Pen-Powered Insanity

LISTEN TO THE TRUTH< GOD DAMN IT!!! SEE IT BETWEEN THE LINES WRITTEN!!! DISPENSE WITH THE IGNORANCE AND STUPIDITY AND THE BULLSHIT!!! And, while you’re at it, go fuck yourselves, you sick motherfucking pieces of fucking shit. Thank you and have a nice day. I hope I’ve served my purpose as entertainment in your Colosseum of Depravity.

Bring it on. Nothing to live for, nothing to die for and an eternity of suffering to match this life of Hell I lived while reaching for Heaven.

I’d come for you but you’d like it too much while shaking your head “no I don’t.” And your last avatar was not the HBO original Spartacus…no!

:handgestures-thumbupleft: Like your sig. pics.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spartacus:_Blood_and_Sand

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Whitfield

That was the one I intended to get. I realize that you’re right. Do you feel better about being right on such an inconsequential matter? Do you feel better about arguing about it? Why don’t you fuck off.

I find your anger thrilling. But if I am too whatever, too much that threatens you, okay. I enjoyed shaming you, yes.

Stars…hmmm, you’re right, touche. I like being so wrong sometimes too.

You didn’t shame me and you didn’t even come close to threatening me. Know that if you had, given my personality and temperament, that I would have admitted it truthfully. That is the bonus of telling the truth consistently; that what you say and do becomes marked by truth in such a way that people can not deny. Even if you were to choose to lie after following that path for a while, people would know it; other things would push it out even if it was an inconsequential truth, would push it into others awareness. I’ve had some very petty and vindictive spirits do this to me on quite a few things and then tried to cover up the truth in the mind, to prevent it from being shown just to show the one thing they wanted shown; out of context for me to be judged unfairly by others and to discredit me just the same as people in politics and life seek to discredit others. Sleight of hand, diversion. Please focus on their faults instead of where they overcame their faults, please focus on their faults instead of mine, I am faultless and they’re wrong and I’m right without any actual truth to the statement, but don’t focus on what is in my left hand as my right hand waves in front of your face, drawing your attention and definitely don’t pay attention as I palm it and then slip it up my sleeve so discretely and please, pray-tell, do not pay attention to the fact that this is just a trick, an illusion and not the real magic you thought it was.

holding a mirror in front of RF and occasionally wiping his spittle from it Stop addressing me. This is my last post in your threads and stay out of mine.

Fuck you. I read threads that interest me, if I disagree with a point someone makes, I say so and why and if I feel that someone is being a stupid little shit or a fucktard, I say so and don’t beat around the bush. You can hold that mirror in front of me all you want, but I don’t pretend to know all that there is to know, do constantly state that I am still learning and growing and wish to have actual conversations with other real people who can admit to the same who might have ideas different than my own and am obviously on a current path of learning about the world around me in all of its intricate majesty.

I’m also in the process of cleaning up shit stains like you. It’s a thankless job that nobody wants to do but somebody has to do it.

I’ve got to tell ya, though… What I go through in the mind makes these internet interactions coupled with real life interactions look like nothing. All of the reasoning of the devil and of evil lays within the mind and it mocks the reasoning of the good to a much more intense level than any of you could even hope to bring it to here. If you think that it was/is/will be you or anyone here who causes me to have these ‘breaks’ where I just can’t keep my anger in check or my tears back or the sadness from creeping in, you would be taking too much credit for yourself/yourselves.

Realistically, I go through pain and suffering on a level that none of you truly know. Every second of every hour of every day is riddled with it in one variety or another. emotional pain, spiritual pain, physical pain, sickness, etc. This is what I took on and this is what I fight. I find some happiness in the world around me regardless, I find some solace, some comfort, I find good people doing good things even if they also do bad things and can be deemed as bad people for those things.

Beyond this life of pain is an entire universe of more pain and beyond that entire realities of pain and suffering, tragedy after tragedy with all of you just so much inconsequential repeats of cycles of darkness where legion is the only number able to count it all; just a word, not an actual figure. Behind my eyes and under the veils of my own self lays a Hell worse than what you think you’re going through, by far. It makes your demons and devils and inner Hells seem like nothing in comparison. And, somehow, through that Hell, I managed to find some bit of Heaven for myself and try to teach others the right way to do the same for themselves and reach some true satisfaction in life rather than so many dead end avenues of more pain and suffering along those lines. My life may be a dead end avenue and may be filled with pain and suffering with an eternity to follow after my body dies and my spirit flies, but there is certain satisfaction of knowing the impact that I had on every bit of creation and in a positive manner as much as possible, as truthfully and as genuinely as possible.

You personally, MM, are on the level of mosquito or flea or bed bug compared to what all else bothers me. A single bit of straw on a camels back when it is already carrying too much.

And you’re just focusing on the pain of singular moments. I’ve seen the pain of eternities and entire realities.

I know wars, I’ve known loss; I’ve known betrayal and being distanced. I’ve known being alone without a true friend in the world and I’ve known traveling through places where everyone wanted to hurt or kill me. I’ve known the pain of loving deeply and having my heart crushed and stabbed and hardened, softened; being pulled in countless directions.

I’ve won staring contests with death and the deep abyss which is stated that if you stare too long, begins to stare back. I have faced the worst of demonic entities with the light of love and remained true where you gave in. Your pain is nothing to me.

Look me in the eyes.

Hello 30. I hope life provides me a way to get a bottle of alcohol to celebrate this momentous occasion of just another day spent in a Hellish place with a multitude of idiots that make my own idiocy look like vast intelligence.

:occasion-cake: Make a wish! O:)

Irony is lost on me at this point. I’m lost in Hell.

No alcohol. Tough it out. No smokes. Tough it out.

Not preaching. Promise. Just trying to offer relief. Maybe soak in a hot bath or if you’re near non-toxic/animal infested waters, float on/under some water. Being underwater is wonderful, especially in the sun.

oh, the alcohol isn’t a pressing desire. I’m no stranger to toughing it out.

Hell isn’t always a bad place to be lost in. You’re an asshole, they’re assholes, I’m an asshole. We’re all assholes, so you’re among good company.

I do not want or need to be an asshole. There’s the difference. I’m sure that ironic too.

never said you did want to or need to. You, like everyone else, are an asshole without even trying to be. I don’t want or need to be one, either, but the fact remains that I am one.

Worry about what you are or are not.?! I’m making gains amongst all you assholes.

Please do not think that I am against you making gains. I am all for people making gains. I’m just against the worst of the worst gains.

Managed a pint, a few joints of marijuana and an energy drink along with a couple packs of cheap cigar cigarettes. Had to do under the table work for less cash than it was worth to manage it, but don’t care.

I’ve got nothing really to write about
but feel like writing anyway
traveled 3300 some miles out
across the USA
for the love of a woman
I thought it might be romantic
but I got called a stalker
only after I walked there
I saw it coming
while beyond hope, hoping
but this world is cold at times
and love gets confused for perverse shit
gave her every chance to say something
before I got there, but she didn’t
anything at all to stop me or keep me going
talked to her as much as I dared
while she remained silent
but not a word from her
one way or the other
just ambiguous statement
just icing on the cake
that I don’t get to eat
par for the course of my life
just another tragedy
how do I keep going?
what really keeps me?
Why don’t I fall down and die?
Why can I not even cry?
When did I learn how to survive
even the ultimate rejection
the ultimate cruelty
where all I can do is nothing
so helpless, hopeless, of ever having a family
and it seems like some times it doesn’t even effect me
as I’m caught up in momentum so fully
wholly given to my 24/7 hobby
scars and wounds littering my mind, heart and spiritual body
at this point, it would be hard to give in
to all that plagues and tries to dampen
would be hard to give up, to stop
my hard-earned progress
and my ultimate project
no time for tears for this
no time for being heart-broken
when so many things swarm my mind and spirit
almost every moment of every day; every minute
and what I do, what I work toward, is vitally important
to so much more than just my self
I can’t afford a game-playing ho
can’t afford someone by my side that can’t give their all
or just don’t get it and what I’m about
if I have to go this alone, I will, I’ll go
the heat is on, the pressure
I can’t afford to choke
if I fall, they win, but I’m not yet a ghost
so I become more than I should be
become more of an anomaly
even to me
ever more determined not to be faulty
to allow myself room not to be shitty
more than I have to be
and, to others, more understanding
even though I’m tired and weary
I find the strength to keep going
thank the spirits that love me
they’re all that I have left
my only friends and family
and the communication is faulty
the good things hardly ever break through
but I’m not a quitter
it just makes me more determined and resolute
to effect this world for the better
even if it’s the last thing I manage to do.

They called me weak
they called me a pussy
they called me a little girl
pursued my humility
indignity after indignity
taunting and disrespecting
hit after hit as they tried to destroy me
but I’m still standing
the hits keep coming
but I keep gaining
pain and suffering seeking and obliterating
every sense of mine and failing
as I grow spiritually and mentally
far beyond the majority of humanity
just by trying to be loving and caring
and I think I’m succeeding
I must be for they try so hard to destroy me
otherwise, why would ‘they’ take me so seriously
as a threat to their dominancy of depravity
their senseless insanity
mental incompetency
irrationality
hardcore brutality
and I’m still standing
one hand beckoning…
Hit me.

Crappy picture is crappy picture. haircut looks better than it looks, it’s just the angle and the lighting that make it look bad. And, I only paid 5 bucks for it to another homeless dude, so… Only out five bucks and my hair will grow back. Just got tired of the curls and the length at the moment. I also obviously shaved off my goatee, which will also grow back.