Looking four lost Turd

Looking for user Turd. I know him as Branden, hairy blue eies, sweat skin burns easy with spots,
met him at a airport on way back from Windhoek. He wrote a book I want to return to him,
was very informative. He taught me much, but lost contact with him, he moves much. I
remember he was sad about family he found in Pakistan, the father had PTSD, after return
was hitting people in Canada said he felt blame, showed me this site when asking his
past and how he knew so much. Took me long time searching to find this place again. He
had weird poo name, but wrote on deepest knowledge. I never met someone like that
before. I last heard he was in hospital from shot helping friend quit criminal, angry that such
good man might die from helping but he may live. Not respond to emails since May. I live in
Shenzhen. He knows me, was to visit but fallen off earth. Poor but travels a lot, so don’t
know where he is if alive. I have job four him if found, enough to live good in Shenzhen for family
business, dad will hire as designer, he made good inventions in book, and should have good life
as four good men, no more wander. He was beautiful, most comfortable, but did not seem to
know, always troubled by other needs. Why all every best roam forever lost? 映月

P.S. He no longer writes on net but had friends email. Remember he wrote no eyes woman,
can’t find her anywhere in pots. Sorry if I wrote wrong, or misunderstands. English is one of
many language four me. Hope every things is safe four him. He bled first saw in airport, had
cuts and brewsers. He risks a lot helping, wish he running far four others. Hope not last to read
his books. To secretive and personal in isolated world.

Just say if he is good, where? Have him check email.

You lost a Turd?

I hope you find him, and find him well…

He’s been gone from here for a long time. I’m surprised that he hasn’t come back.

He did… made one post under some username or other… everyone knew it was him, and he vowed… after that one post, never to return again… I guess that avowal made it two. :confusion-shrug:

Ahhh

I thought he went by another name back THEN.

Sorry, VPN had to reset using wifi on american, this web place not on China web. His name is Brandon, write wrong spelling, u r correct.

I don’t have his Hoanib group anymore fore contact, met few at airport hotel when return, they always going to same desolate place, and they argued on it. he hated it, said was too hot and far to keep their stuff, and bug animals, and expensive, even though he didn’t pay four it. Was bittin, not stab. I found his friend from book, but he was gone when sent, and no body knows court. I don’t know how bad. He had army friend, was upset to stop him. I look at Newport News and Tideswater. No burial or obituaries, but no contact on web. I don’t know. Hope good.

Who is blind porsen? He wrote her hear when with me, she is hear, she Has other email. He isn’t on WeChat anymore, and not on Skype, nor is jefferson volney group still working. His smokestack lightning music group gone, tried contacting mut YouTube no longer has it. Biohacking forum gone. Just everything gone. I can’t find where his community moved archive besides the spot in hoanib, so only questions. Stranger and stranger more I look.

Tell him Gmail and hanmail don’t work anymore.

May be he doesn’t want to be found?

If he was suffering from (untreated) PTSD, why was he hanging around with rough and unsavoury types… it wouldn’t have helped his symptoms or anxiety one bit… throwing yourself head first into the lion’s den doesn’t resolve such things.

The visually-impaired young lady you speak of is Maya.

Maya has one message long ago, talks with eyes

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=140005&start=50

He not near lions, only heard them. He was bitten by laughing dog from lion king, they though his mercury tilting telescope was water. He tried standing on mercury away from them but he lost balance, thought was poisoned when fell over, they bite hose and pump and he had to use replacement gallium, his moon pictures not as good with gallium, gallium worst with sand. He was very anger with trip, nothing went right. Sand kept blowing at nite, and so had film to screen off constantly, and people poor help with him. He has tooth mark on hand. He Don’t like Africa, bit I had good safari when I went, but I had safety though. He had old truck no gun, just wrench and isolation, no phone, darkness. Lots of laughing dogs. He said fuck moon, fuck desert, fuck africa.

He may be hiding, many have his name too. Hard to find him. Maya is 2004, one post with eyes talk. He said she British, this Maya is Australian.

Oh yes… it’s Maia, not Maya.

I hope you find him, and I hope that when you do, that he is of more relaxed character… it’s not healthy being otherwise.

Sorry, I’ve only just noticed this thread. I can confirm that I was in regular contact with the individual in question for well over two years years until 25 July this year when our communication stopped abruptly, without warning or hint of anything being wrong. I have his email address, of course, but I’m not going to give it out to any third party. If anyone has any message they’d like me to put in an email for him, I’d be very happy to do so.

Tell him I said “Hi”

I’ve emailed him and sent him a link to this thread.


I miss the Turd he was incredibly well read and wonderfully opinionated so I hope he is fine

Still no word from him.

Ask him who he voted for.

I think he first went by a conventional name like William something Anderson , at the time living under a bridge with wife and kid. His writing was unique.

[I’ve received this from “Turd” dated 15 January.]

I’m not dead, and even sent surreptitious75 a email over at the other forum warning him that I was being stalked. I thought it had to do with the hostages I found in Afghanistan at first from this thread: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=192071&hilit=Boyle+Kurram.

I’ve since come to the conclusion it was only just a very dedicated local stalker who saw me on Instagram and did a absurd amount of background research on me. I never been to Africa, but did advise some technical issues involving a liquid tilt telescope to some boers in Angola, but they messed it up when they mixed Gallium (reflective liquid used as a mirror) with aluminum piping, which caused their telescope to literally melt. I thought they would use copper or plastic piping like everyone else, but live and learn. I have known several women over the years from China, be it Dalian, Hong Kong and Inner Mongolia. Never ever wanted to move to Shen Zhen. That place borders Hong Kong and is extremely corrupt, and to be honest, I just seriously doubt I could make it there, and the motivation just isn’t there. The Hong Kong girl is a rich socialite who offered me a job, but I’d be a white monkey, and seriously considered she posted that to fuck with me, but she just isn’t the type to research it that far. Some of that stuff in that post is just absolutely made up, other like my hand being bite by a hyena is true, but that was a small incident that happened back in my army days and I never mentioned it online and can’t find it mentioned online. So was crossed between thinking it was a spy for someone till I met the stalker and eventually convinced her I was really quite unimpressive. Took a lot of effort too, cause she still followed my first then second Instagram account, but eventually she left me alone. Just was creepy as hell with her figuring out my schedule and bumping into me. I no longer have a active account, and am back to clipping my toe nails, and am silently stalking terrorists online again. Didn’t for the longest time, and not just cause of stalker girl, that thread where I found Joshua Boyle causes a massive political meltdown with the right in Canada. Sucks being the guy who started something for good reasons and then see public opinion morph into absurdities on both sides. I’ve largely just been silently working otherwise on my projects. I’m almost done building a solar bicycle camper, hope to turn it into a plastic and welding station here soon, already have my 3-D printer for it, will add a Zinc melter to it in the spring. I’ve also been doing thermography, as well as Infared photography. Worked on a few ancient texts, found a Pre-Platonic Socratic dialogue that Plato plagerized from, as well as slow readings into Assyrian science and my never ending task of piecing together the Persian Royal Archives from histories preserved in the west. Also made a handful of psychological breakthroughs.

I’m really not needed on ILovePhilosophy because a very strange phenomena has occurred. For the damnest of reasons Fixed Cross started increasingly adopting many of my ideas and even outright wording I’ve used central to his own. I did some searches and it keeps popping up. Only explanation I can come up with is he thinks the nobility and upper classes bend over and adopt the beliefs and cultures of others, and I told him it wasn’t the duty of a noble to bend over and take it for the changing vagaries of culture and sentiment (the essence of what I said, not my words). I find it bizarre how he as a Egoist, Nihilist, Nietzschean Non-Dualist who uses crypto-Nazi ideologies will go out of his way to harvest my ideas when I am not a Egoist, don’t think Nigilism is even a real thing, not a nietzschean, and have been very much opposed to Non-Duality longer than he or Sauwelios even knew it existed. Non-Duality and Egoism are inherently contradictory belief systems, they simply put can’t be made to work together without systemic contradictions popping up. Of course, heavy drug use help blocks this logical realization. To them it is all sign and signal, the persona is the self and instincts come from Freudian realms that Freud really just took from Nietzsche. It is the emphasis first on language, from language you can ask silly Cartesian questions like “Who Am I” and stare at your hand when high as a kite wiggling it in front of you, and live largely divorced from the reality of the world. Why they are obsessed with drug use, you don’t have to go in-depth accurately studying yourself in your surroundings, forming synergistic strategies for survival. You just use drugs that increase the magnitude of a mental state devoid of the underlining purposes inherent in that state. Fear without cause doesn’t make one superior at avoiding and adapting to danger, elation from a pill doesn’t reward the hard learned task or effort involved in advantageous discovery, in knowing a real thing really is good for you or your community. They just pop a few pills, get high, and think they conquered the mind and philosophy. Never occurred to them that most of the mind involved in observational analysis and abstract synthesis doesn’t use ego or language. Why I so often mocked the professor Satre, why I mocked Zoots, it was largely meaningless word games. Word games don’t free the hostage. Word games don’t create the invention. They don’t carry the trial and tribulation. The senses of self we have come and go in these states, as well as our appreciation for ourselves emotionally and that of others. I largely look at Nietzscheans as idiot retards fast seeking a dead end, all too often intentionally. In the case of Fixed Cross, he seems he’ll bent on adopting a closeted Nazi ideology so he can make it safe for his Jewish idenity he insists on having. He only does this because he must really hate himself, he seeks out those who obviously must want him dead as his fellows… that deSade libertine desire to be fatalistically betrayed by your compatriot in evil, a maschosism that exists between insisting on a sense of self largely ideologically and at best loosely historically constructed, and logical syllogisms that seek to balance out and avoid paradox, but they never really do if you are honest and assert truth. So I really don’t get Fixed Cross’s fascination with adopting my ideas. I am a classic INTJ who much like Nietzsche wouldn’t hesitate to destroy any sense of self I might have in order to survive a inevitable traumatic defeat or tragic end, I would and have become someone else in character. It is part survival and part growth, and is a trial of clashing psychology with a inner sense of being, of saying I can’t be this personality thinking in this way anymore. But I still survive and carry on. I hate or love aspects but the whole of my being continued on. My sense of threat and continuation, unity of soul- however transfixed and traumatized it is carried on, causality and history does. I only smash constructs and the mind and associations attached to them. In Fixed Cross’s Egoist Non-Duality he can’t. He is make believe, the only thing holding him just above the abyss of nihilism, he is the self, that is all that is, and it acts like a little homoculmus- a little man inside the head, controlling the brain, synchronizing it with reality reactively as well as assertively, in some silly Will To Power paradox. It of course doesn’t match up remotely with the psychology and neurology of mind as we know it, but whatever. That is his thing. Non-Duality is his world, mine is a mind made up of divided feedback loops in the mind that when cascaded together make consciousness, reactive to reality, and I don’t resort to some infernal 19th century Prussian grasp of physics to explain it. I can live quite well as a skeptic not really knowing what a atom really is, or the universe, or the precise nature of god or self. I’ve accepted unknowns must exist by the nature of our mental constructs, and revel in it. What is odd is even Nietzsche graspedat times Non-Dualism wasn’t possible, he would mock Immanuel Kant for his naturalist idealism in seeing wonderous beauty in the stars, contemplating the insides of stars. Nietzsche chose the route of a dick in describing the opposite. Nietzsche likewise widely abandoned his WTP theory, wasn’t ever going to overcome the Stoic Criticisms of Aristotle’s categories and suspect he knew this. He even developed a theory of anatomical egoism that absolutely constraints Non Duality, and you can’t really be both a Dualist (anatomy) and Non-Dualist (perception is all that is, the whole of reality). Heck, dumb dumb Fixed Cross even insisted he asserted morality based on physics of a whole solar system, galaxy far away from the here and now. I myself coming from a Romano-Christian world view scratches my head, we see god as separated from the universe but our needs and morality built up from the universe (it is always a corrupted morality and ethics) and we either go off what we know revealed from God or we go off senses and reasoning within a limited grasping understanding of the immediate world. For example, being strategic in my focus of things, I don’t begin to presume god approves of my saying “person X must die or war Y is just and must be fought” cause God isn’t within our system, but I am. I’m advocating it for the best of a messy situation, hoping for historical progress that allows for better tactics, principles and strategic insights over time. Building a kingdom of heaven on earth, one inherently flawed and doomed. Space and Time for this earthly kingdom is bound purely by nature. God and Devil can play havoc on it, more and no less than others, but I don’t insist my morality comes from the solar system or galaxy. It is a construct built up over thousands of years that is concepts flung against pure psychological reaction to stimuli of a scared populace trying to survive. I can care less what the stars say to my fate, as I’m uncertain of the web of forces that link us. I’m no lover of astrology, far too immature and inaccurate of a science. I just know causality exists, and historically enough situations when applied under certain complex circumstances results in this or that scenario unfolding, and try to max the advantage while slowing or eliminating the threatening or dangerous aspects away. It isn’t that I am not curious how the universe works- wouldn’t work on experimental telescopes and microscopes if I didn’t have curiosity, but I would never base my morality on it, I go off results and try to feel out Gods reaction, if he has any, or past intentions.

Other than being perplexed why Fixed Cross would go so far and adopt so much of my ideas, without understanding on his part, I see little on the forum. People debating about debt, blah. I am astounded by how little awareness this site has of economics or geopolitics. Mostly the same people saying the same things, and I mostly can care less about rereading them. Half of them are Nazis and could really care less for them as a result, they have miserable lives because of their own choices, not that of others they scapegoat. If you can tell that Jared guy from subway, what is his name… Mr Reasonable I was backing The Prohibition Party not Republicans or Democrats. I’ve been thinking about joining them, outside of banning drinking and drugs they have some policies well left of center but I am also in general opposed to parties. Worst, they will likely insist I run for office including someday president since they have so few active members despite a massive trust endowed for that from the 19th century and I just don’t want to do that. What I am doing now is far more than I can handle, so don’t need that silliness added on. I’m also tracking down some others to break the Haqanni Network. This goes back to the point with regards to Fixed Cross- I did a search for my name and he was attacking me for being boisterous and without pride, so not a real person. Nobody from my old unit is even aware I’ve been waging this war on the level of presidents and prime ministers, even though it has to do with what culturally people would say is kyunits honor for losing Bergdahl to them (a guy from my old unit 1-501st). Honor only works when you have social recognition for it, and nobody who would want to know from them is even aware it is happening. Closest historical phenomena is a Roman finding his legions lost eagle, and in his eyes that he paganism or done crap, but I don’t do it because of the eagle complex (let’s call it that) or extroverted sense of honor effecting self, but rather the impersonal need to abrogate the negative effects of a bad executive (Obama) has on this unit, which coincidentally I was a member of. I act for them cause I have a intimate depth of knowledge of them, a familiarity, but it isn’t to the point of being a sense of self association, but rather a delicate realization of the need to keep future armies and enemies from pinpointing this demoralizing and nasty psychological effect on future units morale in taking and displaying hostages. Had I much higher rank and greater awareness of other units would of been the same calculation and motivation on my part. No honor, no triumph, but I am the more real for it, for I actually functionally succeeded in figuring it out and bringing home the positive result. In Fixed Crosses case, he has pride in himself and his ego, but is utterly and absolutely divorced from reality and says stuff like he had a plan to liberate Venezuela but failed. Of what fucking use is this pride and ego? Men like me don’t get the triumphs, the generals do, but it is we who ensure the sun will rise tomorrow. It is thankless and yet absolutely essential, utterly Machiavellian yet definitely not Nietzschean. Most of my life’s deeds will go unnoticed, hopefully most are for the better. Some of my worst enemies have derived benifit. That isn’t possible through just egoism. Other aspects of mind must assert themselves in a way a Nietzschean neve could accept. Guilt and Shame are necessary for creativity when we speak of “Necessity is the mother of all invention” but never in a million years would they contemplate how this is. Satre came the closest in accepting the blame for the world war, but he never organized his consciousness enough to stop it, or change it or later wars. Marcuse tried but failed in guilt seeing Vietnam erupt from his WW2 influence in America in designing our defense intelligence network and future CIA, but he never could solve it. It constitutionally is beyond them as a people to examine and change in this area, they try desperately to kill this crucial aspect of mind. Fixed Cross quotes me without realizing the ideology of contradictions.

Anyway, I gotta sleep, long day tomorrow. I can’t post on that site, can you post this in that thread and emphasize I warned S57 that the thread wasn’t true? I rarely check this email anymore. Oh, tell Trixie good job on not chopping his balls off.

[I wrote back to ask if he meant me to post the whole thing, and he replied as follows.]

Well, I counter empiricism with unknowing. The concept of unknowing has a long history, and is both Christian and Pagan, even a Middle English text/translation exists called “The Cloud of Unknowing”. I’m not too perturbed by the Telelogical and Ontological divide, if you remember that’s exactly why I took lock picking up. When you start with a locked lock, you presume it can be opened and don’t accept the idea that the quality of it’s outer form is the entirety of it’s being, you know a larger function exists and that it can be unlocked, but the how is a complex mathematical puzzle. I required me to lose my primary sense in forming a reality of things, sight and instead use haptic sensing and build presumptions from that. Now… imagine any object is a lock in the sense of a puzzle to be solved, but not to any one end alone that you insist on defining it— a lock is a definite category and presumption, but any object can be many things at once. It isn’t infinitely possible what anything can be even under the best science, but things can be quite a many things if used or transfigured into a new use or form. I just don’t pretend to know this, but I can accept the mysticism of not knowing and presuming with the combination of other mental functions that sorta do know some things, like my sight can be clueless but haptic and tactile ability can know, experience and mathematical and mechanical presumptions can know. I might not know how exactly to pick a lock before it is unpicked, but know it likely can, but never certain it can be. Some locks are so degraded or paradoxically created they can’t be opened, and lock pickers can spend years fiddling with something that looks like a lock but isn’t. That’s why I support Sun Tzu’s concept of mixing empirical and sensory information with formlessness, the ability to conceive where the mind can’t really know, but algorithmically you can get a educated guess on the edges of facts. You gain a gut instinct and a theory of mind and conduct of the other. But Niether I or Sun Tzu would blantantly put morality in the hands of god (god can’t command morality, that’s a human mental function navigating behaviors within the friction of life, don’t know why the nietzscheans insist this is the case, the ten commandants were laws to follow but not the administration of the rules, morality is the mental state, ethics is the system of application) or claim it comes from the soil or deterministic conditions. Determinism does exist, but it isn’t always knowable on a sentient level of awareness, and our systems of ethics and warfare often times already have the ability to adjust for these frictions without us knowing, whereas other times is doesn’t. That’s why it takes a combination of genius and constant examination to implement, as well as to continue or know when to discontinue methods of living and government. It does nothing to point at the solar system or galaxy and say that is what I worship, or that is what I derive my morality from, because we know very little of it. That requires effort and thinking, and not just popping drugs and quoting Nietzsche or more annoyingly as Fixed Cross is doing, me. Trying to assert you are a artistic creator and what you imagine or limit the sensory world to us all that there is, That’s in essence is non-duality, taking the visual whole for all that is, is idiotic in the extreme. I think in time guys like Zizek will adopt Non-Duality as the paradigm used in the rhetoric of modern non dualists take from the media like movies, the whole of psychology can be for them expressed in a scene specific selected anthology of rather perverted movies- and that gives them a world view. They are slowly leaning that direction, and don’t realize how traumatic their philosophy will collapse once that is achieved. Zizek still is a Dualist, given his Freudian and lacanian insistance on the divisions of the brain, but I suspect in time he Nietzscheans who support the Non-Dualist thought in Nietzsche will win out in their arguments and that will end it for them. Not many outside of psychology and the other medical sciences will bother to defend Nietzsche’s dualist insights. I don’t think Nietzsche knew how to mix the two philosophies, he knew at least two indologists who randomly explained concepts from India to him and don’t think he grasped the actual divide so was all over the place. ILP is dominated now by the non-dualists, so see very little hope for a new insight into how fuck up they become to arise amongst them, when all they do is preach to the choir.

Yeah, post that but also post this. I lost a pound and a half today and a pound yesterday, my fat inhibitor seems to be working, took me forever to figure it out. Have a good day, sorry about May staying your prime minister.

He’s a chatty fellow, isn’t he.

Oh, indeed, but the chatty fellow I am most curious about is Zoot Allures. He also chose not to return to ILP – after his stint in prison. Instead, he created his own forum. But the last time he “visted” that was 8 months ago. And now it is practically defunct.

I wonder if he ended up back in prison.

And better him back here than Turd. Turd was just another right wing objectivist to the best of my own recollection. Though clearly very intelligent and articulate at times.