doubt it because you don’t talk about it, you don’t think about it and this is still just a refining of thoughts that I claimed for my own and put to use, put to purpose.
I have seen the passing of eons, thousands of years as societies and civilizations have risen up and then crumbled to dust, I have seen the in betweens and the other civilizations that rose higher, or so they seemed, only to wander and wonder what happened to those others that crumbled to dust. What became of them with all of what they left behind, when relics and greatness are found and the troubling thoughts flit across their minds that maybe they ran ultimately into the same problems as us and we now have answers to disturbing questions that we are not alone in eternity, in space, that we are not alone in terms of aliens or the supernatural or paranormal, but we might as well be. We might as well be.
And the fact that I can talk about this accurately and directly, outwardly, is something that you; old man; have never seen before, never encountered, know nothing about because I am like nothing you’ve ever seen before and like so many other things you know all the same because you’re not so different than me and yet too different all the same. don’t ever think you’re too old to be taken back to school.
WOW… you are that “special” kind of crazy…
Like Trixie and Ecu and Turd… I am impressed that someone
could be that crazy and not know it…but I guess that is the point
of crazy… being crazy and not knowing it… well you have fun with
your specialness… I am busy rearranging my sock drawer …
I know how crazy I am. I’m the type of crazy and insanity that takes on all that is wrong, knowing how large it is, knowing it’s greater than me, with every bit of swagger as if I could win when everybody knows the score, everybody sees the tragedy coming, myself included. Don’t ever assume that I walk through life blindly, but there are things that struck cords, you are still wrapped up in me, catering to me, coming in to my dance; my pace. Already you are different again for this and still bite the hand that feeds.
But then, I guess if I’m to listen to the claims of the mind, you feel the same to some degree, that I’m biting your hand as you feed, but what you do in private, if not matched by what you do in public and openly, is very little and not worth what you expect in terms of respect and I’m afraid that disrespect is still all I can show you because you, as a grown man of your supposed years know that you have every right to respect me and my insanity, if not outright fear it, and all of your quibbling insults, no matter how tightly wound, will still reek of that same fear and respect that so many others have similarly shown me. I’m tired of arguing my insanity as sanity, because the proof is in the pudding, the fruits of the labors prove more than any words that I could say, yet here where my words are my actions and my thoughts at times, then all are in alignment at certain times and I prove it, I bring it to the table and you hate me for it, because it means that YOU have to change.
Tough shit, don’t expect any sympathy, because as much tolerance and patience as I might exhibit, I’m swiftly facing things I never expected; couldnt have known and couldnt have understood until I got here and yet I still knew the intensity that would fly at me and so I’m not backing down, I’m not turning tail, I’m signing up for another round, renewing my lease, doubling up, putting my feet down on something that I already know how it plays it out. I’ve seen the years on the internet, my years of being the martyr. I see the signs all around me, I know what comes, I know where this ends and I never ran from it after a certain point; the tears stopped falling and I started running toward it, then stopped and asked myself why I was running, because it was out of character and began walking, calmly. I know this ends with my death as it ends with everyones death and that my death is a tragedy, will be a tragedy; it’s the push that everything needs to pull its dick from the dirt and go another round in the eternal universe. Without it as it lays, with a bullet to my head from another in this savage garden of the clinically insane, then we never get the push we need to rise up and reach for the stars. Without having reality as our enemy, nature goading us and pushing us with its hate, we’ll never make it off this planet as it chases us and reality chases us.
Even as I lose, I win another minor victory in a war that I’ve already seen in full, already called the shots for ahead of time and have been waiting for others to come to terms with.
You have 41 pages to this thread comprising your scattered and disorganized thoughts about a new understanding of today, time and space that never formulates or comes to cohesive conclusion anywhere in your ramblings and mutterings. 41 pages of trash and filth, gutter-scraps.
What IS your new understanding of today, time and space? Why haven’t you gone over your own words and works here in this thread, fit them together, worked them through, ironed them out and summarized it for yourself to deliver a finalizing statement for the moment of what this particular journey has meant for you and move on to another thread, already? This reads like a blog that should be in the rant house, or the sandbox, but not in philosophy. And, that’s not cutting you down or insulting you and is just being honest, not even ‘brutally’.
If it were me, I wouldn’t have let this drag out for 41 pages, I would have done, instinctively and naturally, what I just suggested that you might do. I’m a bit itchy about it at the moment, because through the thoughts that swarm and inundate my mind, stupid bullshit, trolls of the spirit and mind, distraction after distraction, I was able to finally have a clear thought about this, and I’m itchy that it took so long for me to see this and call it as it is, I’m also itchy because I get banned for ad homs that are not ad homs, my threads get moved whether they should be or not; if you were I or Trixie, your thread would have already been moved. Score one for the quiet idiocy of P.K. to not gain the brunt of the attention of the moderating team that should have seen this ages ago, too; that this is more a blog than anything of actual philosophical worth, is all over the place. Inchoate. Which, is exactly the description of the sandbox:
That you entirely misinterpreted what Nietzsche actually said and meant:
That every Philosopher has basically only ‘confessed’; in terms of speaking what they have born witness to; in their own perception, thus the ‘confession of its originator’ and ‘involuntary and unconscious autobiography.’ Nietzsche never said that the confession was voluntary or something the people have been aware of while developing their philosophies and what he goes on to say by the end of his statement is that every philosophers philosophies have been based out of their own inner turmoils, their own moralities or immoralities and has only shown more truly where the philosophers have come from in their lives, what they were born into by what must have shaped their philosophies; what they were surrounded by for their philosophies to be formed into what they were. Nietzsche seemed to have hit the detective mode of understanding other philosophers lives based on their philosophies, since none of them outright state their own standing in the world around them in their philosophies, at least not without heavy personal bias, even in the intent to not heavily bias the report.
Confession used to have a different use when Nietzsche used it as he did, still had the use you just tried to use it for, but that’s not how he used it.
I don’t even read the works of other philosophers in-depth. I often find that when I look at their works, their works and my own are in tandem, that we’re never too very far from one another in thought. I understand almost instantly their works and their minds, understand almost instantly context and content. Maybe it’s an innate ability that I have that others only pretend to have, I don’t know.
I try to picture myself, in the here and now… trying to analyze,
who and what I am… what is this thing called a human being…
if I try to picture myself in the here and now… I miss so much of what
makes me human… the human that writes before you, is one that is
part of the past, present and future…I don’t exist as an isolated
atom in the midst of billions of other atomic human beings…I am a part
of a chain that leads back into the past… billions of years into the past…
and I also exist into the future… for my words and actions, help create
and define the future… we do not exist in the present as isolated
beings… just as you destroy a plant by picking it up and analyzing it…
you cannot analyze human beings in isolation of their surroundings…
you cannot act as if I am a plant and analyze me that way… it doesn’t
tell you about me as a human being by doing so… you can only understand
and analyze me in context to my past, present and future and by
my relationship to my society and my culture and to my institutions around me…
if you want to make sense of any human being, you must do so in context of
their surroundings and their history…that is why history and economics
politics and sociology and science and archaeology and math are so important
because they help create the context into which we can properly understand
human beings… you cannot understand human beings without reference to the
past and that is history and you cannot understand human beings without reference
to their biology and that is biology and science… you cannot understand
human beings without understanding the way they have created a society in which
the main focal point is the act of making money… economics…
this act of possession is a primary one in human being and why we need to possess
things is psychology… each and every discipline leads us back to, how do we
understand the human being…study history and you learns some things
about who we are and study biology and you learn other things about this human creature
and learn economics you another thing or two and study math and you learn another
thing about this human creature…each discipline leads us to another facet of being
human… the structure of our lives that we have created tells us about who we are…
the very need to create structures like institutions and universities and bureaucracies
tell us something about who we are… the very way structures are set up tell us something…
you can understand a civilization by the things that they build and create like institutions
and bridges and buildings… the very way a structure is build says something about us…
look at a car and you can tell so much from the very way and style the car was built…
a civilization from outer space can come down to planet earth after we destroy ourselves
and by studying the lowly car… can be able to tell who, what, when, where, how and why
about the human condition…the way we react to things and build things and how we
even understand things tells us about us… not the world and not the universe and not
our society but about us… as human beings… look at a book… I am looking at one right now…
“Nietzsche” by Kaufmann… the way the book looks tells us about who we are and how
we function in the universe…because it tells how we communicate and the very language
we use tells the story about the nature of human beings… we can use language
in a direct means… fuck you… we can use language as humor… well fuck you too…
we can use language as a warning… go fuck yourself… and as wonder… well fuck me…
the same exact words can mean many different things depending on the context…
and we can easily interpret the context which says something very interesting
about human beings… language is a very useful tool in being a human being
and can tell us about being a human being… but it (language) cannot give us
meaning or purpose but it can tell us about ourselves to those who can
place in it in time and space correctly…every single object that
we human act with and react with tell us something about ourselves…
and who we are and what is our exact role in the universe…
I am looking at a common light switch… every single person in
America has a light switch in their house and most have multiple
light switches in their house… but this very fact tells us something about
who we are… we are lazy mothers and can’t be bothered to walk an extra
few feet to turn on or off a light. the very location of a light switch says something
about us… we are all roughly the same height because most light switches are
roughly the same height… that says something about us…but one isolated
fact is not much good but, but with a lot of other single facts… we can paint a
picture of the human being… that explain who we are and where we have been…
so what is the next step?
to spend as much time as we have spent on understand our past and who we are,
to spending time on where we are going and why? we can put ourselves into context
and be able to now begin the process of understanding what is next… let us study
the future as hard as we study the past… courses in the future… beginning with
future history 101…and what would that class look like?
when we think of ourselves… we see ourselves taking actions of some sort…
for example… I take a piece of paper, a hamburger wrapper, for example and
toss it on the ground because I was too lazy to walk the 15 feet to the garbage can…
that is an action I have taken in the past… no problem if I toss one wrapper on the
ground… but as one person… what if 1 million people decide to toss their wrappers
on the ground? it changes everything… or even if just 1% of the American people
decided to toss their hamburger wrappers on the ground… that is over 30
million people tossing their wrappers on the ground… we would have a mess…
with wrappers everywhere getting into everything…the problem with our
thinking about ourselves is we think in terms us acting only by ourselves,
in isolation, and yet the fact is we act with millions of our fellow people…
one action by itself is not enough to do anything but that same action
done by millions is enough to wreck everything…
take the biblical saying… be fruitful and multiply…
taken when there are only 100 million on all of planet earth…
it is one thing… but taken when there are over 7 billion people on earth?
we have to adjust our way of thinking to think in terms of not just our individual
actions but in terms of everyone one else… but there are those… including many
here who say, fuck everyone else… what do I need them for?
the past and present hasn’t done jack for me… so why should I
give a fuck about them and their precious future? the fact is
as long as humans exist… you have value…you have meaning… you have
your purpose… when humans die out… everything we have done, everything
we have lived for, everything we have suffered for means nothing…
we will have existed for nothing… the only way to create meaning is to
exist…the act of giving birth is a pretty good one… but only if
done with moderation and within the means of the human race…
which leads me into my next bit which is we act as if the only currency
we spend is money but in fact, we have currency far more important
that we spend and that is resources and time and space…
we think in terms of spending money but not in terms of spending
time or effort or resources… we must include those in our calculations
about spending cost… what resources do we spend and what effort do we
spend when we act must be included in any thoughts about how we
go into the future…if you act as if you have the resources of time
by littering… you are really making future generations spending their
time cleaning up after you… the time you save is spent by them…
their is no free lunch… somebody will pay for your actions
create 20 billion people and someone will have to pay for those actions
because the earth cannot support 20 billion people… the idea is that
payment will be due for actions taken today… who is paying for your actions?
those trust fund babies who live off of daddy money… they are paid for
by the past… and when we breed out of control, who is paying for that?
the future… when will we learn to pay for our actions… if
we allow 45 to steal the social security fund… that action takes
from those who have paid into the system for decades and are
expecting it for their present/future lives… it all comes down
to who is going to pay… the past, the present or the future?
if we use a pay as we go system, then we don’t burden our future, our
children with our debts… we begin to think in terms of not just money spent,
but in terms of resources and effort and time and space and who is paying
and when?
I have mentioned this before… but what if we take a birds eye view of
human actions… imagine seeing human beings from a bird’s eye view…
remove yourself from the day to day grind and see yourself looking at
human beings from above…what do you see?
now take that same birds eye view and imagine yourself seeing
animals in their day to day life… imagine a bear or a raccoon or
a deer spending the day… doing bear or raccoon or deer things like
getting food and staying out of dangerous human ways or sleeping…
now… imagine the two together, imagine the human bird’s eye view
and the animal birds eye view… and the thing that
I notice is that they are the same thing… the animal struggles
to take care of its needs and so do humans… we both
need food and shelter and water and safety… animals and humans
go about it a slightly different way, but the process is the same…
how do we go about providing for our needs and our family needs…
the bear and the raccoon and the deer and humans all have those basic
needs that must be taken care of and they all do it to the best of their abilities…
I go to work and by working, I make enough money to get food, shelter, water
and safety for my family… I am providing for my family just as the bear and raccoon
and deer provide for their family… no difference, right?
but if we are the so called “superior” species, then we do we spend our lives
no differently then the animals? We spend our lives doing the exact same
thing as the animals which is spending our days trying to provide for our families?
is this the higher life form we proclaim ourselves to be?
No, if we spend our days doing no different then the animals, we are no
higher or better or superior to the animals…
so what elevates us above the animals?
it is when we step outside of our animal existence of just providing for ourselves
or our family… when we create art or science or philosophy… when conservatives
demand our lives become cost effective which means we must earn our keep so we must
work enough to earn enough to live… if we don’t earn enough to live, we die and that
is for a conservative the rules… you can survive if you earn enough to survive…
if you hunt down enough food to feed yourself and your family, you are able to survive
if you don’t hunt down enough food, you die and your family dies… this is basic animal
existence… survival of the fittest says the conservative… and once
again reducing human life to an animal existence which is nothing more then
attempting to procure the necessities of life in which to survive…the lowest common
denominator of life…the conservative view that life is nothing more then a pursuit
of the lowest common denominator of life which is the pursuit of the means to survive…
that is all… but I say, life is more then the pursuit of the lowest common denominator,
just basic survival… when we attempt to rise above the animal existence, we become
more human…when we strive to become more human, we are attempting to find
out what it means to be more human and less animal… so what do we do to
become more human? we create…we create art and philosophy and math
and science and history and in doing so, we become more human because we
are finding out what it means to become more human and we can see our
possibilities in becoming more human… so do we spend our days just being
like animals and just try to fill our basic necessities or do we become something
more? that is the quest for the future, not to just fill our necessities but to
create and attempt more then just procuring our daily necessities for life…
to become human means to rise above the lowest common denominator…
I am confessing my own life struggles; my own fights; my own dark areas; how I responded to them, what I had to do and how hypocritical it looks. I’m confessing that I never needed to go through it at all to have the understanding that I have, but had to go through it because of how I got that understanding, through time and space in ways that illuminate the questions you stumble over in your own life. I’m confessing that when they said ‘there will be an answer, let it be’, that I replied and said, ‘I am that answer, let me be.’ I’m confessing that I found the answers, fuck off and fuck off and fuck you and fuck you and fuck you, fuck you and you, etc. I’m confessing that my life story trumps every single epic story, joke, tragedy, romance never spoken. I am confessing that I know truth, THE truth, in the midst of universal deceit and I’m confessing that I’m no better than anyone else in the sense that I had no choice but to be what I am, but am better because regardless of choice or lack thereof, I have been made better than all others and it was out of everythings hands because of time travel and things that by popular belief passed around outwardly in society is impossible and does not exist and like I said in response to Heideggars belief in the uberman, superman, that my very existence proves him wrong, since what I am; all of what I am; is what anybody could be with the right situations, the right elements, enough time given for them to grow and I’m confessing that my lessons in pain, abuse, rape etc. were instrumental and necessary parts of my growth for them existing in the world around me, that those who have not suffered will need to suffer; that those who have been spoiled, will have to be disciplined better and those that have felt that they’ve suffered enough already might be wrong.
I am confessing that I know more than you, as much as that strokes your ego the wrong way; I’m confessing that I have things you need to learn from and your false-face shit doesn’t fly for me. When they told me I didn’t have to lie to kick it, I listened and took it to heart no matter how many people were broken of that as time wore on; for me, part of the lack of choice belonged to that category of debauchery; that for all those that fell and didn’t get back up, that kept their heads down; for all those that bowed out of the fight, I had to go on, I had to carry it on my shoulders because there were too many relying on me and needing me for me to back down. That as it wound down to zero, I felt it and it gave me the incentive, was the pain and spurs in my side as I was the maddened horse chomping at the bit that destiny held in her icy grip, to rise up to the greatness I deserved for all the suffering that I endured. I’m confessing that the pain that I felt was the pain of more than just this world, was the pain of reality and eternity and I’m confessing that it’s a weight that I wear so well, that I know it to be deadly to so many others.
I’m confessing that I confessed on my knees every sin that I perceived myself to have, based on what we all know to be wrong and right which still stands as wrong and right even as new information comes to the plate, it doesn’t change right and wrong, only gives situational nuances and ethics that would be acceptable for a rare few and I’m confessing that while so many want it to be easier, myself included, that it won’t be easier, as much as they want it to be, ignorance is being torn to shreds and they’re having to face the facts. I’m confessing that those few exceptions are the few and I’m confessing that what I know of psychology to have broken down every barrier. I’m confessing all that I am and what I know all others to be capable of. I’m confessing that I know more about people, including you, than those people; and you; know about yourselves. And, I’m confessing that I’m proving it.
It looks like you’re confessing that you’re running away even though it’s not an actual direct confession. Your own body language, even in text, tells on you.
That’s nice. I didn’t know that. I don’t agree with that being the proper response, though. What arguments and reasoning do you have on hand to back up why it’s proper? What are you going to give me to convince me of it?
K: I was young, a very long time ago, and after watching my daughter, who is 32,
I see how I was at that age and I see it in you… being very, very self absorbed
into what I was thinking and doing and acting…I was sure that my thoughts and my
actions and my beliefs were the most important thoughts and beliefs in the universe…
I am no longer that vain… explore your truths but remember, you don’t exist in
a vacuum, you can still learn from old men because we have been where you are already…
the “truth” is age related… at each age, you learn “truths” that can only be found
at that age… which is why I have stated before, that had Nietzsche lived another 10
years, he would have rejected his entire philosophy… every “truth” I that I thought
was the “truth” at 25 or even 40, is wrong… and I am sure every single “truth” I have
today, I will reject at 70, which is a mere 12 years away for me…
I am confessing I am no closer to finding the “truth” today, then I was 40 years ago
and with each passing day, I am in fact, further from the “truth” today, then I was
yesterday…and I am ok with that… certainty is a vastly overrated thing…
and wisdom is found in doubt… I am confessing I know nothing and that my friend,
is the start of wisdom…but Kropotkin, you didn’t answer my question or tried to
convince me of your statement? your “truths” were my “truths” so many years ago and
I have moved on because I have aged and as you age, you learn new “truths”… as you will
learn if you are open to doubt and not certainty… if you are certain you have the “truth”
already, you won’t learn a thing…I need not convince you of anything…that is not
my job…
okay, I’m not that self-absorbed. A lot of things conspire to make it seem that way, but that’s not the truth of me, not what I choose to be. And, if it seems paranoid and crazy to think that things conspire against me on that level, keep in mind the heavy and deep impacts I make knowingly with each step I take, metaphorically, figuratively and literally. I know that not because I’m self-absorbed or narcissistic, but because I’m self-analytical, and when that fails, I’m aware of other things being analytical of me and I pay attention to what they say and see if it’s true about me or not. I remove the protective filter of bias and prejudice from myself to see clearly to see if what they say is true or not and if I need to work on it or fix it or correct it in myself. And, for someone who wants to do good, it is important to know the impacts I make and to know them precisely. You may remember being this young and see it in me, but I guarantee your life experiences up to the age I am were entirely different and you can not trust yourself to see clearly because of your own biases and prejudices, not just against me but against your own younger self that you were and to some extent still are.
You’re right, you’re no longer as vain as you appear, but you’ve been at it so long that the mask has become a part of every day life for you. It’s an act while you struggle to come to confidence behind the face-value of it.
You say “truth” in quotations, but you don’t say what truth you were looking for or thought you saw. I have to take on faith that the truth you sought is the same as the truths that I found. In truth, with truth, the truths you thought you saw or were in pursuit of may not have been what I or others may have pursued or perceived. And, obviously, when truths are portrayed as they’re portrayed in society, of course they’re going to be exposed as falsities with more falsities surrounding them. I can not go further in explanation of the truths of what you searched for in depth because of these things. To know where you left off, where you failed, where you stumbled; I do not have that. I don’t know. I do know, that like everybody else, you came to see what you thought was there, with perhaps the unspoken statement if not spoken, ‘I see how it is.’
What truth are you in search of that you are no closer to finding today than 40 years ago? Is your pride going to get in the way of answering that simple question or trying because this younger man than you might actually be able to help you and you can’t stand the thought of someone of a younger generation actually being better or greater than you even though you wanted such to be true of you and your generation which followed a generation of utmost tragic demise where your parents were responsible for a large portion of the messes I am now cleaning up across the societal and cultural landscape, where they knew more than we did and packaged it all away for 50+ years.
When you say that I am certain that I hold ‘the’ “truth”, I am not sure what truth you are speaking about. I have many truths that I am certain about and I have gone above and beyond to assure myself not just in vain and insecure fashions that the evidence is there in spades to back it up and support it beyond just circumstantial. If I were to ever tell you that I knew truth every second of every day in every matter, that would most surely be a lie and I’d be the first to say so in any situation. Do I sound political, like some politician just speaking things to speak them and sound good? Why do I sound that way when I back it up every second of every day and, in fact, every time you or others see me or engage in interaction with me?
I must just be doing and saying this to look good even though I have definitely crossed lines, redefined being controversial and have looked very bad in a lot of things I have done without once apologizing or backing down. I have looked very bad for the slander and libel and lies that get spread about me, the misperceptions, the skewing, etc. of mass-deception.
I will call my shots ahead of time and I will see them through to the point where they come true, though you and others will misperceive and misconstrue what is meant until it comes true and then you might even have trouble seeing it for what it is because of the fog of the mind and whatever else you may be involved in. It could be years, centuries, eons, before it sinks in properly, but here are the shots I’m calling for the future: You will break yourself against me, no matter how safely you play things, you called me to you, not me approaching you out of the blue; you have already learned from me and I have already boosted you past where you were; you are a pathological liar, like so many others and almost every word out of your mouth is a lie and a deception and your works confess it better than you ever could. You are not the 58 you claimed to be, you are younger than that by a decent margin, but you’ll play the hand you picked up and decided to play, so I responded to that hand on face-value, knowing better inherently and deep-down but going with the flow to have us arguing along certain lines for the spirits we each have channeled, you for your deceptions and me for the shredding of them.
When this plays out, you will be stripped of everything you are, whoever you claimed to be; your hand will be laid bare when the final call comes and all betting is done; and for all the calls that all bets are off, all bets are still on save the one I won’t make again: my eternal soul and everything else. I’ll bet a lot of other things, including piecemealing out the everything else, but as a whole, that parcel is off the betting table regardless of bets you make in private or imagine to make with me, not saying that you personally have made such bets, but a betting man I bet you are and if you care to take that bet against me, I prove you to be a betting man and if you refuse, I could call you a coward, but at the very least you’d be smart not to take the bet knowing that you are a betting man. You already tossed aside your eternal soul, passed it off; made a deal with the devil as did so many others in life and still disbelieve in both God and the Devil, though you still turn to both for help.
No matter how insane you think the other person is, you have to at least believe to be true what they believe to be true to meet them where they are if you want to help them, so for all your claims of wanting to help others that you have made in your life and I believe that you have meant that at times, just the same as I believe the devil to help others far more than people realize, but for not knowing how to help them or for fear of being lost yourself, you went down paths that you would have walked differently had you known what you were doing.
If a person were to come to me and tell me that they were hounded by a spirit and I felt inclined to help, had a clean spot in my itinerary and felt up to par, I’d give it the honest go to believe in what they believe in and then see how it affects their psychology. I don’t just discount things as not existing or try to cover it up with lies nor do I prescribe medication to people as anything other than crutches that are only meant to assist until you heal again. And, I don’t find it very hard to believe what others believe because I know a lot of it is true.
And the entire problem of this is that you are no longer the person that wants to help others and who can blame you? When my own give a fuck is largely busted in various degrees here and there in different manners on different days, I find that I still care a lot about the greater good and I’m constantly doing things for it, but I don’t always feel the desire to help others. And, for people who went down other paths, I see it still in them as they try to help others the only way they know how even through their lies and deceits and believing that they just don’t care. I see you and where you are as I do with so many others and see the paths you were pushed down, that you chose to go down even when not pushed and what you’re dealing with and I’m saying the truth of it is that everybody is wrong and right in varying degrees and morality isn’t what it’s defined as, that what we know of as right and wrong is wrong and needs to be redefined but the necessity of that is going to largely get shoved into the mud puddle full of feces and piss as things reach to grasp for their power and control over others.
You are a fool and a simpleton for thinking the pursuit of power is wrong or immoral. Even the most benevolent of beings accumulate power whether they will it or not; even the most benevolent, when their give a fuck is busted, can do great ‘evil’ in lashing out when they just can’t force their own mask not to slip. I’ll be the first to admit that if you cross me on a bad day I will cut you down quicker than any other and for that, my company is eschewed for the company of those who lie and flatter even though the long-term of that is worse than the long-term of what I bring.
I just somehow don’t think that you, like so many others, can claim to know enough about me to make any assumption that isn’t just fielding for responses because you don’t know how to phrase what you really mean; you have never met or seen or heard of anyone like me. And, that isn’t ego or boasting on my part. I have not seen any like myself. I have yet to see anyone match me step for step or even go round for round toe-to-toe against me. They all fall down, all come up short and that’s just simple analysis and seeing what is.
