Today is February 11, the day that my current 2 month stint ends.
What did we learn this month, kids, what did we learn about consuming caffeine and alcohol without the cannibinoids?
Well, as usual, it’s hard to tell. I think abstaining from cannibinoids has made me less emotional, better able to handle hardships, but this is a very subjective and unmeasured assessment.
I’ve been through a few trials in the last month that were pretty harsh to take but I didn’t find myself being “caught” in the emotions that were invoked. What I mean is that although there’s been a lot of angst and anger and depression and fear, I found myself kind of sitting in the back seat of my mind just watching it–watching myself, watching my mind, watching my behavior, and just stoicly taking it in. That’s not to say I felt no emotions, but that I was able to keep a split between the lower self which is caught in the sticky webs of the emotional roller-coaster and the higher self which simply sits back and observes.
All I know about this two month stint without cannibinoids is that I observed myself doing this. I don’t know if this is because of the absence of cannibinoids or if this happens all the time anyway, but I noticed it.
January was quite a month for me. On January 4th, first thing in the morning, I got laid off. My project manager was kind enough to suggest to me that I contact ACM, a former client of ours, because he had heard they were looking for software developers. So I did. I contacted a former acquaintance there, emailed him my resume and cover letter, and ask him to pass it along to the boss. He did that, and a few days later I got a call back from them saying they were going to coordinate a job interview with Quadrus, the software company that they recently hired to take on their software projects. I had an edge because one of the upcoming projects they wanted to get started on was SafeGuard Profiler, an application that I used to work on at CoreData. No one at Quadrus knew the application or the code behind it. I did. So I went for the job interview, it went swimmingly, did a practicum they gave me, aced it with flying colors, basked in their praises of my performance on it, and essentially got the job. The actual arrangement for me to start working took a while, but it did happen: on Feb. 1st. I am now making 50% more than I was at my previous job (but with greater costs and risks).
So I’m employed again. But there is a catch. I’m now a contractor. For the first time in my life, I own my own business. It’s relatively knew to me and I’m still working out the finances and tax implications. But at least I’m employed.
Now along side this, there is another development: I go to the Saskatchewan Pub, a local bar in my neighborhood. I meet a guy from Quebec there who tells me that I’m an awesome guy to hang out with, have a beer with, but I would never survive in a court of law acting as my own lawyer. I know it’s the truth. I’m suddenly hit with the realization: this guys knows a shit load about me after only 5 minutes of conversing with me. I suddenly realize how transparent I am.
Later that night, I start talking with another dude at the bar. He turns out to be a spiritualist of some kind, or at least someone subject to spiritual experiences. He claims to be able to see the future. He puts it hypothetically: what if I were to tell you that you will be a millionaire, and married to a beautiful woman, would you believe me? I say no: I don’t believe nor do I disbelieve. He seems disappointed. He keeps reiterating the hypothetical scenario, getting emotional, even angry. He tells me: if it actually happened to you, then you would believe, wouldn’t you? I say: of course. He keeps reiterating the prophecy. I start to get the impression he’s not speaking hypothetically anymore, but that in order for the prophecy to come true, I have to believe it. But I can’t ask him: do I need to believe it in order for it to come true? That would defeat the purpose. At the same time, he can’t just deliver the prophecy in a non-hypothetical way, for then I would surely disbelieve it, sabotaging the entire operation. I’m speechless in the end. I say: I don’t know how to respond to that. I’ve hit a brick wall.
About a week later, I meet a beautiful blond.
The following Monday, I go back to the Saskatchewan Pub. Again, I meet a couple guys from Quebec. We start talking. The one guy tells me “I can tell you’re weak”. I ask him what he means by this. He says: you cannot lie. He then proceeds to show me how he and his buddy can spew bull shit like it’s child’s play. Again, I’m transparent to total strangers after 5 minutes of conversation. They can tell I wouldn’t survive as a lawyer (or politician, or salesman, or businessman).
Some time in the next few months, I’m going to buy a house. I’m going to rent half of it and live in the other half. This will save me $1000 a month and make me an extra $500.
I am 7 months out of a failed marriage.
It’s obvious to me that I’m going through a transition. First my marriage ends. Then I lose my job. Almost simultaneously I get a new job and find another woman, making more money, and possibly even more money in the next several month if this house thing pans out. The girl isn’t working out so well if you follow the link above, but since when were prophecies set in stone.
Anyway, throughout all this, I’ve kept my calm despite how emotional it’s all been. Is this because of a lack of cannibinoids in my system or do I draw connections between things with my fertile imagination that aren’t really related at all?
Oh, BTW, still not smoking.