2 months--no drugs or alcohol

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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Fixed Cross » Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:34 pm

Thats absolutely beyond any question.

Look at this world, Society. Does it behave like there are any strong people in respected positions?

Trump is the only person Ive ever seen with status that isn't insanely weak. Well, our ex Queen Beatrix is strong too. And there have been some. But over 99 percent of people who are well regarded are invertebrates.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Fixed Cross » Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:40 pm

Note: I mean in our society. The shit we have to deal with.

I could have been, would have been as rich as that idiot Joker thinks I am, much richer even, if I had been able to glide along in the shit-stream of the film industry to which my talents gave me access. I could have bought houses and cars for my family and sometimes wish Id gone that road but I just could not endure the pointless, philosophically utterly frigid, narratively artificial kindergarten it all was.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Fixed Cross » Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:45 pm

I told myself: Ive been making stories on film for 3 years and I was really good at it but now I've told everything I can tell, and Ill need some real bad ass experience in order to make a cool film. So I quit the prestigious school which refuses 99 percent of applicants, for which I had worked so hard, because it only harboured porcelain doll type humans and I felt Id end up one myself there.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Fixed Cross » Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:49 pm

Look at this shit.



My friend in film school, only one who had some balls, we were doing camera both, finally decided to share-direct a film. Look at this horrible travesty, the utter faiblesse.

He once told me, when I was already deep down in the pits, when I was making some humiliating confessions, that he envied me because he didn't have any sort of such trouble or challenges and thus fucking crazy weird stories like I was oozing with. That was pretty cool of him to admit. But only after he made this movie, years later, I realized he wasn't even kidding.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Fixed Cross » Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:54 pm

Brother, its all about the stories you can tell.

My grandfather told me, youve got the best profession there is - storytelling.
Yeah well, I thought then, thats all very cool grandpa but you have the best stories.

So I went out and made war with myself, as there wasn't any war raging so I could do what he did to get his fucking stories.

My other grandfather, oh man did he have stories.

Say, did you ever jump out of a cattle train in the middle of winter Poland to save your life?

They were stopped by the other "passengers" the first night for fear, the second night he got an accomplice and they jumped when the train made a shit-stop, and they lay on the rails underneath the train.

They walked and walked through the snow and finally knocked on a door. Turns out it was a ss officers door.

He ended up chained to this other guy for a year.

But he escaped again.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Fixed Cross » Tue Dec 10, 2019 12:03 am

Odysseus.

Andra moi ennepe mousa polutropon hos mala polla planchte.... as far as I get.

Muse tell of the man who had such troubles on the road....

Why tell of the man who got home, ate his porridge and cuddled with his wife and went to sleep so he could go back to his job where he was well respected by the board members and regarded as "a solid guy"?

Who cares?
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Pedro I Rengel » Tue Dec 10, 2019 11:40 pm

The point and truth is, one does not quit drugs to improve one's self. One quits drugs to save one's life.

That does require admitting that one's life is all fucked and likely leading to an untimely death (often if one is lucky) first. Addicts are notoriously adept at avoiding this admission. Not because of what it would say about them, but because then they would no longer be able to do drugs.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Fixed Cross » Wed Dec 11, 2019 12:05 am

Pedro I Rengel wrote:The point and truth is, one does not quit drugs to improve one's self. One quits drugs to save one's life.

My point was that drugs, as a means of self-overcoming, of making life more difficult, represent in some men a will to greatness (of course there are those who do drugs to make tv more enjoyable but lets not dwell on them) and that stopping use of them has to do with recognition of having reached the end of the line with this particular means. Yes, one stops drugs to preserve ones life, and Ive seen plenty of friends die for failing at such politics before oneself, but, to iterate the singular Nietzchean point, preserving life is not itself the purpose of life.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Fixed Cross » Wed Dec 11, 2019 12:12 am

Why preserve ones life? For fear of death? I don't think so. For fear of dying? In part. For fear of the misery one would inflict? Yes, surely that is a part. And this shows how ones purposes for staying alive lie beyond oneself. For fear of wasting ones potential, ones greatness, on a mere experience? This fear is born of greatness.

Why preserve ones life?
Because will to power.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Wed Dec 11, 2019 1:54 am

Pedro I Rengel wrote:The point and truth is, one does not quit drugs to improve one's self. One quits drugs to save one's life.


I'd say that's quite the improvement. ;)
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Pedro I Rengel » Wed Dec 11, 2019 3:18 am

You don't notice a distinction?
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Pedro I Rengel » Wed Dec 11, 2019 3:23 am

If we were in rehab, now would be the time where I tell you how much more hardcore my drug use was than yours. But I'll skip it.

Now you know, Gib.

Good luck, and as always, at your service if ever you need it!

You deserve to live right. That you should also hear. And that it is possible.

From there on, one thing that is not possible is forcing an addict to get help. Tis why our only mission is to make sure you have the facts.

I know I did this all wrong somehow, but fuck it. Like I said at the beginning, this was more for me than for you. I have remembered much.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Pedro I Rengel » Wed Dec 11, 2019 4:21 am

Truest thing I ever heard at rehab:

At the gates of heaven,

First me, then me, and if there is any left over,

For me.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Wed Dec 11, 2019 4:46 am

Pedro I Rengel wrote:You don't notice a distinction?


You don't have a sense of humor?

Pedro I Rengel wrote:If we were in rehab, now would be the time where I tell you how much more hardcore my drug use was than yours.


Do the competitions really get that petty?

Pedro I Rengel wrote:I know I did this all wrong somehow, but fuck it. Like I said at the beginning, this was more for me than for you. I have remembered much.


Don't beat yourself up over it. Even if you didn't rub me the wrong way, I'd still be pretty adamant about doing this my way. And always remember, this is ILP. People aren't nice here. It's a place to scrap. You sorta get used to it after a while. It becomes fun in a twisted way.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Zero_Sum » Wed Dec 11, 2019 4:42 pm

Merry X-Mas to you too my fascist friend! Good to see you still kicking around. How are you and Wendy? How goes the fight to tear down the fabric of modern society? I rarely frequent ILP anymore--just not the same without the drugs--so please tell me how things have been here.


That's too bad, this place is starting to liven up a bit. I'm trying real hard to revive this poor girl of a forum.

We're going to need this forum when the massive internet censorship purges begin in the United States concerning thought crimes.

She's doing fine, we still live together.

Over the years I've learned one thing, this modern society is its own worse enemy, it will simply tear itself a part. 8)
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Thu Dec 12, 2019 4:45 am

Zero_Sum wrote:That's too bad, this place is starting to liven up a bit. I'm trying real hard to revive this poor girl of a forum.


I've been reading through some of my old stuff recently, the Reforming Democracy thread in particular. Ah, those were the days. ILP was a bit more interesting back then.

Zero_Sum wrote:We're going to need this forum when the massive internet censorship purges begin in the United States concerning thought crimes.


And what is your plan for this forum when this happens? Will it become a stronghold, a sort of internet trench on the information battle field from which to fend off the idea censors? I wonder how one would pulled that off.

Zero_Sum wrote:She's doing fine, we still live together.


Good to hear. Tell her sorry that the AP thing never panned out for me.

Zero_Sum wrote:Over the years I've learned one thing, this modern society is its own worse enemy, it will simply tear itself a part. 8)


That's the nature of the beast. Pretty much has been for all republics in history. They rise up in a surge of glory and collapse in a spectacular crash. Not a lot of time elapses in the interim, but great things happen in that small historical blip nonetheless.
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In fact, the idea that there's more differences between groups than there is between individuals is actually the fundamental racist idea.
- Jordan Peterson

right outta high school i tried to get a job as a proctologist but i couldn't find an opening.
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Ahh... gib, zombie universes are so last year! I’m doing hyper dimensional mirror realities now.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Zero_Sum » Sat Dec 14, 2019 4:02 am

gib wrote:
Zero_Sum wrote:That's too bad, this place is starting to liven up a bit. I'm trying real hard to revive this poor girl of a forum.


I've been reading through some of my old stuff recently, the Reforming Democracy thread in particular. Ah, those were the days. ILP was a bit more interesting back then.

Zero_Sum wrote:We're going to need this forum when the massive internet censorship purges begin in the United States concerning thought crimes.


And what is your plan for this forum when this happens? Will it become a stronghold, a sort of internet trench on the information battle field from which to fend off the idea censors? I wonder how one would pulled that off.

Zero_Sum wrote:She's doing fine, we still live together.


Good to hear. Tell her sorry that the AP thing never panned out for me.

Zero_Sum wrote:Over the years I've learned one thing, this modern society is its own worse enemy, it will simply tear itself a part. 8)


That's the nature of the beast. Pretty much has been for all republics in history. They rise up in a surge of glory and collapse in a spectacular crash. Not a lot of time elapses in the interim, but great things happen in that small historical blip nonetheless.


Democracy? :lol: 8)

Plans? No plans, as I said in another thread that will be the point the government either shuts down the internet or it will be so entirely censored making free expression illegal and impossible.

AP thing?

Democracy and republics are retarded step children of classical liberalism which as far as I'm concerned is a failed philosophical experiment, both need to die and be dropped into the dust bin of history.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Arcturus Descending » Sat Dec 14, 2019 5:28 pm

Fixed Cross,

Why preserve ones life?


...because despite the fact that it is not always so or at least does not always seem so, we have been given this life and it may be the only life which we have, and if we try hard enough to see it, it can be oh so awesome, enjoyable, full of wonder, beautiful, such a learning experience, well worth the living of it.

Have you never experienced that?
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“Whereas the beautiful is limited, the sublime is limitless, so that the mind in the presence of the sublime, attempting to imagine what it cannot, has pain in the failure but pleasure in contemplating the immensity of the attempt.”

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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Fri Dec 20, 2019 10:42 am

Gotta new job!

It's weird. They really wanted me. And I mean wanted me in a WTF kinda way. First of all, their main framework is VueJS, which I'm not overly skilled at by any stretch. And I told them this... twice! I said out of the major Javascript frameworks out there, Angular is my strong point, followed by React, then Vue. I had some exposure to Vue on a few projects and I took a Udemy course in it, but I told them I wouldn't consider myself a senior at it. Furthermore, I told them I have no experience in Vuetify, which they also use (although that's changed in the last couple of days). I also bombed on a couple of newbie questions. They asked me to define "polymorphism" and "encapsulation", two object orientation terms which I should know but have barely used and so my memory on what they mean exactly is a little rusty. I took a stab at them, looked them up on google later, and found I got it wrong!

Then my recruiter calls me up and says they want to give me an offer. I tell them I wish to respectfully decline because I'm working on a practicum for Boardwalk, which I feel really confident about. Boardwalk is offering $85/hour whereas Bode (the company I now work for) is offering $70, so while I could take the offer, I feel good about my chances with Boardwalk. Then she calls me back and says Bode will match the offer of $85/hour! I'm like whaaaat?!

So I took it! (I actually couldn't put down the practicum; I continued working on it nonetheless, for at least a few hours. You can see it here in fact: http://35.232.230.0:81 ; remember, I abandoned it part way through so not all functionality is there).

So yeah, they reeeally wanted me for some odd reason. Oh well, not gonna complain.

So I really don't want to fuck this up. I'm on my meds, but there's a snag. After about day 4 on my meds earlier this month, I grew tolerant. So I went off them. I talked to my doctor about it and he said he'd put in a referral to a psychiatrist for me, the purpose of which will be to talk about additional meds. The idea is to go on the dextroamphetamine for 2 or 3 days, then switch to a different med for 2 or 3 days. (I'll probably do 3 days of dextro, 2 days of whatever else they give me, then take the weekend off). That gives my brain time to get over any tolerance either drug may have.

(At this point, I'm wondering why I don't just go on caffeine for the latter two days.)

What I DON'T want to do is up the dosage. And I really don't get why this is ever recommended at all. Any doctor who recommends upping the dosage went to some pretty shady med school. All that would do is make you tolerant to the new dosage, and then the dosage after that, then the dosage after that, and you would end up in a vicious cycle from which the fall into withdrawal would be excruciating. And I know from my experiences with caffeine, you can max out tolerance. I've grown so tolerant to caffeine that I could drink 50 cups of coffee and not feel anything. So no thank you. Gonna try alternating drugs.

so for now, I'm on dextro with breaks in between. If I can align those breaks with the Christmas holidays and New Years, I should be OK until I get my second prescription. Don't wanna chance allowing my ADD/SCT getting through and screwing up my work. So I feel my chances with this new job are good.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby promethean75 » Fri Dec 20, 2019 11:14 am

I believe a congratulations is in order, sir. That's great news and certainly impressive. I imagine you put a great deal of time and effort into learning those skills and you should be paid well for them. Hats off to you for $85 an hour... but don't get too comfortable with it and always keep in mind how much you're actually worth. You and your co-workers should strive together to bring salaries up and receive more of the value of what you produce.

I believe a congratulations is in order for me as well. I just quit a job. *high five*

Nothing to be alarmed about, though. I've been doing this for twenty five years and certainly wouldn't stop now. In my field, you work as long as you can before your disgust becomes intolerable... then you get out. When you run out of money, you go back into the shit and repeat the process.

I'll likely work very little through the winter - maybe a couple days a week at most - and live off of savings... which should get me through. Come spring I'll get back into it full time. Or not. Hard to say. I don't waste my time planning that far ahead; the secret is living in a way that doesn't require you to plan. *wink*
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Fri Dec 20, 2019 3:26 pm

promethean75 wrote:I believe a congratulations is in order, sir. That's great news and certainly impressive.


THANK YOU!!! Nice to hear that form somebody.

promethean75 wrote:I imagine you put a great deal of time and effort into learning those skills and you should be paid well for them. Hats off to you for $85 an hour... but don't get too comfortable with it and always keep in mind how much you're actually worth. You and your co-workers should strive together to bring salaries up and receive more of the value of what you produce.

I believe a congratulations is in order for me as well. I just quit a job. *high five*

Nothing to be alarmed about, though. I've been doing this for twenty five years and certainly wouldn't stop now. In my field, you work as long as you can before your disgust becomes intolerable... then you get out. When you run out of money, you go back into the shit and repeat the process.

I'll likely work very little through the winter - maybe a couple days a week at most - and live off of savings... which should get me through. Come spring I'll get back into it full time. Or not. Hard to say. I don't waste my time planning that far ahead; the secret is living in a way that doesn't require you to plan. *wink*


Well, that's an interesting lifestyle. What is it you do? Are you self employed or do you just hope to get hired in the spring?
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

In fact, the idea that there's more differences between groups than there is between individuals is actually the fundamental racist idea.
- Jordan Peterson

right outta high school i tried to get a job as a proctologist but i couldn't find an opening.
- promethean75

Ahh... gib, zombie universes are so last year! I’m doing hyper dimensional mirror realities now.
- Ecmandu
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby promethean75 » Fri Dec 20, 2019 7:00 pm

right outta high school i tried to get a job as a proctologist but i couldn't find an opening, so i became an auto mechanic. that didn't work out too well so i got into insulation, but they gave me the little fuckin shit breathers so i quit the fuckas. now i handle people's wood. anything you need i can build the fuckin thing. new construction, renovation, addition and repair. i do it all, tough guy. and i can find work anywhere. you put me in the ass end of the philippines and i'll find a fuckin job.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby MagsJ » Fri Dec 20, 2019 10:01 pm

promethean75 wrote:right outta high school i tried to get a job as a proctologist but i couldn't find an opening, so i became an auto mechanic. that didn't work out too well so i got into insulation, but they gave me the little fuckin shit breathers so i quit the fuckas. now i handle people's wood. anything you need i can build the fuckin thing. new construction, renovation, addition and repair. i do it all, tough guy. and i can find work anywhere. you put me in the ass end of the philippines and i'll find a fuckin job.

..handle people's wood. :lol:

Come on Prom, was that intentional?
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Sat Dec 21, 2019 3:24 am

I like this one:

promethean75 wrote:right outta high school i tried to get a job as a proctologist but i couldn't find an opening


Hey promethean, can I quote you in my sig?
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

In fact, the idea that there's more differences between groups than there is between individuals is actually the fundamental racist idea.
- Jordan Peterson

right outta high school i tried to get a job as a proctologist but i couldn't find an opening.
- promethean75

Ahh... gib, zombie universes are so last year! I’m doing hyper dimensional mirror realities now.
- Ecmandu
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby promethean75 » Sat Dec 21, 2019 4:02 pm

I think that would be a wonderful idea. Everybody should have a promethean75 quote somewhere in their lives. Either in their sig box, on a roll of parchment, stuck to the fridge with a magnet, printed on a bumper sticker, or framed and put on the bookshelf.
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