Philosophical Jokes

You can’t unload a truck load of ping-pong balls with a pitch fork!

Sorry not very philosophical, but an old standard.

=D> Classic!

Man goes into a bar with a grin on his face, and ten pence. The barman says get out people like you are ten a penny.

First define man and bar. when you have defined the need for a man, and hence the worth of monetary compensation for your bar, or why he carries ten pence into a place that you have defined as existing under you contingency a bar. Then define the need for that particular question and why somehow the bar man has bizarrely come to the conclusion he does.

Define the need for jokes, given your conclusions and of course your ability to reason given that you have arbitrarily decided to define existence.

And why is the man happy?

Edit: for the d!

On a bathroom wall in a college town–
Be alert!
The world needs more lerts.

That’s so wrong! Even a dummy knows Pi are round, cake are square. :-"

:laughing:

That made me chuckle :laughing:

Would that Bennet, be Alan?

Indeed it was he HC, but I got it off some pals’ FB company page… they are incredibly creative and equally as mad.

When you know its Alan you can’t help but hear it in that soft, plaintive Northern accent, with a sense of the ironic in the tone.
Only then is it funny.

If you were to say it in , say, GW Bush’s voice it would just come across as an obscene racist and confused remark.

There’s a person in a room with a grin on his face about all he is and all he has done, all he will do, who is he not?

Answer:

[tab]vaguely human[/tab]

Tolkien once said that Orcs were twisted creatures who were never satisfied, who seemed to be vexed at everything like they had a scratch they just could not itch, and want to serve no one unless coerced to by fear and pain or much correction. I often think he was simply talking about humans, and the lucky ones at that. :slight_smile:

"It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
Emerson
:laughing:

An engineer, an economist, a physicist, and a philosopher are hiking through the hills of Scotland. On the top of a hill they see a black sheep.

“What do you know,” the engineer remarks. “The sheep in Scotland are black.”

“No, no”, protests the economist. “At least one of the sheep in Scotland is black.”

The physicist considers this a moment. “That’s not quite right. The truth is that there’s at least one sheep which is black from one side.”

“Well, that’s not quite right either,” interjects the philosopher. “There appears to be something describable as a ‘sheep’ that seems to be black from one side…”

The philosopher George Berkeley who believed that ALL OF REALITY IS JUST IN THE MIND was so fortunate enough that there was yet no railway system during his time, because, had he been born during the time of the railway system, I could have asked him to stand at the middle of a railroad while an approaching train is yet five minutes away and ask him to convince himself that the coming train was JUST IN THE MIND.

Which came first the chicken or the egg.

Not sure but the one smoking the cigarette would be my guess.

Kierkegaard was a great Dane.

For the [chicken] answer, it would be the christian and for the [egg] answer it would be the evolutionist. As for the evolutionist who is a christian, it might depend on the transcendent properties in his cigarette. #-o

J’adore :slight_smile:
image.jpg

Lol mags. :smiley:

The egg came first, the chicken was but a proto chicken in all cases until it became classified as a chicken by an arbitrary construct called species, one can be sure though that the closest to a chicken there ever was laid an egg and that egg was a chicken, the first in the terms we define a chicken as, but it was laid by something not a chicken who laid an egg that was… hence the egg came first the chicken was a result of an egg that was not laid by a chicken. Mind you that totally misses the point of the question which is supposed to ask a question that cannot be answered by logic, sadly though I think evolution doesn’t care about questions which are not supposed to be answered. Nor does basic common sense care if you don’t get how eggs is eggs. :wink:

There’s often a way of answering questions like: what is the sound of one hand clapping that are definitively answered, but I think we should just delight really in the semantics of clapping rather than claim that it can be answered. :slight_smile: