Artimas,
It does seem that way, doesn’t it?
But where were you going anyway? You had to be somewhere and your choice was to be with her. Did you have good meaningful moments with her too? You loved her. What was it that Shakespeare (I think) said - that it’s better to have loved than lost than not to have loved at all. I know at first it seems too painful to see this as reality but hopefully at some point you will and that can more than start the healing process. Sure, if you’re going to discount the positive in order to be angry and suppress the negative, you’re healing might be a long time.
Losing a love is like losing someone to death…
The seven emotional stages of grief are usually understood to be shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance/hope. Symptoms of grief can be emotional, physical, social, or religious in nature
That’s hindsight speaking but the reality is that those sacrifices had to be made considering that you loved her. Was there really any other choice?
The only real thing that takes care of the heartbreak (heartcrushing is more like it) is time. In the meantime, it also helps to process what might have gone wrong, I mean, why did it go wrong?
Try to have moments when you can see it from a scientific point of view without anger or pain. You can do that. The more you do that, the more you can become detached from that pain. But don’t push it. It has to flow out of you and it will also flow back into you at times. Grief doesn’t follow a straight line - it’s like a labyrinth but you will eventually find your way out of it.
One is also to come to the realization that at some point you will wake up and know that all is well with your world - or right off, realize that you will be fine unless you don’t want to be. That’s up to you.
?
I think that we all have our own methods. But facing reality is important. When I feel the pain, I cry it out. It’s a good catharis and it’s not the same as wallowing in it. You give yourself a certain amount of minutes in which to do it.
Depends on what you mean by illusion. If it helps to know the scientific explanation, go find it.
But if one feels great loss, it’s not an illusion. Maybe I’m wrong here but I think that one also has to work with appearances. Maybe Steve can answer that better than me.
Also remember that memories are not the present moments - unless you care to remember the wonderful moments. Appreciation I firmly affirm is balm for grief and loss. Gratitude helps alleviate pain and loss.
Probably but there are good chemicals too. I like to walk, walk walk - just get those endorphins going. Get an Alvin & the ChipmunksCD - those little guys have me laughi through my tears. Get their movies. Laughter is healing. It’s all a process.
Because they’re stupid. In the long run, the body doesn’t really ignore anything. There’s the body/mind connection. They will feel it in other ways by repressing and suppressing.
Allow yourself to experience the pain but without becoming masochistic about it. Balance.
Just realize that it is still a beautiful world out there even though you may not be able to experience or sensate it at these moments but there can be moments creeping in when you do. Remember those moments and wait for the next ones.
Hang out with your friends too.