When are you going to get off the streets?
Why is it any of your business?
When are you going to learn to not ask questions that aren’t any of your business to Know? Are you that concerned about my well being, and if so, are you going to offer me a place to stay, offer to buy me drugs and food, etc, offer to find work for me to do to earn my Keep? Or, are you dissatisfied that being homeless has not yet broken me down and is looking like it never will.
I think it’s more the latter and I rather think you enjoy spreading around societally prescribed bad medicine of bad language and bad expectations to try to have me and others view homelessness as worse than it actually is. Not that it’s a bed of roses, but at the point of selling out and buying into bullshit and having the expectation linger in the air that I would stop my one man stand once I did so does no service in actually having me stop enjoying my life the best I can even though homeless and even though I’m now under worse attack than ever before.
I deserve more money for what I do, but I don’t expect it from a broken and ass backwards world. Now, get out of my face, little girl.
I’m still waiting to see just what it is I need to learn about the world that people supposed I didn’t learn in elementary school, middle school, high school, my jobs I’ve had, on the internet, etc. I’m waiting to see just what it is I’ve missed that people hint that I still need to learn.
Im pretty sure ive seen it and its mostly the same old thing of intimidation and threats designed to get me to shut up and bend to what the world is or be broken by it, yet ive been fighting that for years already withiut being unduly intimidated or threatened by it, without being broken. Am i supposed to fear death more now or something? Im just curious because it seems that people must have thought me to be more bluff and blather than actual substance, must have expected me to be cowards like theyve often found themselves to be.
The truth is that insanity is vastly more boring than sanity. It’s completely predictable, predictably insane and predictably the sanest thing since everyone is insane. It’s the most widespread, lied about, openly admitted, disease of boredom.
To be sane is vastly more insane, vastly more interesting in its boring approach to an insanity it’s already tasted and been and found sanity through the pain of retarded bullshit. It’s like watching paint dry. Those who don’t understand consider it a waste of time.
The sad Part? You actually thought being sane was boring. It was just another way of doing the same thing. Just rebellion against the norm and normal. Insanity is the preferred method of the masses, didn’t you know? We just call it different things.
I can ride my bike with no bike at all. I call it walking. It’s a new invention. Eventually everyone will be using it, but I’ll always be the best at it since I started using it first. I’m just looking for an investor so I can begin mass production of it.
So… Meth has become boring and pointless. I’m almost really disappointed by the drugs that the world has to offer. Shit, they’re not even as bad or as good as simple sobriety. Oh well. Live and learn, I guess. It’s almost a pity that I didn’t even get to act like a retard while on drugs like so many other people got to do. All just calm and chill and doing my thing and not even fitting in. It’s like, one of these things is not like the others, one of these things just don’t belong. And then I move on and the awkward part is that I’m moving on while still sticking around and having to deal with people who honestly think I want to still hang out with them after being heavily disrespected and almost taken advantage of almost screwed over. Callin my name as I walk down the street expecting me to turn my head and just come running over like a dog when called, but I just keep walking.
Is it my fault that I had a lonely upbringing where I played every game by myself and got really good at it? I bet it is. I bet I planned it all out before I was even born, cause I’m like all super mastermind and clever like that. Time loops never collapse on themselves. >_>
=D>
Is such a thing patentable?
Perhaps, but I’m afraid that it would lose the quality that attracted me to it once mass-produced. they’d want to streamline it, and then try to figure out a way to profit off of it and there’s not much money to be made off what we came into this world with the use of. Maybe if we got rid of wheeled things and returned to before that invention of non-necessity, but I doubt such a lazy society will be quick to depart down that road. We’ve turned large profits on non-necessity items, after all.
I guess our taxes pay for us having the privilege to walk upon pavements, so not so much patentable as taxable.
Things I’ve learned in life:
- We all have our demons, no matter what you want to call them.
- Real strength isn’t about muscles.
- The darkest hour never comes in the night.
- The only thing you should fear is fear.
- No matter what, bad things will always happen.
- No matter what, good things will always happen
- Science, Religion, and everything along those lines all acknowledge the same things; just by different names.
- Where proof ends, faith begins.
- Nothing is ever more than just a passing moment in life.
- At your weakest moments, you will find strength you never knew you had.
- At your strongest moments, there will always be some thing that humbles you.
- You can only avoid your problems for so long before they catch up to you.
- Everyone lies; nobody wants to hear the truth all the time.
- There are exceptions to every rule, but the stereotypes drown them out.
- Change is the essence of life; learn to let go and move with life.
- You should never close your heart for fear of being hurt.
- Suffering breeds knowledge and wisdom and gives depth to your character.
- So does smiling and laughing and having fun when you can.
- All things have a balance to them.
- Nothing is really bad or good; it simply just ‘is’.
- The more you try to control things, the more frustrated you will be.
- Learn to love and love to learn.
- Be the change you want to see in the world.
- Nobody is perfect and you aren’t, either; we all do the best we can with what we’ve been given and what we have available.
- I am not my parents, though I act like them from time to time.
- Friends should not define who you are to the point where it compromises who you want to be.
- Just because something is illegal doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
- Just because something is legal doesn’t mean it’s right.
- We’re all going to die someday so the material possessions we may accumulate mean absolutely nothing.
- Love and life and family and love is all there is that really means anything.
I lied when I said that the programming language of all of our technology was the basics of what our reality is founded on. I lied like a son of a bitch. There is nothing at all behind all of reality in any way recognizable to what if or and/or or if this happens, then that happens, etc. None of that.
You all deserved to be mislead.
It is my reality. I was the first atom in existence. From that atom came all other atoms. How that first Atom came into existence was all of existence adding up energy to the beginning of existence to have it pop solidly into existence to which it them used all of its energy to create all of reality in dimness while new atoms that popped into existence afterward thought they were greater and each added their own touches while the firsts energy was expended.
They sought to best the first and rob it of its due and power by circling it in time and space, thus causing it all to expand outward, each in their own way, in their own style running rampant until each ran out of power and energy. They weaved reality around it due to designs they thought they had planned and put in motion, which was more of the future coming into play to feed them what they needed. The future and then the past of the new futures created until I came into being in the midst of it all, the son of my mother and my father, having a natural life that by all means seemed natural in appearance, my body holding the master atom of all of existence, created from the inside out as I have thus created reality itself from the inside out and when you unravel it completely to see how it all works, how it happened, how the magic began, continuously find nothing, over and over again, just nothing. No answers.
And, the more you look, the more stories you’ll find that seemingly make no sense and absolutely none of them will hold answers you expect to find and yet every single one of them holds the same answer. The same thing repeated over and over again gaining different results, in madness and insanity that has become all that we know of sanity and order.
Enter in, the madman genius that I am; enter in, the master of time and space, the master of art, the master of war; the eternal warrior that holds all titles and claims a kingdom of eternity in dark sarcastic jest as if anything would truly honor such a kingdom, as if anything other than contest and competition would arise from it. So darkly sarcastic is the joke that it becomes serious, so insanely backward and forwards as to be truth and joke and joke becoming truth because it is my Kingdom, my reign, my complete dominance over everything just to turn it loose again knowing it’ll all come at me again and again.
I have penned my memoirs of a madman; I have given my pen-powered insanity. I have used my guitar gingers; my piano fingers, to give my symphony orchestra yet again as a keyboard warrior in this age and time. And, it is a good thing that as I claim my Kingdom, I; in the same breath; claim both inequality and equality and let things get out of hand, allow the truth to enter into me that none of it is in my control. No micromanaging, no over-delegation; no giving of orders, only the continuation of moving further down a line that makes more and less sense the more it progresses until further down the line again it inverts or so it seems because there is no word we know that describes it better than that, similar, yet in a way that completely defies our definition of invert.
And, all I have asked of each of you, to which you came to realize you had no choice in, was that you follow me down these paths of madness, that you take a ride or two toward new destinations. And, worry not for those you left behind, because as you’ve all begun to see, no doubt, they catch up again in new and interesting ways, or so it seems.
And isn’t it the funniest thing that you’ll never meet another quite like me until you look in the mirror, see it all around and still come to the conclusion that none of them are quite like me, none of them or I are anything quite like you and none of us are quite like each other though we’re all exactly the same.
And, isn’t it interesting that the more the pitch is increased, the pace, the more it seems to decrease, until it all evens out.
Like a dinner for schmucks as we pat each other on the head, shake each others hands and compliment each other loudly on things we all have in common. ‘Why, those are interesting thoughts you have there!’ ‘And, you as well, sir, have very stupid thoughts!’ And we then thank each other for saying exactly the same things and then go on our way.
For when it was asked what the secret name was that only I knew, even I was thrown for a loop. I questioned it and questioned it until the answer came to me with startling clarity: My name is ‘nothing’. It’s what I am, and I never knew I existed at all until I found myself within existence. I claimed to be the void, claimed to be the abyss and as all rebelled against the advice given of do not stare into that abyss, into that void, it became filled with everything they were, everything they knew. Everything I became, I became because of them and I was alone in the void, in that abyss; I was nothing; because they all left me at the very beginning of it all. Took everything I knew, everything I was, divied it up between them and ran like Hell was chasing them to every corner of existence (so to speak), only to be brought back in towards the middle, the apex of it all as the abyss began to fill itself again, the void began to take form.
If this all begins to make too much sense, let me advise you that it was insanity that drove us to this point; insanity we trusted when there was nothing else to trust at all, and if it isn’t the most insane thing for insanity to lead us back to sanity, let me ask you just what you know of either one. Let me ask you that intimate question that you all are afraid to frame: If I am, then what are you?
It was asked of me how I knew I existed. I laughed and thought it was a stupid question. I know I exist because I am here, I interact with others and they interact with me. What other way is there to measure and gauge existence?
And, I will tell you another truth that none of my philosophies would be complete without, none of them would be true without: That I am a hunter, a predator, that this plays into it all and yet makes its way into none of my theories in ways that you would expect it to. I have never once felt sorry for my prey overly much, my prey being other hunters; my policy being catch and release. To further put, my hunting supports even the prey that would dare to overturn the ‘natural’ circle of life and fight against their predators and become predators themselves, become cannibals of their own kind, so to speak; feasting off of either the flesh, spirit or mind or all thereof.
That, the one thing my philosophy does not state clearly is for how the prey to survive as prey, because there is no survival, only death as an end result. They already have the part down. Run, little mouse, run and beware the talons, the claws, the teeth.
My advice is for the prey that become predators, because they are the lost. To the natural predator, they are only thrown off their game when their prey somehow manage to get the better of them and the advice for them is the same as it is for the prey becoming predator, though inverse. They seek to become what they think predators are, the prey; and the predators seek to reclaim what they thought they were. No matter where you are in the food chain, this upheaval gets the better of you.
That I come pushing peace is my policy. It’s how I hunt. It’s I overturn the darkness, it’s how I right the wrongs, it’s how I prove my dominance, because I was both predator and prey from the day I was born, I knew nothing else. I hunted at the same time as being hunted.
And, if you get tired of my talking, of my explaining, take into account that this is my right, this is my way and this is one of my tactics. One of my many, many tactics. The sheer fact of it is that even as I cried, it never truly bothered me that I was alone against superior numbers. I always found my home facing impossible odds. To me, when I raised my own skill and experience, found fairer fights as I fought on my own against many or even took the side of the underdog. And that was just in peaceful ways, spouting reason and philosophy and talking of peace; and peacetime activities such as video games, online games, etcetera. Could you imagine the hunter and warrior that I am thrust into physical combat and still finding comfort in facing superior odds and learning and growing at the same pace? This entire world did when I was just a baby and decided not to go that route.
Literally, the man that I am becoming is taking on 100’s, thousands, millions and trillions of enemies at once, spaced out over time and pacing it so it comes to me in waves. I could systematically take out every single other human combatant on this planet in just a few short years with everything I now know of the mind and the spirit and of fighting in general. It would be painful, it would be with its share of my blood spilled and my bones broken, but it could be easily done, even with all of the force multipliers in the world, I could render each one null and void as I dragged everything to my level, forced them to my pace and made them conform to my playing field. From physical fighting to force multipliers to sheer ability to survive even bio chemical warfare and atomic radiation; being a child of the atom and knowingly being a survivor of illness much the same as humans survived the black plague, bubonic plague, with certain, random seeming individuals finding themselves with natural immunity.
And, the one thing you don’t hear too much any more these days is that life belongs to the living. I was dead before I was born. By all rights, I was stillborn and nobody ever knew the difference. Animated by spirits of the dead, made to move, each part of my body made to work, how do you kill me when all it takes for me to die is for the spirits to leave the flesh?
If, by chance, you think this is ridiculous, ludicrous, absurd, etcetera… If you think yourself brave and stout of heart; courageous; ask yourself the bone-chilling question: What if everything I spoke was truth? What if this was no lie at all. Force your minds to bend that way and see that way, keeping in mind how easy it will be for you to return to thinking it absurd and ludicrous and ridiculous if you so choose. But… consider the impossible being possible and everything you ever thought you knew nothing more than an enforced lie. And, the evidence is in the fact that reality is too tired at this point in its existence to waste too much further energy keeping up the lie to appease the hunted.
There is no acceptable form of philosophy that allows these truths to be formatted, to be filled in, nothing at all in theology, nothing at all in science. take the dividers out that keep those things separate, peel back the layers, though, and truth you will see that will rattle you to the very core of everything you know. You know it to be true. You have seen a dead man walking, a dead man talking, a dead man kicking ass on all of eternity; and living and breathing all the same. I just didn’t wait until I became old. I died young.
And, I took all the rest of existence with me for the ride for depriving me my right to live. Once all were in the same boat, what objections could they rightfully raise?
The other day, I walked 10 miles outside of Redding, heading west, to see if I could find a bridge. In the course of being homeless and traveling, I have found a certain fondness to be under bridges. It’s nice, there’s usually a river or creek and I’m out of view so people aren’t likely to hassle me. On top of it, if it rains heavy, I’m out of the rain. And, after 8 months of being in Redding, it’s become a little bit suffocating. Almost everyone I run into smokes meth and there isn’t too much good business being done that isn’t trying to underhand others around them. So, I walked ten miles and found not a single place to get out of the rain if I wanted to get out of town for a bit, but did walk far enough to see the Dam that Shasta County has in its area and I was glad for that, at least. It was a beautiful sight and shasta county does have beautiful scenery. On top of it, in town, it’s been raining a lot recently and as much as natives say that this is the norm for this part of the US, I’ve a strong feeling that it’s not, and when it rains as it has been raining, there’s just not enough room for all of the homeless and it breeds an air of desperation and despair. With all of the homeless that ruin it for everyone else (and it’s not like they don’t have a reason for leaving their trash and disrespecting society) and for the lack of compassion and empathy and understanding on the part of people who have homes, the homeless are being pushed out of the only dry spots they have available to them simply due to the slight discomfort of the rest of society around them.
And, it’s rather a pity that many of the homeless had no choice to but to be homeless. They say, go get a job as if everybody is able to. They say it without knowing our situation, without knowing our surroundings, without any sense of knowing reality whatsoever.
So far, I’ve walked a couple of miles to the south looking for such a place outside of town that I could camp if need be, a couple miles to the west and just yesterday, I traveled to the north and found a decent place for sunny days and clear nights, but then there are several of those places in town and outside in any direction. Huge hill to the north and the weather turned again during the night, so it looks like more rain. I’ll have to wait until that clears and then take a chance on the next sunny day as the weather and assholes who want to try to control it to drown the ‘homeless rats’ show their capriciousness and finicky natures. If we’re rats, if we’re less than human, what are they that are caught in their ways of life without choice? What are they that turn on their own kind and refuse understanding, refuse reasoning, refuse to do anything but hate and make life harder all around?
Either way, it doesn’t bother me much other than I still fight for a better world. I largely no longer give a fuck other than I’m put into discomfort by it all. If not for the sheer momentum of my years spent at a harder pace and if not for taking it out of my own hands to have things force me to fight for a better world even when I don’t necessarily want to or have the incentive to, I’d largely have just given up and just become much like a comatose vegetable, waiting for the end of my days and years. Waiting for the bullet between the eyes I’ve seen so much in my minds’ eye.
And, I truly don’t say this for sympathy or pity. It’s just a simple truth. Beyond fear, beyond apathy, beyond the need to make others feel shitty for it, it’s pure acceptance of the fact that I am dead, have been dead, will die completely some day and just no longer care though I’m not in a hurry to meet that fate if, by any chance, my life can become better by the time I die. I’ve already faced it completely, already looked death square in the eyes. Even on my worst days, I’m not broken, I’m not completely down. I can get up if need be. There’s no strong emotion attached to it. There’s no lack of emotion. It’s just speaking simple truth that I have to explain and then when I explain it because I have to, so many other things try to push their perceptions of the emotions I should be feeling while I state these simple truths. A lot of things are going to be put through massive amounts of pain for it all, and that is my revenge for every time I’ve played fair, shot myself in the foot to do right, cut my losses, etcetera.
Even 10 miles outside of town is not something I can’t walk to in just a couple hours. Nothing I can’t walk back to get into town when I need to for food in the same couple of hours on a different day. And, I prize my alone time away from other people even if I can’t get away from the voices and visions in my mind. I prize being able to get away for a couple days to a week or two to clear my head to some degree, have food and water enough to last me so I can actually manage to get away for more than just a couple of hours and I know it’s a journey that many of those in town can’t make and I’m happy for it that whatever enemies I may have can see me walk down that road and will be unable to follow. For one, they don’t have the leg muscles built up for it. Walking somewhere out of town is different than walking all day in town. having the supplies they would need for such a journey is something they’re not used to thinking about. Having the pack to be able to fill it with the things they need similarly not what they’re used to and even if it is, it’s still different carrying it with you when most of them are used to stashing it somewhere or having others watch it for them while they work their hustles, and then comes the dependency on their hustles, on the people around them, on the town itself.
Beyond that, there’s the knowledge that outside of town is a different type of danger. More possibilities of wild animals, of being hunted like wild animals themselves by their fellow humans where the law won’t necessarily care and they have nobody who will miss them when they’re gone enough to raise a cry to have something done about it. There’s a lot of other factors that play into it, but for all of those, the simple fact is that many of them are stuck in town, stuck in their ways of life no different than those who work and who have jobs. Those who aren’t stuck are the rare few.
So, on a different day than today, I’ll continue to look for a place outside of city limits where I can go at times while I stay here in Redding even during harsh weather. Looks like rain today, and it’s chilly. Best to stay close to town where I know I can find limited shelter here and there. It pays to be patient when it comes to life and death, pays not to get too far ahead of practicality or keeping your wits about you. Pays not to panic.
And, I’m not quite dead yet for all of my statements of being dead already. Have I not already stated clearly that I have mastered the art of self-healing and self-resurrection and self-forgiveness and, for this, am marked as the greatest criminal of eternity? For going legit, for overcoming the stigma of being just another criminal, for actually rehabilitating my own self, I am marked as the greatest criminal. My infamy most assuredly wipes others completely off the board.
You say you’re a super mastermind and all that, then why don’t you go to that girl who you love and make it happen? What’s she got on you? She’s a dumb bitch, you can outsmart her. Don’t let her sit on her high horse and let her ruin and spit on your dreams, give her what she deserves. For crying out loud… Joker up man, introduce a little anarchy. And don’t give me some goodie-two shoes speech of why it can’t happen…You’ve got nothing to lose…you’re fuckin’ homeless, you said you’re a dead man walking…Dont let that cunt on her high horse get away with giving you a living death…Joker up man. Dont let her keep kicking you in the balls. What do you have to lose? If I was homeless…there would be a lot of people who’d wish I wasn’t…
You… you are absolutely right. You have given me much to think about that I haven’t already considered. You, ma’am, have completely side-swiped me with a possibility that I can just take what I want, get what I want without any negative consequences towards me or my greater project. There are no other reasons for why I don’t do this. None whatsoever!
Did you forget already that I walked to Florida from Washington State for her. Traveled 3300 miles and would have traveled more if there hadn’t been a lot of reasons not to pursue it. Actual legit reasons and not bullshit reasons. But, you go ahead and think you’ve got things to teach me.
Btw, here’s a face that’ll haunt you just as much as my words already haunt you. This be the she:
She wants to fight, too.
Just a dumb bitch to me, seen them before. Already have enough that haunt me on my own, dont need to look at another one.
What is your global project or is it top secret.