RELIGULOUS
Directed by Larry Charles
[b]Bill Maher: These questions about what happens when you die, they so freak people out that they will just make up any story and cling to it. You know, things that they know can’t be true, people who are otherwise so rational about everything else, and then they believe that on Sunday they’re drinking the blood of a 2,000-year-old God. I can’t-- that’s a dissonance in my head. I can’t-- I have to find out.
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Yeah, you could be right. I don’t think it’s very likely, but, yes, you could be right, because my big thing is I don’t know. That’s what I preach. I preach the gospel of I don’t know! I mean that’s what I’m here promoting-- doubt. - That’s my product. - Right. The other guys are selling certainty, not me. I’m on the corner with doubt.
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I think being without faith is something that’s a luxury for people who were fortunate enough to have a fortunate life. You know, you go to prison and you hear a guy say, ‘‘You know what, buddy? I got nothing but Jesus in here.’’ I completely understand that. I think not having faith is a luxury sometimes. If you’re in a foxhole, you probably have a lot of faith, right? - Mm-hmm. - So I get that.
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…behind me and above me is the original Twin Cities, Sodom and Gomorrah. Apparently, it was a pretty wicked place. How wicked? Well let’s just say that what happened in Gomorrah, stayed in Gomorrah. That is until God got wind of it, so he sent two angels to investigate. Now the angels went to the house of the one godly man in town-- Lot. And the townspeople tried to rape them. Now Lot, not wanting his town to get the reputation as the kind of place that would rape angels, offered up to the mob his own daughters to rape. And he was the good guy in town. Which brings me to this question: If I ever had to swear an oath, why would I want to put my hand on the King James Bible? I think I could find more morality in the Rick James Bible.
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It’s a monotheistic religion, but there’s three of them.
Christ at the theme park: Just like water can be ice, steam and water.
Maher: I see.
Christ: It’s different forms, different shapes for the different purposes.
Maher: The analogy that Jesus at the amusement park said yesterday was brilliant, about the Trinity is like water. It can be steam. It can be ice. It can be liquid. Wow, that is-- boy, that stopped me in my tracks for a second, you know? That’s just a brilliant analogy. When you think about it for two minutes, it’s still complete bullshit. There this space God and he’s himself and he sent himself on a suicide mission. He’s a God, but he has a kid. He’s a single parent. It’s just silly, but when you put it in the water analogy, I can see that, you know, those ladies there, when they heard that the first time, they were like, done. Sold. Oh, you had me at ice cube.
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Maher: [According to scientology] Xenu brought us here 75 million years ago, stacked us around volcanoes and blew them up with an H-bomb. We are older than the universe. You have to rid yourself of the implants from the extraterrestrial dictators! - Get an E-Meter. Yes, get an E-Meter! - An E-meter? Audit yourself. How do you people expect to get to the next level? I’m not making the rules.
Aw… You know, Scientologists… And right, you’re like, ‘‘Oh, yeah, that’s some crazy shit. Okay. Jesus with the virgin birth and the dove and the snake who talked in the garden, that’s cool. But the Scientologists, they’re the crazy ones.’’ That’s not true. That-- that-- I don’t have any idea of what you’re talking about. But it has something to do with making sure that we’re born with a defect, so that the souls of ours are infected with aliens… the cure? Scientology.
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Maher [talking to 2 ex-Mormons]: To be a Mormon is to believe some really crazy stuff, crazy even by the standards of the big religions. When you’re the new kid on the block–
–We’d like you to ‘‘Meet the Mormons.’’ In the founding scripture, you open up the Doctrine of Covenants, you read the autobiography of Joseph Smith. He quotes Jesus Christ as telling him that every other creed on earth is, quote, ‘‘an abomination.’’ An abomination. I mean, that’s not a very ecumenical statement. You’re talking about things that, I think, at some level you sense just do not make sense. I’m glad you said that because I read some of the tenets of Mormonism, like ‘‘God lives on a planet near the star of Kalob.’’ - Kolob. - Kolob. God the Father who’s a physical man with a body of flesh and bone is probably about 6’ tall, lives on a place called Kolob, had sexual relations with Mary-- remember he’s a man. ‘‘Jesus Christ was conceived by God the father having actual sex with Mary.’’ Mary said, ‘‘If this is what God wants, I’ll be glad to do His will.’’ ‘‘Dark skin is a curse from God, but if you’re sufficiently righteous, a dark-skinned person can become light-skinned.’’ According to the Book of Mormon, after his resurrection, Jesus came to the Americas to preach to the Indians. ‘‘That American Indians are actually a lost tribe of Israel.’’ They’re lost Jews. And also the idea that Christianity is American, I think, is an amazing entitlement to a people who are always trying to meld God and country. The Garden of Eden was in Missouri according to Mormonism. The new Jerusalem will be there.
I’ve also heard that the Mormon Church baptizes dead people. You can be baptized for about 50 people, 100 people that’ve died. And so you just get dunked about 50 to 100 times. That’s baptism for the dead. Caffeine is evil. That magic underwear can protect you. And that you need a secret password to get into heaven. Everyone must stand at the final judgment before Joseph Smith, Jesus and Elohim. This isn’t an easy religion.
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It seems peaceful, but this is the very spot where a lot of Christians believe life on earth will end. The irony of religion is that because of its power to divert man to destructive courses, the world actually could come to an end. A lot of people in this country believe in end times. There will be this great reckoning, the Rapture…But if you believe that the world is gonna come to an end, and perhaps any day now, does it not drain one’s motivation to improve life on earth while we’re here? The plain fact is, religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having key decisions made by religious people, by irrationalists, by those who would steer the ship of state not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken. George Bush prayed a lot about Iraq, but he didn’t learn a lot about it. I don’t know that much about politics…Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It’s nothing to brag about. And those who preach faith and enable and elevate it are our intellectual slaveholders, keeping mankind in a bondage to fantasy and nonsense that has spawned and justified so much lunacy and destruction. Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don’t have all the answers to think that they do. Most people would think it’s wonderful when someone says, ‘‘I’m willing, Lord. I’ll do whatever You want me to do.’’ Except that since there are no gods actually talking to us, that void is filled in by people with their own corruptions, - limitations and agendas…The only appropriate attitude for man to have about the big questions is not the arrogant certitude that is the hallmark of religion, but doubt. Doubt is humble, and that’s what man needs to be, considering that human history is just a litany of getting shit dead wrong…So you think Jesus will end this earth at some point, maybe in your lifetime? One always hopes. This is a sign, and that is a sign. If a nuclear bomb went off, and it seemed like that was exactly what it had said, balls of fire or something, you wouldn’t look on that as necessarily a bad thing. I know I’ll be with God. This is why rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a terrible price. It says in the last days there’ll be wars, rumors of wars. The Bible prophesies from the Book of Revelation-- they’re going to be fulfilled! Can this be accomplished without violence? - No. - Islam ruling the world, global jihad. - Who will win out? - We’ll win. That’s for God to decide on Judgment Day. If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence and sheer ignorance as religion is, you’d resign in protest. To do otherwise is to be an enabler, a Mafia wife, with the true devils of extremism that draw their legitimacy from the billions of their fellow travelers. If the world does come to an end here or wherever, or if it limps into the future, decimated by the effects of a religion-inspired nuclear terrorism, let’s remember what the real problem was: That we learned how to precipitate mass death before we got past the neurological disorder of wishing for it. That’s it. Grow up or die. We are in a conflict between good and evil. See you in heaven. Who knows?[/b]
Well, that’s certainly one way in which to look at it. Just not religiously.