Cats Are Swarming Me

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Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby The Golden Turd » Sat Jan 21, 2017 10:50 am

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I am getting used to sleeping in front of the computer playing videos, it is like a decade ago when I had a TV, and could fall asleep watching TV, with that lake glow of radiation hitting my face as I drool.

My land lady has a shitload of cats, and I moved into her unheated, unfurnished garage. Temperature is low tonight, usually is, and got used to living with two twin black cats. But this fucking annoying orange cat she adopted in the last year insists on being around me. I don't like it, it pisses me off. It insists in sleeping above my head.

I'm adjusting everything I own as if it was in a cargo van, experimenting spacewise, and am on a sleeping cot. I built a very, very small kitchen area, will install a sink soon. Computer is above my feet on my workbench. I'm gonna have it positioned up to my upper thighs in the future, leaving me the option of using my cot as a single seat, or mostly hidden bed, computer up front. That will increase available space.

Unfortunately, the kitchen area above me head leave absolutely no area for the orange annoying sneezing snoring fucking hairball, and the black cats insist on sleeping on my legs, and I'm on a cot that us six feet, and I'm 5' 11 1/2 inches, so this orange thing is so not fucking working.

If I kick the cat out of the garage, he spends weeks constantly none stop scratching and crying. I've talked at it, spanked it. I'm having a hard time convincing it to stay off my tools, and it is refusing my bed on the floor I got it. I can convince one but not both of the black cats to sleep on the floor when the heater is plugged in, but it is above freezing tonight, so I'm not waisting 1200w on it. So every cat is swarming me, and I can't move.

I want to murder this orange thing. It is between my right shoulder and head, no room, breathing heavily. I push it away, it crawls back, lays down, then sneezes all over my face.... then breathes like Darth Vader for hours.

I never had these issues when I was homeless. I did have a cat nap with me, but we had room. I had a family of racoons live in a tree above me, if I forgot to finish my food, they would descend down and try to get it. I would wake up and feed the babies equal shares, go back to sleep- they would warn me to threats, we trusted each other. But the racoons never slept on me, much less my fucking head. This is where I put my head. I wanna fucking kick my feet around, let me gave my feet back. I'm trapped!
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby The Golden Turd » Sat Jan 21, 2017 12:37 pm

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Just got my hand back. Was captured.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby MagsJ » Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:44 pm

The orange cat looks cute.. doesn't look like a snorer to me, but looks can be deceiving ;) I can't let Hunter ever in my room at night.. he starts eating, licking, scratching, clawing and disturbing things that do not concern him.

She showed up today.. skulking at the garden door and eyeing up the window in the hope that I would leave it open so she could enter the house at will, but she hasn't been inside in over a year, so what gives with her?

She wasn't jealous of Hunter, nor did she pay him much attention.. because all her attention was on me :shock: your intimidation tactics ain't gonna work on me Lola!

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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby Mictlantecuhtli » Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:48 pm

On his tombstone it reads: Cats murdered him in his sleep.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby The Golden Turd » Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:59 pm

You need far better locks, a child could pick that.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby Mictlantecuhtli » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:11 pm

Turd Ferguson wrote:You need far better locks, a child could pick that.


???
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby MagsJ » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:15 pm

Merlin wrote:On his tombstone it reads: Cats murdered him in his sleep.

My brother keeps telling me that one day my cat is going to attack and kill me in my sleep, because he is big with a care not attitude... the little cunt will do so if he has a death wish. :)

Would any of you let a cat intimidate you? Many do.. I was surprised at how many just do.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby The Golden Turd » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:24 pm

Merlin wrote:
Turd Ferguson wrote:You need far better locks, a child could pick that.


???


Was talking to Magsj and her shitty £5 lock, made in Guangzhou. I pick locks as a hobby, she lives in a high crimezone, much higher than in most of the US. European locks tend to be much better designed than US Locks, because of this.

I'm surprised the cat just doesn't claw at the lock, it could probably pop it open.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby MagsJ » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:31 pm

Merlin wrote:
Turd Ferguson wrote:You need far better locks, a child could pick that.


???

Thieves have tried, and failed, to get in.. screwdriver marks around the front door lock confirmed their attempt.. and subsequent failure.

Again.. looks are very deceiving... when I get locked out, there is no way I can get back in.. those houses are fortresses man.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby Mictlantecuhtli » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:32 pm

MagsJ wrote:
Merlin wrote:On his tombstone it reads: Cats murdered him in his sleep.

My brother keeps telling me that one day my cat is going to attack and kill me in my sleep, because he is big with a care not attitude... the little cunt will do so if he has a death wish. :)

Would any of you let a cat intimidate you? Many do.. I was surprised at how many just do.


Thankfully I'm more of a dog type guy. A dog is loyal, a cat is not.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby Mictlantecuhtli » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:33 pm

MagsJ wrote:
Merlin wrote:
Turd Ferguson wrote:You need far better locks, a child could pick that.


???

Thieves have tried, and failed, to get in.. screwdriver marks around the front door lock confirmed their attempt.. and subsequent failure.

Again.. looks are very deceiving... when I get locked out, there is no way I can get back in.. those houses are fortresses man.

Too bad you Europeans have tough gun laws. I'm thinking about investing in a semi automatic shotgun next year.

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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby Mictlantecuhtli » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:36 pm

Turd Ferguson wrote:
Merlin wrote:
Turd Ferguson wrote:You need far better locks, a child could pick that.


???


Was talking to Magsj and her shitty £5 lock, made in Guangzhou. I pick locks as a hobby, she lives in a high crimezone, much higher than in most of the US. European locks tend to be much better designed than US Locks, because of this.

I'm surprised the cat just doesn't claw at the lock, it could probably pop it open.

Aren't most American locks made in China these days?
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby Ultimate Philosophy 1001 » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:42 pm

Merlin wrote:Thieves have tried, and failed, to get in.. screwdriver marks around the front door lock confirmed their attempt.. and subsequent failure.

Again.. looks are very deceiving... when I get locked out, there is no way I can get back in.. those houses are fortresses man.
Too bad you Europeans have tough gun laws. I'm thinking about investing in a semi automatic shotgun next year.


Don't. They jam. They aren't combat ready.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby Ultimate Philosophy 1001 » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:42 pm

Merlin wrote:
MagsJ wrote:
Merlin wrote:On his tombstone it reads: Cats murdered him in his sleep.

My brother keeps telling me that one day my cat is going to attack and kill me in my sleep, because he is big with a care not attitude... the little cunt will do so if he has a death wish. :)

Would any of you let a cat intimidate you? Many do.. I was surprised at how many just do.


Thankfully I'm more of a dog type guy. A dog is loyal, a cat is not.


Cats are loyal to the food.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby MagsJ » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:45 pm

Turd Ferguson wrote:
Merlin wrote:
Turd Ferguson wrote:You need far better locks, a child could pick that.


???


Was talking to Magsj and her shitty £5 lock, made in Guangzhou. I pick locks as a hobby, she lives in a high crimezone, much higher than in most of the US. European locks tend to be much better designed than US Locks, because of this.

I'm surprised the cat just doesn't claw at the lock, it could probably pop it open.

The door and window hardware came with the doors and windows, and I heard they were very pricey.. shame that most of the house interior wasn't. :|

My area of London has the biggest police station in Europe (not sure if this has been usurped yet though) so any sniff of a crime and they are there.. helicopters, motorbikes, fast cars.. they're there. Where I live is becoming a crime-free zone, but the surrounding areas will probably suffer more due to that, but the CCTV cameras in every corner of our city will quickly put paid to that.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby Ultimate Philosophy 1001 » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:47 pm

Doors won't stop a bullet, you're crazy to think it does.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby MagsJ » Sat Jan 21, 2017 10:02 pm

Ultimate Philosophy 1001 wrote:Doors won't stop a bullet, you're crazy to think it does.

Who'll be shooting me UP1001? I only get filthy looks and sexy stares shot my way, but nothing more.

We have high knife crime here, not gun crime, but now knife crime carries the same sentence as gun crime so even that is now on the decrease here.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby Ultimate Philosophy 1001 » Sat Jan 21, 2017 10:02 pm

MagsJ wrote:
Ultimate Philosophy 1001 wrote:Doors won't stop a bullet, you're crazy to think it does.

Who'll be shooting me UP1001? I only get filthy looks and sexy stares shot my way, but nothing more.

We have high knife crime here, not gun crime, but now knife crime carries the same sentence as gun crime so even that is now on the decrease here.


Thought you were afraid of cat burglars entering your home.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby MagsJ » Sat Jan 21, 2017 10:09 pm

Ultimate Philosophy 1001 wrote:Thought you were afraid of cat burglars entering your home.

Not cat burglars, my cat.. and I ain't scared, just puzzled.. by how cats think they can intimidate a human into doing their bidding... obviously got a death wish or nine.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby Ultimate Philosophy 1001 » Sat Jan 21, 2017 10:22 pm

MagsJ wrote:
Ultimate Philosophy 1001 wrote:Thought you were afraid of cat burglars entering your home.

Not cat burglars, my cat.. and I ain't scared, just puzzled.. by how cats think they can intimidate a human into doing their bidding... obviously got a death wish or nine.


Yeah that is why I don't talk to my pussy anymore.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby The Golden Turd » Sat Jan 21, 2017 11:19 pm

What's the most your willing to spend? Screwdriver attacks only work on your more expensive locks ($100-300), because it is mostly plastic inside. They likely are just walking around busting up the poorer made, yet more expensive locks. Give me a price range, and I'll give you options.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby MagsJ » Sat Jan 21, 2017 11:51 pm

Turd Ferguson wrote:What's the most your willing to spend? Screwdriver attacks only work on your more expensive locks ($100-300), because it is mostly plastic inside. They likely are just walking around busting up the poorer made, yet more expensive locks. Give me a price range, and I'll give you options.

Did you miss my post where I said these houses are fortresses? No-one even bothers try here since they tried when they were first built in 1996.. a lost cause ending in jail time if they do.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby MagsJ » Sun Jan 22, 2017 12:03 am

Ultimate Philosophy 1001 wrote:Yeah that is why I don't talk to my pussy anymore.

I'm not a fan of smut.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby The Golden Turd » Sun Jan 22, 2017 1:08 am

Okay, we will test this hypothesis. I've saved photos of this and outside your apartment, and just posted it on ceaigslist as a dare. We will see how well it stands.
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Re: Cats Are Swarming Me

Postby MagsJ » Sun Jan 22, 2017 4:51 am

The UK uses Craigslist?
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