This will not be easy.
There are many taboos in our culture. Some, such as rudeness, are quite forgivable if the individual is considered to be, at heart, good. Others, particularly sexual offenses, are considered to be irredeemable aspects of an individual’s character, forever a part of that character.
I am a violator of the most sacrosanct taboo of all: I am a sexual offender.
I will not go into details; suffice it to say that, at one point in my youth, I was convicted of a very serious, sexually-related crime. I’ve ‘paid my dues’, however little I thought (and think) of that particular reciprocal economy of violence that is the penal system, and I feel – guilty.
The recent spate of cultural discourse on the topic - from television programs (To Catch A Predator) to the offender’s registry - has made life, for me, not only unpleasant, but virtually unlivable. I will not here demand sympathy for a situation of my own doing; empathy, however, would be welcomed.
To make a long story short - perhaps sixty pages, should my design come to fruition - I intend to publish an essay, voicing my own views on this most occulted of all topics. It’s been a very long time, and I, above all, am well-positioned to comment on the subject.
Unfortunately for myself, it will not be easy. I lack recourse to a publisher (and any suggestion here would be more than welcome) willing to tackle such an issue; and, furthermore, there’s the obvious question of motivation which will undoubtedly rise if, by some intervention on the part of a dead God, I do find a way to make myself more public than I am already. I am more than prepared to donate any proceeds to charity, so as not to run afoul of legislation barring making profit from a crime; even to publish anonymously, should the need arise; and yet nevertheless I’m taken almost by fits of half-madness thinking of how utterly alien my own viewpoint will be interpreted by virtually everyone. To be sure, there is a desire on my part for self-aggrandizement; I cannot deny it. And nevertheless I feel I must publish it. I have no desire to absolve myself from responsibility, and yet my very own philosophical viewpoint demands that I deny moral agency.
If you’ve not yet recoiled in disgust - then how shall I proceed?
(For those who would attack me personally: am I not doing precisely what you others should like so very much to do, that is, taking ultimate responsibility for myself? The State wishes to make of me a public face: very well! I shall save them the effort and do it myself.)