Unbearable Ambition

Unbearable ambition, eh?

When I was younger - before I learned psychology, philosophy and ontology, I would go outside every chance I got; I would carry cinder blocks blocks upon blocks away from my house and back. I used to free run at a park where I took the cinder block with me. I would go there many days, in steel toe boots, purposely to give myself every physical challenge I could to test my limits. Later on, I discover the mental power of the mind and start testing my body mentally. When our A/C broke down in the summer, it was 100F in our house; stepping into here would cause you to be drenched in sweat in 20 seconds flat. However, being the passionate individual I was, I not only looked inhuman when I didn’t sweat, but to turn up the heat, I would sleep in the back room with no fan, window shut and a blanket over me despite the air being absolutely heavy. My father slept in the van, and my family slept at their friend’s house. Then that same year, a winter storm struck us knocking out electricity for more than a week - again, I showed my potential as a being by telling my family no when they asked me if I wanted to go to their friend’s house because they had a gas-operated heater. I slept in this house, with no heat, under a blanket that never managed to gain the slightest bit of heat. I was showing incredible mind over matter willpower which turned me into something beyond average human beings. I’m fearless. I’m patient. I can see things happen before they do because of my analytic prowess. This unbearable ambition was used to surrogate the unbearable trials I put myself through. Now, I can’t peak - I just cannot feel tension anymore. I feel like a diamond that is beautiful yet very cold and rough. I can love, as per usual, but my mental capacity is simply off the charts. There’s simply no build up to me. I am grounded, yet at the same time I am piercing the heavens. It’s an incredible juxtaposition between holism and nihilism. I suspect that Fixed Cross hasn’t learned how to master everything and nothing. I highly advise them to understand the principles of a full & empty glass. A full glass has no room for anything; an empty glass has room for everything. Learn how to gain, without containing that gain. When you master this principle, you can experience the apex of your potential while your body does not experience the slightest change in physiology. It’s the secret to turning your brain into a god, while respecting your body’s physiological limits.

The possibilities of a holistic man are limited by their inability to fall back. The possibilities of a nihilistic man are limited by their inability to come back. The possibilities of a nihilistic & holistic man are endless.

My badness is many faceted :icon-mrgreen: , but I think it would suffice to say that I am prone to clumsiness and incaution.

I belive it is in the book Exterminator! by William S Burroughs, he talks about something he calls “Do easy”, where first you do things slowly and cautiously until you’ve got the hang of it and know what you’re doing, then when it becomes like second nature you can drop your caution. I think that indicates well my reasoning behind not embracing thumos… though adversely I am prone to lose inspiration — but whoever said living wasn’t a risky game?

I have always been fond of funhouses, perhaps with having so many mirrors reflecting distorting images back on me I’ve learned to take them less seriously and even find them good for a laugh and for pulling faces.

Likewise I have never felt a need to make my way out of the labyrinth, it is agreeable to me aesthetically. I think it would make a good home, with many trap doors and sliding walls… but perhaps I haven’t yet seen the true reason which warrants my escape. So we move on to education…

I hope you can gain something from him. I take all philosophers with a grain of salt, sometimes they go down nicely that way. If nothing else, Leo Strauss should provide a thoughtful journey through the history of philosophy.

Such a library would be of much interest. I suspect there may be many such libraries around the world, in part I am engaging in conjecture and perhaps a little fantasy… but I would like to break into many such establishments and scour their texts, perhaps with a team of others… again just a fantasy, but a view of the world I would like to inhabit.

I’m not sure if I’m on the right track here. I believe Homer’s contribution to Greek culture would be (along with Hesoid and other poets of the time) a certain valuing of the gods, and Homer’s warrior heroes. Plato would have learned from studying Homer, and his work is discussed a few times in some of the dialogues, Republic and I believe Ion for sure…

The Torah has also had an enormous influence in the cultural history of the west. It’s most prominent influence, Christianity, I believe, did owe something to the Greeks and Romans, as St. Augustine read Cicero, who has much Plato in his work, while contributing to the construction of the church.

This is a very interesting point and I think it warrants further inquiry, especially in light of philosophy’s relation to poetry. There are many ideas in this short snippet — about the poet’s relation to life through the experience of wonder (or marvelling). Can that pure experience of engagement in life be had when all is put to the test of reason?

I think that at the bottom of even our reason and lies instinct and desire — even the desire for knowledge, and usually this is irrational or serves the irrational.

In the Protagoras, the character of Protagoras says that Homer, Hesiod and Simonides were part of an ancient esoteric order of Sophists:

You have also made an interesting point here, and to my mind a very good one. When one is young, before having obtained understanding, it would be impossible to know where to apply one’s mind successfully to any purpose. We learn by imitating those around us, even animals do this to an extent… and to be taught to read, for example, helps us to determine our own path in a way that avoiding learning to read would never allow us to. So there is truth to this.

Is this to be extended univerally? To what extent should it be extended? You gave the example of your learning Greek, I am wondering, was learning Greek a choice you made or some part of a mandatory curriculum? What I wonder is to what extent the value we hold of a thing is influenced by our inclinations which draw us towards them. Education, I believe, is one of the most important issues, it is the foundation on which all society is built. To my mind, for that reason, it is something well worth devoting deep inquiry to.

Ah yes - but do you know how to fall?

Seriously, learning Aikido rolls was one of the most important things in my mental development; learning to stand on my head an added luxury. Walking on hands is healthy. Distribute thymos in all the eight directions! And you will find the balance of the flame.

Let me spin on that:
“Do easy but sometimes try the impossible.
You may surprise yourself!”

That is a great idea. The bathroom must be kind of central and easy to find or you need several of them, But otherwise to live in a place where you don’t know the way is brilliant, if it has a roof and decent flooring. It reminds me of the oldest video game I ever played, “castle”. You are a H as I remember or perhaps even a small graphic, and you wander through endless empty halls. It felt immensely cozy, all that loneliness on that grey and black screen.

I was also thinking of a palace of mirrors - I was wondering how I could use the metaphor of walking around in it with a sledgehammer; but then I thought of riding through it on a skippyball - somehow I found little subtle ways of breaking mirrors.

What I read of him today is even better than what I read yesterday. Already I find I must read on quietly and not speak much of what enters my mind.

That would be very nice. It would be very spooky to break into the Israeli one, due to its occult design it would be confronting, entering a true forbidden kingdom. But this is what we do in the best dreams; enter forbidden kingdoms. Most pregnantly perhaps the dream of flying, sometimes even figuring out how to do it.

Its influence is far too great and yet far too shallow, as its most useful meanings are totally unknown to the poor devils who followed those poetic lines to the word; forgetting that they were Hebrew words which mean very different sort of things than composite Indo European words. All words in the Torah are like runes-spells. It is an active magic, you need to chant it for it to ‘make sense’ - it only vitalizes, it does not explain. Illumination by fire; speaking in tongues.

No, reason is indeed indirect. It is an attempt to address the directness of life by statements like “A”=“A” but obviously these do nothing to push the sap up the tree and form it into leaves.

Indeed art does not suffice to do politics. Camus said something to this extent in fewer words and better ones; alas I have turned out only an artist; If I had not settled for this I might perhaps have changed something. He does not mean to have become a baker, but rather a butcher - he was wondering if we need violence to do good.

It was part of the curriculum. My mother insisted I go to this elite type school we have here called gymnasium, it’s the only school that is never part of a school-community, which is what most schools are; an aggregate of many levels in which students can ascend and descend. My mother suspected that if I be left to my own resources I would never stick to my potential. The gymnasium is the only school that teaches besides Latin also Greek. Greek is the most alien language to us (modern students), and yet our deepest cultural root. It is much like Hebrew in this sense: invoking, next to the more common and functional evoking.

Fixed Cross wrote:

It has been a few years since you wrote this, have any of your ambitions come to fruition?

That is a nuanced question. I might assume you mean can I fall with grace by your following reference to aikido, in which case, since we’re speaking figuratively, it would depend through which mirror I view my fall. If we are talking about whether I know how to let myself fall, as the second quote (about trying the impossible) could imply, I suppose the answer would be, I fall all the time, and sometimes on my face, but if the risk is a fall from a steep precipice where falling means sudden death then, I have attempted that too and not always thoughtfully, but I am not always sure what would be worth that kind of risk.

Well played, the lower bodily needs often have a way of catching up on idealism. I think there is already a recycling toilet, we’ll just have to make it portable… or scatter them along the paths like Hansel and Gretel did breadcrumbs.

Actually this might be something worth taking the risk of the precipice for. There is much life in historical relics, and it seems we are often positioned at least ten meters back from them or behind two meters of glass. If there was more of substance being produced today I suppose I wouldn’t take it so sorely, do you know of anything contemporary worth looking into? I suppose until I own an old manor with wings filled with artifacts, or attempt mission impossible, I may have to resign myself to the back of a line…

Since you evidently know more about the Torah and its secrets I must defer to you on the subject.

Your experience was evidently much different than mine, which is a good thing and a surely a good counterweight to my preconceptions. I attended a public school where the curriculum was not well composed, most of our days were spent copying overheads with minimal instruction from our teachers. Some useful tidbits I picked up in school was that in the trenches soldiers called canned meat “bully beef”… I ended up dropping out of school and most of what I know (beyond basic things like reading and writing) is self taught. I am sure I would have benefitted from a better school environment, I just don’t think it could have come from the schools I attended.

I wonder what criteria could we propose to meet so as to judge something worth compelling another to learn? Business reports, for example, can be useful. Is usefulness the gauge, or something more? Or would it less be a matter of compelling than exposing the pupil to it and letting their inclination guide them, but I’m sure even for that we might desire a limit, because a stubborn will might refuse to learn anything at all, or is this how one would best approach the subject?

It’s in between – to be able to fall gracefully lessens the fear and the actual danger involved with falling. So the better you learn to fall and ‘roll with it’ the narrower and steeper the ridges you can climb.

To make it truly a free-roaming experience we could simly have rastered holes in the corner of each room. I think that is how reality often finds its way; there is no hall of exaltation that does not have a hole for excrement.

Interesting metaphor indeed - I might write something later on what I heard about ‘spiritual shitting’… but perhaps that is better saved for another place. No decision has been made yet on the desired dgeree of ubiquitousness of toilets.

This is why I travel whenever I get the chance. However shallow and pointless our global contemporary culture is, nations still have their depths of which the modern inhabitants are unaware, largely and often, unaware also that they still represent it. Learning to speak proper French was I think the most satisfying discovery of cultural worth in my adult life. Despite the obvious charm of French, it could be any language, whatever you instinctively find fitting to a repressed part of the psyche. That is what new languages do to me, they open up space for parts of my psyche that had been repressed to flourish. I only need rocky hills and a deserted dust track to be perfectly happy in these periods of learning, changing.

Surely I am not a recognized authority in this, modern believers will claim that the explanations are substantial of themselves – as metaphors. But if you ever heard someone recite the Torah in Hebrew and heard a priest reciting from the old testament in a modern language, the difference is quite clear.

The same sort of thing goes for the Koran. It is primarily an Arab work of art or revelation. It’s beauty is perceptible only in Arab. Many non Arab muslims account of this. This is the way it was ‘revealed’, inspired - a language is more (and less) than a set of universal symbols.

It sounds indeed as if I had a more substantial education… but truly it was mainly these two languages that made the difference. The rigor of Latin, unknown to us now, and the strange splendidness of Greek - yes, precisely what is for a ‘successful modern’ a non-functional world of immense dignity, this is what taught me or planted to seed for me to rise above modernity, functionality, for that is indeed a crux.

The qestion is: Useful for what?
Useful is never a standard. It needs a standard. Useful for cleaning toilets? No, Greek is not. Useful for buying stocks? It might be, depending. But probably not. Useful for experiencing joy? Most definitely. Useful as an introcuction top philosophy? Most useful.

But I am radically against use value as a philosophical or even psychological standard. What is the use of joy? What is the use of philosophy? What is the use of life?

What you describe is pure will. I am not denying ambition in it, but it is more universal than an ambition, which is specific beyond proving and increasing strength, which is the basis for life. Ambition in this case is the imagination of a transformed world. This is why it is unbearable, or was; because of the vast distance between the present of the OP and the present of the OP’s mind. But I have been progressing rapidly with MM, and now these two past weeks he has produced with your help a quantum leap in scientific understanding that realizes perhaps the most difficult part of this ambition. I know my part in it, and I have always known that my ambition requires a number of unlikely geniuses who I just figured would exist because I exist.

Dangerous perhaps so much praise but we must recognize the worth of a good work. We have no institutions that back us and publish our discoveries so that thousands of students can put their teeth in it. It is necessary to be definite about the severity of the work, otherwise there is no hope for propagation. Frivolity and the internet belong together, and this is why philosophy must fundamentally transform the internet - it must transform itself into a foundation of a new internet structure; the consistency and core of which is not the rhizome, but it’s cause; the self-valuing of the concept of self valuing - the primordial vortex of the logos.

Indeed.

The internet’s inter-design is in the same pattern as our brain’s neurons and the way stars and matter emerge from space outside of this very planet.

When you think about it, we’re within the Universe’s matrix, within our matrix, within the computer’s matrix - it’s matrix-ception, yet this is how you argue against matrix theories - despite that, everything comes together as “one”. What does this mean? It means that a matrix cannot exist in a Universe that is fundamentally relative.

The matrix is the reality - a relative one.

That said, I cannot wait to make that breakthrough with M&M’s. We’re both on a very hot trail and my magic number “144” is going to help him get there faster. That number 144 is incredible. You will see in due time, friend.

You said you had a part in this. What did you mean by that?

Yes, it’s transient, conditional to the actuality of each individual self-valuing. Even humans are transient like that and can become aware of it if the mind attains to a deep subtlety of self-valuing, which results in powers extending to dispersing clouds or evoking lightning.

144 is also 2 times 72, two fifths of 360, one of the ways the golden ratio appears in the pentad.

I invented this self-valuing logic, and drew up that 9 matrix, though of course that’s not my contribution to life in any sense but I pointed MM to it. The idea of putting it together came to me in my sleep once.

If humans weren’t transient - … Do you have any idea what life would be like?

Indeed.

Well aren’t we all just a lovely bunch of geniuses!

And Fixed Cross is…?

Sorry -I was wondering how confusing it was, but I never feel the tendency to clear it up. I am Fixed Cross.

“No, not.” “No, not really.” “Not, no.”
these are phrases that come to mind.

Hitler had 5 of those in his natal chart, neatly arranged.

Yes. I think we should have a tree house.

Now the question of navigating this transient web as humans both inward and outward. As MM has shown elsewhere these scales mirror in consciousness, and can in a subtle consciousness mirror in such a way that they connect more directly through their actual spin logic, hook into the absolute future and come to resonate and produce what has hitherto been known as states of divine consciousness.

To share fully what I have learned as being tradition but do not understand -
11, 22, 33 are counted as semi-irreducible - as exalted versions of 2, 4 and 6; this would have to account for the justification of the decimal system. That this system is not completely arbitrary can be grasped from the magic number of five in two: 144.

What comes to mind for me is “MACHINES”.

Are you saying what I think you’re saying?

Let’s call it the “Big O’ Tree” house. That’s a double entendre. It will be home for us and ironic hell for bigots.

I know.

That’s why I asked you like that.

That said. Please go to M&M’s genius thread and see what I figured out with the help of Artimas.

Your brain is going to go boom.

That would be correct.

11 x 11 = 121

22 x 22 = 484

33 x 33 = 1089

The sequence is 4 7 9

1 4 7

2 5 8

3 6 9

The sum of those numbers is |1694|.

The sequence is 2.

Half of 1694 is |847|

1694 x 2 = |3388| ←

33 x 33 = 1089

88 x 88 = |7744|

The sum of those numbers is |8833|. ←

33 + 88 = |121|

What numbers in the Magic Square we highlighted? 1 4 7 2 8 3 9. Altogether, that’s |34|. The sequence is 7.

What numbers weren’t highlighted? 5 and 6. Altogether, that’s |11|. The sequence is 1.

If you ask me, these number are 1 off from both, .33 and 42 (the answer to life).

We have 41, add a 1, you get 42.

We have a 34, subtract a 1, you get 33.

11 + 1 = |12|

One last thing: The highlighted numbers are doing something wicked. 2 + 1 = |3| 3 = |3| 4+7+8+9 =|28| Is this Universe really saying “Two 8’s?”. That gives us |3388|.

I wasn’t aware you were Fixed Cross, you’ve made some very good posts on this forum

Thanks for the discussion, I’m going to take some time to let it sink in.

I look forward to reading more of your posts here and through the links you directed me to earlier.

Yes, the level of transience of or our states - and thus the subtlety of our selfvaluing overall control determines the degree of our our human genius, our ‘freedom from determinism’ - the degree to which our consciousness includes (differentiates and activates) the possibilities that cause its movements. Selfcontrol means stabilized futurality, means ‘faith’ in the sense of knowing ones paradigm of potential, mind being not just morally committed but carnally wedded to reality.

I am not sure; in any case I am saying I am an astrologer, and that Hitler was a magician - in the sense of a phenomenon driven by short-cut ties to and between different causal logics operating on us through the system in which Earth is embedded. The system is highly electrical. Subtle cross-referential spectral resonance shifts are pervasive in the electricity of our brains. I am sure half of my readers will drop me. And this is indeed a matter that is more comfortably discussed behind closed doors. But I find it important to make it known that to my mind the astrological logics are wholly derived from geometrical properties of the relations between the primordial numbers; 2, 3, 4 and 6 figure into the building of the 12-fold Zodiac, where the permutations of of 3- and 4-foldness form the backbone of the typology. The central cardinalities are the two horizons on the path of the earths rotation; both around the sun (“signs” - segments, not constellations) and around its axis (“houses”), and the intersections of the suns ecliptic with the zenith meridian, nadir and midheaven (corresponding in the greater wheel to 0 Cancer and 0 Capricorn). The Vedic system orients not on geometrical points but on constellations; it is thus each 60 years one degree further off from the western system on which it appears to founded by the fact that the difference is now something like 27 degrees, which means that the split must have occurred less than two millennia ago, at which point the Vedic philosophy was already dying. And indeed astrology makes a lot more sense if its coordinates are based on physical angles and proximities, rather than on endless depths of endlessly differentiated radiation from indeterminate ‘constellations’, relying on a model rather lacking in dimensionality.

Aye.