Philosophical Jokes

Sloth_on_Wheels · May 23, 2013, 1:08pm

The egg came first. No one ever said anything about a chicken egg, and fossil records show that fish was there before the chicken, laying eggs zing

Ierrellus · May 23, 2013, 1:18pm

The lay came before the egg.

Sloth_on_Wheels · May 23, 2013, 1:30pm

Hobbes_Choice · May 23, 2013, 4:13pm

Most of the eggs we eat everyday have not involved any sex.

Some eggs come to be without any laying.
For early animals it was that boring!

Arcturus_Descending · May 25, 2013, 6:43pm

Helandhighwater:

Lol mags.

The egg came first, the chicken was but a proto chicken in all cases until it became classified as a chicken by an arbitrary construct called species, one can be sure though that the closest to a chicken there ever was laid an egg and that egg was a chicken, the first in the terms we define a chicken as, but it was laid by something not a chicken who laid an egg that was… hence the egg came first the chicken was a result of an egg that was not laid by a chicken. Mind you that totally misses the point of the question which is supposed to ask a question that cannot be answered by logic, sadly though I think evolution doesn’t care about questions which are not supposed to be answered. Nor does basic common sense care if you don’t get how eggs is eggs.

There’s often a way of answering questions like: what is the sound of one hand clapping that are definitively answered, but I think we should just delight really in the semantics of clapping rather than claim that it can be answered.

Actually, I think you answered that quite logically, even including the fact that the chicken was not the first to ever have been hatched from an egg. Which raises the question: what was the first hatchling to ever come about? A dinosaur? Did snakes come before the dinosaur?

Helandhighwater · May 26, 2013, 10:00pm

Arcturus Descending:

Helandhighwater:

Lol mags.

The egg came first, the chicken was but a proto chicken in all cases until it became classified as a chicken by an arbitrary construct called species, one can be sure though that the closest to a chicken there ever was laid an egg and that egg was a chicken, the first in the terms we define a chicken as, but it was laid by something not a chicken who laid an egg that was… hence the egg came first the chicken was a result of an egg that was not laid by a chicken. Mind you that totally misses the point of the question which is supposed to ask a question that cannot be answered by logic, sadly though I think evolution doesn’t care about questions which are not supposed to be answered. Nor does basic common sense care if you don’t get how eggs is eggs.

There’s often a way of answering questions like: what is the sound of one hand clapping that are definitively answered, but I think we should just delight really in the semantics of clapping rather than claim that it can be answered.

Actually, I think you answered that quite logically, even including the fact that the chicken was not the first to ever have been hatched from an egg. Which raises the question: what was the first hatchling to ever come about? A dinosaur? Did snakes come before the dinosaur?

Nah snakes were later, it was lizards at first, terrible/powerful lizards/reptiles literally the meaning of dino saur, and then they lost their legs some claim it was due to the act of the serpent in Eden, others claim it was due to legs being unfavourable in the environment a lizard existed, because of many various reasons, much of which are to do with being preyed upon amongst other issues such as preying upon others.

Hobbes_Choice · May 29, 2013, 12:26am

Arcturus Descending:

Helandhighwater:

Lol mags.

The egg came first, the chicken was but a proto chicken in all cases until it became classified as a chicken by an arbitrary construct called species, one can be sure though that the closest to a chicken there ever was laid an egg and that egg was a chicken, the first in the terms we define a chicken as, but it was laid by something not a chicken who laid an egg that was… hence the egg came first the chicken was a result of an egg that was not laid by a chicken. Mind you that totally misses the point of the question which is supposed to ask a question that cannot be answered by logic, sadly though I think evolution doesn’t care about questions which are not supposed to be answered. Nor does basic common sense care if you don’t get how eggs is eggs.

There’s often a way of answering questions like: what is the sound of one hand clapping that are definitively answered, but I think we should just delight really in the semantics of clapping rather than claim that it can be answered.

Actually, I think you answered that quite logically, even including the fact that the chicken was not the first to ever have been hatched from an egg. Which raises the question: what was the first hatchling to ever come about? A dinosaur? Did snakes come before the dinosaur?

Snakes were late Cretaceous I think.
But there were amphibians long before Dinosaurs, and Fish long before them. But you have to go back much further to get back to early eggs: Arthropoda, annelids… way way way back (screen goes fuzzy ala Waynes World didl a didy la diddy la…

derleydoo · June 17, 2013, 4:09am

Overheard on the Underground:
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“What do the following have in common:
A: The studio in The Truman Show
B: The Great Wall of China
C: The Red Line in Syria.”

“What do the following have in common:
A: The studio in The Truman Show
B: The Great Wall of China
C: The Red Line in Syria, who?”

“It’s not a knock knock joke. It’s a question: What do they have in common?”

“No idea.”

“You can see them from the Moon.”

“Don’t get it. Anyway, apparently, you can’t even see the great wall of China from the Moon. And The Truman Show isn’t even real. And I don’t get the bit about the red line.”

“It’s wide.”

“Still don’t get it. Not funny. Don’t know why you said, ‘knock, knock’.”

“It was a philosophical joke.”

MagsJ · June 17, 2013, 11:13am

Hobbes_Choice · July 25, 2013, 1:40pm

Higgs Boson goes into a church,m and is confronted by the priest.

“We don’t want your sort in here, you’ll upset the whole congregation.”

“But”, answer Higgs Boson, “you can’t have Mass without me!”

Why did Lt. Uhuru smell so bad?

Because WIlliam Shat-n-her.

Hobbes_Choice · July 25, 2013, 1:53pm

Definition of a extroverted computer nerd: he looks a the girls shoes when he’s going out with her.

‘’’

How many theoretical physicists does it take th change a light-bulb?

Two: one to hold the light bulb and the other to rotate the universe.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, one to hold the light bulb and the other to hold my peni… sorry hold the ladder.

Arcturus_Descending · July 25, 2013, 2:13pm

No, I think that the cat is saying “My God, you’re naked”. That’s more the look on his face.

Arcturus_Descending · July 25, 2013, 2:15pm

A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “its no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”. The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied " I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to out run you"!

Es verdad…

Hobbes_Choice · July 26, 2013, 2:28pm

It’s not very funny but…

I was trying to remember a joke so I typed this in to Google:

[size=120]what happens when you put a black hole in a wheelie bin?[/size]

THis is what I got…

stoke.gov.uk/ccm/navigation/ … recycling/

I did not see “black hole” listed there!

Well I thought it was funny at the time.

Arcturus_Descending · July 26, 2013, 3:08pm

You need to come up with something - even your own punch line. I bet you can make it funny or witty or philosophical. You have a scientific mind so you could do it.

Does the opposite apply

[i]Wheelie Bins and Black HolesPost 3
Steady-State Richard

Posted Aug 21, 2001

On no account should you try to fill black holes with rubbish,
or any other matter.

They simply grow bigger and more dangerous.[/i]

Hobbes_Choice · July 26, 2013, 3:17pm

Its not a joke its situational comedy: you have to be there.

MagsJ · July 28, 2013, 9:10pm

funny stuff so far

[size=150]So true, huh[/size]

Orbie · September 16, 2013, 4:19pm

This isn’t a one liner, or even a joke, and certainly not funny, but I thought it belongs here:

Just off the presses: two philosophers got into a heated argument today, while discussing Kant in a Moscow suburb, and while the dialogue got heated, one of the participants whipped out a gun and shot the other philosopher. He is in critical condition.

user6 · September 22, 2013, 3:09am

That most certainly is funny! “Oh yeah? Suck on this categorical imperative, bitch!”

Orbie · September 22, 2013, 3:20am

 Meet you in the alley, after class, oh, I forgot, you don't have any!