I have hear it said that
“most people live lives of quiet desperation”
I spend my days in complete and absolute anonymity…
I see a governemnt that is completely devoid of any values that make
an government worth following
and so I protest and walk the streets in some pointless effort to
create change in this government that only works to help those who can pay for it…
and as I am neither rich or powerful, my voice along with millions of others
of voices are ignored… we might as well be shouting at the sun for all the
good it will do…
so the public sphere of where a governemnt actually does the will of the people
is gone and there is nothing I can do about it…I have no voice in our “modern”
government… and it bothers me…and it is just another brick in the
wall………
I have no voice in our modern world……… so I go about my day
in silent despair………
I have no voice in my workplace……… any concerns or request
are simple ignored……. I have no voice in my workplace
I am nothing more then cannot fodder in my job, a job
that is killing my body and my soul
so I spend my days in quiet despair………
so I retreat… into my head……. to occupy my time I pretend
or have fantasies that are never going to happen…
I pretend to become someone with a voice…
I pretend to meet other people who have a voice in the modern
world…… but I engage in these wishful fantasy’s because I have
no voice in the world around me… I engage in some fantasy about
becoming someone worth talking to… Oprah want to talk to me
and I am well known on TV and I win famous awards but these
in my head fantasy’s exists because I have no voice in the world around me………
along with every one else, I too lead a life of quiet desperation…
I engage in my private musings which I wishfully call “philosophy”
and I hope that it might end my days of not having a voice but
I recognize I reach no one, change no one, affect no one………
another voice calling out to the sun in hopes of someone
answering and giving me some vague validation of my voice, my philosophy……
I fantasize that someone powerful and who has a voice, see’s the worth
of my musings and validates me with some vague hope of wealth and power
and a public voice… but that is the hope of a voiceless man………….
the reality is known to me and is rather sad… I lead a life of
quiet desperation with no hope of becoming someone who has
a voice, who has some fame or power or wealth……
so I comfort myself with thoughts of others who labored in quiet
desperation and finally found an audience… Nietzsche and Van Gough
for example
I throw these words out there in hopes of finding an audience and
through them I find some measure of fame and wealth and power…
but that is ego talking, vanity… thoughts of a man who exists
without any hope or any chance of becoming a voice himself… a public voice
of recognition… instead I am a silent voice of despair…
It is my ego and my vanity that demands these fantasy’s of some public
acknowledgment of my voice, some acknowledgment of my “greatness”
a greatness that only exists in my quiet despair because I have no other voice…
so I create this voice inside of me that declares my “greatness” and how other
just don’t see my “greatness” and I might find some fame even if it is in some
future where I don’t exists anymore………. some posthumous fame that validates
my current voice……… I exists in some fantasy’s
about that possible fame because I have no other possible claim to “greatness”…
for I exist in my own head with my fantasy’s of interviews and TV and book deals
and movie rights because of the reality is, and I know it to be… that I shall
die alone and without a public voice or a public name…… I shall die
forgotten in about 5 minutes after I am dead… and my ego rebels
and says, no, no, no, you shall live on in your words of greatness, in
your philosophy… but then reality hits and I know what is going to be true…
I can shout at the sun until the cows come home but I shall die
without any recognition or fame and it is my ego, my vanity
that hates that fact………….
and so now I dress and go that job that hate and that is killing me…
where I continue to exists without any voice………
I confess to wanting to be more then some silent ghost
in the world…… but I know the reality of my life…
and there is no such possibility of me reaching the “greatness” that
I so desire and want…………… in this clash of my ego and reality,
my ego finally relents and says the truth…
“I have no voice and I shall never have a voice”
and so I go on with my life of quiet desperation……
Kropotkin