Abstract

Yes, very nice, thank-you.

A great pity.

The most ironic thing is that his gift, the thing that killed him, is termed illness. The very thing that made him beautiful, his extremely keen and receptive mind and absence of presumption, is what caused his death. This is simply a matter of a world without heartfelt standards, without trust, without “God”, as Abstract sought -

He wasn’t the first to fall in this way, as the only way to draw the consequence of his experience in the world - it is a curse of mans best young. Our standards of well being are a deep sickness to those who have it in them to live pure - they can only keep valuing themselves by withdrawing from the vortex of corruption, ‘normalcy’, and doing the radical thing - truth.

We can be proud that he endured us with some real joy. It means we are not ‘normal’, but real, to a degree.

I knew nothing of ‘Abstract’ when I posted in his recent thread. It was the title that drew me as I at one time thought life not worth living from the first of the two tortures.

I regret that I dropped the ball, that I didn’t press.

Yes - Perpetual Change

I see the cold mist in the night
And watch the hills roll out of sight.
I watch in ev’ry single way, Inside out, outside in, ev’ry day.

The sun can warm the coldest dawn.
And move the movement on the lawn.
I learn in ev’ry single day, Inside out, outside in, ev’ry way.

And there you are!
(Making it up but you’re sure that it is a star.)

And all you see!
(Is an illusion shining down in front of me.),

And then you say!
(Even in time we shall control the day.)

When what you see!
(Deep inside the day’s controlling you and me.)

And one peculiar point I see,
As one of many ones of me.
As truth is gathered, I rearrange,
Inside out, outside in, inside out, outside in, Perpetual change.

And there you are!
(Saying we have the moon, so now the stars.)

When all you see!
(Is near disaster gazing down on you and me.)

And there you’re standing!
(Saying we have the whole world in our hands.)

When all you’re seeing!
(Deep inside the world’s controlling you and me.)

Who’ll see perpetual change?
You’ll see perpetual change.

And there you are!
(Making it up but you’re sure that it is a star.)

And all you see!
(Is an illusion shining down in front of me.)

And then you say!
(Even in time we shall control the day.)

When what you see!
(Deep inside the day’s controlling you and me.)

As mist and sun are both the same.
We look on as pawns of their game.
They move to testify the day,
Inside out, outside in, inside out, outside in,
All of the way.

I find it hard to accept that he screamed out, I heard it and I did nothing.

I really do.

For You, Robin - with Love

Sparrow

Who will love a little Sparrow?
Who’s traveled far and cries for rest?
“Not I,” said the Oak Tree,
“I won’t share my branches with
no sparrow’s nest,
And my blanket of leaves won’t warm
her cold breast.”

Who will love a little Sparrow
And who will speak a kindly word?
“Not I,” said the Swan,
“The entire idea is utterly absurd,
I’d be laughed at and scorned if the
other Swans heard.”

Who will take pity in his heart,
And who will feed a starving sparrow?
“Not I,” said the Golden Wheat,
“I would if I could but I cannot I know,
I need all my grain to prosper and grow.”

Who will love a little Sparrow?
Will no one write her eulogy?
“I will,” said the Earth,
“For all I’ve created returns unto me,
From dust were ye made and dust ye shall be.”
Simon & Garfunkel

If Only, If Only

“If only, if only” …
the demon wolf cries,
the prey on the ground were as soft as the sky,
as I howl here, hungry and lonely,

If only, if only…
the little fox cries,
the moss on the ground was as soft as the skies,
and I crouch all alone,
sad and lonely,

if only, if only,
the woodpecker cries,
the bark on the trees was as soft as the skies,
and the wolf howls below,
hungry and lonely,
Crying to the moon

“If only, if only…”
~ from Holes by Louis Sacher

:sad-teareye: :sad-teareye: :sad-teareye: :sad-teareye: :sad-teareye: :sad-teareye: :sad-teareye:

Shalom aleichem, Robin ~ ~ Fly Free! :angelic-blueglow:

About two years ago, my son, the person you know as Abstract, shared with me some of his posts on this forum. He told me that I should consider taking part…that I would find stimulating minds worth relating to. I chose not to at that time because this forum was HIS…something that he did separately from me. I did not want to infringe on one of the few pleasures that he had found as an adult…reaching out to other minds separately from me.

When he was a 7 days old, he had to have heart surgery to correct a coarctation of the aorta. At that time his father and I were told that there was a 10% chance that the surgery could cause brain damage. During this time, my son and I developed a deep and enduring spiritual connection. As he grew, we saw no evidence of brain damage, but rather evidence of genius. As early as when he was in kindergarten…maybe earlier…he and I had deep discussions about Infinity, the concept of God, and more. During this part of his life he had difficulty grasping the concept of yesterday and tomorrow. He finally settled on calling tomorrow ‘nextday’…and we all went with that. As he grew up, he and I loved to speculate about the universe together. I did not really think that it was abnormal for such a young child to be able to think on this level because of the family that I grew up in. Some of you in this forum who communicated with him seem to have satisfied his need to question, seek, and debate about the seemingly unsolvable.

Relating to him has always been wonderful and challenging and one of my favorite things to do. He was an amazing, brilliant, sensitive, empathetic, gentle, caring, loving and very strong person. He was a genius musician, writer, mathematician and philosopher. His illness was completely separate from these gifts. His gifts were not what killed him…they were what sustained him for as long as he lived.

As he developed into the wonderfully gifted young man that you knew, he became more and more burdened with irrational delusions and paranoia. This was horrible and painful for those of us who loved him…as well as for him. I often worried that there might not be many people who got to know his brilliance and beauty, but I was relieved to learn that many other people were, after all, graced with getting to know some facets of his very special, loving spirit…regardless of how much he began to withdraw due to his affliction.

Robin’s (Abstract’s) love and strength helped him persevere for 25 years. Those of us who were blessed with knowing, loving and caring for him, personally, tried everything we could to make this life endurable for him…to encourage (beseech, even) him to stay with us longer…but to no avail.

It is becoming more and more clear that he had been intricately planning and preparing for taking his own life. He had back-up plans. He was able to hide his intentions from everyone but me, for the most part. He asked me if I really would be devastated forever if he took his own life. I tried every thing to talk him out of, prevent, such a path…and I told him of course there would be a painful emptiness in my being forever. There is. I am blessed with two other unique and brilliant children so I must carry on for them.

Robin (Abstract) is still with each and every one of us that his life touched…in the microcosm and the macrocosm…infinitely within us and infinitely enveloping us.
So I say (as he and I used to say to each other at each parting) “Robin! I love you Infinity!”
May your torment be over and may you be consoled by the light and the love of the All.

motherofabstract (I had almost written down your real name, but then realized you may be opposed to that),

I have attempted to post this on the obituary, but Robin was working with me on some of his writing, and was sending it through email.
It wasn’t finished, but was quite substantial.

After receiving the terrible news, I decided to electronically publish his work on a website essentially as it was.
The Religious Text of Robin Anderson

I wanted to share this with you and your family because I’m not sure if any of you were ever able to see this before, and I also wanted to provide Robin’s interest to share his truth’s to the world.

If, for any reason, any of the family would rather that I take this publication on this site down, please let me know and I will immediately remove the site.

I will miss Robin, especially our vibrant and insightful discussions.

Thankyou, I to have a son. Mine just turned 28 and has , ma’am I could tell you alot of similar things. The most iimportant thing I can tell you is, thank-you for giving him to us and the world. He lives within us.

Jayson
I have no idea if you truly know my real name. It would probably be best to stick with this screen name for now.

Robin shared with me some of what you have posted, among other things. I believe that we do have this writing in its entirety but I have not been able to make myself search for it as yet. At least one family member has suggested that I ask you to remove it from the internet, but I know that Robin would not want this…notice what he says in the beginning or the ‘text’ about oppression…so leave it open to the public, please. I know that it wasn’t finished. I guess I hoped that he would decide to stick around until it was finished…who knows…maybe he thought it was. I understand why you published it. I hope that by “essentially” you actually mean, truly, “as it was”. He produced many other writings of a different sort. His poetry is wonderful.

It seems that he trusted you by sharing these writings with you via email. I am truly glad he felt he could entrust them with someone other than me. I may post more at some point, but at this point it is like tearing the stitches out of a sewn-up, gaping wound…

I give all of my sympathy and compassion.

For your peace of mind, “essentially”, simply meant that I did adjust the subject headings to center alignment for ease of reading and right aligned his post-script “God Bless” et. al. for the same reasons, but did not edit the content, grammar, font choice, or text color - per his wishes.

I will miss him so very much; I wish I could have known him in person.
He was very much an influence to me personally, and has been responsible for motivating me to continue my own work - which now I am very sorry that I did not produce more quickly as I know he was anxiously awaiting a personal copy of the work he was helping me with.

I am so very sorry, and I lack words and grace well enough to extend my love and compassion to you and your family.

-Jayson

Thank you for letting us know that, motherofabstract.

It’s good to know he had a parent he could communicate with on such a deep level. It’s good to know he was not alone.

Our deepest condolences to you and your family.

Jayson
Thank you for this reply. Your adjustments to the text are appropriate. It took me two weeks after his death to gather the emotional strength to begin reading posts that were associated with Abstract. I wish I could have every word he ever wrote and I hope that his posts don’t disappear before I can read it all. (I am still grieving and perhaps always will be…plus I am a single mom still working hard to provide…so time and energy is not something I have a lot of.)

Please consider sharing your works with me. I will be glad to read them.

Thank you Chakra Superstar and Jayson and all others who have offered their condolences.

Yes he did have constant love through out his life. His life was not always ‘a bed of roses’…unless you take in to consideration the thorns that roses have. There were certainly trials that he had to endure, but I am sure that, aside from a few times of psychosis, he knew he was loved. He knew that he was not alone and had at least one person who he could share honestly with. I guess it is a consolation to know that I did provide, at least, that for him.

His statement “Love is the gravity of the soul” is one thought that he did not share with me. Since the moment that I realized that he had coined this phrase I have constantly pondered about it. About one month before he ended this life, I was alarmed by my intuition that he had shut off our connection. It was as if someone had drawn lead curtains between our souls. I frantically began trying to alert his other family members, his friend and his psychologist… I told them that something was more wrong than ever and that he was suicidal.

So I wonder…if “love is the gravity of the soul” does that mean that love has to be cut off before the soul can move on? Is it possible that our loving him so much caused him to stay, suffering, longer than he could bear?

To Robin’s Mom,

As a mother, I know that there really isn’t much one can say. I grieve for Robin and for your loss. As I write this, the tears are streaming down my face and I share your pain/I drink a little from your cup. Your words about your son are so beautiful and they painted a picture which I saw in him, within his essence, when I shared with him. Above everything, he was such a sweet beautiful Being.

Sometimes, the only real thing which can bring us “there” is a deeply-felt gratitude for those moments with someone we’ve lost (yet will never truly lose) and the eventual letting go of being “anywhere else” with him but in that place of gratitude and love.

~ as Rumi said…Thankfulness brings you to the place where the Beloved lives."

I wish you a Deep Peace.jpg
:sad-teareye:
And Love

At a guess, assuming my mind works anything like his, I would say it was a physical description.

As a philosopher, one is constantly looking for more accurate and more exhaustive definitions in order to make sense of the world when others seemingly cannot (sufficiently). Poetry is not apart from this pursuit, and so concise, precise attempts often take the form of elegant aphorisms - such as love is the gravity of the soul.

What is love? Well, what do I know about love? I know it is a feeling, and that it feels longing, sincere and devoted. It feels heavy and strong, and runs through your entire being, through your soul. One cannot make such observations without being so well aquainted with such concepts, and one cannot give them such importance without the realisation that they have such significant effect on oneself and one’s surroundings. I would think such a statement from one’s son a cause for pride and peace, in the knowledge that he knew it so well.

I cannot claim I knew him very well or that I have any firm basis for this interpretation, but my views are that it makes a fitting epitath for a life well spent.

Motherofabstract:

Please accept my deep condolences to You. I would alsop lile to share my son"s suicide with You, who took his life 2 years ago. We could perhaps set up a special correspondence in this regard.As Your wound being relatively more recent than mine, perhaps, gives me an opportunity to share some of the attempts at healing, which I have tried, to help with our sorrow: God Bless : Obe. We could correspond on the open forum, or as personal communication.

motherofabstract,

My condolences, too, for your profound loss. I’m looking forward to reading your son’s writing that has been made available. Please indulge me in the following.

Your son has given me two gifts of which I am aware. I’ve been here a short time and addressed your son directly only once in a thread that he authored and in whose title I had an instant identification. As I’ve been writing here daily, I’ve regretted that I didn’t expound on the solution that I broached: I vow never to make this mistake and in this regard, perhaps, his influence can have a perpetual effect as I have continuous interaction with men like him and those with chronic substance abuse.

I have been a member of a Fellowship for several decades which believes very strongly that those of it’s members who lose their way or, worse, land in one of the three guaranteed destinations–jail, an institution or death–that they do it FOR the rest of us, meaning that our knowledge of what they do buys us more time, as our time is contingent upon a few simple things.

My personal, suicidal despair has been at bay for a year or so and I have no confidence that this will remain true: If I return there, then I will remember ‘Abstract’ and force the thought that he did it so I don’t have to do it and save my family the horror of that funeral.

Thank you for your indulgence and thank you for posting. You seem like a very courageous person.

`S

Fuse: I suppose it is difficult, but I agree with showing respect to Abstract in this way…his ideas are definitely worth reconsidering…I don’t care how uncomfortable it might be. There is more to the story, of course.

I feel guilty that I hadn’t noticed this until now. I saw a quote by Abstract in V-OutOfTheWilderness’s sig which said R.I.P. but I thought it was some inside joke between him and Abstract. Then I stumbled across this thread. I can’t believe that was real.

I have a mind now to go through a sample of his posts to get a feel for how he thought.

Now I wish I had conversed with him more, to get to know him better, maybe even gained some insight into his late predicament and offered some words of encouragement. But I don’t know what I would say.

I’m reminded of the times in my youth when I was suicidal. I don’t think anyone could have ever talked me out of my suicidal ideations–or even if they could, I would have felt manipulated instead of convinced, and I would have continued brewding in silence over how it should all end now.

I’m also reminded of how cock-sure I was that I could help other people with their problems. I had a girlfriend at the time who had some major psychological issues. I kept on trying to reassure her that she could tell me anything and that I would understand. I was a psyc undergrad at the time, and tried to convince her that this qualified me to understand whatever it was she was going through. Later, after we broke up, I found out just how disturbed she was, and how clueless I was to some of the things going on in her head before the breakup. I don’t know if I would have been able to understand, or if I could have done anything to help her. It was quite humbling.

I find that a lot of the time, even in our most sincere efforts to offer words of advice or solace to those who appear to be suffering or in need of help, a part of us is really trying to help ourselves. Looking back now, I realize that the “wisdom” I wanted to bring to the table in trying to help my ex-girlfriend was really an effort on my part to persuade her to believe in my views, opinions, values, attitudes, and so on. I think a part of me did want to help, but it’s obvious now that another part of me just wanted to spread my own beliefs onto another who was vulnerable at the time.

I had a fundamentalist Christian friend a while back who, whenever he noticed I was down in the dumps or troubled by something, would always seize the opportunity to make a convert out of me: “Trust in Jesus, Gibran. That’ll get you through,” he’d say.

We all do this, and I don’t think we can help to do this, not all the time–indeed, it may sometimes be helpful to the other person despite what our true motives are. But I wonder if this is sometimes one of the reasons those whom we are trying to help resist us. I wonder if they can sense what we’re doing: you’re not trying to help me, they might think, you’re trying to push your own views on me–you don’t really understand, you don’t really care.

Of course, we do care, but there is this eclipsing in the eyes of those we are trying to help–an eclipse of our selfless motives by our selfish ones, and all they can see is the selfish motive. I say this, not claiming to know what was going on in Abstract’s mind, not even assuming he resisted any help offered to him, but knowing what was going on in my own mind back when I was depressed and suicidal.

So what could one say to someone in need of help? What would I say to Abstract? In Bowling for Columbine, Michael Moore put this question to Marilyn Manson in regards to the Columbine shooters. Manson replied: “I wouldn’t say anything. I would listen.”