The ILP Karaoke Bar

In this thread you are the rockstar you always wanted to be but didn’t become because you took that fucked up job and started studying philosophy in your spare time.

Some of you can REALLY sing, and will be able to use instrumental versions without embarrassing yourself. Others, like me, will sing over the songs, but loud enough to be heard clearly.

What i, personally, enjoy about singing is not along the lines of soliciting admiration in the way of ‘listen to what a great singer I am,’ (which I’m not) but rather ‘did I get the voice right’. When I succeed, I feel like I’ve done a good caricature and to me that’s pretty fuckin’ funny. I did countless voice-overs at my failed forum though the links have expired. Everything from No Doubt to Otis Redding, and I killed every one of em.

Tiny Sick Tears (Zappa)

vocaroo.com/i/s0OI9deMPhdU

(dedicated to ‘Ecmandu’)

Cucamonga (Zappa)

vocaroo.com/i/s1TCEBT5MQJK

Father O’Blivion (Zappa)

vocaroo.com/i/s1vnFh8FR0OL

(dedicated to ‘Guide’)

You Are What You Is (Zappa Thing Fish version)

vocaroo.com/i/s0h4dWZOfVyM

(dedicated to ILP)

The Trial (Pink Floyd)

vocaroo.com/i/s14p82k02aKR

note: I fucked up the schoolmaster opening, but you’ll let that slide.

Dancin’ Fool (Zappa)

vocaroo.com/i/s1m3AU16r4TH

(dedicated to the disco generation)

Fembot in a Wet T-Shirt (Zappa)

the scene: Emcee Buddy Jones and the contestant, Mary.

vocaroo.com/i/s0spQDRNThqb

The Crunge (Zeppelin)

vocaroo.com/i/s13p3yxCnmmZ

Gallows Pole (Zeppelin)

vocaroo.com/i/s1Rk9ujimzf7

(nailed it)

When It Gets Gangsta (Geto Boys)

vocaroo.com/i/s04LPOM4riwg

shout out to all my niggas on the yard at Hyde and Bertie. Tre 4, AK, and my nigga killaroo. You know how we do.

Warning (Notorius BIG)

vocaroo.com/i/s1Cs3aEjNpRK

plotline: iambiguous (biggy) receives a page at 5:46 in the morning from pop (promethean75), who warns him of envious objectivists who’ve been watching his rise to power and are conspiring to stop him.

iambiguous: Who the fuck is this? Paging me at 5:46
In the morning, crack of dawn and
Now I’m yawning, wipe the cold out my eye
See who’s this paging me and why?
It’s my nigga, Pop, from the barbershop
Told me he was in the gambling spot and heard the intricate plot
Of niggas wanna stick me like flypaper, neighbor
Slow down love, please chill, drop the caper

promethean75: Remember them niggas from the hill up in Brownsville
That you rolled dice with, smoked blunts and got nice with?

iambiguous: Yeah my nigga Fame up in Prospect
Nah them my niggas nah love wouldn’t disrespect

promethean75: I didn’t say them, they schooled me to some niggas
That you knew from back when, when you was clocking minor figures
Now they heard you’re blowing up like nitro
And they wanna stick the knife through your windpipe slow
So, thank Fame for warning me 'cause now I’m warning you
I got the MAC, nigga tell me what you gonna do

iambiguous: Damn, niggas wanna stick me for my paper
Damn, niggas wanna stick me for my paper
Damn, niggas wanna stick me for my paper
DAMN, niggas wanna stick me for my paper

promethean75: They heard about the Rolex’s and the Lexus
With the Texas license plates you got from out of state
They heard about the pounds you got down in Georgetown
And they heard you got half of Virginia locked down
They even heard about the crib you bought your moms out in Florida
The Fifth Corridor

iambiguous: Call the coroner!
There’s gonna be a lot of slow singing and flower bringing
If my burglar alarm starts ringing
What ya think all the guns is for?
All-purpose war, got the Rottweilers by the door
And I feed 'em gunpowder, so they can devour
The criminals trying to drop my decimals
Damn, niggas wanna stick me for my cream
And it ain’t a dream, things ain’t always what it seem
It’s the ones that smoke blunts with ya, see your picture
Now they wanna grab they guns and come and get ya
Bet ya Biggie won’t slip
I got the Calico with the Black Talons loaded in the clip
So I can rip through the ligaments
Put the fuckers in a bad predicament, where all the foul niggas went
Touch my cheddar, feel my Beretta
Buck! What I’ma hit you with you motherfuckers better duck
I bring pain, bloodstains on what remains
Of his jacket, he had a gun he shoulda packed it
Cocked it, extra clips in my pocket
So I can reload and explode on you rasshole
I fuck around and get hardcore
C-4 to your door, no beef no more nigga
Feel the rough, scandalous
The more weed smoke I puff, the more dangerous
I don’t give a fuck about you or your weak crew
What you gonna do when Big Poppa comes for you?
I’m not running, nigga I bust my gun and
Hold on, I hear somebody coming…

Bow Tie Daddy (Zappa)

vocaroo.com/i/s1i36RxUcyrX

nailed it.

(the trick is to pinch your nose)

Queen Bitch (lil kim)

vocaroo.com/i/s1oMt9Qd3L4x

(for big rosa, queen bitch, west side vanguard elite…)

If peter piper pecked em, I betcha biggie bust em
He probably tried to fuck him, I told him not to trust him
Lyrically, I dust em, off like Pledge
Hit hard like sledge-hammers, bitch with that platinum grammer
I am a diamond cluster hustler
Queen bitch, supreme bitch
Kill a nigga for my nigga by any means bitch
Murder scene bitch
Clean bitch, disease free bitch
Check it, I write a rhyme, melt in your mouth like M&M’s
Roll with the M.A.F.I.A. remember them?
Tell em when I used to mess with gentlemen
Straight up apostles, now strictly niggaz that jostle
Kill a nigga for the figure, how you figure?
Your cheddar would be better, Beretta inside of Beretta
Nobody do it better
Bet I wet cha like hurricanes and typhoons
Got buffoons eatin my pussy while I watch cartoons
Sleep 'til noon, this rap Pam Grier’s here
Baby drinkers beware, mostly Dolce she wear
Frank kill niggaz lives for one point five
While you struggle and strive we pick which Benz to drive
The M.A.F.I.A. you wanna be em
Most of y’all niggaz can’t eat without per diem
I’m rich, I’ma stay that bitch

Uhh, who you lovin who you wanna be huggin
Roll with niggaz that be thuggin, buggin
In the tunnel in Eso’s
Sippin espresso, Cappuchino wit Nino
On a mission for the lucci creno
I used to wear Moscino, but every bitch got it
Now I rock colorful minks because my pockets stay knotted
C-note after C-note, Frank boat hold fifteen plus the caterer
You think you greater, uh

iambiguous (biggy): You niggaz got some audacity
You sold a million now you half of me
Get off my dick, kick it bitch…

Check my pitch, authentic persona
And I’ll still stick your moms for her stocks and bonds
I got that bomb ass cock, a good ass shot
With hardcore flows to keep a nigga dick rock
Sippin Zinfandel, up in Chippendales
Shop in Bloomingdales for Prada bags
Female Don Dada hats no problems spittin cream with my team
Shit’s straight like nine fifteen, y’nahmean?
Cruise the diamond district with my biscuit
Flossin my Rolex wrist
Shit, I’m rich, I’ma stay that bitch

vocaroo.com/i/s1Xt9CuWyNIf

in loving memory
of the grand master
the man with the beats to cause a disaster
The man who’s overtop, guaranteed to rock
From a positive source, it’s the Human Beat Box
With a million watts of power coming out his mouf
Making all the young ladies want to scream and shout
With a thousand beats for every day of the week
So come on Beat Box – play one for me

b-d-d-d-d-d-d… stick em… ha ha ha, stick em!

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJewbFZHI34[/youtube]

Triflin’ ass hater…

vocaroo.com/i/s0Uyyx9qMd9w

yes indeed, here we are, at…

St. Alphonzo’s Pancake Breakfast (Zappa)

vocaroo.com/i/s0DwBaDrr1hL

(where i stole the margarine)

ruth underwood, ladies and gentlemen.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSmyCuU_pEo[/youtube]

Lovin’ You (Minnie Riperton)

vocaroo.com/i/s0kImTvU2cnd

it’s easy, ILP, because you are beautiful…

Let’s Make The Water Turn Black (Zappa)

vocaroo.com/i/s1dEqXDUDsz8

for those who wish to inquire further to substantiate the following reference, i’ve provided the necessary documentation below:

“Ronnie saves his numies on a window in his room
A marvel to be seen: dysentery green”

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTQMl5bmLYs[/youtube]

Almustafa the Beloved (The Billy Cobham / George Duke Band)

vocaroo.com/i/s0AnFyVthvLE

(for almustafa… the beloved-[size=85]lov-ed[/size]-[size=80]lov-ed[/size]-[size=75]lov-ed…[/size])

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFBJ3zBjdqY[/youtube]

Special feature presentation: promethean75 performs…

The Humpty Dance (Digital Underground)

vocaroo.com/i/s1dCVIbQxQrX

Moderator advisory: explicit content

Backstage footage of impersonation practice. Working out the idiosyncrasies and voice nuances of zizek. Very difficult speech impediment to get right. You have to touch your tongue to the roof of your mouth behind your front teeth to produce it. Will be working on it for a while…

sendvid.com/7lgf19wh

you’re not going to believe this, but it’s true. you actually heard this:

Cool It Now (New Edition)

vocaroo.com/i/s0TxGjz1DyWK