None of this news is real, it provides a mockery of society of potential news that could happen on such a dumb planet filled with idiots.
Hillary Clinton gains presidency after boy throws snowball.
Two boys were playing snowball in the walmart parking lot, when one of their snowballs accidentally hit a man sitting in a parked pickup truck. When the snowball impacted the man’s windshield, he said to his girlfriend on the phone "This reminds me back in Veitnam. " Police say he had a moment of what is called “PTSD”, traumatic hallucinations from past war experiences. The man reached in his back trunk and pulled out a .44 caliber hunting rifle. He said to the boys “STAND DOWN. STAND DOWN. I WILL STAND MY GROUND. PUT DOWN THE SNOWBALL.” But police say the boys did not comply. One of the boys had an active twitter account and was known for his Social Justice Warrioring and pro-feminist views. The boy noted his disgust of guns and said to the man “Triggered. Triggered. Triggered.” This “triggered” the man’s subconscious reflex of ‘back on the farm’, where his drill sergeant would say “Trigger” to order the men to pull the trigger. He pulled the trigger but it didn’t fire. He realized that he had no ammo.
So he ran to Walmart, with his rifle still in hand, and bought some ammo because the boys represented a “clear and present danger”. When he got back outside, the boys were exactly were they were before, still playing snowball. One of their snowballs hit him square in the balls, which caused him to trip and fall and accidentally blow the boy’s brains clean out. The boy, laying in the snow, said[size=85] “Hillary Clinton. Vote for Hillary Clinton. Vagina.” [/size]Hospital staff say the boy kept saying that repeatedly after he was pronounced dead for 5 minutes. Doctors said “it was some sort of sign from God, I’ve never seen anything like it before.” Police held the man for questioning about the incident. The man stated that when he was carrying the gun back to his car, he forgot to put the safety on, causing the accidental misfire. When police asked if he had ever taken any gun safety courses, he said “Gun safety isn’t covered with food stamps.” When they asked if he had ever looked in the instruction book that came with the gun, or online guides, he declared that he was “born down south”, “inbred”, “unable to read”, and “I don’t need no stinkin’ internet, its full of homosexuals”. During this incident, several patrons called the cops, but they didn’t arrive until 45 minutes later.
Social Justice Warriors were outraged over this incident. They held a million candle vigil in honor of the deceased boy. They said they wanted to “crucify this man”. They said “All gun owners are exactly the same. Inbred, born down south, unable to read, and afraid of homosexuals.” Hillary Clinton said “Don’t you worry folks, I will not only ban guns but I will ban balls!” The CIA reluctantly agreed, said “Safety is worth the price of a 'lil bit of freedom. I hereby sign executive order 66 to not only ban guns, but also balls.” Talk show hosts talked about it year round, debating whether or not banning balls was truly ethical or constitutional. “Though in the long run, banning balls creates a safer society, and also decreases rape, we must weigh the personal identity of the individual. Does taking away their balls actually hamper their freedom? Is it a violation of sovereign rights? We can see the systemic parallels also in the gun ban. Though banning guns does reduce the amount of death by guns, is it perhaps a step too far in taking away the sovereignty of the individual? This and more, but coming right up, an announcement from Justin Bieber”
So, just one snowball, can create a snowball of social change. Just one boy can elect a new president. Because after this incident, Trump was immediately banned from office. The UN said “White men, you are all the same”. And they bought out his Goldman Sach staff and impeached him.
- Bullshit News, 2.0