I was a good tree, I bore good fruits once or twice, but then someone poisoned me. Now I’m afraid I’m going to go to Hell because someone poisoned me and robbed me of my good fruits. What will God think, now that I no longer am able to bear good fruits? It’s through no fault of my own that others saw my bountiful harvests and decided to poison me to make their own paltry harvests look better in the absence of the awesome, is it? Or did I misconstrue the message and brought forth a great harvest when it truly meant ‘good’ and only ‘good’?
For greatness, I find going to Hell worthy of my time. I’d poison the poisoners trees and ruin their harvests, but they do a good enough job of that on their own just by their ineptitude.
During my awakening, I was warned to stay away from the nuts and the fruits, but I didn’t listen. I’m pretty sure that many nuts are just seeds, and since my tree brought forth fruits of all varieties, I am sure that some were, indeed, nuts. Why, did any find their way down your throat?
Ah, but if you didn’t know it was poisonous, you might eat it by mistake, being but a simple monkey. Even as cynical as your avatar makes you seem, you might still make a gaff or two in your life that make you slap your own forehead as you look around embarrassed to see if anyone was watching or paying attention. Knowledge is still no match for animal simplicity. I bet you ate your own boogers when you were a kid, for example, or ate crayons or sniffed glue or perhaps even ate the glue, play-do, etc. sniffed paint accidentally? Bonked your head one too many times and wondered at your own continued capacity for intellect despite the common knowledge that bumps to the head should decrease intellect? Perhaps tried sucking your own dick only to find out you don’t stretch too well?
Or, perhaps, your position in life enabled you to bypass a lot of ‘mistakes’ made by other animals around you, simply by the unique positioning of it, which would make your mistakes a bit more complicated to spot and yet still just as simple in comparison to something grander that forgets its own mistakes or hides them just the same.
Then what, pray-tell, are you doing responding to me at all? My fruit has already been consumed by you. You are already caught in its effects. You fool; you mad, mad fool of a man. Let me kiss you and make it all better.
Some of my fruits are… well… ‘fruity’, if you catch my drift. Be mindful of the nuts on your chin, the ones that didn’t quite make it into your gaping mouth.