## Philosophical Jokes

Share and discuss.

### Re: Philosophical Jokes

There's a person in a room with a grin on his face about all he is and all he has done, all he will do, who is he not?

vaguely human

Tolkien once said that Orcs were twisted creatures who were never satisfied, who seemed to be vexed at everything like they had a scratch they just could not itch, and want to serve no one unless coerced to by fear and pain or much correction. I often think he was simply talking about humans, and the lucky ones at that.
"smoke me a kipper Skipper I'll be back for Breakfast."

Arnold Judas RImmer V2.0. AKA Ace.

"
Helandhighwater wrote:Feel free to tell me what happened today to your sphincter, and at length, I am very interested in your ass. Pun intended.

"

Helandhighwater
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

"It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Emerson
SAPERE AUDE!

If I thought that everything I did was determined by my circumstancse and my psychological condition, I would feel trapped.

What we take ourselves to be doing when we think about what is the case or how we should act is something that cannot be reconciled with a reductive naturalism, for reasons distinct from those that entail the irreducibility of consciousness. It is not merely the subjectivity of thought but its capacity to transcend subjectivity and to discover what is objectively the case that presents a problem....Thought and reasoning are correct or incorrect in virtue of something independent of the thinker's beliefs, and even independent of the community of thinkers to which he belongs.

Thomas Nagel

I learn as I write!

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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

An engineer, an economist, a physicist, and a philosopher are hiking through the hills of Scotland. On the top of a hill they see a black sheep.

"What do you know," the engineer remarks. "The sheep in Scotland are black."

"No, no", protests the economist. "At least one of the sheep in Scotland is black."

The physicist considers this a moment. "That's not quite right. The truth is that there's at least one sheep which is black from one side."

"Well, that's not quite right either," interjects the philosopher. "There appears to be something describable as a 'sheep' that seems to be black from one side..."
SAPERE AUDE!

If I thought that everything I did was determined by my circumstancse and my psychological condition, I would feel trapped.

What we take ourselves to be doing when we think about what is the case or how we should act is something that cannot be reconciled with a reductive naturalism, for reasons distinct from those that entail the irreducibility of consciousness. It is not merely the subjectivity of thought but its capacity to transcend subjectivity and to discover what is objectively the case that presents a problem....Thought and reasoning are correct or incorrect in virtue of something independent of the thinker's beliefs, and even independent of the community of thinkers to which he belongs.

Thomas Nagel

I learn as I write!

Arcturus Descending
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

The philosopher George Berkeley who believed that ALL OF REALITY IS JUST IN THE MIND was so fortunate enough that there was yet no railway system during his time, because, had he been born during the time of the railway system, I could have asked him to stand at the middle of a railroad while an approaching train is yet five minutes away and ask him to convince himself that the coming train was JUST IN THE MIND.
SAPERE AUDE!

If I thought that everything I did was determined by my circumstancse and my psychological condition, I would feel trapped.

What we take ourselves to be doing when we think about what is the case or how we should act is something that cannot be reconciled with a reductive naturalism, for reasons distinct from those that entail the irreducibility of consciousness. It is not merely the subjectivity of thought but its capacity to transcend subjectivity and to discover what is objectively the case that presents a problem....Thought and reasoning are correct or incorrect in virtue of something independent of the thinker's beliefs, and even independent of the community of thinkers to which he belongs.

Thomas Nagel

I learn as I write!

Arcturus Descending
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

Arcturus Descending wrote:"It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Emerson

Which came first the chicken or the egg.

Not sure but the one smoking the cigarette would be my guess.

Hobbes Choice
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

Kierkegaard was a great Dane.
"We must love one another or die." W.H.Auden
I admit I'm an asshole. Now, can we get back to the conversation?
From the mad poet of McKinley Ave.
Ierrellus
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

Hobbes Choice wrote:
Arcturus Descending wrote:"It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Emerson

Which came first the chicken or the egg.

Not sure but the one smoking the cigarette would be my guess.

For the [chicken] answer, it would be the christian and for the [egg] answer it would be the evolutionist. As for the evolutionist who is a christian, it might depend on the transcendent properties in his cigarette.
SAPERE AUDE!

If I thought that everything I did was determined by my circumstancse and my psychological condition, I would feel trapped.

What we take ourselves to be doing when we think about what is the case or how we should act is something that cannot be reconciled with a reductive naturalism, for reasons distinct from those that entail the irreducibility of consciousness. It is not merely the subjectivity of thought but its capacity to transcend subjectivity and to discover what is objectively the case that presents a problem....Thought and reasoning are correct or incorrect in virtue of something independent of the thinker's beliefs, and even independent of the community of thinkers to which he belongs.

Thomas Nagel

I learn as I write!

Arcturus Descending
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

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MagsJ
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

Lol mags.

The egg came first, the chicken was but a proto chicken in all cases until it became classified as a chicken by an arbitrary construct called species, one can be sure though that the closest to a chicken there ever was laid an egg and that egg was a chicken, the first in the terms we define a chicken as, but it was laid by something not a chicken who laid an egg that was... hence the egg came first the chicken was a result of an egg that was not laid by a chicken. Mind you that totally misses the point of the question which is supposed to ask a question that cannot be answered by logic, sadly though I think evolution doesn't care about questions which are not supposed to be answered. Nor does basic common sense care if you don't get how eggs is eggs.

There's often a way of answering questions like: what is the sound of one hand clapping that are definitively answered, but I think we should just delight really in the semantics of clapping rather than claim that it can be answered.
"smoke me a kipper Skipper I'll be back for Breakfast."

Arnold Judas RImmer V2.0. AKA Ace.

"
Helandhighwater wrote:Feel free to tell me what happened today to your sphincter, and at length, I am very interested in your ass. Pun intended.

"

Helandhighwater
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

China's English school question paper :

Frame question for the following sentence :

WU and WEN along with HUME went to WITCH museum .

(Frame it , and take 50 $from carleaz . don't mind ) quantum Posts: 267 Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 8:16 am ### Re: Philosophical Jokes quantum wrote:China's English school question paper : Frame question for the following sentence : WU and WEN along with HUME went to WITCH museum . (Frame it , and take 50$ from carleaz .

don't mind )

Who went to the Witch museum?
OR
Which three philosophers went to the Witch Museum.

What's the problem?

Hobbes Choice
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

The egg came first. No one ever said anything about a chicken egg, and fossil records show that fish was there before the chicken, laying eggs *zing*

Sloth on Wheels

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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

The lay came before the egg.
"We must love one another or die." W.H.Auden
I admit I'm an asshole. Now, can we get back to the conversation?
From the mad poet of McKinley Ave.
Ierrellus
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

Sloth on Wheels

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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

Ierrellus wrote:The lay came before the egg.

Most of the eggs we eat everyday have not involved any sex.

Some eggs come to be without any laying.
For early animals it was that boring!

Hobbes Choice
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

Helandhighwater wrote:Lol mags.

The egg came first, the chicken was but a proto chicken in all cases until it became classified as a chicken by an arbitrary construct called species, one can be sure though that the closest to a chicken there ever was laid an egg and that egg was a chicken, the first in the terms we define a chicken as, but it was laid by something not a chicken who laid an egg that was... hence the egg came first the chicken was a result of an egg that was not laid by a chicken. Mind you that totally misses the point of the question which is supposed to ask a question that cannot be answered by logic, sadly though I think evolution doesn't care about questions which are not supposed to be answered. Nor does basic common sense care if you don't get how eggs is eggs.

There's often a way of answering questions like: what is the sound of one hand clapping that are definitively answered, but I think we should just delight really in the semantics of clapping rather than claim that it can be answered.

Actually, I think you answered that quite logically, even including the fact that the chicken was not the first to ever have been hatched from an egg. Which raises the question: what was the first hatchling to ever come about? A dinosaur? Did snakes come before the dinosaur?
SAPERE AUDE!

If I thought that everything I did was determined by my circumstancse and my psychological condition, I would feel trapped.

What we take ourselves to be doing when we think about what is the case or how we should act is something that cannot be reconciled with a reductive naturalism, for reasons distinct from those that entail the irreducibility of consciousness. It is not merely the subjectivity of thought but its capacity to transcend subjectivity and to discover what is objectively the case that presents a problem....Thought and reasoning are correct or incorrect in virtue of something independent of the thinker's beliefs, and even independent of the community of thinkers to which he belongs.

Thomas Nagel

I learn as I write!

Arcturus Descending
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

Arcturus Descending wrote:
Helandhighwater wrote:Lol mags.

The egg came first, the chicken was but a proto chicken in all cases until it became classified as a chicken by an arbitrary construct called species, one can be sure though that the closest to a chicken there ever was laid an egg and that egg was a chicken, the first in the terms we define a chicken as, but it was laid by something not a chicken who laid an egg that was... hence the egg came first the chicken was a result of an egg that was not laid by a chicken. Mind you that totally misses the point of the question which is supposed to ask a question that cannot be answered by logic, sadly though I think evolution doesn't care about questions which are not supposed to be answered. Nor does basic common sense care if you don't get how eggs is eggs.

There's often a way of answering questions like: what is the sound of one hand clapping that are definitively answered, but I think we should just delight really in the semantics of clapping rather than claim that it can be answered.

Actually, I think you answered that quite logically, even including the fact that the chicken was not the first to ever have been hatched from an egg. Which raises the question: what was the first hatchling to ever come about? A dinosaur? Did snakes come before the dinosaur?

Nah snakes were later, it was lizards at first, terrible/powerful lizards/reptiles literally the meaning of dino saur, and then they lost their legs some claim it was due to the act of the serpent in Eden, others claim it was due to legs being unfavourable in the environment a lizard existed, because of many various reasons, much of which are to do with being preyed upon amongst other issues such as preying upon others.
"smoke me a kipper Skipper I'll be back for Breakfast."

Arnold Judas RImmer V2.0. AKA Ace.

"
Helandhighwater wrote:Feel free to tell me what happened today to your sphincter, and at length, I am very interested in your ass. Pun intended.

"

Helandhighwater
Philosopher

Posts: 2261
Joined: Fri May 18, 2012 1:13 pm

### Re: Philosophical Jokes

Arcturus Descending wrote:
Helandhighwater wrote:Lol mags.

The egg came first, the chicken was but a proto chicken in all cases until it became classified as a chicken by an arbitrary construct called species, one can be sure though that the closest to a chicken there ever was laid an egg and that egg was a chicken, the first in the terms we define a chicken as, but it was laid by something not a chicken who laid an egg that was... hence the egg came first the chicken was a result of an egg that was not laid by a chicken. Mind you that totally misses the point of the question which is supposed to ask a question that cannot be answered by logic, sadly though I think evolution doesn't care about questions which are not supposed to be answered. Nor does basic common sense care if you don't get how eggs is eggs.

There's often a way of answering questions like: what is the sound of one hand clapping that are definitively answered, but I think we should just delight really in the semantics of clapping rather than claim that it can be answered.

Actually, I think you answered that quite logically, even including the fact that the chicken was not the first to ever have been hatched from an egg. Which raises the question: what was the first hatchling to ever come about? A dinosaur? Did snakes come before the dinosaur?

Snakes were late Cretaceous I think.
But there were amphibians long before Dinosaurs, and Fish long before them. But you have to go back much further to get back to early eggs: Arthropoda, annelids... way way way back (screen goes fuzzy ala Waynes World didl a didy la diddy la....

Hobbes Choice
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

Overheard on the Underground:
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"What do the following have in common:
A: The studio in The Truman Show
B: The Great Wall of China
C: The Red Line in Syria."

"What do the following have in common:
A: The studio in The Truman Show
B: The Great Wall of China
C: The Red Line in Syria, who?"

"It's not a knock knock joke. It's a question: What do they have in common?"

"No idea."

"You can see them from the Moon."

"Don't get it. Anyway, apparently, you can't even see the great wall of China from the Moon. And The Truman Show isn't even real. And I don't get the bit about the red line."

"It's wide."

"Still don't get it. Not funny. Don't know why you said, 'knock, knock'."

"It was a philosophical joke."

derleydoo

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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

image.jpg (187.37 KiB) Viewed 9312 times

image.jpg (72.42 KiB) Viewed 9312 times

MagsJ
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

Higgs Boson goes into a church,m and is confronted by the priest.

"We don't want your sort in here, you'll upset the whole congregation."

"But", answer Higgs Boson, "you can't have Mass without me!"

Why did Lt. Uhuru smell so bad?

Because WIlliam Shat-n-her.

Hobbes Choice
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

Definition of a extroverted computer nerd: he looks a the girls shoes when he's going out with her.

'''

How many theoretical physicists does it take th change a light-bulb?

Two: one to hold the light bulb and the other to rotate the universe.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, one to hold the light bulb and the other to hold my peni... sorry hold the ladder.

Hobbes Choice
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

MagsJ wrote:
image.jpg

image.jpg

No, I think that the cat is saying "My God, you're naked". That's more the look on his face.
SAPERE AUDE!

If I thought that everything I did was determined by my circumstancse and my psychological condition, I would feel trapped.

What we take ourselves to be doing when we think about what is the case or how we should act is something that cannot be reconciled with a reductive naturalism, for reasons distinct from those that entail the irreducibility of consciousness. It is not merely the subjectivity of thought but its capacity to transcend subjectivity and to discover what is objectively the case that presents a problem....Thought and reasoning are correct or incorrect in virtue of something independent of the thinker's beliefs, and even independent of the community of thinkers to which he belongs.

Thomas Nagel

I learn as I write!

Arcturus Descending
Consciousness Seeker

Posts: 14940
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2008 5:15 pm
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said "its no good trying to outrun it, its catching up". The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied " I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to out run you"!

SAPERE AUDE!

If I thought that everything I did was determined by my circumstancse and my psychological condition, I would feel trapped.

What we take ourselves to be doing when we think about what is the case or how we should act is something that cannot be reconciled with a reductive naturalism, for reasons distinct from those that entail the irreducibility of consciousness. It is not merely the subjectivity of thought but its capacity to transcend subjectivity and to discover what is objectively the case that presents a problem....Thought and reasoning are correct or incorrect in virtue of something independent of the thinker's beliefs, and even independent of the community of thinkers to which he belongs.

Thomas Nagel

I learn as I write!

Arcturus Descending
Consciousness Seeker

Posts: 14940
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2008 5:15 pm
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### Re: Philosophical Jokes

It's not very funny but...

I was trying to remember a joke so I typed this in to Google:

what happens when you put a black hole in a wheelie bin?

THis is what I got...

I did not see "black hole" listed there!

Well I thought it was funny at the time.

Hobbes Choice
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