2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Makes sense to me.

I’m not arguing that it should be.

Just to be clear, that is not my justification for my drug use–it’s an explanation for what drives me–the desire to have fun–it’s more a cause/force than a justification. The closest I came to justifying drug use on the basis of fun was to say that sometimes, under certain circumstances, it’s OK to have a little fun with drugs.

You mean, 2C-D? It’s been around since the 70s and, yes, made in a lab (or the equivalent). It’s like a mild form of LSD. There’s actually a whole line of them. I currently have 2C-C, 2C-D, 2C-E, 2C-I, 2C-T2, and 2C-T7.

I know. I take risks that not even I can honestly justify to myself.

Yeah, I’ve gathered that. Do understand though that not all of this is me trying to justify drug use–it’s mainly me trying to explain myself and describe what it’s like being the drug user I am. On top of that, there is some philosophical debating going on, but there I’m trying to generalize: I’m trying to think through the implications of drugs, drug use, and drug users without bringing myself into the picture. Can one use drugs for reasons other than trying to fill a void in their lives, for example–I think I’m too close to this to say with any certainly whether I’m trying to fill a void or not, but when I think about this question in principle, I don’t see a reason why not.

I had an idea: I’m going to let others here decide what the next combination is going to be. I’m going to do another stint after the office Christmas party. The first two stints I did were total abstinence. The last one was no caffeine only (alcohol and other drugs were allowed). What’s the next combination? No alcohol, but caffeine and other drugs are OK? No caffeine, no alcohol, but other drugs are OK? What?

If nobody speaks up and a decision can’t be made for whatever reason, I’ll just decide myself, but I think it might be fun to allow others to add their two cents and help me build this.

Caffeine and alcohol, no drugs - what will your consumption of them be like without the drugs

Then it’s settled.

Probably the same.

So today is the staff Christmas party. I’m already drinking my first coffee of the day, will be getting drunk this evening, and most likely stoned when I get home tonight.

Then tomorrow it will be complete sobriety… from pot. The drinking and caffeine consumption will continue as per Mags’ recommendation. Will be doing this until Feb. 11. The 12th will be a Friday, so it’s a perfect day to drink, get caffeinated, and stoned. Hopefully, I’ll have a new music mix by then.

But honestly, I’m not expecting much from this round. I don’t expect to feel much different. The caffeine and the alcohol are what’s really killing me. The pot not so much (I don’t think). If anything, it might increase my levels of paranoia but that tends to stick with me whether I smoke weed regularly or not. Other than that, I’ll probably get a lot more work done.

But who knows. I may be surprised.

It’s been about 2 weeks now and so far so good.

My mood? I’m on the upswing. Good stuff. Is it because of the lack of cannabis? Who knows. I know that I’ve been doing a pretty good job at work, accomplishing a lot of tasks in a timely manner, and that makes me feel good. Am I doing a better job because of fewer drugs in my system. I really don’t know.

I haven’t really had any strong cravings. In fact, I’ve been having stronger cravings for cigarettes than for pot. And btw, that’s another thing:

I also decided to quit smoking… cold turkey… forever.

That’s another story that’s long. I’ve always been an occasional smoker. Would smoke with friends and on social outings and stuff. Ever since my wife and I separated however, I’ve been living on my own and there has been nothing stopping me from buying a pack. I’d usually buy the single cigars but ever since they banned them (the reasoning behind this law is outrageously stupid and I won’t get into it) I caved in and bought a pack. My first time.

So I promised myself one smoke from the pack a week. That lasted for maybe two weeks and then it became two per week, then three. Pretty soon I was smoking one a day, sometimes two. I decided to play on my own psychology like I usually do. I kept the pack in the glove compartment of my Durrango down in the garage. I figured if it was harder to get, I’d smoke them less. This worked for a bit, but eventually I just started caving in and going down to get one.

So one day, a few weeks before Dec 11 (the start of my current stint), I got stoned and found the inspiration to make a commitment to myself to quit smoking for good. And I did. This has stuck with me so far. I do get the odd craving to go out onto the balcony and have a smoke, but it isn’t the irresistible urge most smokers say it is. This isn’t that hard.

Today is February 11, the day that my current 2 month stint ends.

What did we learn this month, kids, what did we learn about consuming caffeine and alcohol without the cannibinoids?

Well, as usual, it’s hard to tell. I think abstaining from cannibinoids has made me less emotional, better able to handle hardships, but this is a very subjective and unmeasured assessment.

I’ve been through a few trials in the last month that were pretty harsh to take but I didn’t find myself being “caught” in the emotions that were invoked. What I mean is that although there’s been a lot of angst and anger and depression and fear, I found myself kind of sitting in the back seat of my mind just watching it–watching myself, watching my mind, watching my behavior, and just stoicly taking it in. That’s not to say I felt no emotions, but that I was able to keep a split between the lower self which is caught in the sticky webs of the emotional roller-coaster and the higher self which simply sits back and observes.

All I know about this two month stint without cannibinoids is that I observed myself doing this. I don’t know if this is because of the absence of cannibinoids or if this happens all the time anyway, but I noticed it.

January was quite a month for me. On January 4th, first thing in the morning, I got laid off. My project manager was kind enough to suggest to me that I contact ACM, a former client of ours, because he had heard they were looking for software developers. So I did. I contacted a former acquaintance there, emailed him my resume and cover letter, and ask him to pass it along to the boss. He did that, and a few days later I got a call back from them saying they were going to coordinate a job interview with Quadrus, the software company that they recently hired to take on their software projects. I had an edge because one of the upcoming projects they wanted to get started on was SafeGuard Profiler, an application that I used to work on at CoreData. No one at Quadrus knew the application or the code behind it. I did. So I went for the job interview, it went swimmingly, did a practicum they gave me, aced it with flying colors, basked in their praises of my performance on it, and essentially got the job. The actual arrangement for me to start working took a while, but it did happen: on Feb. 1st. I am now making 50% more than I was at my previous job (but with greater costs and risks).

So I’m employed again. But there is a catch. I’m now a contractor. For the first time in my life, I own my own business. It’s relatively knew to me and I’m still working out the finances and tax implications. But at least I’m employed.

Now along side this, there is another development: I go to the Saskatchewan Pub, a local bar in my neighborhood. I meet a guy from Quebec there who tells me that I’m an awesome guy to hang out with, have a beer with, but I would never survive in a court of law acting as my own lawyer. I know it’s the truth. I’m suddenly hit with the realization: this guys knows a shit load about me after only 5 minutes of conversing with me. I suddenly realize how transparent I am.

Later that night, I start talking with another dude at the bar. He turns out to be a spiritualist of some kind, or at least someone subject to spiritual experiences. He claims to be able to see the future. He puts it hypothetically: what if I were to tell you that you will be a millionaire, and married to a beautiful woman, would you believe me? I say no: I don’t believe nor do I disbelieve. He seems disappointed. He keeps reiterating the hypothetical scenario, getting emotional, even angry. He tells me: if it actually happened to you, then you would believe, wouldn’t you? I say: of course. He keeps reiterating the prophecy. I start to get the impression he’s not speaking hypothetically anymore, but that in order for the prophecy to come true, I have to believe it. But I can’t ask him: do I need to believe it in order for it to come true? That would defeat the purpose. At the same time, he can’t just deliver the prophecy in a non-hypothetical way, for then I would surely disbelieve it, sabotaging the entire operation. I’m speechless in the end. I say: I don’t know how to respond to that. I’ve hit a brick wall.

About a week later, I meet a beautiful blond.

The following Monday, I go back to the Saskatchewan Pub. Again, I meet a couple guys from Quebec. We start talking. The one guy tells me “I can tell you’re weak”. I ask him what he means by this. He says: you cannot lie. He then proceeds to show me how he and his buddy can spew bull shit like it’s child’s play. Again, I’m transparent to total strangers after 5 minutes of conversation. They can tell I wouldn’t survive as a lawyer (or politician, or salesman, or businessman).

Some time in the next few months, I’m going to buy a house. I’m going to rent half of it and live in the other half. This will save me $1000 a month and make me an extra $500.

I am 7 months out of a failed marriage.

It’s obvious to me that I’m going through a transition. First my marriage ends. Then I lose my job. Almost simultaneously I get a new job and find another woman, making more money, and possibly even more money in the next several month if this house thing pans out. The girl isn’t working out so well if you follow the link above, but since when were prophecies set in stone.

Anyway, throughout all this, I’ve kept my calm despite how emotional it’s all been. Is this because of a lack of cannibinoids in my system or do I draw connections between things with my fertile imagination that aren’t really related at all?

Oh, BTW, still not smoking.

I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t try to interject some temptation.

Too late my man, the 2 month stint is over.

And besides, it was weed I was depriving myself of, not booz. Perhaps you should have posted this:

My mistake.

Gib wrote:

I have always thought this about you Gib:

You play your cards close to your chest and you are a shrewd operator, even though it seems otherwise, as you do have the tendency to act in the way you think people expect of you, but thinking about this, you do this for a reason.

I think all round Gib has been grossly under estimated, not only by people he knows, but by himself also, you must be surprising yourself daily.

I really thought the booze and drugs would get the better of you, but you prove me wrong and I happily acknowledge this.

All you need now is experience in the affairs of the heart and you are older now, so your past failures are not applicable to who you are today.

Kudos to Gib!

Are you in America? Is the housing market still depressed?

Thank you, Shieldy.

And again, I take back what I said to you earlier: I really, really don’t hate you.

I’m in Canada, and yes the housing market is still depressed, pretty much all over North America. But that’s a good thing for buyers.

I decided to chart my progress:

One good thing that’s come out of this is that I want to speed up the process. I want it to happen sooner.

There seems to be an average of six month periods between these stints. I have to half that. 3 months (or thereabouts).

And once I go through all combinations, I want to take a 1 year break from all drugs and alcohol. I think if there’s one thing these past several stints have been teaching me is that I need a lot more than 2 months.

I think this time around I’m going to forgo alcohol. So starting this Saturday, May 14th, I will go until July 14th with NO ALCOHOL!!!

BAAAHHH!!!

Gib,

So you’re going to use peroxide? Gargle only.

I said BAAAHHH!!!

Chill out Gib, have a Majito

If you lace it with acid, coke, maybe a crushed pill of ecstasy, I’ll drink. But no alcohol!!!

I reeeaaallly wanted a drink on Friday. It was another one of my caffeine Fridays, and I had been really good the whole week. One cup of coffee in the morning on Monday, half a cup Wednesday mid-day, and then 3 cups Friday morning (and another big cup of Joe in the late afternoon). I was fucking wired… it would have been reeeaaally fun to drink that evening… but I didn’t.

^ Just patting myself on the back. Now go on with your lives.