Thank you progressives on social media. Thank you for calling people racist, sexist, and homophobic over every single tiny infraction, until those terms became laughable jokes, if not badges of honor. Were it not for you systematically assuring us that every violation of your obscure speech codes was tantamount to a mini-holocaust, people may have still been stuck in pre-Obama mentality where such accusations against a politician carried weight. Thank you for making people feel so ashamed and at risk for disagreeing with you that nobody could poll them accurately.
Thank you to the mainstream media. This cycle, you finally started believing your own bullshit. You’ve always lied constantly to defend Democrats, but this year, you stopped lying and actually told the truth- the truth you believed because the previous generation lied to you. You spent a year assuring people that Hillary had it in the bag, Bernie Sanders was irrelevant, and that Democrats didn’t have to work for it because, “Come on, it’s Trump. I mean. Seriously. Trump?”
Thank you to the universities. Due to your laser-like focus on diversity issues and absolute refusal to consider more than one position on any issue, several key DNC voting blocs are now dumber than a bag of hammers and will be so for at least a generation.
I’d like to thank President Obama, for ensuring that all his most sweeping changes, his entire legacy, is built upon executive orders that can all be annuled simply by the next president going “Nah”.
I’d like to thank all the debate moderators for stepping outside your role to continuously argue with Trump, thus giving him far more time to speak than any other candidate.
I’d like to thank the DNC. If you hadn’t sabotaged the campaign of your candidate that was actually likable and qualified, we wouldn’t be here today. Bernie was the only one who could possibly steal the ‘white working poor’ vote from Republicans. I’d like to thank you for brazenly replacing your corrupt party chairman with another, equally corrupt party chairman, right in front of everybody without even bothering to hide it. I’d especially like to thank you for pushing your media lackies to encourage Trump’s nomination while simultaneously nominating the only person in your party he could beat.
Last but certainly not least, I’d like to thank Hillary Clinton. For just…being herself.