Because they were not written by Bacon, Marlowe, Cervantes or God. They were written by a commoner - Shakespeare.
There are no valid doubts. None.
I wrote them all last week in my lunch times, and sent them in a time-worm to Shakepeare with strict instructions to claim them as his own.
Asimov wrote lots. Much of which I read when I was a little boy. More is not better.
More turds is just more shit.
I would not trade 506 Asimov stories for one of WS’s sonnets.
There is a good reason no one ever heard of Lope De Vega, and WS is widely regarded as one of the greatest writers of all time.
A Play by Helofalotofshite.
Act 1
Black guy zips in on his parachute.
H&HW: Hi everyone. I’m the smartest guy on earth and I am going to dazzle you all with my wit.
Black guy clicks furiously on his gun. BLAM BLAM BLAM. (empties the clip)
H&HW: Impressed?
(GRINS). Exeunt stage top.
CROWD: EH? What was that?
Puzzled looks of incredulity.
ACT 2
There is no Act 2
END
Completed play 3424, of 4,000
Oh my God you really do have a bee in your bonnet, you are now attacking someone who is on your side.
Ah fer fucks sake get over it.
It’s called humour.
Make it clear then. There are emoticons, you’ve just spent the last 48 hours attacking every post I write on every thread with this stuff, I am supposed to suddenly get after days of abuse in pm and threads you are now joking after what you have now done? Really suddenly you are joking with this? Jesus H Corbett, I am not psychic.
Oh my god!!! Shakespeare jrs!! 
That makes no sense at all to me, but then neither does this thread, par for the course, I do hope the next hole is a par 3 with no bunkers and a nice receding green leading to a straight shot into something. 
I personally think that a sand wedge over the moon into the special cow that farts magic will bank my next shot straight into reality. Probably not but one can but dream of moonbeams.
Nor me.
But as for not getting the thread - if you don’t understand it, then don’t contribute to it.
How many people do you know that actually, actually understand and get Shakespeare?
Funniest thing I have read in a long time, you are now basically attacking me for being on your side and trying to demean all my arguments because they agree with yours. Do it, go on keep doing it. It’s your funeral.
Everyone I know, well my friends at least. Ok some people I know have never seen it, probably wouldn’t watch it if I gave them money, nor would I chastise them for it. All I know is anyone I have ever met who actually watched it and took the time to get into his plays, got it. Is it really that hard to understand? I mean middle English? Well I guess it is, I don’t think it is, but clearly you do, which is fine it’s not like Americans speak English that well anyway. That was a joke ok, I was joking, it wasn’t serious. 
In original language, few would know even British citizens of modern times. The artistry is play on words, substituting words, and creating pallets of odd emotions. Shakespeare was slang , fantasy, debauchery, reverence and bloody truth. To compare the works to paintings. I propose abstract with purpose.
Well the only quote I understood was “to be or not to be that is the question” which means should we be true people or not? I am true but this world is full of fakes.
See, so many see that quote as suicidal question. Others see it as you. There are other views. Art is not one perspective. Here’s a question: If a painting/sculpture etc. makes a blatant statement is it art or advertising?
Well if the painting has all over it “buy such and such a toothpaste”, I would call that advertising.
Then that fits Warhol. That is one advertiser. What about all the "artists " that claim they are making a statement? Are they not advertising their opinion and expecting you to buy it? Could we not fit Shakespeare into that?
Most people I talk to about him.
I often attend WS plays, and have seen 3 or so in the last 12 months.
There has also been a series of the historical plays on the BBC last year which I saw.
After a while you tend to pick up the patter and rhythms of Elizabethan English and the manner of speaking becomes more familiar.
Obviously knowing the gist of the plot, and then you start to see the minutiae and the detail. It is then that you understand the beauty of his method and his writing.
Anyone who attacks the Bard is not on my side. But more to the point, attacking WS has no relevance to the thread.
oh …
before I forget…