Philosophical Jokes

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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby Arcturus Descending » Fri Jul 26, 2013 4:08 pm

Hobbes Choice wrote:It's not very funny but...

I was trying to remember a joke so I typed this in to Google:

what happens when you put a black hole in a wheelie bin?

THis is what I got...

http://www.stoke.gov.uk/ccm/navigation/ ... recycling/

I did not see "black hole" listed there!

:D :D :D :D

Well I thought it was funny at the time.

You need to come up with something - even your own punch line. I bet you can make it funny or witty or philosophical. You have a scientific mind so you could do it.

Does the opposite apply

Wheelie Bins and Black HolesPost 3
Steady-State Richard

Posted Aug 21, 2001

On no account should you try to fill black holes with rubbish,
or any other matter.

They simply grow bigger and more dangerous.

:-k
SAPERE AUDE!


If I thought that everything I did was determined by my circumstancse and my psychological condition, I would feel trapped.


What we take ourselves to be doing when we think about what is the case or how we should act is something that cannot be reconciled with a reductive naturalism, for reasons distinct from those that entail the irreducibility of consciousness. It is not merely the subjectivity of thought but its capacity to transcend subjectivity and to discover what is objectively the case that presents a problem....Thought and reasoning are correct or incorrect in virtue of something independent of the thinker's beliefs, and even independent of the community of thinkers to which he belongs.

Thomas Nagel


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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby Hobbes Choice » Fri Jul 26, 2013 4:17 pm

Arcturus Descending wrote:
Hobbes Choice wrote:It's not very funny but...

I was trying to remember a joke so I typed this in to Google:

what happens when you put a black hole in a wheelie bin?

THis is what I got...

http://www.stoke.gov.uk/ccm/navigation/ ... recycling/

I did not see "black hole" listed there!

:D :D :D :D

Well I thought it was funny at the time.

You need to come up with something - even your own punch line. I bet you can make it funny or witty or philosophical. You have a scientific mind so you could do it.

:-k


Its not a joke its situational comedy: you have to be there.
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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby MagsJ » Sun Jul 28, 2013 10:10 pm

:lol: funny stuff so far :D

So true, huh :confusion-shrug:

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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby Orbie » Mon Sep 16, 2013 5:19 pm

This isn't a one liner, or even a joke, and certainly not funny, but I thought it belongs here:

Just off the presses: two philosophers got into a heated argument today, while discussing Kant in a Moscow suburb, and while the dialogue got heated, one of the participants whipped out a gun and shot the other philosopher. He is in critical condition.
[size=50][/size]Allone's Obe issance



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sincere, the centre of
your circle here,
i stand ; and , without
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i know nothing. But i can

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Then, your obedient

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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby _________ » Sun Sep 22, 2013 4:09 am

That most certainly is funny! "Oh yeah? Suck on this categorical imperative, bitch!"
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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby Orbie » Sun Sep 22, 2013 4:20 am

_________ wrote:That most certainly is funny! "Oh yeah? Suck on this categorical imperative, bitch!"





Meet you in the alley, after class, oh, I forgot, you don't have any!
[size=50][/size]Allone's Obe issance



In answer to your prayer
sincere, the centre of
your circle here,
i stand ; and , without
taking thought,-
i know nothing. But i can

Full well your need-as
you be men
This: Re-Creation. With a
bow,
Then, your obedient

servant now.
One gift is all i find in me,
And that is faithful
memory
Orbie
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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby _________ » Sun Sep 22, 2013 11:50 pm

Is it a class act to call someone classless by equivocating the term 'class'?
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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby Orbie » Tue Sep 24, 2013 3:18 am

Equivicating always has class because it presents an opportunity for a way out. If you don't't like one side of the equation, you can always retreat to the other.
Double meanings are often a comfort, because the intended meaning is made into a kind of humoresque, provided the intendee is not locked into one side of the equation presented by the intendor.
[size=50][/size]Allone's Obe issance



In answer to your prayer
sincere, the centre of
your circle here,
i stand ; and , without
taking thought,-
i know nothing. But i can

Full well your need-as
you be men
This: Re-Creation. With a
bow,
Then, your obedient

servant now.
One gift is all i find in me,
And that is faithful
memory
Orbie
partly cloudy, with a few showers
 
Posts: 7596
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2012 6:34 pm
Location: Night of infinite faith

Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby Arcturus Descending » Fri Sep 27, 2013 2:18 pm

This may perhaps already be in here but since I do not have the time to check - it's still good for a laugh...

Descartes went into a bar and had a drink. When the bartender asked Descartes if he wanted another one, Descartes said: "I Think Not!" ------ and disappeared.
:lol: Well, I do think that's rather funny.
SAPERE AUDE!


If I thought that everything I did was determined by my circumstancse and my psychological condition, I would feel trapped.


What we take ourselves to be doing when we think about what is the case or how we should act is something that cannot be reconciled with a reductive naturalism, for reasons distinct from those that entail the irreducibility of consciousness. It is not merely the subjectivity of thought but its capacity to transcend subjectivity and to discover what is objectively the case that presents a problem....Thought and reasoning are correct or incorrect in virtue of something independent of the thinker's beliefs, and even independent of the community of thinkers to which he belongs.

Thomas Nagel


I learn as I write!
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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby Orbie » Fri Sep 27, 2013 10:06 pm

Arcturus Descending wrote:This may perhaps already be in here but since I do not have the time to check - it's still good for a laugh...

Descartes went into a bar and had a drink. When the bartender asked Descartes if he wanted another one, Descartes said: "I Think Not!" ------ and disappeared.
:lol: Well, I do think that's rather funny.






It is funny, Arcturus, but it may be even a little more funny if before he disappeared, after he said "I think not" , he added indiscernibly , as oif speaking to himself, .....therefore I am not."
[size=50][/size]Allone's Obe issance



In answer to your prayer
sincere, the centre of
your circle here,
i stand ; and , without
taking thought,-
i know nothing. But i can

Full well your need-as
you be men
This: Re-Creation. With a
bow,
Then, your obedient

servant now.
One gift is all i find in me,
And that is faithful
memory
Orbie
partly cloudy, with a few showers
 
Posts: 7596
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2012 6:34 pm
Location: Night of infinite faith

Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby barbarianhorde » Thu May 08, 2014 4:32 pm

A philosopher steps into a nail parlor and asks for a nail job. The girl looks at him and his long yellow nails and says "it's been a while since you've been here, isn't it?"
So the philosopher says "no philosopher steps into the same nail parlor twice!"

A great joke. I made it up myself.
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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby quantum » Sun May 11, 2014 10:53 am

IDIOT BARBARIANHORDE LOL :lol:

OOOPS .WAIT ,
OH NO
DAMIT
NOT AGAIN !! #-o NOT ME !!! #-o
FUCK !!
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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby MagsJ » Mon Jun 02, 2014 8:50 am

:lol:
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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby Ornello » Tue Jun 03, 2014 3:23 pm

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of southern Arkansas and was visiting one particular farmer. He was standing, alongside of the farmer, leaning on the corral rail - as he always did before pitching "the new line of tractors" - and looking at all of the farm animals in the barnyard. Seeing one particular pig, he said: "Say, that sure is a fine hog, but, you know, I have never seen a pig with one wooden leg before." The farmer said: "You see, that there pig is one valuable animal, I can tell you. That there hog saved my life three times."

"The first time was about a month ago. My wife fried potatoes for supper, just the way I like them, and left the frying pan on the stove. About midnight or so, the pig must have smelled the smoke, but be broke out of his pen, butted the house door open with his snout, woke us up and we got out of the house just in time."

"And it wasn't but two weeks later and I was mowing on the back forty and I tipped the tractor over and it pinned me under the rear wheel. Gas was leaking out of the tank onto the hot manifold and that pig must have heard me yelling, because he broke out again, ran up to me, saw what had happened, ran to the neighbour, got help and the neighbour came with his tractor and pulled me free."

"And just last week, I was leading the old dairy bull out to pasture, and he raised up and pulled the ring out of his nose and, quick as two shakes of a dog's tail, he knocked me down. He jumped on me and straddled me with his horns and was about to gore me, when the old pig heard what was going on, broke out again, ran up, got a firm hold on the old bull's tail and I got away."

Losing his patience, the salesman finally shouted, "All right already, That's enough! He's a really great pig - a REALLY great pig! But what about his wooden leg?!"

"No son, ya see, a pig that special....you just don't eat him all at once."
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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby Zoot Allures » Sat May 02, 2015 10:07 pm

If there were a leafy green vegetable that looks like miniature cabbage and is not part of the set of leafy green vegetables that look like miniature cabbage, but part of the set of all leafy green vegetable sets that don't look like miniature cabbages, what would it be called?



















A BRUSSELL SPROUT.
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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby Zoot Allures » Sat Jun 27, 2015 2:43 pm

Those who do not see the humor think the comedian is mad. But there are different kinds of comedians who are comedians for different reasons. The type I refer to is the comedian who sees everything around him as a joke, not because everything is a joke or something that shouldn't be taken seriously, but because he can't make a serious affair out of something that doesn't recognize itself as the joke that it is. He is surrounded by the joke, cannot fix it, and cannot get away from it. A kind of impasse.

Once and if you understand this you reach a stage where there is nothing you can do to undo this joke, to make matters that should be serious, serious. So you 'kick what is already falling', as the moustache put it, not with malice or animosity but with a little harmless schadenfreude. Comedy is, I believe, the highest form of expression for the halcyon spirit in his relation to men, to the joke that most men are.

Ultimately the fundamental joke that is the case is only absurd.. not something that is really dangerous or compromising. This is why the comedian laughs rather than destroys; why destroy it? Let it live. Let it be your material. And let those who also have the halcyon spirit rally around this joke with you.

In the end there are only the comedians who laugh together at something they are powerless to make proper or correct. It is analogous to the laughter that erupts when your friend trips on a rock and falls on his face while hiking with you. He didn't really get hurt, but his clumsiness, his folly, demonstrates just how ridiculous he is in that moment.

Your friend is the symbol for what has become of man. That man has tripped isn't really a problem, but it does mean you can't take the hike seriously anymore. It can no longer be important that you get to the top because you won't get to the top with an idiot like this by your side, anyway.

The comedian is the one among men who keep tripping.

There is nothing left to do but take the matter lightly. Your friend won't understand this, just as the majority of men that have become a joke don't understand what they are. They believe they are making time and progress, and since you are stuck with these idiots, you can only make a comedy out of your situation among them.

The type of comedian I refer to is the kind of person who could be great, could be serious, but not so where, and with who, he is. At most, he can throw a nod at another comedian who is in the same situation somewhere else, and laugh with him.

The comedian will also always be misunderstood by those others. To them, they can only interpret the constant play of parody and mockery as a kind of resignation from what they believe, albeit wrongly, is really a serious matter. It could be a serious matter, but only without them, because they simply cannot get it right. They struggle to make work what cannot work for idiots of that kind. And they do this because they cannot know they are idiots. This fact belongs only to the comedian and is very sacred.

All of you are comedians, because at some point, somewhere, you will find yourself in this irresolvable situation with others. But you have to become capable of genuine laughter, godlike laughter. You have to understand the sheer absurdity of your place in that moment, and that there is nothing you can do about it but accept it in good spirit. The greater your exception, the louder your laughter gets. Your laughter is in proportion to the degree with which you could do better the things that have been so mangled by the idiots surrounding you. You cannot get out, so forget about trying. Learn to laugh, and find those few who can laugh with you.
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Re: Philosophical Jokes

Postby quantum » Sat May 28, 2016 8:58 am

nice to be back.
waite..
i was never out .
i'm born and brought up in this section.

SO,how does it feel being outside.
do charming bright smart fellows exist out there.
do they also breath.

we jokes breed.

they say ....smart fellow are just born ..
not by breed.

joke exist in each and every moment of my life.
I thought my self to be mad..later, psychologist confirmed it!
i'm schizophrenic they say.(thanks to RIGHTCLICK DICTIONARY, i got spelling right)

so, I'M SCHIZIOPRONIC PATIENT, i have tendency to smile very often and keep shaking head and also I keep talk(ing to myself!!) .

when i go for long walk ,i prefer calm place away from people gathering.

but somehow ,i come acros these circles on my way where i find crowd.

i have to be cautious.
the region I come from is not so open minded based on gender.
smile to opposite sex mean bad signal.

And also I am short sighted( can't see far away).

so, being cautious matters!!!

lady with her husband and kids walking from opposite direction towards me!!
i smiled and shook head means something else.
husband will be like ' who the fuck is he... why was he signalling you...'
later , me not so good looking the husband is relieved thinking his women can't be after me!!!

After becoming schiziopronic, my looks have saved me.
sometimes i have look of goon!!

i avoide staying in home when i'm about to start to talk to myself.
i run out and return when calmes.
it takes like 3-4 hour walk in morning and evening.

during my walk , I watch same fellows with fresh look and attitude in morning and tinder look and attitude in evening.
In evening i'm most ignored.
in early morning they try to maintain distance from mad fellow like me .
in evening they are tired .. exhausted... with don't dare i fuck you LOOKS.
then i'm the one who maintain distance from them.

I didn't knew that policing /patrolling fellow and other men have been returning reply smile to me from long time !!!
sometime they just start to do the talk straight away as if we knew eachother.
i 'm confused and can't say anything.
in real , I HAVE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE!!!!
MY IGNORANCE AND MY SHORT SIGHT HELPED ME DO THAT!!!
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