I thought you believed in free-will.
I don’t, but even a robot has accountability in it’s actions, it makes choices based on it’s algorithms. Simply some have flawed algorithms, and those with flawed algorithms are taken apart and rebuilt into better things.
Well, may I ask about the dude thing. What did you dislike about it, and what did you like about it?
I do believe in free will. I’m just highly realistic in my belief of it. I believe it to be entirely situational, conditional and that some times we just don’t have much of it. In a world where possession of the body by spirits does exist, where manipulation is ripe and widespread, wouldn’t our own free will at some point have to be controlled and manipulated for us by others? Taking on faith that they’re able to know what we would freely choose if we could freely choose it.
And naw, I don’t want to talk about the sex. It would be cliche, ‘it wasn’t how I imagined it would be, hurt a bit more than expected.’ I’d already made my choice to be straight and regardless of what other entities push buttons in my mind to make me get off, I’ve been reinforcing my choices when I’m able and see even the pleasure I feel of anal stimulation as rape. In the moment I like it, it’s pleasurable and whatever is causing it knows what buttons to press to make it seem as though it’s me, but it’s not. I’m not repressing my sexuality, that would be trite and retarded. I didn’t really want to have sex with dude, but I had wanted to at least experience it. In the moment, something else wanted me to and dude brought it up and I consented.
I know the difference between what I know this is and sexual repression. A lot of the time, I’m lead to think of Dicks to get off. This has been proven on occasion to be something beyond me, spirit, entity, perhaps my own body at war and divided along the lines of what the individual parts want of the whole, I don’t know for sure. What I do know is that it doesn’t matter what’s doing it, it’s being done. Without it, I get off on pussy just as much as any guy.
I think it’s me. I’ve just always been a bully magnet, getting teased and fucked with and I get it far worse than many others. It’s tough sharing a body with things that don’t agree with your choices. This ties into the free will thing.
Some times I stop for a bit to look at the irony of life and laugh a bit. I’m bred for war, but want peace, am the perfect mental and spiritual combatant and never wanted to be. Wanted a job, a wife and kids and have none of that whi,e others, so many, who didn’t want those things and can’t appreciate them and ruin them for everyone else, destroy society bit by bit in so many ways all the while I remain locked out and watching everything I love destroyed. I had to become homeless to get anywhere in life, traveled 3000 miles for romance to be called a stalker, found myself before ever going on the journey of my life while others have to do it the other way around, ass-backwards. I’ve had more money go through my wallet and hands being homeless than having a home and feel more free stuck at the bottom of society than I expected error did when I had a place in it. In an insane world, sanity is labeled as insanity, reason eschewed and pushed away as so many claim not to care and make their homes in pain and agony and despair all because they want someone else to fix and solve their problems, but when someone tries, they respond with hate to which others back down from and they then wonder why no one sticks around. Hate life when it’s fucked up but love fucking it up for others and when it’s going fine, are either bored or waiting in fear or anxiety for the inevitable bad thing to happen instead of enjoying it for what it is while it lasts. I find do it most ironic that most people give me advice that they think I need to hear that would be better suited for their own eyes and ears than mine while they remain oblivious to it. Irony stacked high as we eat it like shit for breakfast lunch and dinner.
lotta good material in the ‘fuck you’ section of google image search, in case you were wondering.
And most of you are my yesterdays, in battles already won and lost.
Still, I wonder where my want to discuss philosophy went, where my want to know other people went. I used to want to be around others, to converse and talk and enjoy life and now… I’m not dead, yet, but you’ve all ruined it for me, ruined it for everyone. How you killed every bit of fun anybody could ever have on the internet, except your fun. Hunting and raping and just not caring. Savagely beating with words the life out of so many others. And, what’s about as bad as the trolls are those who sat there and just looked a different way and let them do what they’ve done, further faulted anyone who stood up to them. As long as their attention wasn’t on you and they just let you be.
I find it funny what society has learned to condone and allow happen, to turn a blind eye to while they avidly avow to be against such things.
how many are on your hands?
how much blood?
how many deaths have you caused with your actions and their butterfly and ripple effects throughout society?
Throughout time and space, no less.
This is your life catching up with you, reality staring you down, life looking you in the eyes.
The lack of fun in your life is purely the fault of women. You know it, I know it, we both know it.
I was bullied my whole life, sometimes bullies would be my only friend. I liked talking philosophy with my cousin, who was a bully towards his brother. But responsible for mind-loss is no troll, I have faced trolls, I have faced mods worse than trolls, responsible for mind-loss is the Woman, the most sadistic entity of all.
It’s not lack of fun I lamentioned the most. I’m rather easily amused when it comes down to it and I like to think I’m making progress with my impossible projects in the mind. I’ve got a pretty decent grasp on a lot of conceptualization and different perspectives and perceptions as well as they convoluted nature that life some times has.
I think if I were to allow myself regrets about things that have happened in my life that can’t unhappiness, I’d start with my missed childhood. From there, I’d regret that so many people, including my step dad and cousin knocked me down lower than low, so it wasn’t just bullies. I’ve gone through life being told in one breath how much potential I have and in the next what a piece of shit I am. The friends I had, I kind of just hung around until they accepted me, had them ditch me a lot, beat me up for no reason, etc. I became cooler over time, but it took effort.
From there, I’d regret easily responding to teasing and taunting. I can take a joke between friends pretty easily when it’s lighthearted banter, but even as a kid I’d respond. I’d regret going through trauma and thinking myself a fuck up for so long until I finally got to where I could see myself as more than that, only to have my life unravel on me and winding up homeless.
I’d regret a bit the friends lost, e communities I’ve seen destroyed as much by me being lost to negativity and depression, insecurity etc. as anything that the trolls did. I’d regret that it took me so long to make the necessary breakthroughs to do anything worthwhile in life, for how stubbornly I persisted in having my arguments be the argument enders while I was possibly only partially correct. I’d regret taking on what I’ve take on for the days when so many fucked up things swarm my mind and try to destroy me or just fuck with me.
But, fuck regrets. I’d regret how closed I’ve become, not because I’m a social hermit, but because Ive changed so much while others remain the same and I see their schemes and their drama and just don’t want any part of it. I know what it winds up being every time.
I’m still as open as I used to be, I’m just more silent. I see more clearly. I’ve worked my ass off to see the good in life. It hasn’t been easy.
I’ve been selfish. I’ve held a lot of pain back, pulled my punches. I keep forgetting that sharing is caring.
See if you can spot the part about dasein in this. And, no, not just for Kids. 
See if you can push beyond the dasein for what’s worthwhile.
What happened?
By the look of it, he probably had some teeth pulled out; he is wearing an apron that they provide in dental clinics.
Random is/was in a hospital with a fractured jaw, but why?
Someone decided to hit me and it broke my jaw.
Why did he do a thing like that?
Kid was an aggressive idiot with ptsd issues. I’ve since humiliated him greatly.
When are you going to get off the streets?
Why is it any of your business?
When are you going to learn to not ask questions that aren’t any of your business to Know? Are you that concerned about my well being, and if so, are you going to offer me a place to stay, offer to buy me drugs and food, etc, offer to find work for me to do to earn my Keep? Or, are you dissatisfied that being homeless has not yet broken me down and is looking like it never will.
I think it’s more the latter and I rather think you enjoy spreading around societally prescribed bad medicine of bad language and bad expectations to try to have me and others view homelessness as worse than it actually is. Not that it’s a bed of roses, but at the point of selling out and buying into bullshit and having the expectation linger in the air that I would stop my one man stand once I did so does no service in actually having me stop enjoying my life the best I can even though homeless and even though I’m now under worse attack than ever before.
I deserve more money for what I do, but I don’t expect it from a broken and ass backwards world. Now, get out of my face, little girl.
I’m still waiting to see just what it is I need to learn about the world that people supposed I didn’t learn in elementary school, middle school, high school, my jobs I’ve had, on the internet, etc. I’m waiting to see just what it is I’ve missed that people hint that I still need to learn.
Im pretty sure ive seen it and its mostly the same old thing of intimidation and threats designed to get me to shut up and bend to what the world is or be broken by it, yet ive been fighting that for years already withiut being unduly intimidated or threatened by it, without being broken. Am i supposed to fear death more now or something? Im just curious because it seems that people must have thought me to be more bluff and blather than actual substance, must have expected me to be cowards like theyve often found themselves to be.
