The plight of the working man…
Though, admittedly, these particular working stiffs you really have to bend over backwards not to strangle yourself.
TIN MEN
Written and directed by Barry Levinson
[b]BB: Now don’t try to hustle me here … you know what I mean. I hate being hustled. Give me an honest price, not one of your ‘special’ deals… give me an honest price. Do I make myself clear?
Salesman: Certainly, Mr Babowsky. Now, how much are you willing to pay?
BB: There ya go…there ya go…you’re doing it… you’re doing one of those hustle numbers.
Salesman: I’m just trying to get an idea how much you’re willing to pay.
BB: Four dollars…I want to pay four dollars a month.
Salesman: That’s not an honest answer.
BB: What do ya want to hear? That I’d love to pay three hundred and fifty a month…is that what you want to
hear? Tell me how much you want me to pay and I’ll tell you how much I’ll pay, but don’t do a hustle on me…I don’t like that. How much do I want to pay? I’d like to pay nothing!
…
BB: This guy’s looking to play tit for tat. That’s not my game. I’m gonna play hardball…I’m gonna find out everything about this son of a bitch, and then I’m gonna find the one thing that cuts him to the quick.
Moe: Let’s go inside… make some calls.
BB: I wonder if he’s married…
…
BB: [into the phone] Hey, asshole! This is the ultimate “fuck you”! I just poked your wife!
Tilley: [into the phone] What are you talking about?
BB: Yeah, she’s in my bed right now with a very big smile on her face.
Tilley: Well, that’s just fine by me. She’s a pain in the ass! An albatross around my neck! You’re welcome to her. Keep her, and may you both rot in Hell!
BB [to himself] Is this a setup? That son of a bitch…I bet he set me up…I thought I got him, and he got me. That son of a bitch!
…
Tilley: Toiletries!
…
Tilley: It’s like some guy trying to sell me life insurance. You think I’m gonna take some money out of my
pocket to give to some jerk so that somebody can take it when I’m dead?!
…
Tilley (yelling to BB): Hey, Mr. Marengay went to the track!
BB: Did you bother to bet, or did you just hand your money to the tellers?
Tilley:(laughing) The sarcasm’s killing me. (pause) I thought you were looking to get even.
BB Who’s your accountant, mister, 'cos I think you’re down in the debit side.
Tilley: Who’s stuck with my wife? You or me?
BB: Okay, then you win.
…
Sam: You know, Tilley, I’m beginning to believe in God.
Tilley: Yeah me too!
Sam: No, you don’t know what I mean. I’m beginning to think about God more.
Tilley: What, you were never one of those atheists, were you?
Sam: No, I’m not sayin’ that. It’s just that I’m beginning to give God more thought.
Tilley: What, did you have some kind of religious experience or something.
Sam: Well, yeah, the other day I took the wife to lunch, we went and has some smorgasboard, and it just kinda happened.
Tilley: [Gags for a second at this] At the smorg… you found God at the smorgasboard?
Sam: Well, yeah, I’m looking at all this food, I see all these vegetables, and I think, all these things came outta the ground. I see tomatoes, outta the ground, carrots, outta the ground, radishes outta the ground. And I think, all of these things come outta the ground. And I’m just talkin’ about the vegetables, I haven’t gotten to the fruits yet. And I think, how can that be? How can all these things come outta the ground? With all these things comin’ outta the ground, there must be a God.[/b]
Later…
[b]Tilley [at the Smorgasbord staring at all the food…he looks up to the ceiling]: God, if you’re responsible for all the stuff down here, maybe you got a moment’s attention for me(pause) Between the I.R.S., this Home Improvement Commission and Mr. Marengay, I’ve had it up to here with this bullshit. To be frank with you, I’m in the toilet here.
…
Sam: You know when I saw ‘Bonanza’ the other day, something occurred to me.
Tilley: Eh?
Sam: Ya got these four guys living on the Ponderosa and ya never hear them say anything about wanting to get laid.
Tilley: Huh.
Sam: I mean ya never hear Hoss say to Little Joe, "I had such a hard-on when I woke up this morning…They don’t talk about broads - nothing. Ya never hear Little Joe say, “Hey, Hoss, I went to Virginia City and I saw a girl with the greatest ass I’ve ever seen in my life.” They just walk around the Ponderosa: “Yes, Pa, where’s Little Joe?” Nothin’ about broads. I don’t think I’m being too picky. But, if at least once, they talked about getting horny. I don’t care if you live on the Ponderosa or right here in Baltimore, guys talk about getting laid. I’m beginning to think that show doesn’t have too much realism.
…
Nora: If we went on a picnic it would be fun.
Tilley: I don’t understand a picnic. We go someplace, we put a thing on the ground and eat.
Nora: Yeah, it’s nice to do that.
Tilley: Why? I don’t get it. It’s better sittin’ in front of the TV.
Nora: I happen to think there’s somethin’ nice about a picnic. It’s fun.
Tilley: What’s fun about it? Ants get in the food - there’s bees. I don’t get it. You have to drive - it takes you maybe an hour to get there. And then whataya do? You sit on the grass and eat. Why is that fun?
…
Wing: My sources tell me this Home Improvement Commission is for real…it’s no jackpot. These guys are going to be a real pain in the ass, so any of the scams that you guys are pulling, they get wind of it, they take your license and it’s goodbye to this business.
Mouse: They take away your license? They take away your livelihood? What kind of people are these?
Sam: They have no respect for the working man.
Tilley: Which scams are they talking about? They got a list?
Wing: Any irregularities, you know, selling a house on the pretense that it’s a model house and every job sold in the area they get a kickback… the Life Magazine hustle… you guys know all the bullshit numbers we can run.
…
Tilley [to the investigator at the Home Improvement Commission hearings] Look, if you work in a clothing store, some guy tries on a suit, it looks like shit, but you tell him it looks wonderful. The guy’s standing there looking like a sack of shit, the salesman says what a great suit and the man buys it. Now that’s deception.
…
BB: It was a lousy thing to do, okay? It was a lousy thing to use you to get back at your husband…but the fact is that I never would have met you otherwise. It was lousy… it was a disgusting, terrible thing…but a lot of good came out of it.
Nora: What kind of a person would come up with such a devious thing?
BB: I’m not always a nice guy, I admit that. I got a lot of training in deceit…it’s an occupational hazard.
…
BB: You know something, Stanley, I can always smell a guy who’s not made of tin…It’s against the law to steal files. I could call and have you arrested and sent to jail, right now…You work for the Commission, is that it? [Stanley nods “yes.”] Doesn’t the Commission have enough information? They got to send out guys like you to spy?..You know what your big problem is, Stanley? You’re lazy. If you want to find out stuff, then you dig…you get on the phone…you canvas…‘We’re from the Home Improvement Commission…’ Go find your leads… that’s what we do all the time…What is this? Eliot Ness or something. Undercover time? You think you’re breaking up some big drug ring? What do you think you are infiltrating the Mafia? We;re just a bunch of guys trying to sell some aluminum siding for cryin’ out loud. (pause) You want some files? [BB walks over to the filing cabinet, flips through some files and pulls out files…He throws them down on the desk.] Here, Ill give you some…some jobs I did. Leave Moe out of this… he quit the business.
…
BB: Ever see a Volkswagen?
Nora: What?
BB: You know, those little Volkswagens.
Nora: What does that have to do with anything?
BB: I dunno… they’re interesting.
…
Tilley: You like pool?
BB:I enjoy the game.
Tilley: Why don’t we play a little game of eight ball? If I lose, I consent to the divorce… if you lose, you give Nora up…walk away from her.
[BB stares at Tilley; Tilley eyes BB]
BB: Rack 'em.[/b]
Later:
BB: Nora, I lied to you the other day.
Nora: How so?
BB: I went to see Tilley about the divorce…He was very reasonable, you know, and one thing led to another, so we finally decidedd to shoot saome pool to decide the matter…If I wone, he would give you up, and if I lost, I would give you up.
Nora: You shot pool for me?
BB: I had no choice.
Nora: That’s the most despicable thing I’ve ever heard in my whole life! I mean, that’s disgusting shooting pool to determine my future!!
BB: Nora, I had no choice…I tried talking to him and he wouldn’t listen. So what are my options?
Nora: I can’t believe you had to shoot pool for me!
[more back and forth and then]
Nora: What happened?
BB: I lost.
Nora: You lost?
BB: I blew the eight ball.
Nora: What does that mean, “you lost”?
BB: It means I’m supposed to give you up. I’m supposed to never see you again.
Ah but then BB assures her he won’t abide by the agreement: “I’m not that honorable a guy”.
…
[b]Kid: Did you have a car parked here? A Cadillac?
Tilley: Yeah. What about it?
Kid: A man told me to say they took it.
Tilley: Who took it?
Kid: The tax man…Gave me a
dollar to tell you so.
Tilley: Tax man! Fucking I.R.S. How low can you get? How low can you get? How can people come and take a man’s car?.. His
Cadillac?!
…
Tilley [to BB after they both lose their business license]: Tell me. Where is it written in the constitution where it says a man can’t hustle for money?..I mean it’s not like I went into an alley, got a brick and whacked the guy over the head with it. You’d think I went into somebody’s house and stole his stuff. KI mean, all I’m doing is selling. Where’s the crime in that?
BB: Wanna know what our big crime is? We’re nickel-and-dime guys. Just small time hustlers.[/b]
They should have been Wall Street bankers instead.