being a savage, an animal, a criminally minded person, has always been my natural state… even since i was a wee lad. but i indirectly agreed with man and his state, to subdue that part of me and keep it under control… under one condition; man and his state had to uphold his end of the bargain or that contract would be canceled. well, he dropped the ball in 2007, dropped it again in 2010, then again in 2016. now part of me is disappointed that this happened; i could have easily lived the patriotic life of the law abiding citizen… got me a wife, good job, mortgage, golden retriever, gas grill, hung the flag from my front porch, the whole nine yards. but there is another part of me that is glad this happened, because that part is able to be set free again. in a sense i needed this to happen… was watching for it, waiting for the man to do something stupid and fuck it up. and that’s precisely what he did. and to add insult to injury, he will not fix what he fucked up, will not un-fuck it up. he got his shot, and struck out. what can i say?
so there you have it. and what all this means is something very easily misunderstood by people. the philosophy i’ve built around my circumstances is very unique because the circumstances are unique. mine is not some philosophy embraced while sitting in a lazy boy recliner reading a book. mine is a philosophy embraced standing inside the gaping jaws of experience. and those who have never stood in these jaws would not understand my reasoning. i am incommunicable in that respect… not because i don’t want to be understood, but because i cannot be understood by the company i keep. lol, and this really amounts to folks online because i have zero friends in real life.
soooooo, i prefer to keep my interactions with such folks on a casual level. if someone invites me to do ‘philosophy’, i find myself wanting to say ‘trust me buddy, you don’t wanna go there.’ and this is because my circumstances are so unique; i simply have nothing in common with others aside from a few basic truisms. but these are trivial. what i am interested is what has become true for me, and more so, if these truths are also true for others like myself.
and this is why my philosophy always tends toward a very specific direction. it’s always ‘headed that way’, headed down a road others are unexperienced at traveling and find unfamiliar. all this stuff about nihilism and anarchism is not just myself talking to hear myself talk, see. these are very carefully thought-through conclusions that have been developed over the course of a decade. and when i approach any given philosophical subject, it is always within the context of this rubric, or, will inevitably end up there.
i think it was kierkegaard who said ‘when one is misunderstood as a whole, it is impossible to remove even a single misunderstanding.’ or was it schopenahuer. can’t remember.
but do i have to be understood to enjoy interaction with others on a philosophy forum? shirley not… as long as i’m not asked to ‘go there’. no, let’s not go there.