Introduce yourself here <-----

thats why i said “i think” dear…

greetingth adlerian and noetician, igor will talk about hith job:

to be a professional mourner is not all that hard - you must look reasonably good in a black suit, wear a quite jaunty top hat with a black-ribbon, and be of medium height - not too tall and not too short - im just under 6 foot - which is about right. duties involve walking in front of the hearse, helping the relatives of the deceased (with a gesture only if at all possible) and sometimes (becoming more frequent these days) lending a shoulder to the coffin - hence the height thing.

the important thing is not to speak unless absolutely necessary and to be expressionless. you must do nothing to involve yourself with the relatives or provoke any reaction. you are a robot - simply there to smooth the way. this gives me lots of time to think and to take my mind away from the job - a good thing because it is so hard not to wet my pants with laughter sometimes… this sounds bad but imagine if the whole of your job rotated around NOT laughing or even smiling. you would be doing the same - it stacks up in your head sometimes - the laughter - you push it down - it comes back even more hysterical than before - its horrible you think of all the people who would be horrified if you laughed… and that just make the whole thing funnier. i havent laughed yet - but its been a close shave sometimes.

thankyou fro your welcome i will try to live up to ilp’th high thtandardth

Igor-

no expression at all? that sounds more like a professional mannequin rather than a “mourner”… did you have to get a degree in mortuary science to do that gig or is that just for the embalmers?

-Imp

Igor, I’m sure most of the amateur mourners here on ILP would be green with envy; you’re doing something they love doing and getting paid for it!

With your lithsp, I can fully understand.

Anyway, welcome to you and to Ice Cube – you both sound interesting… and welcome to the others too :smiley:

[b]dear impenitant and km3_22

  • no real qualificationth beyond gcses - we are more gothic window drething than anything elthe - a reasonably thmart appearance and no facial hair ith all that matterth - and no (vithable) piercings of courthe. the embalmerth have all been to univerthity - hell, even the funeral cothmeticianth have polytechnic diplomath - we mournerth just have our dour exprethionth.

there is an up thide to the profethion of courthe - the ladieth love an igor - he can get a thtiffy anytime he wantth… :smiley:

Thankth for the welcome everybody
[/b]

Thanks for the info Igor! I thought that I had heard everything! Now maybe I have (I bet not).

Anyway, how much does such a rank pay? If you don’t want to say please don’t. Also, I would like to know how you came by that job. Did you know someone or did you randomly apply?

thanks for the info, igor. i thought you went to funerals for people who have no friends and pretended to be a guest. i saw it once on punk’d.

a job like that must really keep you in check. although i can totally relate to the laughing thing. i think i would die.

A few times when I had to see therapy clients nonstop I got a case of the giggles. The worst was when a guy with CP started telling me for about the fiftieth time that he was going to hang himself from his showerhead. As he told me this his eyes jiggled back and forth very rapidly. That set me off. I pretended that I got something stuck in my throat and ran into another office where I had to bang the walls to stop laughing.

It wasn’t about the guy being funny, rather it was a case of stress and just hearing too much weirdness in one day, or lifetime maybe.

Hello, I’m a newbie here. I’m not very good with introductions, so I’ll leave it at that. :slight_smile:

igor take pennieth from corpses eyes…

alas - not much - igor makes somewhere around minimum wage according to the books. but the funeral homes around milton keynes have an informal agreement: each employs 1 or 2 mourners on a full time basis. but 2 mourners are not enough for anything but a very small family funeral. so each undertaker lends his mourners to the others as required. and the undertaker borrowing them pays them a set fee for the ceremony. so igor makes quite a bit usually on top of his wage. the more people that die - the more money igor makes…

its funny but I have noticed that business rises and falls according to a fairly strict agenda - the 2 weeks before christmas - business slows dramatically - then the 2 weeks after - rises again. the same with school holidays - less people pop their corks while the kids are home or visiting - and of course the summer months are slower to.

so - if you want to live a long time - 1) go live somewhere warm. 2) make sure every 2 weeks or so you arrange something to look forward to and 3) keep some kids around you (but not in a Michael Jackson kind of way)

i got the job through a friend of a friend - the boss is his uncle. been doing it 3 years now - not much good as a long term house and pension kind of job but good enough for now - i plan to start an open university accountancy course as soon as the summer is over.

tho - there you go - think of igor ath a kind of human blow-fly - growing fat off carrion…

:astonished: finger-lickin-good imagery! don’t get behind me with that spade – okay?

Hi, My name’s Matthew and I live in Nova Scotia, Canada though I was born in British Columbia. I study Philosophy at Dalhousie University.

I love poetry and I love to write, but more importantly I love anything that truly makes me think, which is why I ILP and why I’m here.

Anyways I just found this site and this is like my 2nd post I think, but expect to here from the monkey again sometime soon.

Hi, my name is Cam.

I am new to the internet, and this is my first post. I have never belonged to an internet community before, and a freind of mine suggested this one, given that I love Philosophy. Somehow it just seemed appropriate.

I am relatively a beatnick, enthralled with music, poetry, ineffable debate, and the works of Edgar Allan Poe. I will try to limit my pretension (within reasonable bounds), and in return expect to be forgiven for any gross spelling/grammer/punctuation errors.

Peace.

Welcome to all of our newest members. Please, enjoy your stay.

Returning after a decently long hiatus.

My name is Chris. I live in Denver, Colorado.

And currently I’m posting because I just got internet access at work and don’t have enough work to fill the day.

Here’s to hoping they don’t catch me.

I am new and I registered this morning, but am posting now in the afternoon.

I’ve come here to be enlightened from your wisdom, even if I don’t agree with all of it.

I am here to introduce myself…My name is jaded bird…awsome, now that is over with!

Although I joined a few weeks ago I have found that my schedule has not allowed me to post on any kind of regular basis. Things have changed for the better.

Greetings to all.

Boo boo boo.

Me ha ha!

Hello. My name is Boris & 'm coming from Slovenia (enter this word in MS Encarta and you’ll find it). 've got some education in philosophy and sociology (teachers degree), but who doesn’t? The main reason, i’m writing to you is something completely different.

Before year ago we have opened a philosophy forum, which was quite a succes. It has quite a lot of members, which some of them are more or less active. But there’s a one little problem – we’re chatting in slovene language, our mother toungue, so that made us not a very large community (in comparison to those languages with more speakers). And after a time we get quite known to each other and, as consequence, bored. So, we run out of fresh blood and that’s why we are desperetely looking for a new one…

You are wellcomed to join us on the philosophy site Filozofi. We’ve collected some usefull links to look more attractive ( HERE ) and opened a special room for philosophy chat in English (over HERE ).

So – don’t wait for tomorrow, join now and you’ll recive a special amount of bright ideas, imported from Plato’s universum, linked only and only to you :wink:

Link: filozof.pavliha.net/