Countering Negative Possibilities

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Countering Negative Possibilities

Postby WendyDarling » Sun Mar 11, 2018 4:06 am

I am always and forever jumping the gun with the worry that the future will bring about a negative outcome that I can preemptively counter. Am I too uptight to let reality unfold for better or worse? I am not a long term planner, but I do take steps to oversee the outcome of the immediate future, often for naught to my chagrin for Murphy's law isn't always in effect. Why do I torture myself this way by approaching the future harboring negative expectations or do I perhaps have a hero complex like I am always trying to save the day? Secretly taking responsibility for everything in my vicinity is exhausting and often unnecessary.
I AM OFFICIALLY IN HELL!

I live my philosophy, it's personal to me and people who engage where I live establish an unspoken dynamic, a relationship of sorts, with me and my philosophy.

Cutting folks for sport is a reality for the poor in spirit. I myself only cut the poor in spirit on Tues., Thurs., and every other Sat.
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Re: Countering Negative Possibilities

Postby fuse » Sun Mar 11, 2018 4:37 am

I think it's psychologically strong to take ownership of a situation and do what you can to ensure the desired outcome. If you find that you're spinning your wheels for nothing, maybe you're focusing on the wrong things, things that are too hypothetical or unpredictable.
Just a suggestion - might be way off base of what's going on - maybe focus on making certain things happen instead of trying to prevent something that may not happen? True, sometimes it's necessary to take precautions for negative possibilities, and it's not always clear whether the preparations made were at all effective or necessary in the end. There's not much positive reinforcement gained when something doesn't happen compared to when something does happen. I guess it's worth considering how large the risk is, how prone the thing is to occur, and how efficiently one can preempt it. Also, for recurring negative possibilities, you can try to iterate and study how well different preparations fare.
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Re: Countering Negative Possibilities

Postby WendyDarling » Sun Mar 11, 2018 4:47 am

maybe focus on making certain things happen instead of trying to prevent something that may not happen

An awesome suggestion, how though? Will I be regarded as a total control freak if I "guide" people taking away from their autonomy? I think I'm sweating the small stuff, the large stuff, and everything in between. My Mom and Sister recently commented on how I bark out orders all bossy like. How confident am I in other people's competence? The answer is a very resounding...not very.
I AM OFFICIALLY IN HELL!

I live my philosophy, it's personal to me and people who engage where I live establish an unspoken dynamic, a relationship of sorts, with me and my philosophy.

Cutting folks for sport is a reality for the poor in spirit. I myself only cut the poor in spirit on Tues., Thurs., and every other Sat.
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Re: Countering Negative Possibilities

Postby Gloominary » Sun Mar 11, 2018 5:35 am

I think there's a time for everything, a time to anticipate and plan for the immediate future, and a time to relax, be patient, wait and see, think on your feet.

The more methodical you can be, the more predictable your circumstances, the more you are able to prepare, and the more the consequences could be dire if you don't, or rewarding if you do, the more it makes sense to, think ahead, taking steps in the present to help ensure a positive outcome in the future.
But on the other hand, the less methodical you can be, the less predictable your circumstances and so on, the more you're, not only wasting your time and energy, stressing over a future you can't foresee, nor control, which isn't good for your mental, or physical health, but, the less you'll be able to improvise and be resourceful whenever stuff decides to start happening.
And, the less you'll be able to enjoy, and make the most of the present.

If we spend all our time and energy thinking about a future that never comes, or arrives in a totally unexpected condition/fashion, we won't have any energy left to take care of it as it is in the present, to think about and deal with it effectively.
Our minds will still be stuck in a future that, for good or ill, was never to be.

everything in moderation, there is a time to plan, and a time to be mindful of the present.
Spend a little time meaningfully planning your day or your week, and then leave the rest to chance.
It's a kind of arrogance to think we can plan for every contingency, or that we even have to.
It's a kind of arrogance to think we can control Any thought or feeling within us, let alone Every, or the thoughts and feelings of others.

As we speak, a million processes are going on, within your skin and outside it, that you're not conscious of, let alone in control of, that allow this moment to be as it is, and hey, it's not so bad, is it?
Life evolved for hundreds of millions of years, most of it unconsciously, much of it in a semi-conscious state, without anyone at the helm and hey, it didn't turn out so bad, did it?
We're here, aren't we?
Don't overthink it, release your cares, hope for the best, but don't necessarily expect it.
Don't let your preconceptions about how you think the future might turn out blind you to how it actually unveils itself before your eyes.

Macromanagement, as opposed to micromanagement.
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Re: Countering Negative Possibilities

Postby Gloominary » Sun Mar 11, 2018 6:11 am

WendyDarling wrote:
maybe focus on making certain things happen instead of trying to prevent something that may not happen

An awesome suggestion, how though? Will I be regarded as a total control freak if I "guide" people taking away from their autonomy? I think I'm sweating the small stuff, the large stuff, and everything in between. My Mom and Sister recently commented on how I bark out orders all bossy like. How confident am I in other people's competence? The answer is a very resounding...not very.

I would say, it's not your duty to lead your mom and your sister, it's your duty to lead your kids, if you have any, or your employees, if you're an employer.
Fundamentally your mom and sister can, and want to take care of themselves, unless they're mentally handicapped.
If you try and lead them, what you're really saying is: I'm smarter and better than you.
Instead, set an example, and offer advice when asked.
It's up to them to evaluate what you say, and how often they turn to you for advice or input is the best indication of how much merit they think it has.
You will only alienate them if you demand they value your opinion more than they already do.

People want to feel smart and in control of their lives, just as you want to.
People generally only turn to others when they're really needy.
Often people will complain about their lives, but they just want you to listen, or tell them what they want to hear...which's why I have to be careful too. :lol:
If people start countering your feedback, that's usually a good indication it may be best to keep quiet, or back off.
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Re: Countering Negative Possibilities

Postby WendyDarling » Tue Mar 13, 2018 4:45 pm

I would say, it's not your duty to lead your mom and your sister, it's your duty to lead your kids, if you have any, or your employees, if you're an employer.

I sure wish adults knew how to make quick, concise decisions while on their feet, on the ground running, decisions which move life forward without incident.

If you try and lead them, what you're really saying is: I'm smarter and better than you.

There are times when I am, I make timely, accurate decisions instead of hemming and hawing around while the train goes off the rails.

Dealing with other adults can often be trying, exasperating, when there is an agenda or timeframe within which to act. #-o Why is it so difficult for many to make a beneficial choice for several individuals and act on it? Haven't we returned to the idea of competence? Acting competently.
I AM OFFICIALLY IN HELL!

I live my philosophy, it's personal to me and people who engage where I live establish an unspoken dynamic, a relationship of sorts, with me and my philosophy.

Cutting folks for sport is a reality for the poor in spirit. I myself only cut the poor in spirit on Tues., Thurs., and every other Sat.
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Re: Countering Negative Possibilities

Postby pilgrim-seeker_tom » Mon Mar 19, 2018 2:32 am

Wendy ... just read your thread.

Feels like you're standing on the threshold of self-assessment ... and even open to the possibility of self-criticism ... a rare enough event for most people.

Your habit ... for lack of a better word ... points to a big and kind heart ... and perhaps to a narrow scope of alternatives ... implied by your question "How though ...

IMHO ... we underestimate the healing power of adversity ... suffering ... humiliation and so on.

I like the ancient Chinese philosophy Wu Wei ... Super Chakra provides the best English interpretation I've read so far ...

Wu Wei is rather than trying to make something happen, sit in the back seat of the car and watch things happen without effort, stress or motivation.


Of course, this advice flies in the face of well entrenched Western social constructs. :-)
"Do not be influenced by the importance of the writer, and whether his learning be great or small; but let the love of pure truth draw you to read. Do not inquire, “Who said this?” but pay attention to what is said”

Thomas Kempis 1380-1471
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Re: Countering Negative Possibilities

Postby Silhouette » Tue Mar 20, 2018 12:50 am

WendyDarling wrote:I am always and forever jumping the gun with the worry that the future will bring about a negative outcome that I can preemptively counter. Am I too uptight to let reality unfold for better or worse? I am not a long term planner, but I do take steps to oversee the outcome of the immediate future, often for naught to my chagrin for Murphy's law isn't always in effect. Why do I torture myself this way by approaching the future harboring negative expectations or do I perhaps have a hero complex like I am always trying to save the day? Secretly taking responsibility for everything in my vicinity is exhausting and often unnecessary.

This is known as Neuroticism.

Don't assume all the negative connotations that tend to be associated with the term, it's just a word - though asking this of a Neurotic is probably a bit far-fetched. It's also something that happens to females more often - not in a male chauvinist way, in an objective psychiatric way - and like all traits, it still persists because it still has value. It's just not very pleasant to endure if you are prone to it, but fearing the worst puts you in a better, more ready position to counter any negative outcomes that the future might throw at you - whether or not they actually happen. And more often than not they don't, but if they do, you're the woman. But all the many more times they don't - prepare to be exhausted and unnecessarily so... but at least traits aren't unmovable and invariable. Consider some words by Shantideva: "If the problem can be solved why worry? If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good."

I wonder if your fantasy of being a hero to save the day is your mind trying to put itself at ease, and I wonder if your distrust in others to step up is a projection of your own lack of control that you feel about your own capacity to deal with all the negative outcomes that you fear and don't plan for in the long term. Personally, I'm considering that any relatively increasing dread that I may sometimes feel about the future is probably simply a result of knowing more as time goes on - when in fact it was always this bad/good. If you do "positive" things, your mind tends to follow suit, I dunno - I'm just an amateur psychologist. If you tell me all or any of the above is bunk, I'll believe you.
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