Sorry this is a rather self-absorbed, “pity poor me” post…
I can’t help but look at my older sister and feel jealous. My sister is 2 years older than me. She’s gonna be a senior in college who’s majoring in engineering. She plays college basketball now and she’s the leader of her team. Right now, she has an internship out where she lives. She’s far, far away from my parents and they treat her as an adult. As for me, I haven’t done as well. I’m gonna be a sophmore in college, but I’m no where near as successful as her. Gradewise, I’m a little lower than I should be. I didn’t spend my freshman year partying (to this day, I haven’t been to a drinking party, because I don’t like to drink), I studied really hard in college and ended up with B’s and C’s in Pharmacy classes. I play college basketball too, but I’ve had more problems with it then she has. I don’t like the people I play basketball with and I’ve been suspended from the team once. I’ve applied for minimum wage jobs this summer but haven’t gotten one yet, so I’m just stuck sitting around the house all day with nothing to do. I’ve had a lot of problems with my parents too. I’m embarrased to say that they’ve enforced rules on me. I mean, here I am, I just finished up my freshman year of college, and I have a curfew when I come home! I have a boyfriend too. Although we get along pretty well, he’ll do little things that piss me off. For example, for his birthday, I threw a big party for him. But for my birthday, a few days ago, he didn’t send me an e-mail saying “Happy Birthday” or anything! My parents don’t want me to have a boyfriend, because they say that he takes away from my studying and my basketball. They don’t want anything to do with him. However, my sister has a boyfriend too, and they have no problems with him at all.
Yeah…so…I have lots of problems and I don’t know what to do…
It sounds to me as if you have quite a lot going for you, and while I don’t mean to belittle your problems at all, there would seem to be great opportunities ahead for you to make a wonderful life for yourself. I believe that if you continue your education and can refrain from worrying too much about how soon everything can happen for you (i.e. boyfriends, career, etc.), you will eventually have all the answers you need.
Sometimes, having an older sibling can cause the onset of “instant gratification complex” in the second born. I speak from personal experience, being a second born myself, and having an over-acheiving older sibling. Be patient, and let life come to you. Work hard, learn all you can, and it’s amazing how “lucky” you can become. And if you’re out to “prove anyone wrong”, remember that success is the best revenge.
I rarely ever comment on anyone’s love life, but it sounds to me as if your “boyfriend” may have a more casual attitude about your relationship than you. Don’t let this bother you. It is impossible to make someone love you as you love them, but it’s much better to know all along, than to be mislead. I suppose his honesty in being indifferent is the silver lining in that dark cloud.
If you can ever master the skill of not being bothered at all by what other people think of you, life can be so much more relaxed and enjoyable. I feel that no matter what one does, there will most likely be someone who doesn’t like it. Heck, there were some who even didn’t like Mother Teresa, so … it should be clear that nothing you do can please everyone. My take on that is to do what ever makes me feel “right”, and not worry about others’ opinions. It is one of the most liberating views on life that one can have, as far as I’m concerned.
Good luck to you, and may your life be full of wonder and happiness.
Yashi
Nobody said life was going to be easy. The oldest always has the most pressure on him/her, your sister probably has her problems too, be glad your the youngest, believe me, I am the older of two sons in my family, and sometimes I feel like alot of life’s burdens are placed on me, you have it easy, once you see that you will be more able to enjoy life.
Well, I think that the problem is that you have focused your whole attention on your sister. You observe her as superior and think everyone is proud of her and you’re standing in the shadow, right?!
I think you shouldn’t be jealous, because it only makes the whole situation worse. Why not being happy that she could achieve so much? It’s not your enemy, it’s your own sister. I don’t know the relation between you both and neither I know the atmosphere in your family. But I can tell you one thing:
Try to set your own standards and improve yourself, without condisering the achievements of your sister. Try to find your own way. Just because she is a leader in the basketball team, doesn’t mean that you have to be one, too. Maybe she is better at basketball, but everyone has his/her own qualities. And I am sure in other things you’re better than her. Just try it out, discover your talents and enjoy your life.
I am the only child in the family, so it’s hard for me to judge, because I could get everything I wanted as far as possible and didn’t have the need to compete, but on the other hand I think you have a kind of challenge which you shouldn’t see negative.
And about your boyfriend: try to talk him honestly and express your dissatisfaction. If there is some real love, he will have understand you
I used to have a mentality similar to this involving this subject… but I’ve noticed it’s not always the case.
Maybe golferchick was “addicted” in a small way to her sister… having her around would make her consider her own sister as a role model. Not having her around may make her feel a little nervous without having “someone” around. Although this may not be the case here, some rules to this may still apply.
Like xplicit^ said, you should admire her isntead of be jelous… and it’s true, if she’s good at basketball it doesn’t mean you have to be too. Think of anything you are good at and give it a shot. You may be surprised of the result.
As for your boyfriend… it may not that be that he doesn’t care… maybe he doesn’t know how to express it very well… but that’s for you to decide…
But again, Nomad, you can’t know it because of being the only child like me. Maybe she doesn’t need any role model and her sister was just the disturbing factor in the relation between her and her family.
But, you can’t know for sure either xplicit^… it is all based on experience…
And it also depends on her relationship with her sister… if it was a good one, it was a jelousy based on admiring… weird I know if it wasn’t, it was based on selfishness… in an abstract way though.
Nomad, I haven’t pretended to know better. I just said, what I thought. But I think the situation is not clear enough to make a step futher and judge it. We can only make assumptions, though!
To repeat what everyone else said… it’s all a matter of seeing it from a different perspective. You can’t really accurately compare people. She may be better than you at basketball but that doesn’t really mean she’s better than you.
I’m kind of suffering from the same thing. I’m jealous of my friend because he wrote songs when I’ve tried and couldn’t get anything down. It bothers me but I’m only jealous because he succeeded but if he never succeeded I still be jealous of some one elses song. Atleast I can take some comfort in knowing that one of us did it. But it’s different for me because he’s made me a part of his songs by asking me to play with him. There is no real answer I guess. It’s just a matter of finding a better way of looking at the situation.
There’s also this though. His songs have acted as motivation to stir me on to writting more. Jealousy has its up points.
just a funny fact. I wonder which aim do such people have. They want to get a couple of valuable pieces of advice, but thus never read it. And I wonder why so much effort do we include into our posts then. No offense, though!
I agree that maybe you shouldn’t look so much at your sisters accomplishments in comparisson to your own. Sometimes I do that and I get a little jealous too. But I don’t blame her for it. The things I want to be different are up to me. Hope that can give you some perspective.
if it wasn’t, it was based on selfishness… in an abstract way though.