The man behind the Phred

The other day, I walked 10 miles outside of Redding, heading west, to see if I could find a bridge. In the course of being homeless and traveling, I have found a certain fondness to be under bridges. It’s nice, there’s usually a river or creek and I’m out of view so people aren’t likely to hassle me. On top of it, if it rains heavy, I’m out of the rain. And, after 8 months of being in Redding, it’s become a little bit suffocating. Almost everyone I run into smokes meth and there isn’t too much good business being done that isn’t trying to underhand others around them. So, I walked ten miles and found not a single place to get out of the rain if I wanted to get out of town for a bit, but did walk far enough to see the Dam that Shasta County has in its area and I was glad for that, at least. It was a beautiful sight and shasta county does have beautiful scenery. On top of it, in town, it’s been raining a lot recently and as much as natives say that this is the norm for this part of the US, I’ve a strong feeling that it’s not, and when it rains as it has been raining, there’s just not enough room for all of the homeless and it breeds an air of desperation and despair. With all of the homeless that ruin it for everyone else (and it’s not like they don’t have a reason for leaving their trash and disrespecting society) and for the lack of compassion and empathy and understanding on the part of people who have homes, the homeless are being pushed out of the only dry spots they have available to them simply due to the slight discomfort of the rest of society around them.

And, it’s rather a pity that many of the homeless had no choice to but to be homeless. They say, go get a job as if everybody is able to. They say it without knowing our situation, without knowing our surroundings, without any sense of knowing reality whatsoever.

So far, I’ve walked a couple of miles to the south looking for such a place outside of town that I could camp if need be, a couple miles to the west and just yesterday, I traveled to the north and found a decent place for sunny days and clear nights, but then there are several of those places in town and outside in any direction. Huge hill to the north and the weather turned again during the night, so it looks like more rain. I’ll have to wait until that clears and then take a chance on the next sunny day as the weather and assholes who want to try to control it to drown the ‘homeless rats’ show their capriciousness and finicky natures. If we’re rats, if we’re less than human, what are they that are caught in their ways of life without choice? What are they that turn on their own kind and refuse understanding, refuse reasoning, refuse to do anything but hate and make life harder all around?

Either way, it doesn’t bother me much other than I still fight for a better world. I largely no longer give a fuck other than I’m put into discomfort by it all. If not for the sheer momentum of my years spent at a harder pace and if not for taking it out of my own hands to have things force me to fight for a better world even when I don’t necessarily want to or have the incentive to, I’d largely have just given up and just become much like a comatose vegetable, waiting for the end of my days and years. Waiting for the bullet between the eyes I’ve seen so much in my minds’ eye.

And, I truly don’t say this for sympathy or pity. It’s just a simple truth. Beyond fear, beyond apathy, beyond the need to make others feel shitty for it, it’s pure acceptance of the fact that I am dead, have been dead, will die completely some day and just no longer care though I’m not in a hurry to meet that fate if, by any chance, my life can become better by the time I die. I’ve already faced it completely, already looked death square in the eyes. Even on my worst days, I’m not broken, I’m not completely down. I can get up if need be. There’s no strong emotion attached to it. There’s no lack of emotion. It’s just speaking simple truth that I have to explain and then when I explain it because I have to, so many other things try to push their perceptions of the emotions I should be feeling while I state these simple truths. A lot of things are going to be put through massive amounts of pain for it all, and that is my revenge for every time I’ve played fair, shot myself in the foot to do right, cut my losses, etcetera.

Even 10 miles outside of town is not something I can’t walk to in just a couple hours. Nothing I can’t walk back to get into town when I need to for food in the same couple of hours on a different day. And, I prize my alone time away from other people even if I can’t get away from the voices and visions in my mind. I prize being able to get away for a couple days to a week or two to clear my head to some degree, have food and water enough to last me so I can actually manage to get away for more than just a couple of hours and I know it’s a journey that many of those in town can’t make and I’m happy for it that whatever enemies I may have can see me walk down that road and will be unable to follow. For one, they don’t have the leg muscles built up for it. Walking somewhere out of town is different than walking all day in town. having the supplies they would need for such a journey is something they’re not used to thinking about. Having the pack to be able to fill it with the things they need similarly not what they’re used to and even if it is, it’s still different carrying it with you when most of them are used to stashing it somewhere or having others watch it for them while they work their hustles, and then comes the dependency on their hustles, on the people around them, on the town itself.

Beyond that, there’s the knowledge that outside of town is a different type of danger. More possibilities of wild animals, of being hunted like wild animals themselves by their fellow humans where the law won’t necessarily care and they have nobody who will miss them when they’re gone enough to raise a cry to have something done about it. There’s a lot of other factors that play into it, but for all of those, the simple fact is that many of them are stuck in town, stuck in their ways of life no different than those who work and who have jobs. Those who aren’t stuck are the rare few.

So, on a different day than today, I’ll continue to look for a place outside of city limits where I can go at times while I stay here in Redding even during harsh weather. Looks like rain today, and it’s chilly. Best to stay close to town where I know I can find limited shelter here and there. It pays to be patient when it comes to life and death, pays not to get too far ahead of practicality or keeping your wits about you. Pays not to panic.

And, I’m not quite dead yet for all of my statements of being dead already. Have I not already stated clearly that I have mastered the art of self-healing and self-resurrection and self-forgiveness and, for this, am marked as the greatest criminal of eternity? For going legit, for overcoming the stigma of being just another criminal, for actually rehabilitating my own self, I am marked as the greatest criminal. My infamy most assuredly wipes others completely off the board.

You say you’re a super mastermind and all that, then why don’t you go to that girl who you love and make it happen? What’s she got on you? She’s a dumb bitch, you can outsmart her. Don’t let her sit on her high horse and let her ruin and spit on your dreams, give her what she deserves. For crying out loud… Joker up man, introduce a little anarchy. And don’t give me some goodie-two shoes speech of why it can’t happen…You’ve got nothing to lose…you’re fuckin’ homeless, you said you’re a dead man walking…Dont let that cunt on her high horse get away with giving you a living death…Joker up man. Dont let her keep kicking you in the balls. What do you have to lose? If I was homeless…there would be a lot of people who’d wish I wasn’t…

You… you are absolutely right. You have given me much to think about that I haven’t already considered. You, ma’am, have completely side-swiped me with a possibility that I can just take what I want, get what I want without any negative consequences towards me or my greater project. There are no other reasons for why I don’t do this. None whatsoever!

Did you forget already that I walked to Florida from Washington State for her. Traveled 3300 miles and would have traveled more if there hadn’t been a lot of reasons not to pursue it. Actual legit reasons and not bullshit reasons. But, you go ahead and think you’ve got things to teach me.

Btw, here’s a face that’ll haunt you just as much as my words already haunt you. This be the she:

She wants to fight, too.

Just a dumb bitch to me, seen them before. Already have enough that haunt me on my own, dont need to look at another one.

What is your global project or is it top secret.

Looks like kind of a tubby bumpkin.

for one, she’s hotter than Trixie. For two, she’s definitely out of the league of all other men on this message board, in fact, out of the league of all other men in existence. And, that isn’t putting her on a pedestal. That’s calling her a woman that puts all other women to shame. And, power attracts power.

She was made to co-rule reality. She is Queen of Queens, Goddess of Goddesses. Rawr. She was made for me and I was made for her and we had no choice in the matter, but what the Hell does choice have to do with any part of anyones life? Amiright? I’m right.

It’s like, we had no choice but to love each other, but when given the choice, we chose to love each other. Which makes for natures greatest tragedy since we can’t has each other. Which is part of realities insanity, which bred us, raised us, put us in places of power that made us perfect for each other. We’re riding the insanity cycle together. it’s a helluva rollercoaster.

So, this girl loves you and is banging you now?

Hotter than me? Hotter than Joker maybe.

Why the fuck can’t you ever be serious and quit fucking with me. Do you honestly think I give a shit at all about what you’re going through or your inability to handle it. When have I ever asked you about your life or what was going on in it? Have I seemed like an over-attentive care bear that actually gave a shit about what your deal is? No, I never asked a single time. All I did was ask you to bring better argument to the table, better theses and to pull your head out of your fucking ass and quit fucking around. Over and over again, all you do is act like a bitch. I’m sorry you crossed my path and decided to fuck with me. I’m sorry I didn’t put up with it. I’m sorry I continuously showed you up and never once relented. Are you happy that I apologized to your whiny bitch ass? You gonna get over yourself now?

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZcRU0Op5P4[/youtube]

My study of the human species requires me to know this information.

Have you had sex with this woman (consentually) or not yet? I want to probe deeper into your psyche and draw correlations to your behavoirs.

Regardless of your studies, your logic is illogical. Just because you study the human species does not mean that you have the right to know anything.

I am the most logical person on planet earth, I am a computer programmer. I’m more logical than any of those quack jobs like Steven Hawkings, Richard Dawkins, or Einstein.

Who are you gonna tell these truths? Everybody with a soul is worthy of the truth. Even villians give James Bond the truth. Who are you gonna tell the truth to, your quack job therapist? So they can make more quack job psychotherapy misdiagnosis in the DSM6?

You never once gave me truth. Who are you to talk to me of truth? I have never once pried into your life, who are you to pry into mine? I ask legit questions of you, what exactly are you studying where you would need to know the answer to the questions you have asked of me?

You and others have not once actually answered a single fucking question I’ve ever asked of you. I must not be worthy of truth. But you, a tormenter of others, obviously more soulless than me, suddenly claims to have a soul and are worthy of hearing truth?

Here’s a truth: I won my eternal soul and EVERYTHING ELSE, in a gamble against the devil. Your soul is mine, it’s up to me to determine if you’re soulless or not and you have not once given me the respect I have demanded of you and beyond demanding, have earned.

Bow down, kiss my shoes, kiss my ass, brush your lips against the dingleberries of my asshole hairs and I still won’t answer certain questions you ask because they are none of your fucking business.

Bullies have souls.

Don’t know about you, but I was born with ownership of my soul, since I am my soul more than I am my body. Didn’t have to ask the ownership from the devil.

I already answered your question, I said I was studying the human species…

I would also say, bullies have higher concentrations of souls, to bully is to emotionally lash out to deposit pain. It means they are more sensitive souls than non-bullies. Bullying is a feminine pasttime, real men don’t waste time on it, real men only seek to hunt farm and build.

You were not born with ownership of your soul or your body. You were born where the government of the US owned your body, and were born where both the devil and god had claim to your eternal soul. And beyond those two, others had claim to your soul, too. For you to claim to have been born with ownership of your soul is a lie. You didn’t know any better and probably didn’t know you were lying, but check it out; investigate it.

Go into depth about what you are studying. You already stated once that you were studying the human species, that’s a ‘no shit’ repeat. The fact is that you don’t want to tell me exactly what it is you’re studying and even if you were to tell me, I’d still tell you it’s none of your business. I already know you spend a huge portion of your time studying me and paying attention to me. It’s not a secret, you’re not as sly and clever as you think you are. And, what you can learn about the human species by studying me or the answer to that specific question is ridiculously the same answer you could get by studying anything and everything else, even what’s not related to the human species. At the core of it, you were going to insult me again no matter how I answered, if I answered. It’s your modus operandi, your ligature killing method. You were looking for something to dig into me more with and I denied you that avenue.

And, again, it’s a question with an answer that is none of your fucking business. Again, I do not go prying into your life that way. I don’t go prying around in your head, I don’t go ripping out life moments and I don’t request that you share with me because even if I did, it would more than likely be you prompting me to so you could then push me that because you shared your life more, that I should share mine. Your life is your business, it’s not my business to go invading others privacy. There is no scientific study you’re on, it isn’t even personal curiosity.

Where were you going to post your findings or publish them? How would you post or publish them? ‘In the course of my research of whether this singular man fucked his soul mate or not, I had encountered a great deal of wealth of information and knowledge that helped nobody else in society whatsoever and instead found only knowledge to use in my arsenal of insults that I hurl against a man that I am too caught up in, that has ‘ruined’ my life for reasons I am not fully forthright and honest about, but I told him that it was a scientific study and would have giggled to myself if he had bought it.’

‘my scientific study is a fieldwork guide of how to come up with insults for your enemies on the fly by fishing for information you figure they might be stupid enough to divulge.’

The scientific world is waiting with held breaths and turning blue in the faces in the waiting for your stunning work. Any minute now they could drop dead if I don’t comply and answer your question. I say, ‘let them die’.

Actually, to bully is more than to emotionally lash out to deposit pain and you know it. Quit being a stupid cunt.

I don’t plan insults with you, think of it like an autotracking minigun, it just automatically fires with the main cannons.

And yeah do I have a giggle at you, absolutely. You remind me of this homeless guy who was a total cunt to me and his self-righteousness was so overbearing it was funny. Funny I didn’t do what I really wanted to to him. Him and his…well, Won’t get into that. What else can I do but sit back and laugh at you? It’s so funny when your writings come off like some Teenage girl…“Respect my privacy” Funny cuz I haven’t heard that one before.

As a scientist, sometimes the studying is the entertainment in of itself. It’s like, will society really benefit from studying some obscure fossil from the Jurrassic Period? No not really. And yeah, I hear what you are saying about the science community, they need a rebirth. Of course they don’t care about what I have to say, they are all biased bigots, a bunch of circle jerkers only recognizing each other’s accolades of their gated community. Outsiders, of course, are never allowed, and we have to sit and hear their regurgitated thoughts as if we couldn’t think of anything better.

And What’s this crap about god and the devil? You mean this as a metaphor right?

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyFIzKYQQYE[/youtube]

The woman has spoken. I must respect her decree, these are modern times and a woman must be obeyed.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLQX2XQfYQs[/youtube]