Oh, um…
I know this guy named Mannikin, he has a thread called “The Body Is The Temple” thread. I would look into buying some testosterone stickers at GNC, and trade workout tips on how to buff up a bit, you’ll get those impulses more, and can make actual physical gains as a result. I think he would make a excellent internet workout buddy for you, because he will likely grasp more about making a switch regarding sex hormones. It is quite possible to make this turn around, one of your Nietzschean buddies, Yukio Mishima, went from bring a despondent skinny gay guy into BDSM and said fuck it, he wanted a woman. So he started working out constantly, became a muscle builder, got a woman interested in him- she accepted his weird situation of bring a gay guy who could only ejaculate if he was imagining dying or being tortured by other men, and he had children.
Yes, he never stopped being gay, would revert occasionally to that lifestyle, but his wife accepted him because he did love her, obviously made a effort to keep her around, and was a father… at least until he launched a coup against the Japanese government in front of the news media, then for no reason whatsoever had a friend hastily cut his fucking head off in front of the confused as fuck captured general.
Obviously sexual kinks, cross dressing, etc it doesn’t fade completely. Any woman you find is gonna have to accept that your gonna occasionally do that, just how memories work, they creep back in, take over. If you want a woman though, a serious one, I say keep marching. I spent a year of my life barely able to walk without a bad limp, homeless, just carrying a pack rebuilding my leg. A healthy look is a prerequisite to a decent woman, nothing wrong with your natural, God given physique, given your ancestors managed to breed using the same genes you have.
I think Manni would make a excellent friend in this transition period, and that you should seek feedback from the women on the forum from time to time about how your looking, your mannerisms, etc. They k or your not gonna come out looking like Fabio, but I think they will all be rooting for you and will offer suggestions to you. Every woman knows a fat woman who couldn’t find a man, started working out, lost weight, dolled up… then got a man, and they generally ate supportive of this.
It is possible. It isn’t like you won’t be able to pop a dress on if you absolutely must later on if you feel you have to. Your body is male, it is healthiest as male, your most attractive as a male, and it makes sense that women are going to be most responsive to you as a male, and dammit- your sperm production for baby making will work better without all those female hormones. They were always a crutch giving you a identity, but aren’t you. They can’t determine who you are, but they can seriously complicate your goals towards gaining a woman then family by your side. If you absolutely don’t want a woman, or kids, disregard me.