Abstract

Honestly Abstract has affected me quite a bit. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I had recently been arguing with him in a thread about the indeterminacy of nature and then I participated some in his thread about his real life ordeal and being held against his will at a hospital. I really thought there was more to the story than Abstract was keen to discuss (like what his shouting and laying in the street really meant, or why his parents would sign the petition for him to taken to the hospital), but since it was so personal I wasn’t going to push for more information. Even now, I realize what I’m bringing up might be uncomfortable to some, but mostly I can see no greater way to respect Abstract than to find him and his ideas worth reconsidering.

I got arrested for public intox in 1995 and because I was already on probation and I could have gone to jail they threw me in a hospital for a 4 or 5 days with all these lunatics. One kid thought he could do magic, there were a few droolers, and a few kids who were like drunken delinquent gang members who were probably there because of some technicality that their lawyer pulled off for em.

It was an interesting place to be for the short time I got to be there. I became the hero of all the crazies inside when they had to let me go. I mean, if you’re not crazy, you’re not crazy no matter how much money a hospital or pharma company wants to make. I should probably be quiet. I have a lot of grievances with the “mental health” system as it is. No need to go on a tirade any longer than this.

But the fact is fuse, he very well coulda been telling you the whole story. The sick part of all this is that as they’re destroying your life and raping your freedom and prodding you and violating your privacy and your personhood and treating you like some specimen they actually in their minds believe that they are helping you and they’ve got a whole cookie cutter line about denial and self control and how the brain is a mystery that they understand but can’t explain to you in any proper way. One of the worst feelings in the world is that of being overtaken by a bunch of people that you know are not as smart as you. Especially when it’s via the use of some kind of force. I had to ride almost 200 miles in the back of a van with my hands and feet zip tied together when I was 15 or so because my parents thought I was on drugs. Insanity. I wasn’t.

Ok. I’m stopping.

Rest well Abstract, may your questions be answerd in the afterlife!

I never corresponded with Abstract after he became a moderator. I just couldn’t take him seriously anymore. He just seemed too—moderate, and I imputed that to his being a mod. But maybe it was the other way round. In any case, I regretted not being able to correspond with him any longer. And when I read Carleas’ post, I did wonder, like Hobbes Choice said, and with a chill, like Silhouette said, whether his becoming a mod might have isolated him just that little bit more, that little bit too much. I mean, it must be depressing for someone so young to already have ended up where Faust has. Just kidding, Fausty… I hope this post takes a middle ground between being funny and sad.

I have been working with Robin (Abstract) over the past couple years collaboratively on spiritual philosophies, as well as on the theory of writing spiritual philosophies.

At the beginning of this year, Robin emailed me a body of over 32,000 words that he had organized his thoughts into for what he had titled so far as his, “religious text”.
He did this with request for me to proof the work and provide feedback, which of course I did.

Due to his death, and in honor of his philosophical gift spiritually, as well as his interest in people reading his work which he viewed to contain truth, I have copied the contents of what he had emailed me and posted it online with essentially no editing; leaving it as he last wrote it with his hand.

Here is the page in honor of Robin Anderson’s Religious Text.
The Religious Text of Robin Anderson

Nice Jayson.

Yes, well done Jayson. I will read this work with interest. And take time reading it. As Abstract says

.

Yes, very nice, thank-you.

A great pity.

The most ironic thing is that his gift, the thing that killed him, is termed illness. The very thing that made him beautiful, his extremely keen and receptive mind and absence of presumption, is what caused his death. This is simply a matter of a world without heartfelt standards, without trust, without “God”, as Abstract sought -

He wasn’t the first to fall in this way, as the only way to draw the consequence of his experience in the world - it is a curse of mans best young. Our standards of well being are a deep sickness to those who have it in them to live pure - they can only keep valuing themselves by withdrawing from the vortex of corruption, ‘normalcy’, and doing the radical thing - truth.

We can be proud that he endured us with some real joy. It means we are not ‘normal’, but real, to a degree.

I knew nothing of ‘Abstract’ when I posted in his recent thread. It was the title that drew me as I at one time thought life not worth living from the first of the two tortures.

I regret that I dropped the ball, that I didn’t press.

Yes - Perpetual Change

I see the cold mist in the night
And watch the hills roll out of sight.
I watch in ev’ry single way, Inside out, outside in, ev’ry day.

The sun can warm the coldest dawn.
And move the movement on the lawn.
I learn in ev’ry single day, Inside out, outside in, ev’ry way.

And there you are!
(Making it up but you’re sure that it is a star.)

And all you see!
(Is an illusion shining down in front of me.),

And then you say!
(Even in time we shall control the day.)

When what you see!
(Deep inside the day’s controlling you and me.)

And one peculiar point I see,
As one of many ones of me.
As truth is gathered, I rearrange,
Inside out, outside in, inside out, outside in, Perpetual change.

And there you are!
(Saying we have the moon, so now the stars.)

When all you see!
(Is near disaster gazing down on you and me.)

And there you’re standing!
(Saying we have the whole world in our hands.)

When all you’re seeing!
(Deep inside the world’s controlling you and me.)

Who’ll see perpetual change?
You’ll see perpetual change.

And there you are!
(Making it up but you’re sure that it is a star.)

And all you see!
(Is an illusion shining down in front of me.)

And then you say!
(Even in time we shall control the day.)

When what you see!
(Deep inside the day’s controlling you and me.)

As mist and sun are both the same.
We look on as pawns of their game.
They move to testify the day,
Inside out, outside in, inside out, outside in,
All of the way.

I find it hard to accept that he screamed out, I heard it and I did nothing.

I really do.

For You, Robin - with Love

Sparrow

Who will love a little Sparrow?
Who’s traveled far and cries for rest?
“Not I,” said the Oak Tree,
“I won’t share my branches with
no sparrow’s nest,
And my blanket of leaves won’t warm
her cold breast.”

Who will love a little Sparrow
And who will speak a kindly word?
“Not I,” said the Swan,
“The entire idea is utterly absurd,
I’d be laughed at and scorned if the
other Swans heard.”

Who will take pity in his heart,
And who will feed a starving sparrow?
“Not I,” said the Golden Wheat,
“I would if I could but I cannot I know,
I need all my grain to prosper and grow.”

Who will love a little Sparrow?
Will no one write her eulogy?
“I will,” said the Earth,
“For all I’ve created returns unto me,
From dust were ye made and dust ye shall be.”
Simon & Garfunkel

If Only, If Only

“If only, if only” …
the demon wolf cries,
the prey on the ground were as soft as the sky,
as I howl here, hungry and lonely,

If only, if only…
the little fox cries,
the moss on the ground was as soft as the skies,
and I crouch all alone,
sad and lonely,

if only, if only,
the woodpecker cries,
the bark on the trees was as soft as the skies,
and the wolf howls below,
hungry and lonely,
Crying to the moon

“If only, if only…”
~ from Holes by Louis Sacher

Shalom aleichem, Robin ~ ~ Fly Free!

About two years ago, my son, the person you know as Abstract, shared with me some of his posts on this forum. He told me that I should consider taking part…that I would find stimulating minds worth relating to. I chose not to at that time because this forum was HIS…something that he did separately from me. I did not want to infringe on one of the few pleasures that he had found as an adult…reaching out to other minds separately from me.

When he was a 7 days old, he had to have heart surgery to correct a coarctation of the aorta. At that time his father and I were told that there was a 10% chance that the surgery could cause brain damage. During this time, my son and I developed a deep and enduring spiritual connection. As he grew, we saw no evidence of brain damage, but rather evidence of genius. As early as when he was in kindergarten…maybe earlier…he and I had deep discussions about Infinity, the concept of God, and more. During this part of his life he had difficulty grasping the concept of yesterday and tomorrow. He finally settled on calling tomorrow ‘nextday’…and we all went with that. As he grew up, he and I loved to speculate about the universe together. I did not really think that it was abnormal for such a young child to be able to think on this level because of the family that I grew up in. Some of you in this forum who communicated with him seem to have satisfied his need to question, seek, and debate about the seemingly unsolvable.

Relating to him has always been wonderful and challenging and one of my favorite things to do. He was an amazing, brilliant, sensitive, empathetic, gentle, caring, loving and very strong person. He was a genius musician, writer, mathematician and philosopher. His illness was completely separate from these gifts. His gifts were not what killed him…they were what sustained him for as long as he lived.

As he developed into the wonderfully gifted young man that you knew, he became more and more burdened with irrational delusions and paranoia. This was horrible and painful for those of us who loved him…as well as for him. I often worried that there might not be many people who got to know his brilliance and beauty, but I was relieved to learn that many other people were, after all, graced with getting to know some facets of his very special, loving spirit…regardless of how much he began to withdraw due to his affliction.

Robin’s (Abstract’s) love and strength helped him persevere for 25 years. Those of us who were blessed with knowing, loving and caring for him, personally, tried everything we could to make this life endurable for him…to encourage (beseech, even) him to stay with us longer…but to no avail.

It is becoming more and more clear that he had been intricately planning and preparing for taking his own life. He had back-up plans. He was able to hide his intentions from everyone but me, for the most part. He asked me if I really would be devastated forever if he took his own life. I tried every thing to talk him out of, prevent, such a path…and I told him of course there would be a painful emptiness in my being forever. There is. I am blessed with two other unique and brilliant children so I must carry on for them.

Robin (Abstract) is still with each and every one of us that his life touched…in the microcosm and the macrocosm…infinitely within us and infinitely enveloping us.
So I say (as he and I used to say to each other at each parting) “Robin! I love you Infinity!”
May your torment be over and may you be consoled by the light and the love of the All.

motherofabstract (I had almost written down your real name, but then realized you may be opposed to that),

I have attempted to post this on the obituary, but Robin was working with me on some of his writing, and was sending it through email.
It wasn’t finished, but was quite substantial.

After receiving the terrible news, I decided to electronically publish his work on a website essentially as it was.
The Religious Text of Robin Anderson

I wanted to share this with you and your family because I’m not sure if any of you were ever able to see this before, and I also wanted to provide Robin’s interest to share his truth’s to the world.

If, for any reason, any of the family would rather that I take this publication on this site down, please let me know and I will immediately remove the site.

I will miss Robin, especially our vibrant and insightful discussions.

Thankyou, I to have a son. Mine just turned 28 and has , ma’am I could tell you alot of similar things. The most iimportant thing I can tell you is, thank-you for giving him to us and the world. He lives within us.

Jayson
I have no idea if you truly know my real name. It would probably be best to stick with this screen name for now.

Robin shared with me some of what you have posted, among other things. I believe that we do have this writing in its entirety but I have not been able to make myself search for it as yet. At least one family member has suggested that I ask you to remove it from the internet, but I know that Robin would not want this…notice what he says in the beginning or the ‘text’ about oppression…so leave it open to the public, please. I know that it wasn’t finished. I guess I hoped that he would decide to stick around until it was finished…who knows…maybe he thought it was. I understand why you published it. I hope that by “essentially” you actually mean, truly, “as it was”. He produced many other writings of a different sort. His poetry is wonderful.

It seems that he trusted you by sharing these writings with you via email. I am truly glad he felt he could entrust them with someone other than me. I may post more at some point, but at this point it is like tearing the stitches out of a sewn-up, gaping wound…

I give all of my sympathy and compassion.

For your peace of mind, “essentially”, simply meant that I did adjust the subject headings to center alignment for ease of reading and right aligned his post-script “God Bless” et. al. for the same reasons, but did not edit the content, grammar, font choice, or text color - per his wishes.

I will miss him so very much; I wish I could have known him in person.
He was very much an influence to me personally, and has been responsible for motivating me to continue my own work - which now I am very sorry that I did not produce more quickly as I know he was anxiously awaiting a personal copy of the work he was helping me with.

I am so very sorry, and I lack words and grace well enough to extend my love and compassion to you and your family.

-Jayson

Thank you for letting us know that, motherofabstract.

It’s good to know he had a parent he could communicate with on such a deep level. It’s good to know he was not alone.

Our deepest condolences to you and your family.

Jayson
Thank you for this reply. Your adjustments to the text are appropriate. It took me two weeks after his death to gather the emotional strength to begin reading posts that were associated with Abstract. I wish I could have every word he ever wrote and I hope that his posts don’t disappear before I can read it all. (I am still grieving and perhaps always will be…plus I am a single mom still working hard to provide…so time and energy is not something I have a lot of.)

Please consider sharing your works with me. I will be glad to read them.